Over the next few weeks, the three settled into their own sort of routine. They felt like new friends all over again, or like they'd been away for years because there wasn't enough time in the day for each other. If they weren't so caught up in it, they would find the change in them strange. Without a doubt though, so much had changed. Like they turned a switch, all reservations dropped away. They became everything Francis proclaimed they would. Many nights were spent together as they got used to them. Whether in duo or trio, every surface in the home became the victim of their horniness. Only after some time did they begin to cool off and return to a relationship that didn't feel as if on drugs.

Francis trudged in the front door from a lecture that went on thirty minutes past the end of his class time. He spotted Antonio in the kitchen and some of his weariness came off with his coat. It was chilly by LA standards as the days of October dwindled away. The alcohol themed calendar pinned to their fridge showed the nearby date of Halloween, circled in red by an overzealous Gilbert. He about flipped out last year when he discovered the American holiday of fright, drinks, and pranks. After the calendar appeared in their home, he marked only Halloween and their birth dates.

"What are you doing?" Francis asked when Antonio set something on the counter. A chirp answered and he furrowed his brows. When he came closer, he saw Antonio holding out half a cherry tomato to the canary perched on his other hand. Francis did his best not to choke. "Does Gilbert know you're doing that?!" He watched Gilbird eye the tomato with a few birdish tilts of the head. Then the canary dipped down and pecked a seed out of the red blob. You've got to be kidding me.

"I found him in my room so it's Gil's fault. He's out of bird feed too." Antonio huffed at the expression Francis gave him. "I did look!" he gestured to Gilbert's cabinet where he normally kept it. "I figured…it's fruits and seeds for birds right? But we have no seeds."

Francis shook his head because he almost saw Antonio's logic and that was probably a sign his friends' intellects affected him for the worse. He took the tomato away and popped it into his mouth. Antonio whined but Francis just rolled his eyes. When the bird squirmed as it to get away from their attentions, Francis poked its roundness. "I don't think he's going to starve. I mean really, I can't believe this fat thing can fly."

Antonio giggled and Gilbird finally escaped his grip. The bird skittered onto the counter and from there flew in small bursts out of the kitchen. "I thought all canaries were fat though. It's cute, like something from a cartoon," he commented. "Gilbert obviously loves him a lot." If food quantified love anyway.

"Seems like it, but if he loves that thing so much, why is it always loose? Don't care if he says he's got it trained. One day it's going to fly out the door and Gil's going to make us search in the middle of night for that yellow ball of fluff." He snorted, disgusted with that idea. It was a bird, not a cat or dog. He understood the attachments people got to their pets, but a canary seemed a bit much. He did like the bird though, even if it chirped at odd hours because just like Antonio said, it was damn cute. Something clicked and Francis' eyes went wide. "Ah, maybe that's it. Gilbert figures he doesn't need to lock the bird up as long as it's heavier than a squash."

Antonio spit all over him as he burst out laughing. "I'm going to tell him you said that! You're hurting Gilbird's feelings, meanie!"

"What the hell, Toni!? That's nasty!" Francis wiped his shirt off with a towel, giving Antonio dirty looks every few seconds. Not that it got Antonio to stop laughing. "Where'd Gil go anyway?"

Antonio waved a hand and pulled more tomatoes from the fridge, these for himself. He popped one in his mouth and answered before he finished chewing. "He heard about a pick-up soccer game and went to join or complain about our name for the game. Not sure which." They'd both heard the very lengthy tirade on American football and they don't even use their feet much. And why can't American's call soccer football like the rest of the world? The one-sided conversation could go on for an hour if he had a beer in him. This left both Francis and Antonio chuckling as they thought about the poor saps who would become Gilbert's next victim. He tended to kick shins hard when playing sports too.

"Well, that's good. He's finally getting out and making an effort to integrate," Francis commented. As far as they knew, Gilbert didn't have many friends back in Germany either, but he seemed like the type to go out and have a good time. Him branching out again felt like a good step. Francis liked to think it was their influence that got Gilbert on his right foot again. "Now he just needs to find a career path."

