CHAPTER 10

"I think I'm going crazy," Tim admitted as he sat in Dr. Meyers' office. He longed to stand by the window, look out and not feel so trapped, but his paranoia wouldn't allow him to be out in the open. And that pushed his feeling of being trapped up a notch.

"What makes you say that?" she asked neutrally; as if him going crazy wasn't a possibility. But it was. He was prone to developing schizophrenia, especially now at his age. It was what he feared when he was younger.

"I have headaches."

"Are you sleeping?"

Pausing, he contemplated answering the question truthfully but in the end slowly shook his head. His thoughts were constantly running—whether with equations and theories or memories he tried to keep buried—making it hard to fall asleep. And he had a feeling Gibbs knew he wasn't sleeping, but wasn't saying anything. Probably waiting for Tim to say something.

"Are you eating?"

Again he shook his head. His paranoia left him with little appetite and again he knew it wasn't escaping Gibbs' notice. He ate dinner with the man, but other than that, he didn't eat. He couldn't keep it down; could barely keep dinner down as it is.

"That's not healthy, Tim," she said. She watched him before questioning, "What happens when you're sleep deprived and aren't eating enough?"

"You become stressed," he answered immediately.

Nodding, she set her pen down. "Stress is good in some situations—"

"Fight or flight," he again answered.

"Yes. However, what happens when your body takes on too much stress?"

Wanting to hate her for making him think logically about what was happening to him, he sighed while he folded his arms and answered her.

"Memory problems, inability to concentrate, anxiety," he whispered. Again he sighed when she motioned him to go on because they both knew where this was going. "Aches and pains, headaches, nausea, chest pains, irritability, agitation, feeling overwhelmed, depression, eating and sleeping more or less."

"And so much more. Stress is bad when there's too much Tim, and frankly, you have too much stress."

"Well how can I not!" he exploded as he got up from the couch and paced. "I'm living a happy, somewhat normal life given who I spend my hours with, and suddenly my past comes back to haunt me and disrupt everything I've worked hard to hide. And now, I'm still trying to recover from being poisoned, I have all this stupid free time that I don't know what to do with, my friends treat me differently, and these memories…" He slapped the side of his head to emphasize the fucking memories in his head. "They won't leave me alone!"

Dr. Meyers watched him as he paced and until finally she asked, "Tim, please sit down."

Suddenly exhausted, he sat back down on the couch and tried to calm down. With a few deep breaths in and out he finally calmed down enough. "I'm sorry."

"No harm done. Now, what won't leave you alone?"

"My memories," he whispered.

"What memories?"

Looking up at her, he only had to stare for two seconds before she realized. "Oh." She stared back for another few seconds before silently grabbing her pen and Tim knew he was in for a long session.

"He won't talk to me, Ducky," Tony complained as the crime scene. "I mean, it's been almost a week since the incident and he still won't talk about it. He just…shuts me out if we even get close to the subject. And I swear, he's looking worse and worse the more his probation goes on."

Ducky silently sighed as he looked down at the body. Though, he did have to agree on that last part. He had visited Tim as much as he could and the times he did see him, he looked worse with bags under his eyes and exhaustion written on his face.

"DiNozzo!"

"Yes Boss!"

Jethro jerked his head for Tony to go over and Ducky watched as Tony jogged over to where Jethro was. And for now he turned his attention away from the troubled young man and to the body that lay before him.

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Concentrate on the case."

"But…" And giving Tony the look, the younger man reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, Boss."

"Good. Go help Ziva."

"Yeah, Boss."

He watched Tony head over to join Ziva and left him to his own thoughts. Even though he told Tony to focus on the case, he couldn't help but let his mind wonder to his youngest boy as well.

He had been doing fine until that short rift between him and Tony and he seemed to be going down. Tim thought he was hiding it, but Gibbs knew the young man wasn't eating. Wasn't even sleeping. He heard Tim rustling and moving around in his temporary room and it left him worried. What was bothering his boy so much that he couldn't sleep or eat?

Pushing the thoughts away for now, he turned his attention back to the case and went over to join Ducky over the body. "Time of death?"

"Approximately twelve hours ago."

"Cause of death?"

"As you well know, I won't be able to confirm anything until I get him into autopsy, but guessing from the wounds in his chest, I'd say shot right to the heart."

"Execution?" Palmer asked from the other side of the body.

"Execution usually involves a shot to the head, head tap," Ducky clarified, "but with the grouping…"

"Killer knew where to shoot," Gibbs finished. He didn't like it. "We got an ID?"

Ziva came over with a notepad and information. "Our victim is Lieutenant Roy Masters. He's actually stationed over at Norfolk."

