Chapter 10

"Talk. If that's what you want to do." I put my arms over Christian's and move to turn over and face him.

He holds me firmly. "No! Like this."

The room is pitch black and still he doesn't want to face me. He doesn't seem to be able to look at me while he talks. "Christian? Are you okay with this? Baby if this is too difficult…"

"No." He cuts me off. "I need for you to know everything. You have to know everything. Just, don't stop loving me. Please never stop loving me, Ana." I detect the trepidation in his voice and it scares me. Maybe I don't want to know. What could be so awful that he would think it would make me stop loving him?

"Christian, there is nothing you can say that would make me stop loving you. Haven't you figured that out by now?" He kisses my neck and I feel his hold on me tighten.

"Just let me get it all out. Don't stop me. I need to finish."

"Okay, baby. Tell me whatever you need to."

"At Flynn's, I told you that I had looked into my mother's background. I was able to obtain her full name from the police reports. And there were so many of them. Not just her death, but the arrests for drug possession, soliciting, breaking and entering. God, it goes on and on. You name it, she did it. I found out that her name was Ellen Marie Douglas. She was called Ella. She was originally from Chicago, that's where she was born and raised. Her parents were quite well off, educated. She was raised in an upper class home in Oak Brook. Her father was a Harvard educated attorney and was a full partner in one the premier law firms there in Chicago." I can hear his heart racing as he tries to swallow. "Her mother was educated at Bryn Mawr, but never worked because she married right out of college.

" My mother was an only child. From what I could determine, she did quite well in school and was on track for Harvard." He snorts. "Coincidence huh? The plan was for her to join her father in the law firm. That is until she ran away and ended up in Detroit.

"Why did…"

"Shhh." Christian quiets me and pulls me tighter. "It seems my mother had…been…. been….molested from a fairly early age by her father. It continued until she ran away in her teens, 15 or 16 I think." I can hear Christian try to clear his throat and continue. "I guess abuse doesn't stop because of socioeconomic status. Her mother denied ever knowing anything about it until Ella became…pregnant. She was underage and her doctor reported it to her parents. When they confronted her, she ran. All of this came from the police report that her mother filed when she ran away.

"She landed in Detroit, knowing no one, no place to live, no money and pregnant. She lived on the street for a while until she fell in with this guy. He's the one who got her started working the street. After she had the baby, she stayed with him and that's when he got her into the hard drugs. Once she was hooked, there was no hope for her. She couldn't take care of herself, much less me. I think she just finally gave up. But I can never forgive her for taking the easy way out and leaving me to God knows what fate."

"Christian are you saying that your mother's father is your…"

"It would seem so. I was the product of that horrific relationship." He takes a deep breath. "I think that's one reason I was so damn afraid of having children. I never wanted to take the chance of turning out like him. I would kill myself before I ever let that happen."

"Baby, if you knew who your family was why did you never try to contact them?"

"Why? They're as fucked up as I am. Probably more so. I certainly have no desire to ever meet the bastard who fathered me. The rest of the fucking family let me rot in that hell hole in Detroit and then wouldn't claim me after Ella died.

"Carrick and Grace are my parents. They are the only parents I ever want or need. They wanted me and they saved me. And you and the kids are my family now. I don't need any more fucked up mess in my life.

"Well. That's pretty much it. You now know everything. You know more about me than anyone else in the world.

"Christian. Can I turn over now?" he releases his grip on me and I turn to face him. "Look at me," I take my hands and cup his face and lift it kissing him gently. He wraps me in his arms and buries his face in my neck.

"Oh, baby. I must be such a disappointment to you." He is almost sobbing.

"Why do you think that? Why do you always think less of yourself because of what is done to you? Baby, you are only responsible for yourself. You only have to answer for your own actions not those of someone else.

"I have never been disappointed in you. Never for one second. I am so proud to be married to you. I love you. I always will.

"I don't give a flip who your parents are. You are Christian Trevelyan Grey. You are my husband. You are the father of my children and I love you."

"I love you so much, Ana Grey. Have I told you that recently?" Christian traces my lips with his index finger and strokes my cheek with the backs of his fingers.

"Yes. But I never get tired of hearing it. Kiss me?" Christian holds me tight and kisses me long and wet and deep. Finally. No more secrets. He must be the most resilient human being on the face of the earth. What he has gone through, what he has had to deal with. How has he ever overcome all of it?

