Chapter Ten

If Memory Serves – When Past and Present Collide

Hugh Culber stalked down the corridors of one of Discovery's cargo decks. He was angry, seething even, as he quickened his pace. He cursed Paul for his willingness to help even though he'd clearly said he needn't anyone to help. He also felt resentment at himself for being unable to go back to life as it was, for being unable to move on. He was in denial, he was- he was actually alive, except, there was no way he should be; no way he could be. His feelings were in turmoil and the satisfaction he'd temporarily gotten out of beating Tyler had left him with a bittersweet taste in his mouth and a sore hand. The reason's he'd given to Paul, as to why he didn't go to sickbay to have the hand examined, wasn't entirely truthful. He was ashamed of himself. How could he explain to Tracy, his friend and colleague, that he'd beaten another man? He was supposed to be a man of science, of medicine, a civilized man.

Poor Paul had tried to protect him from Tyler. The astromycologist had even tried to have the man relocated to another deck, away from his quarters, so that Hugh didn't have to face his 'murderer' every day. The doctor shook his head, it was so sweet yet so naïve. He didn't have the heart to tell his love that it wasn't the first time he'd seen Tyler after he'd gotten back and figured it didn't really matter either.

He stopped outside a large double door and frowned as he realized he was standing outside the "farmhouse" as Paul had nicknamed it. It was a large bay in which the mycelia was being cultivated. With a shaky finger he pressed the button to let himself in and stopped just inside to stare at the large scale growth of mycelia. Hugh felt his skin prickle as he recalled the JahSepp's vicious attacks in the network. How they'd done everything in their power to tear him apart.

OOOOOO

Christopher Pike wearily left the bridge to try and get some rest now that they'd finally found his missing science officer and Burnham's brother. The Vulcan in question was to report to sickbay for a complete medical checkup and then head to his temporary quarters. Pike had thought Michael would stay with Spock and help him settle in on the ship therefore he was surprised when she stepped into the turbolift to join him instead.

The captain frowned but said nothing, instead he leaned his back against the wall of the turbolift and sighed.

"Cargobay," she commanded the lift.

Pike simply nodded his approval, figuring he could ride with her and then head back for his quarters.

Michael seemed to hesitate for a moment then she took a step closer to him. "Captain," she began softly. "When we visited Talos IV Vina said she was an old friend of yours."

Chris nodded carefully, not sure he was going to like this conversation.

"Then she said something very peculiar," Michael mused. "She said; 'In some ways Captain Pike never left.'"

He arched an eyebrow and tilted his head toward his science officer, his shoulder still leaning against the wall. "And you wonder what she meant?" he asked slowly and reached up with his hand to rub his aching forehead. "It's a longer conversation, Burnham."

"Touché, captain," she replied as her own words was used against her. "Just don't make me chase after you, sir."

Pike smile a little at her reply. It was the same reply he had given her a few weeks ago when Tyler had been transferred to Discovery from Section 31.

"Is that why Starfleet prohibited travel to the Talos star group? Because of their powerful abilities to create illusions?" she asked curiously.

A bittersweet chuckle escaped his lips which morphed into a rueful tight smile. "They dive deeply into our minds, Michael," he cautioned. "They dive so deep that in the end they've erased your reality and replaced it with their own."

She shuddered at the chilliness to his otherwise light and warm tone. "I understand that they thrive on other people's pain. They asked for particularly painful memories from our past."

Pike studied her with a sudden look of concern etched on his face. "Did they harm you?" he asked kindly.

Michael shook her head. "No, sir. The harm had already been done a long time ago," she whispered. "But they hurt you, didn't they?"

He smirked but remained silent, his eyes downcast.

"They took you prisoner-" she trailed off. It was her time to study him with concern. "If you don't mind me asking. What did they do to you, sir?"

At this Pike looked up, leveled his blue eyes with hers and for the first time she noticed walls coming up against her, his expression schooled and unreadable. "Actually, I do," he said politely yet there was something cold and dark that sept into his voice that made the small room chilling.

The turbolift door suddenly opened behind her with a whoosh and for a moment she contemplated ignoring that her destination had been reached but one look at the captain's hard features made her resign. She nodded her farewell to her superior officer and exited without another word.

Pike sighed and briefly closed his eyes as the lift began to move upwards again. Responsibility was weighing down his shoulders as he contemplated what he'd done. His faith in Starfleet had been stretched to its limits lately and he'd started to question everything it stood for. Section 31 was hunting Spock through the galaxy and Starfleet was doing nothing to intervene, instead it appeared they tried to frame his science officer for murders he didn't commit. It made him sick just to think about it. And now he'd taken off with Spock onboard the Discovery and the moment he'd done that he'd become a fugitive – not just him but the entire crew. Was he leading them into something dangerous, something that would eventually lead to their court-martials or untimely deaths? He did even want to think about that. What would Starfleet do with the Enterprise in his absence? Would they detain the crew to lure him back? There were so many unanswered questions competing for attention in his mind that he was literally reeling.

"Relocate, mess hall," he commanded suddenly.

Within moments the lift came to a halt and he exited. It didn't take him long to reach the almost empty room. He sighed in exasperation as the cleaners put the last few chair back into place after the fight between Specialist Tyler and Doctor Culber.

He made a mental note to talk to the doctor in question in the morning and headed for the replicators. He was just about to order when a weary looking man entered the room, seemingly lost in thought. Pike groaned inwardly as Culber walked across the room and sat down in a white plastic chair with a thud. The captain gave up and figured he might as well deal with the doctor directly.

Culber smirked as he looked up to see the captain approaching.

"I'm not sorry, sir," he managed in a hollow voice.

Pike glanced at the door as a few crewmen walked into the room before he finally spoke up.