"Norfolk?" Tony questioned as he joined them. "What's he doing over here?"

"That's what we're going to find out."

Tim sat in his car as he stared into nothingness. He had left his appointment feeling only slighter better than when he went in. However, when he made it back to Gibbs' house, it had evaporated. Things were shifted from what he remembered; well, from what he could remember. His days were running together with all the free time he had, the stress was taking a toll and he was having a hard time remembering if a lamp was that many inches from the edge or not. Or if he had left the remote sideways instead of straight.

He looked over when Jethro whined and after giving him an absent rub, he grabbed his bag and exited his car. They made their way through the garage and inside, Tim nodding to whoever gave him a hello or wave. He didn't stick around though to talk to anyone who was wondering where he's been.

Inside, he quickly made his way to Abby's lab and almost sighed with unknown relief when he heard her loud music.

"Abby!"

She whirled around and squealed with happiness. "McGee! Jethro!" She ran over for a quick hug that he returned before she knelt down to give the rest of her attention to Jethro who soaked it up. "How are you boy? How are you?"

"Probably sick of me with how much I'm at Gibbs'."

"I doubt that," she said as she peppered Jethro with kisses. "Jethro loves you. Don't you Jethro?" And Tim rolled his eyes when Jethro gave a bark that had Abby laughing. "See."

"Yeah."

Abby finally stood and headed back to her work, but turned down the music enough to let Tim know that he was expected to stay a bit. "What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing."

She paused in her typing to look at him and he looked away from her scrutiny. Because they dated and the fact that Tim was an open book, Abby could easily read him. But he didn't want her reading him right now. He just needed some normalcy, and even though Abby would probably be insulted at being considered that, that's what she was. She was a normalcy to him and he was already basking and calming at being near something familiar.

Being stuck at Gibbs' house with nothing but his thoughts and Jethro—who could only distract him for so long—wasn't helping him. He's used to a schedule and working was his schedule. Without that schedule, without the routine of coming to work and dealing with cases and being with his friends, he was practically lost. And he didn't like being lost. It was an unnatural feeling and he didn't like it.

Feeling trapped yet exposed.

"McGee?"

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he looked back at Abby and tried to give her a smile. It was weak, he knew, but it was the best he could do at the moment. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"I…I don't know."

She turned away from her work to give him her full attention and tilted her head in a way that he found adorable. A time ago he would have wanted to kiss her when she looked that adorable, actually kiss her anytime really, but now…not so much. He still found her adorable but he no longer had the desire to kiss her slightly pouty lips.

Seems he finally moved on.

"Are your appointments going okay?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Just left one actually."

"How'd it go?"

Again shrugging, he looked away from her and to the chemicals she had on her screen. He didn't even need to finish reading them before the compounds and what they were used for filtered through his brain. For a brief moment he felt slightly back to himself before he glanced back at Abby and her worried expression and then it went away.

Standing, he nervously looked around before asking her if she could watch Jethro for a bit while he walked around. She didn't mind, even smiled again, and it wasn't long before he was in the elevator making his way upstairs.

He was slightly worried that he'd run into Vance. God knew what the man would say if he saw him. But his need for normalcy overrode his fear of reprimand and he walked into the squad room when the elevator stopped.

Unfortunately the team wasn't there from what he could tell. They either had a case or Tony and Ziva were making a lunch run while Gibbs did whatever it was he did when he was away from the desk. He was headed towards his desk, continuously looking over his shoulder, but before he could sit in his chair, his name was called.

"Agent McGee."

He looked over to the bullpen next to his team's and saw Agent Cade standing there. Last time he saw the man, he had been yelling at the bus for driving away with him in it. Blushing at the reminder, he gave a small wave. "Uh, hi."

"Hey, how ya doing?"

"I've," clearing his throat before continued, "I've been better." He walked over to the man's bullpen and stood a few feet from him. "Sorry. About…you know."

"Don't worry about it," he said in his deep voice and a wave of his big hand. "I'm the one who's sorry. I had a job to do and I didn't deliver." He stared down at him, obviously contemplating to say something, before he spoke. "DiNozzo wasn't too happy with me for losing you."

Deciding not to dwell on the feeling that gave him, he shook his head. "How'd you get involved in being my babysitter in the first place?"

Cade walked away for a few seconds and came back with a chair for him to sit in and they both sat while he explained how he knew Gibbs before NCIS. And how Gibbs had placed his trust in him apart from his own team to watch him and that he still felt ashamed for losing Tim.

Tim tried to reassure him. "Hey, I'm pretty sure my team would have lost me as well if they had been in your position."

