15

The guard comes to my cell and tells me I have visitors.

Visitors, plural?

Not just Teresa, empress of my heart? Guess I won't bother coming up with a new way to entertain myself by pissing her off. Like maybe ask her to take her blouse off. That might get a rise out of her.

I'm led into the visitor's room. There on the other side of the glass are Teresa and Cho and…how shall I put this? That fat fuck Abbott of the FBI. He grins like a snake that swallowed a dirigible.

Lisbon is nervous.

Cho is sitting.

"Patrick," Abbott says, "how nice to see you again. Hope you're finding your accommodations to your liking. Yuk-yuk-yuk." Putz.

"Charmed, I'm sure," I reply.

The guy's not actually a blimp. Nor do I have problems with larger people. Note my regard for JJ LaRoche. What Abbott is is someone who takes up way too much psychic shelf space in this small world of ours.

Besides, the fat fuck was mean to Teresa.

"You know, Patrick, everyone in law enforcement thinks the world of your skills."

I put my elbows on the table before me, rest my chin in my hands and listen like I'm enchanted. Jon Stewart would say, "Go on."

Abbott continues. "I'm here to offer you the opportunity to walk out of here today, a free man, cleared of all charges."

"What would I have to do?" I smile.

"Exactly what you're good at," Abbott says. "Just work with us at the FBI to investigate and close cases."

I confirm each point of the offer. "Walk out of here today?" Abbott echoes, "Walk out of here today."

"A free man?" I ask. Abbott repeats, "A free man."

"Cleared of all charges?" I ask. Abbott says, "Cleared of all charges."

"Work for the FBI?" I ask. Abbott says, "Work for the FBI."

I tote the points up on my fingers. Abbott is excited. Champing at the bit.

I list, "Walk out of here today. A free man. Cleared of charges. Work for the FBI?"

Abbott nods. I consider it for a millisecond. Wrinkle my nose.

"I don't think so."

I stand. Abbott bolts out of his seat. Lisbon wants to kill me. Cho is reading.

I turn to leave, then swivel back.

"Tea cup?" I point at Abbott.

Abbott chuckles, he's relieved, "Of course we'll get you a tea cup, Jane."

I summarize, "Walk out today, free man, cleared of charges, work for the FBI, tea cup?

Abbott's become a smiling bobble head.

I appear to think for a beat. "Hmm…I don't think so."

I head for the door.

Abbott's mouth is hanging open. Teresa's going to kill me with her death beams. Cho's stopped reading.

I turn back again.

"Couch?" I say.

Abbott says, "I'm sure your couch is in storage and we'll get it for you."

I count it down again. "Walk out today, free man, clear of charges, work for the FBI, tea cup, couch?"

Abbott just looks at me.

"I don't think so."

Abbott stalks out of the room.

Teresa is beet red.

Cho drops off his chair and rolls on the floor laughing.