The Rogue Jedi
I Love You Wherever You Are.....
" That's good Anakin, keep your eyes focused on your target at all times." Qui-gon shouted over the hum of their sabers as he swung once more , in a graceful swinging arch , trying to parry a blow from the young boy.
He was truly impressed by Anakin's ability to learn and his attentiveness, almost one track thinking to his training. He'd never had such a student like this
// it's like he's already trained.//
" Keep moving now Ani.."
"Yes Master" the boy nodded setting his stance.
At his acknowledgment , Qui-gon stopped. His heart aching painfully in his chest. He could almost hear Obi-wan saying that... as he had mere weeks before.
// We trained in here.... ....this very spot....seems..so long...ago...// he turned his light saber off casting his glance to the floor.
"Master?" Anakin stepped forward confused by the sudden change in the man before him. He sensed a sadness creep around him.
"I'm sorry Ani. I forgot I must meet with the council ... Why don't you practice with yourself for a while then alright?"
"Ok Master.." Anakin nodded giving his Master a knowing look, then proceeded to spar on his own.
Qui-gon watched the boy for a few more moments before turning abruptly on his heel and exiting the training room.
Qui-gon made his way down the hall, picking his path at random. His thoughts in turmoil
// Oh Obi-wan..// his mind cried in sorrow. // where have you gone my beloved...//
For the past week, Qui-gon had not heard word from his apprentice, he could not find him with the force....save for a small aching sadness along their bond...it was as if he'd been swallowed up without a trace.
Qui-gon sighed he was sure the week must have been sith spawned ....but no...
// It's my fault . It was my fault that you ran off dearest Obi-wan...... I.......struck you...and I am ashamed off my actions....deeply . You fled from me in terror...and I like the arrogant fool I am let you go. I should have gone after you, held you , loved you, begged your forgiveness and kissed your tears dry. But I didn't ...............//
Qui-gon continued his aimless walk around the temple halls, as his thoughts preyed upon him. Tearing him up, and pushing him down into his depths of sadness., and self torment.
"Why didn't I do anything..? ......why didn't I talk to you.....I am your Master......I knew you were jealous of Ani. I should have made time for you....listened to what you had to say. Oh I tried to talk to you...but ohhh Obi-love we are both so stubborn. Our words soon turned to quarrels and we'd end up worst then when we started......... I didn't think I would loose you my love.......I should have tried harder......//
Qui-gon reached the fountain room and stood looking over at the cascading falls. A sad smile came to his face, at the irony of ending up here. Obi-wan's place of comfort.
// I remember how you loved to come here Obi-wan, how you loved the falls. You could sit and watch the waters for hours......and you did...you and I togther. You would lay on the grass at the bank dipping your hands in and splashing me before laying quiet and close beside me not making a sound.
And I ....I would tell you how the white foam of the falls reminded me of your beautiful white hair. How the deep shimmering blues and purples of the water were but a vain attempt of mother nature to match the ever changing hues of your eyes.
Yes . I remember ....but..now you're gone. And it's my fault I fear.....//
He turned weary eyes upwards into the foaming mouth of the falls, watching as the water trickled down the rock side....and he remembered .
A slap..........
.....flesh hitting flesh
.....the sickening sound of a body hitting the floor......
................Blood....dripping ....marring the white locks......mixing with ...tears.
....................eyes....full of pain......pain...and ..
..............fear...................................fear ...of him...
Qui-gon shook his head but the image burned into his mind would not dissipate .
" Forgive me Obi-wan, but this room shall never bring me joy any longer. The falls no longer bubble with the memories of your laughter, now they haunt me with your cry of sadness. The water trickling down the rocks is like seeing your tears anew....tears that were spilt because of me
the White foam is stained red.......and the waters blue and purple hues capture only to well the pain and sorrow that your eyes had written in them that fateful night.
I loath myself for what I did to you. If I could take it back I would....but I can not...."
Qui-gon bowed his head, letting the noise of the falls wash over him, overpower him, torment him....until..
Beautiful the falls are yes?"
"To some I suppose. To me they bring only sadness" Qui-gon replied looking down at the small master by his side.
"Hmmm....a lesson to be learned in all things there is..." Yoda continued. "Have you learned it yet..?"
Qui-gon turned a pitiful expression towards his master. The unshed tears in his eyes spoke the answer clearly for him.
Yoda nodded, silently, feeling his Padawan's sorrow "Come Qui-gon" he offered his voice softening "Come with me...talk we shall.."
"Thank you Master...but I think I'll stay a little longer...."
"Hmm...very well then..." The small Master agreed. He shuffled slowly from the room, his gimmer stick tapping the stone floor as he went.
// Yes I will stay here and let my pain wash over me, touch me, haunt me.....punish me for what I have done. And show me....mock me with what I've lost.....what I could have had....
And now never will.....and when I leave here my pain will follow me ... Whisper to me....your name.
Obi-wan........
I can only guess where you are tonight, or what it is you are doing there.
But I hope you are safe.....if not happy....then at least at peace.
And I hope you know that I love you ......
I love you Obi-wan ...
I love you wherever you are.....//
To be continued.........................