"Any questions, baby? Ask them now, because I really don't want to have to revisit this."

"Christian, this is so much to take in. I….I don't know. How did you find all this out?" I ask him.

"Baby all it takes is a starting point. One piece of information can open the door to everything. I got what I needed off of the police report. It had names, addresses, phone numbers. The police report on her death was fairly extensive. All I had to do was track down one person on that report who was willing to talk, for a price of course."

"Baby, why do you think that….that Ella's father is your ….father? How do you know that?"

"Well I was born 5 months after she hit Detroit. There have been no reports of a boyfriend or relationship, other than her father. We were able to track down and talk to one of her so called friends, probably a hooker or druggie, that said Ella told her about her father and that she thought he was my father." He sighs." I hate to even use the word father. He was a fucking bastard. "

"Do you know where he is now?"

"I do." He closes his eyes and nods. "He's has taken several very high profile cases over the years. Other than that I have no desire to know where he is. He can drop off the face of the earth as far as I'm concerned."

"How about Ella's mother?"

"I think she divorced him when she found out about the abuse. He's had 2 or 3 other wives since then. Younger, of course. She still lives in Chicago as far as I know."

"You've known all of this all this time and you never told me?"

" Like I said, it's not something that I ever wanted anyone to know about. I've never told another living soul until now."

"So, Grace and Carrick don't know?"

"Absolutely not. Ana, you are the only one who knows, besides me. I want it to stay that way. Flynn doesn't know and you aren't to tell him. Understand?"

"Yes, Christian. I understand. Thank you for telling me. I always want you to be able to trust me enough to confide in me."

"I do, baby. But this is it. No more skeletons. I can't think of anything that you don't know."

I wrap my arms around him and hug him so tightly. I rub my nose against his. I can feel him growing against my belly. "Christian. Make love to me again. Can you?"

"What do you think?" Christian seals my mouth with his and he is kissing me so deeply. His hands explore my body from my breasts to my knees. He slides his hand over my belly and my legs part for him willingly. I feel him touch me as I softly moan. "Come here. Put your legs over me." He puts his arm under my knees and pulls both legs over his hip. I feel Christian as he enters. I push back to meet him letting him go deep.

"God Baby." I whisper. Christian bends over and kisses me as his fingers find the sensitive spot at the apex of my thighs. I relax to allow him access to me. Christian holds me to him as he continues his double assault; pushing and stroking in unison. The synergy of the two is overwhelming.

"God you're so beautiful, baby." Christian whispers. "You feel so warm and wet and soft. I could stay in you forever." I feel myself ripple against him. "You're getting so ready, baby. Don't come yet." He continues to stroke and circle me and it is overpowering .

"I have to come. I can't wait. Please let me." My breath is hitching as I push against him. I feel his fingers become faster, more determined.

"Just a little more. Let me give you just a little more." He breaths. "God I live to watch you do this baby." My body is slick with sweat and my apex wet with desire for him. I feel the pulling as the precious release builds in my core.

"Christian I can't wait." I look into his eyes. "I know baby. Go ahead. Come for me. Let it go." I feel the explosion in my belly as the waves rip through me. I arch my back and catch my breath. My fingers dig into his flesh as I fall and surrender to him; I release around him trying to pull him in farther.

I feel Christian push once more and still. "Oh, Fuck!" His breath catches and I feel his muscles ripple as he jerks and empties into me. Christian relaxes; his chest heaving as he gasps for breath. He folds over on me and nuzzles my breast taking one in his mouth, gently suckling me as we both try to shake the sensual fog we are in. I cradle his head and stroke his hair as he sucks and nuzzles me.

I wake and try to turn over. It's still dark and I'm so warm. Uncomfortably warm. I can't sleep like this. Christian has fallen asleep on me, his mouth still on my breast. As I try to move he latches tighter pulling and sucking. I look down at his sweet face. He is so relaxed, so content. I stroke his hair and he opens his eyes. Still suckling he looks up at me and I smile as I cradle his head. He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his head in my breasts. Suckling harder. He moves up and kisses me softly on my lips, then moves beside me. I turn on my side and he pulls me close. His arms around me and hands cupping my breasts. We fall asleep again.

"Gail." I run downstairs trying to find her.

"Here, Ana."

"Oh, there you are." I'm out of breath. " I think I forgot to tell Taylor that Teddy will be out of school early today. He's out at noon today, some teacher conference thing."