"I'm not taking him in defense, Doctor Culber, but as a doctor you should see the fault in your own actions," Pike said softly yet he managed a disapproving undertone. "As a man of science you should also understand that the Klingon cannot be brought to the surface whenever it pleases others."

"So, you're okay with it then?" Culber spat angrily.

The captain merely looked at him, remaining calm, the only action taken a raised eyebrow. He noticed a few people looking in their direction. "Walk with me," he suggested in a subdued voice and took a step toward the door.

"And what if I don't want to?" Culber asked bitterly.

Pike shrugged. "Then you don't have too," he replied and simply left.

Culber hesitated for a moment before he followed his superior officer out in the corridor and into the turbolift.

"Deck three," Pike commanded.

Hugh sighed, shook his head and smirked bitterly. "Halt turbolift," he ordered.

The captain frowned but did not countermand the order. "I must say you do change your mind quickly, Doctor Culber," he remarked but his voice seemed devoid of any emotion. "First you don't want to talk at all and now you want a private discussion?"

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" he asked somewhat testily.

Pike only nodded.

"To be completely honest with you, it hasn't been easy to come back here and pretend that everything is normal," the doctor said.

"Life goes on," the captain suggested.

Hugh smirked. "Yeah, that's what everyone else seems to think. It's like I've been away for some time and returned. There's not much to it," he said and let out a mirthless chuckle. "You'd think someone's death would mean-"

"Perhaps someone's return from death means more?" Pike interrupted carefully.

Hugh snorted and shook his head.

"You should give yourself some credit, doctor," the captain said kindly. "You're a well-respected member of this crew."

"I was," Culber said softly.

A chill suddenly went through the small room.

Pike stiffened as he stared at the door. Culber followed his gaze but saw nothing.

"I thought we'd left the Talos star group," the captain muttered under his breath in confusion.

"Chris," Vina began softly.

"He's not seeing you, is he?" Pike asked dryly.

Hugh froze for a moment, the doctor in him suddenly curious.

There was a sudden shimmer and then a blonde woman appeared before both of them. She beamed brightly at the captain before she turned toward the doctor. "They would be very interested in your-"

"Tell them to leave him alone, Vina," Pike interrupted, his soft voice had warning tone to it that made the doctor cautious about the beautiful woman before him.

Hugh stared mesmerized at the woman, not grasping what was happening.

Vina returned her attention to the captain as she began to walk toward him with a smile on her face. "Chris," she whispered happily as she reached out for him. "You never seem to be alone these days."

"I thought you said I was still with you?" he said softly yet his undertone sounded admonishing.

"You are," she said sweetly as she wrapped her arms around him. "It's just that it's been so long since I saw the real you."

"Vina, please. While I do like you, I don't like the way they are messing with other people's minds," Chris said, his voice turning colder with every word.

"They had expected to see you as well. They had not anticipated that the Discovery had to run so soon."

"Actually, I am through being burned alive, Vina. And I never want to drown again either."

Culber now openly stared at his new captain, realizing he knew nothing of the man before him. He had assumed Pike knew nothing about life and death, at least not anything beyond the decisions of life and death that he had to make due to his role as commanding officer. Hugh found himself briefly wondering what incidents Christopher Pike had actually lived through during the deep space mission he'd been on while in command of the Enterprise.

"They-" Vina began with her eyes downcast. "They didn't know any better."

Pike snorted as he gently freed himself from the woman's hands.

"They helped Spock," she began. "-and Commander Burnham is a strong woman."

She reached up to place the palm of her hand against his cheek. "We're almost out of range, you're travelling too fast in the opposite direction from the planet. You must come back someday, Chris," Vina said softly before she shimmered out of existence.

Hugh stared after her and then at the captain.

"Computer, relocate to deck one and resume," Pike finally managed wearily.

"Captain," Hugh began softly.

Piek turned to him with a sour expression. "I don't want to deal with that any more than you want to deal with your demons right now," Pike replied in a serious voice but the tone was soft.

The door opened and with those last words they parted. The captain leaving the doctor alone in the lift.

The doctor sighed, Tyler and his own self-depreciation momentarily forgotten, replaced by a curiosity that was slowly growing and he found himself unable to let it go. "Sickbay," he commanded the turbolift.

OOOOOO

Tracy glanced up in surprise and smiled warmly at him as he stepped through the door. "Hugh," she said. "I wasn't expecting you here and certainly not at this late hour."

He returned her smile. "I- actually there was something I wanted to look into. I hope you don't mind."

"No, of course not. You can use the terminal in my office if you want," she said. "Is there something I can help you with?"

He shook his head and made to enter her office at the back of the room. He glanced over his shoulder and saw to his satisfaction that she wasn't coming. He quickly logged on to the system and called up Captain Christopher Pike's medical file. He scrolled through various injuries of various degrees, some graver than others, but he didn't find what he was looking for. He scrolled some more and then began to search for type words such as psychological assessment's and head injuries. He even tried destinations where the injuries had been logged but none of them seemed familiar and several entries were highly classified and inaccessible even for his own high level of security.

"Hugh," Tracy called as she suddenly appeared behind him.

He quickly logged off the file but the damage had already been done, she'd already seen the name on the screen.

"Is something wrong?" she finally asked with concern. "Has Captain Pike taken ill?"

He smiled at her for a moment and then shook his head. "No, Tracy, he's fine," he assured her.

"Then why?" she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You can't call up someone's medical file without the need for it. I have a feeling the captain haven't asked for it."

Hugh had a strange look on his face as he turned to her. "Something he said," the doctor let on enigmatically. "Something classified obviously."

"Okay," she said softly. "I know you've been through a lot lately. I won't tell him but consider this to be a warning."

Culber nodded and beamed at her as he gently reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, Tracy," he whispered before he let go and walked out of the room.

OOOOOO

To be continued