Antonio popped a tomato into Francis' mouth, stopping the serious direction their conversation took. "Baby steps, Francy, baby steps." Then he leaned in and kissed the sweet juice away.

xXx

Two days before Halloween, Gilbert got out of his morning class feeling hungry and very in need of a pick-me-up from his friends. There was something so wrong about taking English classes with losers who didn't get the language well just because he was an international student. The things the school system required baffled him beyond belief. As useful as the American culture bits proved to be, they came too late to him. He got some nasty shocks the first few weeks of last year, but his language skills needed no help. Parking his clunky pick-up in front of the house, he decided he'd steal lunch from Francis instead of eating out between his classes. Better yet, not go to his second class of the day.

He shoved open the door with a yell. "Anyone home!?" Gilbert followed the smell of food to the kitchen and stopped dead in the entryway. Antonio glanced up from where he knelt on the floor, licking white splashes off his face. Francis leaned against the counter, his button undone and a very satisfied look on his face. Both froze to stare at Gilbert. More white dripped down Francis' bare chest in the silence.

"…Uh, it's…"

"Alfredo!" Antonio finished for Francis, smiling like he had something to be guilty over.

Gilbert glanced away from them and shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn't mind them hanging over each other without him at all. They could finish each other's sentences and he couldn't care less. He couldn't change how well those two knew each other. A strange feeling came over him so that he found himself rooted to the entryway.

"Gilbert, close your mouth already. Drool over lunch when I actually serve it!" Francis whined as he moved to tidy himself up. Gilbert snapped out of his trance and crossed the kitchen, moving closer to his friends than usual. The itch inside him refused to ease, leaving words jumping out of his mouth.

"Hey, I'm dying to buy my Halloween costume. Come shopping with me guys!" And damn if he didn't sound whiny. He almost let himself latch onto Francis' arm to see if he could replicate Antonio's puppy dog eyes. Thankfully Antonio answered before he got that desperate.

"I already have a costume. Sorry, can't come," he sung. Antonio looked somewhere between regretful and incredibly pleased with himself as he imagined his costume. Gilbert's face fell. Francis blinked at the odd display. He checked his phone for appointments and nodded.

"Ah no, I'm free." He stared intently at the screen, flicking through a few pages. Every now and then he lifted his eyes to glance at Gilbert. When Francis flashed a grin, it settled the uneasiness in his belly. Francis didn't seem to notice this though and kept talking, mostly paying attention to his phone. "I wasn't planning on dressing up this year, but I don't want to be the odd one out. Have we been invited to a party or something?" He supposed there was no age limit on holiday fun especially if it involved sexy costumes, alcohol, and edible glitter. "Let's go after lunch."

Gilbert smiled with a nod. "Yeah, sounds good. I thought we could just go out and have fun. Throw toilet paper at houses. Scare some kids shit-less….get drunk. Someone please invite me to a party!" he exclaimed, looking almost giddy. Francis rolled his eyes and Antonio wished them luck with a mischievous chuckle.

A while later when Francis and Gilbert started to peruse the costumes, an interesting question came to mind. "So…what do you think Antonio's planning on wearing?" Gilbert asked as the eyed some leather concoction he wasn't sure was intended for a man, woman, or some creature in between. Antonio never explained what his costume was and they were too distracted to ask at the time.

Francis slapped Gilbert's hand away from the strange outfits he was eying and dragged him to a more appropriate side of the store. "I have no idea and I don't want to know." His eyes caught on a pirate hat which he perched on his head, letting the white plume flutter down to his shoulder. "Sometimes, that guy makes no sense at all."

xXx

Antonio sat on the couch indulging in Gilbert's potato chips. He was debating which soap opera to watch when his phone rang out. Setting the bag aside, he picked it up without looking at the caller ID and called out in a cheerful voice. "Ello!"

"Uh, um…you're the one that tried to call me the other week, right? I've been meaning to…get back to you…idiot…" the weak words hesitated and then hesitated some more. A five second silence filled the line. Antonio choked on a chip as he shot up straight on the couch, stared at his phone, then moved it back to his ear.

"Lovino?!" Antonio forgot to breathe, forgot what words sounded like. He just sat there like an idiot, barely able to hold the phone with his trembling fingers. This was a dream wasn't it? Gilbert actually got Lovino to call him back? Holding a hand over his heart, Antonio managed to reply. "Ah yeah, sorry about that. My roommate was being an idiot. I'm so glad you called! I was starting to think you really hated me or something!" he rushed out. Once the words started, they couldn't stop. "Lovi you're-"

"Idiot! Breathe if you're going to talk so much," Lovino cut him off. Antonio realized he hadn't breathed in the length of multiple sentences. He gulped in air as his cousin continued to chat in a tone somewhere between constipated and frustrated. "Anyway, it's not like that. This is something I've been meaning to do for a while. Because…"

Another voice filled the background on the other side, similar to Lovino's but less frustrated and pitched higher with cheer. "Tell him I said hi! And that thing we talk-"

"Shut up bro! Why are you hanging off of me anyway? Ah!" A scuffle sounded in the distance, ending in a squeak presumably from Lovino's younger twin, Feliciano. "I said I was going to do the talking because you always forget what you're saying!"