"No. Ana. He remembered. I gave him a copy of the school schedule for the year. He knows to pick him up at noon."

"Oh, gosh. That's a relief. I hated for him to be doing something with Christian and have Teddy waiting to be picked up." I give Gail a hug. "I don't know what I would do without you." I need to discuss this help thing with her. If we are going to hire someone to help her I want to get it done and get them use to the house and routine before the baby gets here. "Have you decided to let us find you some help, Gail?"

I reach over for the laundry basket, "Let's take these in the family room. I'll help you fold."

We sit down on the sofa and start folding all the little clothes. Most are Teddy's and Grace's. "Well, Ana. I think that would be great. I wasn't thrilled at first, but Jason convinced me that it would give us so much more time together."

"I think it will. You and Jason deserve a more normal life together. I've talked to Mr. Grey about possibly getting Jason a more stable schedule. That way you two can at least plan things. I think he'll agree to it."

"Oh that would be lovely, Ana."

"Jason's problem is that he is too good at his job. Christian depends on him so much. Maybe he needs to screw up a little more." I giggle.

"That's just not Jason. Mr. perfection. He takes working for Mr. Grey very seriously. He'd never do anything to let him down." Gail smiles and shakes her head.

"Yes. I know. Christian said Taylor was like his right arm. Said he didn't trust anyone like he trusts Taylor." I nod. "Yes they work quite well together. They really can be a lot alike sometimes." I make a serious face. " Always so serious."

Gail laughs. "Well that looks like we've got it. I'll put the things away in the children's rooms." She loads the basket with the folded clothing and heads upstairs.

I walk over and sit on the floor with Grace. "What 'cha doing. Baby girl?" She holds up her stuffed bear that she has now totally undressed and has now proceeded to extricate his eyes. "Grace? What have you done to Mr. Bear?" I ask her. She just grins up at me. "Do you need to go potty?" I ask her. She nods. "Okay come on." I stand up and pick her up and we walk upstairs to have some quality potty time.

Grace has used her potty 'yea!' "You know Grace, as soon as we don't have any more accidents we can get you some big girl panties. Would you like that?" she grins and nods. "Yea, Mama. Pannies." That's right. Let's go find a little lunch. Teddy should be home before long."

I get Grace all set at the table with a grilled cheese and a sippy cup of milk. Gail fixes a grilled cheese for me and herself and we settle in for lunch. I look outside and the sky is a cloudy , overcast gray. It's one of those cold not so nice days. Good day for taking a nap.

"Gail have you heard from Taylor?"

"No, Ana. Not a word."

I down the last of my hot tea. "They should have been home by now. It's almost one. Maybe traffic was bad."

Grace has finished her lunch and I wipe her up. "I'm going to take Grace up and put her down for a nap." "Okay. Ana. I'll get the kitchen cleaned up."

Grace is down and I walk back downstairs. "I finally got her to fall asleep. She is getting to the point that she doesn't want to go down for a nap anymore." I tell Gail. "Is Taylor still not here?"

Gail shakes her head. "I'll give him a call and see what the holdup is." I tell her. I push the speed dial button for dial Taylor. It rings and rings and there is no answer. "That's funny."

"What is it Ana?" Gail looks over at me.

"Taylor doesn't answer. That's strange. He always answers." I look at the phone as if it is going to give me an explanation as to what is going on. "I'm beginning to get a little worried. Taylor is never late and he always answers his phone. I'm going to call the school. I look up the number to Teddy's school and dial it. "Oh, hi. This is Mrs. Grey, Teddy's mother."

"Uh. Hello Mrs. Grey. You just caught me. We let out early today and I was just about to head out the door. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I was just wondering if Teddy had been picked up yet."

"Um. Well. Yes, Mrs. Grey." She sounds so hesitant." Gail Taylor, picked him up about 10 am for his doctor appointment."

"Teddy didn't have a doctor appointment today and if he did I would have taken him." I look up and over at Gail. "Who did you say picked him up?"

Gail is frozen. I feel my heart pound out of my chest.

"Well, it was Gail Taylor. I'm looking at her signature here where she signed him out about 10. She's on the list to be able to sign him out. Have you talked to Mr. Grey?"