"…Probably."

"So stop beating yourself up."

Chuckling, the large man nodded before explaining that Gibbs' team had been called out on a case and the rest of his own team had gone on a lunch run. That was why he was alone in their bullpen.

It wasn't long before they grew quiet and Tim could feel his thoughts drifting. Thankfully, Cade let him hang with him for a little longer while he continued to go over a cold case he had been looking at before he spotted Tim. Tim in the meantime pulled his notebook out of his bag and began writing.

They pulled back into NCIS and were discussing what they had so far as they made their way inside. However, before they reached the elevator, another agent that Tony shared a few words with every now and again stopped him. "Hey DiNozzo, McGee alright?"

Frowning, he nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know. He just seemed a bit…different."

Both Gibbs and Ziva turned at that and Tony asked, "You saw him?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "He's up in the squad room. Said hi to him and I don't know. Seemed different a bit."

Looking at each other, they quickly made their way to the elevator and up to the squad room just in time to hear Barrett talking to Cade. "What the hell is he doing?"

They, along with their third team member Levin, were standing just in front of the elevator, outside their bullpen.

"I don't know," Cade shrugged.

"Well…" she frowned as she looked back into her bullpen where Tim was sitting in a chair beside Cade's desk, writing furiously into a notebook. And right then Tony knew it was a bad day for Tim. He observed that Tim only pulled out the notebook when his thoughts became too much and that happened on bad days. "Well…"

"Look, he came to see Gibbs' team, they weren't here, we got to talking, and I didn't want to kick him out."

"He has Abby."

"He came from seeing Abby."

Barrett sighed before looking around, finally spotting them and sighing again but this time in relief. "Thank God," she muttered. "McGee's in my bullpen."

"You have a problem with that?" Ziva asked and Tony winced, but his eyes never left Tim who still hadn't noticed them.

"Uh, yeah."

"Why?" she asked coolly. "You are always eavesdropping into our cases and conversations, and McGee…is merely sitting there."

"Alright, that's enough," Gibbs thankfully said before a fight could break out between the two women who hated each other. "We have a case. Get to work."

"But—"

"Now DiNozzo," Gibbs instructed and grudgingly he turned and headed to their bullpen while Gibbs looked to Cade. "How long has he been here?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. He was down in Abby's lab before coming up here and it's been about forty-five minutes."

Nodding, Gibbs stepped past Barrett's team and into their bullpen until he was standing beside Tim. One glance told him that Tim had been writing in his notebook for possibly the whole forty-five minutes. "McGee?"

Tim's head jerked up and Gibbs didn't like the look that was in his eyes before it disappeared. "Boss? Hey. Uh, I was just, you know…visiting," he stuttered out as he closed his book and put it in his bag.

"Vance can't see you Tim," he reminded gently. "You're on probation."

"I-I know," he said nodding and Gibbs' gut was shouting at him that something was seriously wrong. Sure Tim had some bad moments where he receded to his notebook, but he never stuttered like this. Like when he was poisoned. He didn't think Tim was poisoned again, but it was something. "I just uh…needed some normalcy," he explained and gave a small smile.

Nodding back, he gently took Tim's elbow and stood him up. Turning to head towards the elevator, he paused when Tim mentioned that he brought Jethro and detoured to the back elevator. Tim saying goodbye to Cade and the team as they left.

They rode down to the right floor and Gibbs just gave a whistle when the doors opened and couldn't help but smirk when Jethro came running. Abby tried to call him back but relaxed when she saw them and the look Abby gave him told him that she too knew something was wrong with Tim. And that he better fix it.

The walk to his car was made silently and it wasn't until Jethro was in the passenger seat that Tim finally spoke. "I think I'm going crazy, Boss."

"No you're not."

Tim scoffed. "First Dr. Meyers and now you. Why is it so hard to believe that I can go crazy?"

He stared at the troubled young man before answering. "Because you're the most level headed person I know. Not to mention you're stubborn as hell."

The younger man frowned in confusion. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're too stubborn to let yourself go crazy," he smirked and was happy that it got a small smile from his agent. "Listen, Tim, you're not crazy. You're just…off your game is all. But it'll get better and you'll be back at your desk in no time."

And giving the man a gentle pat on the shoulder, he watched Tim get in his car and drive off before heading back inside to get working on the case.

He watched Tim arrive and go back into Agent Gibbs' house and chuckled to himself. Oh yeah, everything was going nicely.

It was time to push things along.

A/N: I hope you caught on to that crime scnes. The rest of Tim's past is going to be revealed soon. :)

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