Antonio chuckled at the two of them. It had been so long since he heard his cousins playing around like this, at ease in his presence. Or almost presence? This was over the phone. It felt like the old days and he could almost believe the dark times ended. Everything was about to smooth over. Always the optimist, he let that hope soar so that it consumed him. Antonio dragged in a deep breath and yelled back. "Hi Feli! I missed you soooo much!" He missed them to such a degree he needed to yell it loud enough to be heard in the San Joaquin valley where his family still kept their farm.

Lovino stammered in anger and Antonio had no doubt he turned as red as the tomatoes they both loved so much. "Don't you be an idiot too! W-why do you yell so happily for him? Stupid cousin, I'm the one who called you."

A softer smile crossed Antonio's face. "Sorry, you know I miss you too Lovi." Why was he always such an idiot around Lovino? He wanted so badly to be someone the younger male could look up to with pride, but more often than not, Antonio literally tripped over his shoelaces in front of him. Especially now when he had so much apology to say and no idea where to start. He was afraid if he didn't say it all now he'd never get another chance. A lump rose in Antonio's throat and he choked back the sob that wanted out. Emotions always surged with no warning and ran away with him. He could only wait them out and hope the damage didn't come out too terrible. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Lovi. Please tell me you don't hate me. Please!" he pleaded as the tears started. He didn't even feel bad about showing this weakness to someone he wanted to respect him.

The silence on the line persisted longer than Antonio could stand. It left him plenty of time to cry silently. He hung up didn't he? He always hangs up on me and still I care about him so much. Why do I always care about the people who are hurting and can't be honest and they're so alone I can't stay away. It's why his love stuck to Lovino more than his brother whom Antonio originally thought of as cute and lovable. But everyone thought Feliciano was lovable. No one said, "aw, Lovi is so cute." So Antonio said it as many chances as he got and then some. He knew everything about the boy so that Antonio felt closer to him than his own brothers and sister.

"What are you apologizing for? You didn't do anything wrong." The soft words didn't match Lovino at all. Antonio's heart skipped a beat as his breath stilled.

"What?" He couldn't stop himself from asking the hollow question. All of his thoughts stilled as well. Whatever he expected Lovino to say to him, it wasn't this. "You don't think that I'm…" he hesitated to say aloud the horrible rumor that consumed his life for the past few years. "That I'm a pedophile?"

"Che, of course not. You're an idiot and overly comfortable with everyone and you don't listen when I tell you to stop hugging me, but you're not a freak. No, you're just you. I-I don't care if you're gay or whatever. That's your choice and it's got nothing to do with me. But, er…well…It doesn't have anything to do with me right?"

Antonio swallowed hard. "Why would it?" This wasn't making sense to him anymore. It took another half minute before his mind even half caught up with the situation. He'd been living with the idea that his family hated him because of the false rumor for so long that he didn't know what to think outside of it. "Wait! Then why have you been avoiding me all these months?! I know you said before that you didn't believe them, but then you stopped talking to me. What's that about if not the incident?" He knew it had been three years since things went to hell in his life and his cousins stayed on his side through most of it. He thought it strange they turned away after most of it already blew over. But why?

A thump answered him before Feliciano's voice took over again. "I wanted to call you, I swear! But Lovi said we needed to keep quiet until we thought this all the way through and, ah don't pull my curl!"

Lovino muttered a few choice insults, as creative as they were harmless before he took the phone again. "Neither of us think you're a pedo and we're not the only ones. The thing is, mom and auntie never told us a lot about it. I mean, besides when the police showed up and asked us about you…we didn't get why us. That is to say…we know now." Lovino swallowed hard and Antonio couldn't shake the feeling that the person talking to him wasn't his cousin. Somehow an alternate universe settled over them with a clone Lovino and a clone him. A Lovino who hesitated before speaking in a quiet voice and an Antonio who forgot how to smile.

