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CHAPTER TEN
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A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p
I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful.
She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me.
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Kieran reached his hand across the table and touched the back of mine gently before withdrawing it and taking a sip of his drink.
"I can't tell you how happy I am that you're at least willing to consider my offer." He smiled.
During my talk with Edward, he'd shared his worries about our financial situation. He explained in more detail than ever had before that he didn't want me going back to Renee's after the baby. He also confessed that he wanted to take some time off. He worked for commission, so any time he had off would undo all of his hard work and would affect us financially. He wanted to make sure we had a good nest egg before then. There was no way we could go to his parents for help; he'd turned his back on their assistance when he married me instead of the ever-perfect Rosalie.
After listening to the reasons Edward was practically killing himself with the hours he was working, I knew I had to help out more. I decided to call Kieran. I wanted to find out whether he was serious and discuss the job offer he'd made. Maybe a few extra hours during my pregnancy would be enough to see Edward and I through the first few months after the baby was born.
Technically, our current meeting was a job interview; which explained the butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach.
A tiny, nervous smile tilted up the corners of my mouth. "I still don't know that I've got anything to offer you."
He splayed his hands open on the table. "I'm not exactly looking for a rocket scientist."
I quirked my eyebrow as I tried to work out if he was inferring I was stupid.
He chuckled. "I just mean that I have the management of the business completely under control. I just need an extra set of hands to help out around the office."
I gulped. I'd never worked in an office and only had a vague idea of what it would entail. "So what exactly would I be doing?"
"The basics: answering the phone, appointment setting, and maybe a little light data entry. Oh, and you'd have to fetch me coffee." He winked. "Seriously though, I think you'd be a good fit for me. I think we could work very well together."
I couldn't help but smile in response. After the day I'd had yesterday, and the dreams of the other life in Forks, I was glad I could just converse normally with someone—even if it was only to discuss a job opening.
"I need someone two, or maybe three days a week. Is that enough?"
I nodded. "I've already thought about it, and if I keep up my shifts at Renee's—at least in the short term," I added, because he looked like he was about to protest, "as well as finding something less strenuous for a few days a week, I should be able to save a decent nest egg by the time this little one makes an appearance." I patted my still flat stomach gently.
He frowned. "I'm not sure if I like the sound of you working so hard. I worry that it might be too much for your body to cope with."
"I can't leave it all on Edward's plate. He's already over-worked. Besides, I want to actually see my husband at some point after this baby is born." I took a sip of my hot chocolate.
We were back in Quake again, but I decided to steer clear of the coffee this time. Kieran had done the same out of sympathy for me.
He smiled and reached over, touching my hand gently again. "You're a strong, wonderful woman, Bella. If you'd be willing to join my team, I would be very lucky to have you."
He said it so sincerely that a blush stole across my cheeks. The familiar heat flooded my face and poured down my chest.
He smiled in response to my reaction. "It's true," he said levelly when I could finally look at him again, once my blush had faded.
"So," he paused dramatically. "When do you want to start?"
Although it all sounded easy enough as he explained it, part of me was still worried about how terribly my inexperience could screw it up.
"Tomorrow?" I asked around the lump forming in my throat.
"That sounds perfect." He spent a few minutes instructing me on what I needed to bring for my first day at my new job before offering to walk me to Renee's.
An offer I accepted readily. After all, he was not only my employer, but my friend as well. Remarkably now that all the details about the job were finalized, a weight seemed to lift from my shoulders and we were able to talk about other topics.
As he left me at the door of Renee's, he touched my shoulder briefly.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised.
I nodded, somehow knowing that my first day in his office would be the start of something new and maybe monumental.
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My eyes focused groggily on the ceiling.
Something is wrong.
A weight rested on my bed. A cool hand touched my cheek. I swallowed heavily, not allowing myself to believe that it could possibly be real. Despite what I'd thought I'd seen and heard during the night, in that e moment moment—where the cold reality of what would sure be another overcast day in Forks and the shadow of a dream met—, I knew it was impossible. No one could have whispered in my ear. No one had watched me fall asleep.
Impossible or not, I felt the weight of someone sitting beside me on my bed.
Impossible or not, their cold hand stroked ever so softly against my cheek.
My breathing was slow and steady; each slow inhalation deep and purposeful, thinking that any fast moment would shake me from the remnant of my dream where Edward was sitting beside me. I couldn't bear to wake to the reality where he was no longer nearby.
A cold finger pushed a loose strand of hair away from my face.
I knew he would know I was awake, but he didn't move to talk to me or do anything but continue his languid exploration of the curve of my cheek.