"No I haven't, but Mrs. Taylor has been here with me all morning." I hear a noise and turn to look over to see Christian walking through the front door. "Thank you. Mr. Grey just got home." My heart is frozen in my chest. Christian is never home in the middle of the day. Something is going on and I don't really want to know what it is. My worst fear is realized when Taylor materializes behind him and there is no Teddy. I let the phone drop to the floor.

My eyes are fixed on Christian. "Christian. Where is my son?" I ask feigning calm.

"Ana." His eyes are fixed on me.

"Christian. Where is my son?" I ask him again.

He walks over and goes to put his arms around me. I shove him away. "NO! Where the fuck is my son? Answer me!" I can feel the hot tears spill over my eyes falling down my cheeks. I am trembling so hard I can barely speak.

"Baby. Come sit down." Christian implores me.

"NO! You tell me where Teddy is." I look at him with my eyes ablaze. "You tell me now."

"Please, Ana. Come sit down." He is trying to remain calm, but I can see the apprehension in his eyes.

"Christian. You tell me what is going on. Where is he?" I demand and sob.

"Baby. Please." He begs.

He puts his arm around me and I let him take me to the sofa in the family room. I sit on the sofa and Christian sits across from me on the coffee table. He still has is coat on.

"I called the school. They said Gail picked him up at 10. Gail has been here with me all morning. Where is he?" I plead.

"Ana." He hesitates. "We just don't know. I don't know how it happened. The school fucked up."

"The school fucked up?" The tears are streaming down my face. "What do you mean, the school fucked up? How did they fuck up?"

"Someone signed him out. We don't know where he is, Baby." Christian is sitting on the coffee table facing me. He has his hands clasped around mine. His eyes are filled with tears, but they aren't falling.

"Where are the police?" I ask him. "Why aren't the police here? Why aren't they looking for him?"

"Baby. I didn't call the police."

"What? Why not? My son is missing and you haven't called the police?" I get up and walk toward the phone.

Christian stops me. "No. Ana. Don't."

"What do you mean don't? We need the police. They need to know he is missing. We need them to find him." I'm still in tears.

"No. It's better if we try to find him. If we get a ransom note, we can take care of it. I have all of our security working on it now."

"What do you mean if we get a ransom note?" I ask. God, no this just isn't happening. It can't be really happening.

"I suspect we'll know something soon."

"Christian? Why don't you want the police involved?" I search his face hoping it will tell me what I need to know.

"Because, Ana. We can do a better job of trying to find him. I don't want to take a chance by calling the police. Not yet."

Suddenly it dawns on me. He thinks this might have something to do with his past. He is trying to contain this so it doesn't hit the news. I jerk away from him. "No. You're afraid to call them. You're afraid that someone has him that knows all about you. You're afraid everyone will find out."

"Ana, please. That's not true. You know that's not true. I want Teddy back as much as you do."

"It's all because of you." I scream at him. "You and your fucked up lifestyle. And all the fucked up people in it. You caused all of this." My chest is heaving trying to get enough air to cry and scream at the same time.

I can see the look of horror and pain on Christian's face, but I continue to lash out at him. "I'm sick to death of all this shit! Sick to death of it all." I can hear myself screaming at him. "I'm tired of dealing with all of your crap. All of your subs, your ex- lovers, your deviant shit. I've put up with it as long as I can. I never know when one is going to show up to try to hurt one of us just to get back at you. Look what it has done? Look at what you have done to us. Look what you have done to our son."

"Ana, Baby." He runs his hands through his hair. "I suspect it's all about money. I think we'll get a call. Soon." He says quietly.

"You and your fucking money. That's all that matters to you. As long as you have your precious company and you can play your corporate games all day. That's what makes you happy. That's what you need. If you spent half the time with us as you do your beloved company." I am totally devastated. I can't scream at him loud enough.

"Christian Grey I will never forgive you if something happens to Teddy."

Christian tries to comfort me. He walks over to me and tries to put his arms around me, but I jerk away. "Don't you dare touch me." I don't recognize the hostility in my own voice. "You stay away from me. I hate you for what you've done. I hate you. Do you hear me?" He grabs for my arm and I jerk it out of his grasp pulling back to slap him, but I freeze. I can't.

"Go on, Ana. Hit me. It's okay. I deserve it. Hit me."

All I can do is cry. I can't hit him. I take a step toward him and I disintegrate against his chest as a cry comes up from my very soul. "Oh God! Where is he? I want my baby." Christian puts his arms around me and I sob and into his chest.