The sinking feeling in his stomach returned. "I don't get what you mean." He really, really didn't, or he didn't want to.

"We saw a photo of the kid you slept with."

Down, down…sinking so far down. Despite the lights being on, Antonio swore he sat in the dark. So this was it. He would have disgust thrown at him after all. He should have known better than to get high on hope. "Look…it's not what you think," he whispered.

"Not what I think?! He looked exactly like me! Like copy and paste onto an eighteen year old kid's body and what the hell, Antonio?!" Lovino wailed in a voice as shrill as his brother's. "I'm your type? You like me or something?! Answer me, god damn it!"

Antonio did try to answer. "It wasn't on pur-"

"How could you do something like that to us? If things are like that, of course I wouldn't want to talk to you!" Lovino took a deep breath as Antonio sat in stunned silence. The younger male gathered enough calm that his voice didn't hurt Antonio's ears, not that he noticed either way. "That's why I wanted to call you. Me and Feli talked and we've decided that things are no good the way they are now. It's no good for either of us. Toni…" Alarm buzzed through Antonio at that. Lovino never shortened his name and it sounded wrong under such a harsh tongue. "You should stop calling us. I mean it."

"Oh…you really think that…?" Where was his fighting spirit? Lagging behind just like usual. It always lagged at the worst times. But then, Lovino said this himself. He wanted Antonio to go away and what right did Antonio have to say no? He couldn't bring himself to be angry, even if it was to defend himself. "Feli, you agreed to this?" Dare he even hope?

Wordlessly, Lovino handed the phone to his brother. Feliciano cleared his throat and responded in a voice too quiet and calm for him. "I'm sorry, Antonio. I was the one who suggested it." Feliciano started to cry and the sniffles interspersed his words. Normally he had such a weak will and would run when the tears started flowing, but today he forced himself to stay perched on his brother's bed and keep talking. "I think we're all just hurting each other and if we indulge you, nothing will change. Brother is scared and hurting and you must be hurting yourself too just clinging to us. This isn't goodbye forever! When things change here and you get over your feelings, you can come home and we'll all be so happy to see you. It's good right? Please tell me it's good." In the way that only Feliciano could, he said so many words that hurt without trying.

Antonio really didn't think this was good. He opened his mouth, trying to protest. A horrible misunderstanding kept going, but no matter how hard he stammered, only the word 'no' came out. Feliciano continued to cry and yet he shushed Antonio like a mother, trying to comfort him instead of himself first. "D-don't worry, everyone's starting to forget about this now. It won't be long…we'll change their minds and you can come home. So please fall in love with someone who's good for you. Ah Lovi, don't take the phone!"

"But guys, I'm really not in love with Lo…" The phone cut out. "…vi." Antonio sat in the silence, staring at the blank tv with his phone still pressed to his ear. "W-what was that?" His voice wobbled. With shaking fingers, he redialed. The twins blocked his number though and he found himself sliding onto the floor. "They didn't let me…didn't let me try?" He almost melted to the floor and stayed there until his friends came home and wondered if he died. What would those two say? Would they laugh at Antonio for not fighting for himself? He found himself laughing because wasn't he the most awful sort? His seventeen year old cousin actually thought he was in love with him, actually sexually attracted to someone who would have been just starting high school when this entire thing started. God, I am going to burn in hell.

Antonio's stomach lurched so that he ran for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before he hurled. He tried to expel all of the bad emotions from his body, but it didn't work. The food in his stomach ran out before his uneasiness stopped. He needed something to ease this feeling. "Why doesn't anyone understand me?! I just want to love people," he choked. "Why is it so wrong?!" Images of a pack of beer flashed in Antonio's mind, waiting like a temptress' fruit in their fridge. He pulled himself to his knees and blinked at the stranger in the mirror.

Was this the face of a monster? He felt so happy when Lovino said he wasn't. Somehow, the misunderstanding he had instead hurt more because it scared Antonio. What if there was some truth in it he didn't know about? When he fell into bed with the boy two years younger than him, he hadn't been thinking about anything. The boy had a cute face and soft hair like the tabby that gave birth to kittens under their porch. He didn't know it mattered he had wide caramel eyes or dark brown hair. His cute face just appealed to Antonio. But the boy looked younger than his eighteen years and someone accused him of statutory rape. That got cleared up quickly, but the rumor just grew in strength. Maybe the boy looked sixteen at best, but it didn't mean Antonio had interest in crossing legal lines just because of his lax nature. As the rumors spread, the age of his preference went down. Once the word pedophile got associated with him, it never went away despite there being not a shred of evidence for it. The burden it brought to his traditional, Catholic family sent relations splintering at the seams.