I wanted to turn my face suddenly and clutch at the hand to hold it as evidence of my sanity or insanity, whichever the case may be.
I didn't though, because I knew no matter how fast I could force myself to move, he could move faster, if he was really there. If the whole scenario wasn't just dreamed up by my imagination, he could—and probably would—be gone by the time I turned my head his way.
My heart hammered against my rib cage.
I took his continued silence as further evidence that he didn't want to be discovered, or I was actually insane.
I wasn't entirely ready to find out what was true.
"Sweet, beautiful, Bella."
It was little more than a quiet whisper, quickly swallowed by the space between us.
I froze because the voice wasn't quite right.
It wasn't Edward.
It sounded more like a velvet-over-chocolate version of a voice I knew from another place.
I held my breath, tilted my head ever so slightly in the direction of the sound and then opened my eyes.
For one blinding second, I saw Kieran smiling widely down on me, his black eyes boring into mine from beneath his floppy, brown hair. The breath I held whooshed from my body in a rush.
I stared—certain that I was completely insane—until my eyes stung and I was unable to avoid blinking. By the time my eyes opened again, a fraction of second later, the room was empty.
I sat up and clutched my hair between my fingers, trying to prove to myself that I was in fact awake. My heart pounded in my chest as I wondered what seeing Kieran in Forks could possibly mean.
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By the time I made it downstairs for breakfast, I knew what I thought I'd seen was actually just a hangover from my dream. I'd been dreaming of talking to Kieran in the moments before I woke, and that spilled over into my conscious mind.
I think.
I disregarded the fact that, like all my other visions of that other place, it hadn't felt like a dream. It had felt as real as the place where I was sitting, chewing on a granola bar for sustenance.
I knew if I was left alone all day, I would go out of my mind turning over every detail about the dream and the lingering presence it had left in my bedroom. Already my mind had analyzed it a hundred times.
I decided to try a reconciliatory phone call to Jacob. He didn't deserve the treatment I'd given him.
However, just the thought of him conjured up memories of being pinned to the wall by his weight. I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind. I had to remember that it was only a dream, or make-believe, or something. There is no way Jacob, my Jacob, could be that callous or would hurt me like that.
His phone rang out the first time I tried his number.
I tried the number again a few minutes later, and it was answered by a voice I didn't recognize. The gruff voice practically barked down the line at me, informing me that Jacob wasn't there and he wasn't sure when Jacob would be home.
I sat at the kitchen table for half an hour, chewing my nails to stubs while I waited for Jacob to call back. I tried once again, only to receive a similar response.
I tried watching TV, then reading a book, but my mind kept returning to one of two things—Jacob's absence and Kieran's ghostly presence.
After lunch, I tried calling him again. The same voice that had answered earlier told me that Jacob had gone away. There was an inflection in his voice that made me think he was lying.
After another hour, I tried Jacob's number once more. I thought I was in luck when Billy answered, but he just told me sadly that Jacob didn't want to see me anymore and to 'please stop calling'.
Tears flooded my eyes as I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I'd destroyed the one friendship I'd thought survived Edward's departure. I thought Jacob understood. I thought he realized I was broken and crazy. He'd seen my collection of pills and bottles; he knew why I had to take them. I thought he might have forgiven me for at least one bout of insanity before shutting me out of his life.
I'm not worth the effort.
I bent over the kitchen table and let my tears fall silently with the phone still clutched in my hand.
"I wish I could choose," I murmured to myself eventually. "If I could, I would choose to live that other life."
I forced myself to stand and walked toward the front door, determined to get out of the house for a while, but each step I took felt heavier and heavier. I'd barely reached the stairs before my head began to spin and I toppled forward. Someone stopped my trajectory just before I cracked my skull on the bottom stair, but I couldn't determine who it was.
"As you wish," a voice of smooth honey and melted chocolate whispered coolly against my cheek, before everything went black.
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"Absolutely not!"
Edward was furious when I told him that I was going to take a second job.
"Why not? It means you won't have to work as hard once the baby comes."
"That's why I'm doing what I can to get ahead of things before then. I don't want you stressed about it too."
"I'm not stressed. I won't be stressed. It's an easier job than Renee's, and everyone there will know I'm pregnant, so they won't expect me to do any heavy lifting."
He raised an eyebrow at me.
"It's an office job," I said. "I'll be sitting down all day and answering the phone."
I could sense he was calming a little.
"I can give it up at any time if I find it's too much of a struggle."
His eyes softened.
"It will mean I'm not alone in the house while you're at work."
He smirked. I realized my reasoned arguments were working on him.
"I've already got something lined up, all I need to do is accept."
"What is it doing?"
"It's working for an event planner."
