Wedding Trasher

It was Petunia Evans's big day, and Lily could've sworn her sister had invited literally everyone they knew to celebrate. She'd gotten a quick peek back into the dressing rooms, and had spotted her sister in the silliest, puffiest gown Lily had ever seen. Sirius had thought so too. His laughter was actually what got them caught peeking through the doorjamb in the first place.

"Is she aware she couldn't look more like a marshmallow if she'd tried?" Sirius mumbled in Lily's ear. Lily had to stifle a laugh. She may not have been a bridesmaid, but Petunia was still her sister.

"I thought she looked radiant," Lily countered. Sirius outwardly snorted, earning them dirty looks from several of Lily's relatives.

"You don't have to defend the girl who scheduled her wedding date to specifically conflict with your intended plus-one's plans," he retorted. Lily slapped his arm.

"Petunia couldn't have known James would be in France with his family this weekend."

Sirius laughed again. "You keep saying how she hates you. You rant about how you loathe that she wouldn't have you as a bridesmaid. Yet you ignore the fact that she picked her wedding date the day after you yelled at her for eavesdropping on you with the mirror."

"At least I have you here," Lily grumbled, thinking back to the day she'd nearly broken the borrowed mirror in rage over the prior Christmas break. It had been slightly after she'd begun dating James, when he'd left the mirror behind after a truly horrid meeting with Petunia's then-fiancé Vernon.

Flipping his hair out of his face, Sirius winked at a few of Lily's female cousins. "Don't look so excited. People will think I'm the lucky guy who dates you with how you're acting!" His jovial attitude froze when they entered the nave of the church, as Sirius's jaw fell open. Apparently the view of Vernon at the altar was shocking to him.

"Sirius, you're going to catch flies like that," said Lily, tugging him along down the aisle to their seats.

Third row, view obstructed by a pillar, why even bother inviting me? Lily fumed. Sirius plopped beside her, then leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"Miss Twiggy back there is marrying that absolute pudge?"

Lily sighed. "The pudge's name is Vernon. And don't call them those names, it's not nice."

"He sounds foul," Sirius commented, leaning back in his seat. Lily rolled her eyes.

"You only know his name."

"Nah, James told me all about him, remember? I don't think I'll like him. Though, out of curiosity, how does he not break your sister in half when they're goin-"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Black," Lily interrupted in a hiss. "I only brought you because James asked me to." Sirius snickered, pulling a small contraption out of his pocket to show Lily. A dungbomb. Lily shook her head. "Don't you dare."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Lily flower!" Sirius replied.

About halfway through the service, Lily was half asleep. It was long, boring, and they hadn't even gotten to the "I do's." She was jolted awake during the call for protestors by Sirius elbowing her. Before she could protest his actions as quietly as she could, Sirius quickly pulled the pin out of the dungbomb, rolled it toward the happy couple, then plugged his nose. Having spent enough time around Marauders, Lily covered hers just as quickly. She glared at Sirius as he mouthed 'James's orders'.

Apparently James had gotten himself some kind of prototype dungbomb that detonated silently and colorlessly. The couple's eyes slowly began to water, and not with happy tears. They choked out their vows as quickly as possible as the fumes spread and guests were slowly growing disgusted. A few children toward the front started loudly asking their parents why it stank.

Hidden by their pillar, Lily and Sirius snickered. "You know, Petunia will think I did that," Lily tried to argue through a plugged nose and her laughter.

"That's only if she doesn't think her new husband could be gassy!" he quietly joked back. Even though they didn't have the best view of the altar, when the couple walked past out of the church Lily could see Petunia slapping Vernon all over.

"You stank the place up! I thought we talked about eating gassy foods today!" Petunia was screeching as they filed past, looking as innocent as possible.

"I swear it wasn't me, Tuney!" Vernon argued.

"You could have ruined everything!" Petunia shot back as Vernon tried hard to control the purple tint that was crawling up his neck.

"You know how tight this suit is, though!" he argued. Petunia huffed angrily, dragging him around toward their photographer.

"Muggles," Sirius mumbled to Lily once they were out in the courtyard. She couldn't help but laugh. Sirius had created just enough chaos that Lily didn't feel bad about the inconvenience. On the contrary, Lily felt the slightest bit proud that the day hadn't gone off perfectly. Maybe that was petty of her, maybe it was mean, but damn if it didn't feel nice seeing the couple getting a little taste of karma.

A/N Ravenclaw, Drabble, Prompt: Lily/Sirius, 860 words