Antonio blinked his eyes shut as the tears kept spilling. He still remembered when Lovino dyed his hair darker and gave his family such a fright. At age ten, the action looked daring, like the beginnings of a delinquent attitude. Since the farm took so much work to manage, all of his familia lived together. Antonio heard the adults quarreling and became curious. When he found Lovino hiding under the orange trees, he was the first who asked him why he did it. That's why Antonio knew he dyed his hair to that fateful darker brown so he wouldn't get confused for his twin brother. At the time, Antonio gave the boy his brightest smile. 'Of course you two look different. His hair curls to the right and yours to the left. You spend more time outside and already you're getting darker and more built. I don't need hair dye to tell you apart!' Those heartfelt words left Lovino clinging to him in tears. It was also the day he became special to Antonio because he saw a unique and insecure person who could be just as cute as his brother in his own way.

The first beer washed down Antonio's throat in a few quick chugs. Almost immediately it started to go to his head, but it didn't cure the thoughts swirling inside. He reached for another without pause and the mental tirade kept running.

If Lovino left his hair the lighter shade of brown he'd been born with, would this day be happening? Would it be enough difference for Lovino to see he made a mistake? It wasn't fair at all. An acrid emotion rose up in Antonio like the bile that still burned his throat under the beer. They said he was hurting himself. No, that wasn't his doing. They were hurting him and didn't they know that? All Antonio did was pick the wrong partner for the night and that one act became the only thing he ever regretted. He kicked a cabinet and scowled.

Over his shoulder went the beer can. It still wasn't enough. It took only one second for him to grab the forbidden object from the top cabinet. The bottle of rum looked nearly full and he pulled out the stopper. He knew better than to drink like this, but today he didn't care. Antonio found himself glad his friends left to shop. Francis knew his part of him, but Antonio desperately wanted to share only his good side. He could only let go like this in solitude. It gave him the excuse to tip back the amber liquid into his mouth. No witnesses. No victims. He welcomed the burn to his throat. Today he deserved to be selfish.

xXx

It was late in the evening when Francis pulled up to the house. Gilbert jumped out and sprinted for the door. "I win!" He turned back and stuck his tongue out at Francis then jumped inside, cutting off a yell.

"Hey! You're leaving me to carry everything!"

Gilbert glanced around and didn't immediately see signs of anyone. He was so full of excitement that he went storming through the house looking for them. "Toni, guess what we bought! Our costumes are totally amazing and you better not look lame next to…us?" He finally paused when he reached the kitchen. Didn't it smell a bit like a bar in here? He spotted Antonio slumped over on the floor, nursing something in his hands. "Hey, what are you doing down there?" Gilbert crouched to help his friend to his feet. Antonio didn't respond and only then did Gilbert realize he held a liquor bottle. Wait, what?

Antonio's eyes snapped open. He moved in a sudden flash so that Gilbert found himself pressed against the wall. "W-wha?" Antonio shoved him back so hard the wind knocked out of him, but Gilbert wouldn't know what to say even if he could.

Warm breath tickled against his neck. "Just go with it," Antonio murmured, his lips finding the sensitive place just behind his ear. Gilbert shivered, his eyes squeezing shut. It wasn't that he minded this dominate side. It almost had him squirming under the too warm breath, but something kept him from it. No matter how pleased he was to be Antonio's subject of attention, this felt all wrong. He pulled himself away from the roving lips so he could see his friend's face.

When Gilbert met Antonio's eyes, his heart stilled. Those normally so expressive green orbs looked cold and hard, narrowed into slits unlike anything Gilbert had seen on his face before. He shivered because the eyes stopped looking green. Purple orbs took their place as another body super-imposed over the one pressing against him. Everything in Gilbert went stock-still from his lungs to his fingers. Fear and anger churned together, then confusion because when he blinked, it was Antonio standing in front of him again. Gilbert had only one second more to look before Antonio flipped him around and twisted his arm behind his back. "Stop it!"

