Jamie was still in shock. Two days ago Frank had called him; Joe was dead, shot while on duty. He had known something was wrong as soon as he picked up the phone, the moments silence on the other end confirmed it. The phone started exactly the same as the one where he had been told of his mother's death, that had been three years ago, Jamie had felt slightly distanced from the family then. The rest of the family had all been there for his mother's final days, he had wanted to be there, but he had an exam coming up and Mary had point blank told him he was not going to miss that exam. As soon as the exam was over Jamie made his way home. While on his way to the airport Frank had called him and told him that his mom had died peacefully in her sleep, with the family around her (minus the kids). Except he hadn't been there. When he had arrived everyone was silent in their grief, but did give him a warm welcome, but filled with sympathy. Danny had been reserved with him, Jamie didn't know if he was just being stupid, but he had thought Danny was giving him looks of resentment, almost accusing. Because Danny had been there while Mary passed away and he had been in Boston doing a stupid exam, one he could've asked to resist under the circumstances. Joe had been the one to help Jamie through his grief and self-destructing, guilty mood. By telling him he did what their mom wanted, but that did little to comfort Jamie, but he put on an act, mainly for the sakes of the others.

Again Jamie was making his way home after being in Boston after the death of another family member. But this time it was Joe, the one who understood him better than anyone else, Joe wasn't only his brother, but his best friend. Jamie got out of the cab and walked up the steps to the family home. As he entered the house he saw the adults were all in the living room, all with red eyes from the crying. They each came to give him a hug, all except Danny, and there in Danny's eyes again was the look of resentment. Jamie backed out of the room as fast as he could and went up to his old room.

Joe's funeral was the next day, Frank, Henry and Danny were in their uniforms and there was him in a black suit, sticking out like a sore thumb, looking like he didn't belong. Which reflected his mood; he didn't feel like he belonged with his own family. During the service Jamie tried to keep the tears at bay, but a few fell unwanted down his cheeks and he scrubbed them away almost angrily. He kept his gaze on Joe's coffin; he couldn't believe that his always moving and happy brother was lying still in that wooden box.

Jamie missed Erin's and Danny's glances at him. They both knew Jamie had lost his best friend and they were worried because Jamie always bottled his feelings up, but Joe was always able to get him to let it all out. Now Joe wasn't here to keep Jamie from self-destructing. After Joe's coffin had been lowered into the ground everyone made their way to their cars. But Jamie stayed by the graveside staring at the headstone. Danny stood halfway between the cars and Jamie; he knew he hadn't been exactly welcoming towards Jamie, Linda's pointed look when Jamie backed out of the room was prove enough. Danny watched as Jamie backed away from the grave and with a quick glance towards the family he walked away out of the cemetery gates. Danny went to follow him but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Let him go son, he needs some time" said Frank, and he led Danny away. Danny cast a last look at Joe's grave and Jamie's retreating figure. His two younger brothers. He'd lost Joe and ever since Mary's death Danny couldn't help but feel he was slowly losing Jamie. No! I won't lose him! I won't EVER let that happen!

It had been three days since Joe's funeral. Jamie hadn't said much to anyone, only answering yes or no or only a few words before he would calm up. He was by a pond near the edge of the woods he and his siblings would come and play, before they all grew up. But even when Joe was 20 he would still come and muck around with 15 year old Jamie, Joe never got to grown up to play with Jamie.

Just thinking about Joe's death got Jamie angry, it wasn't fair that Joe had died; he was such a good person. Jamie picked up some stones and angrily tossed them into the pond, he didn't care when his shoulder began to ache, he just picked up more stones, creating ripple after ripple in the water. Until a voice from behind said.

"What's the water ever done to you kid? You used to like jumping in there" Jamie spun around to come face to face with Danny. Jamie didn't say anything he turned back to throwing stones into the water.

"Come on kid say something, we're all worried about you" Danny said softly,

"Go away Danny" murmured Jamie,

"Well at least that's a start" said Danny, ideally he didn't want to annoy Jamie, but if getting Jamie angry would eventually get him to let his feelings out then Danny would do just that, because he was dammed if he was going to lose Jamie to the stupid and cruel emotion of grief.

Danny turned Jamie to face him and sucked in a breath at the emotions swirling around in Jamie's eyes which were shimmering with unshed tears. "It's ok to cry Jamie" murmured Danny softly.

"Well I haven't seen you cry" said Jamie stubbornly,

Danny shook his head then looked Jamie in the eye "it's not about me Jamie and trust me I've already cried my share, just ask Linda. But you need to let it out Jamie"

"Well at least you can look dad in the face"

"What's that supposed to mean, nothing's stopping you"

"Only my guilt" spat Jamie,

"Guilt for what?"

"Not being here when mom and Joe died, I was doing a stupid exam, one I could've asked to resist when mom died-"

"You were doing what she wanted you to do Jamie, you were respecting her wishes" Danny had thought this was what was wrong with Jamie, but he would rather he was wrong.

"It's just not fair" moaned Jamie,

Danny gave Jamie a sad smile "unfortunately kid life is never fair"

"Joe should never have died. If one of us had to die it should have been me"

"What?" gasped Danny,

"Ever since I went to Boston I haven't felt like I belonged, I've felt like an outsider" whispered Jamie,

"Why didn't you tell us" begged Danny as he gripped Jamie's shoulders,

"You never did it on purpose, it just happened; you all saw each other every Sunday at least. I was miles away in Boston with nothing in common with you all. So I should have been the one to die. It should have been me"

"Don't say that. Don't you ever say that Jamie" demanded Danny,

"Oh come on Danny, don't say to me out of your two brothers, if one had to live you would rather the brother becoming a lawyer. At least you and Joe had the job in common."

"Now you listen to me Jamie, I wouldn't either of you dead, but because of the way things are now I don't want you destroying yourself wishing it was you that was dead. You know Joe wouldn't want you doing that"

At the mention of Joe Jamie's face contorted in pain and the tears he had kept at bay flooded his eyes and poured down his cheeks as his knees buckled and crumpled to the floor with Danny going down with him. Danny cradled Jamie as sobs racked his body causing his whole body to shake. Danny was reminded of a time when he and Jamie were in a similar position; Jamie when he was 6 had fallen off his bike scrapping his arms and legs. Danny wished that was all that was causing Jamie's tears, but that was seventeen years ago.

"That's it Jamie let it all out" murmured Danny into Jamie hair. Jamie gripped Danny's arms and Danny tightened his embrace of Jamie.

"W-why Dan-Danny wh-why?" sobbed Jamie,

"I don't know Jamie I don't know" said Danny as tears silently fell down his face.

The two brothers didn't know that their exchange went noticed by their father. Who watched with tears in his own eyes, but he still smiled, he was so thankful that Danny was able to get Jamie to let his feelings out. He turned away letting the two brothers have a moment together. Frank hoped this would mean fewer arguments between the two, but he knew realistically there would still be arguments because they wouldn't have changed, and he wouldn't have it any other way.