His whole demeanor relaxed considerably. "Are you certain it won't be too much for you?"
"I'm certain."
"And you promise you'll let me know if it's too much for you?"
I nodded.
"I guess it can't hurt to give it a try."
I kissed his cheek. "Just remember, I'm doing this for us."
I knew I was using his words against him, but it was worth it.
He smiled. "I know. We'll get there together. I promise."
I didn't need Edward's permission to start the new job with Kieran, but it meant the world to me to know I had his support.
Thinking Kieran's name made me pause. I was almost certain he had featured in my latest psychotic delusion, but I couldn't for the life of me think why. I was starting to work it all out—at least, I thought I was. I assumed that my delusions were a way of assigning new and different roles to everyone of relevance in my life. It was too coincidental that each person I knew seemed to be appearing in one form or another there. My visions were a way of dealing with people in a way I couldn't in real life.
I was terrified of losing Edward. That thought above all others had the ability to immobilize me, especially after my accident. It would be so easy for him to be hurt or leave. In my mind, he was an unbreakable vampire who had left me; proving that it would hurt for us to be apart, but I could physically survive it. H, and he certainly could.
I wanted to see the good in Jacob, so I imagined him as a friendly, young man, who couldn't hurt anyone; who was as bright as the sun and a warm, caring friend.
I wanted Renee to be less domineering and more caring toward me and her other staff, hence she filled the mother role. Albeit the absent mother, which I took as proof that my theory was correct. As much as I wanted Renee to be nicer, I didn't want to be around her.
Even Edward's friends and family, who hated me with the passion that could only be applied to the 'other woman', had been cast in roles where they, for a time at least, had cared about me.
I just couldn't figure out where Kieran fit in to my make-believe 'Forks world'. I realized that his inclusion was because part of me wanted him to be involved. My mind just didn't have a role for him to fill, because there was nothing more I needed from him. He was exactly what I required.
He was my friend, my only real friend, and I couldn't deny that part of me cared for him very deeply. He was a confidant, and now, he was also my employer. I couldn't deny that he cared for me too. It was obvious in his glances and his offers. Maybe I shouldn't have continued the friendship when I knew he was obviously after more, but I couldn't deny part of me reveled in the attention. He looked at me the way Edward had before we were married.
A tiny part of my psyche recognized that if I wasn't with Edward—and I was 100% committed to Edward—I could do much worse than a guy like Kieran.
Maybe that was the perfectly innocent reason for why he'd been in my bedroom.
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Aisling Milis
Proprietor: Kieran MacLeod
I was embarrassed as I read the sign on the door. For all my assertions that Kieran was my friend, I realized I hadn't even asked what his company's name was. I was mortified that I didn't even know his surname. It dawned on me suddenly, given what I recently admitted to myself, that I could be making the biggest mistake of my life.
I knocked timidly on the glass, uncertain exactly what I should do next. I was at the time and place he'd given me, but didn't know what to expect.
Kieran rushed out to meet me almost as soon as I'd knocked. He showed me around the office with a wide smile plastered on his features. He pointed out my desk and showed me how to use the phone system. He explained the meaning of the sign on the door. Aisling Milis: sweet dreams in his native tongue. *
By the end of the day, I had an aching back from sitting in the chair for so long and sore cheeks from smiling so often. The hours had rushed by in a flash of clients, calls and calendars; it was a much easier first day that I could have ever imagined. Kieran took a few moments out of each client's appointment to show me off. I felt his pride and his absolute confidence in me, and it gave me confidence in myself.
My first week passed just as quickly as my first day had. Between my two jobs and the doctor's appointments for my pregnancy, the time vanished. I barely saw Edward, our free-time rarely aligned, but when we did see each other, it was like a deep breath after drowning.
Before I knew it, a month had passed without visions of, or visitations to the other world in Forks. It was the second longest stretch of stability since I'd had my accident and I felt that this time, it might just be permanent.
My life finally seemed in order, just the way I had always hoped it would be.
Everything was perfect.
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*Aisling Milis - literal translation is Dream Sweet in Scottish Gaelic (at least that is what I've been told by a few sources so I hope it's correct).
If you want an image of how I (and funnily enough my beta without my mentioning my inspiration) see Kieran, go look up David Tennant (and if you have great taste, you probably won't need to look him up). Here is one in particular that I really like: http:/www(dot)celebritycashrocks(dot)com/tgpimages/1376_453787(dot)jpg or maybe this one: http:/bestof(dot)provocateuse(dot)com/images/photos/david_tennant_94(dot)jpg
I wonder whether this chapter has changed or cemented your theory? Would love to find out? And which world would you choose if given the choice?