"No!" Antonio snapped back, sounding just a little childish instead of controlling and wrong, so wrong. "Why can't I have what I want?!" But Antonio didn't say things like that. He always played the part of the selfless one. What he wanted? Gilbert did think he should have that, but what did he want and why did he have to be the one to suffer for it? Where the hell was Francis because he always had the answers to these kinds of questions. Before Gilbert could scream at the top of his lungs for Francis to get his butt inside, Antonio pressed himself up against Gilbert. One hand slipped down to grab his ass and Gilbert's eyes went wide. He spun around and kneed Antonio in the gut.

"I'm not so cheap as to let you use me like a damn toy!" he screeched as Antonio finally let him go. No one got to look down on him like that. Never the hell again. Just for scaring him like that, Gilbert landed a punch on the other man's face. "Who the fuck are you because you're not my Toni!"

Francis pushed his way inside with multiple bags full of costumes, candy, and decorations. It took him nearly five minutes to get it out of the car and a minute more to get the door knob to turn, leaving him grumbling about Gilbert the entire way. The brat made them stop for coffee and apparently espressos were a bad idea although normal coffee didn't seem to do much for him. Francis was just padding his way to the living room when a scream filled the air.

"Stay away from me, bastard!" Gilbert yelled.

Antonio's voice snarled back, low and unfamiliar. "I'm the bastard here? Why don't you stay away from me!"

What? What was this? Francis froze in shock. A crash sounded and he cursed, dumping everything on the couch. He rushed to the kitchen and let out a small noise when he reached the doorway. Gilbert lunged for Antonio and Francis jumped forward in time to grab him from behind. Antonio's nose dripped with blood which he didn't try to stop. He just stood there with a blank face, so Francis turned his chastisement to Gilbert.

"What are you doing? You hit Toni?" Gilbert didn't struggle against Francis' grip and instead shrank into his arms. Francis' brow furrowed and he wrapped his arms tighter around the pale man. "What's going on in here?"

"I'd like to know that too!" Gilbert yelped. "He…he…" But the explanation stopped there. Antonio's expressionless face twisted until a grin split it. His eyes blazed and that's when Francis noticed the beer cans, one of which still spun on the wood floor. Antonio didn't normally drink without them. Did something happen? His eyes lighted on the bottle of rum, half empty and for now abandoned on the counter.

"Antonio, are you drunk?!" Francis exclaimed in incredulity. Distress flashed through him as an old memory emerged. This wasn't good at all. He stared at Antonio with wounded eyes because he promised he'd never get drunk again, but the man just kept grinning. Francis had to fight back a shiver when Antonio answered.

"Drunk? All I did was play a little joke. It's not like he wasn't asking for it," Antonio chuckled. Gilbert started struggling again, but he shrunk back the second Antonio's eyes lighted on him. Francis released his hold and Gilbert slipped behind him in a second.

"Go to your room, Gil," he ordered and Gilbert dipped his head in a jerky nod. "I'll deal with Antonio." With that, the younger male escaped the room and his door banged shut. Francis tip-toed his way around Antonio who watched like a predator waiting for an opening. Francis refused to give it to him. "I don't know why you're like this, but something terrible must have happened. I'd say no matter what's wrong, it doesn't give you the right to hurt your friends, but I know you won't listen to a lecture now." This person wasn't Antonio. It hurt Francis to see him like this again and not just because Antonio shocked him in the past.

A semblance of sanity came back to Antonio's face. "I just wanted to feel a little happiness. I always give it to others so why can't I take my smile back?" He shifted closer, his voice pleading. He still moved with a hunter's stance though and Francis knew if he got caught, he wouldn't be able to pull himself away. Antonio was too strong when like this. "Let me fuck you, Francis."

He shook his head. "No, not this time." Francis jumped for the counter and Antonio chased after him. Francis reached his goal first, grabbed the bottle, and was gone before Antonio reached him. For a second, he hesitated on which direction to run first. He wanted to disappear into his room, but he decided against that. Francis knocked on Gilbert's door. "Hey, let me in!" he whined. The lock undid twenty seconds later and he slipped inside. Gilbert dropped onto his bed again and Francis redid the lock. He eyed the room's owner, taking in the knees pulled to his chest and the stuffed bird squeezed almost to popping in his hand.

When Francis took a step, Gilbert shot him a sullen look from over his knees. "I thought you were dealing with Antonio." They could still hear noise from the kitchen, none of it soothing to their ears.

"Are you crazy? There's no way to deal with him when he's like that except wait for him to pass out," Francis exclaimed. He brandished the bottle of rum and set it on Gilbert's desk. "All I did was take this away. Can I sit?" Gilbert eyed him with the same sullen expression, not responding. "Come on, I came in here to hide just like you!"

"Why didn't you go hide in your own room?" Gilbert huffed. He shrugged one shoulder though and glanced at the blankets next to him. Francis took that as invitation and perched on the bed's edge. Antonio quieted down and it allowed them to sit in silence. "He's done this before?"

Francis sighed and rubbed his head against the ache forming there. "Your room was closer? Ah really, Antonio is scary when he's like that!" He groaned and shuffled closer to Gilbert. In truth, Francis chose this room because he didn't think either of them wanted to be alone. Memories were a bitch like that. "I only know of one time that guy ever got drunk to this degree. I didn't know he was like that and got caught. I just let him fuck me though because I don't care about those things." Even so, he didn't want to repeat the experience. He cared only a little at the time, but now he thought he shouldn't have let Antonio use him the first time either. It felt too much like he let a stranger fuck him even if it felt good.

Gilbert had yet to move and kept his face hidden behind his knees. He didn't usually act like this and even if Antonio turned into a violent, selfish person when drunk, Gilbert shouldn't look like this. "No shit he's scary!" he exclaimed, the words muffled by his knees. "I hate him. I fucking hate him!"

Francis' eyes went wide. "Hey, you don't mean that do you? Gilbert?" He furrowed his brow and reached for the huddled form next to him. When Gilbert didn't flinch away, Francis slid one arm around him. He made the right choice coming here after all. This couldn't be just about Antonio's actions. Gilbert stuck to them like glue and Francis didn't think they could do anything to make him hate them. Didn't Gilbert need his friends like a giant stabilizing axis in his life? That's what Francis always thought. "Aren't we close enough now for you to tell me what's really bothering you? How about…oh, this might help." Francis picked up the rum again and took a sip. If one of them was getting drunk tonight, he might as well have a drink. The bottle was his in the first place. With one word, he tapped it against Gilbert's side. "Here."

Looking up, Gilbert took the bottle. After a few more seconds he took a sip. Gilbert wasn't sure right now. Did he mean it when he said hate? Everything just got so muddled up in his head. He hated someone, but right now, Antonio was merging with that person and Gilbert hated getting unraveled like this. He let out a deep breath "He reminds me of my ex-boyfriend when like that."

Francis snatched the rum back before Gilbert could tip a large amount into his mouth. He wasn't planning on them drinking that much. "Eh seriously? Um, that guy who's name you mentioned before? Exactly what kind of person were you dating…?" Francis remembered when Gilbert called out the other's name—oh what was it? The moan sounded tender and begging. But Gilbert called him a bastard afterward and if he acted like a drunk Antonio, then he must have been.

"Look, it doesn't matter. The past is the past and I loved him once, but he hurt me. That's how the story goes, right? I don't know what you expect me to say." Gilbert turned his back on Francis and pulled the sheets over his curled up form. Francis kept watching him though and those worried eyes ate at Gilbert. He glanced over his shoulder and groaned. "I'm sorry but even if I want to tell you, I'm not ready yet. No one knows about this except for my family and I kept Ivan from them as long as I could." He turned his head back into his pillow. "If…I do tell someone else about it though, you know it will be you and Toni, right?"

Francis nodded his head once. "You know I respect you enough to wait. And don't hate Toni. He'll get his head screwed on right again and he'll say the same thing. Just have a little patience. We're all far from perfect here, right?" Gilbert snorted back and Francis ruffled his hair. When Gilbert demanded his panda, Francis handed it over with a smile. "Are you going to sleep?" It wasn't even eight at night yet. A long silence filled the space before Gilbert answered.

"…No. And I'd really appreciate it if you left."

"Well, I'd love to and all, but I'm hiding remember. Uh, I'll go sit over here on the floor…" he muttered as he slid down to lean back against the bed on the far side. "Don't worry, I'll let you have your privacy and I'll go after Antonio passes out." But in reality, Francis didn't want to leave Gilbert alone. He heard the man's breaths turn even with sleep and the silence outside the little room, but still he didn't move. He stayed on the floor and guarded over his friends, hoping this wasn't the thing that formed splinters in their inseparable bond.