Hi friends! Happy Weekend! We are coming to the end of our story and there is only one chapter left. Honestly, I struggled with writing this chapter. I think I am way better at writing the suspense and whump than the angst and recovery stuff. So, I hope you like the chapter anyways! BTW there is one point in this chapter where I made the doctor overreact a bit...it was on purpose to help spurn Morgan's part along.

Thanks for following, commenting, and favoriting the story!

Enjoy!

Reid woke up suddenly from his deep medically induced sleep. His eyes were assaulted by the bright light that was shining into his room through the window. He groaned as he tried to push his body into an upright position by propping himself up on his elbows. He managed to make it up a few inches but he quickly collapsed back down onto the lumpy mattress due to the weakness in his limbs. Looking around he spotted the bed's remote lying next to his head. He went to grasp it with his left hand but noticed that the fingers were encased in a new cast. He jerked his right hand forward in front of his face and saw that it too had plaster surrounding the broken index finger once again.

The idea of sitting up left his mind as he decided to try and find out what else was bandaged on his body. Reid allowed his right hand to move up to his head and found a dressing covering the spot where he had been knocked out with the knife hilt. He allowed his fingers to wander over the rest of his face and found a few minor scratches. In addition, he noticed that his jaw was extremely sore, probably from the vile gag that had been stuck in his mouth for a few hours.

Reid continued to explore his body and eventually found the new bandage covering a wound on his abdomen along with a plastic bag. He knew that he had been stabbed by John and based upon the bag that was attached to the wound he assumed it must have hit his large intestine. Great. Just when he thought things couldn't get more humiliating he now had to wear a colostomy bag for an unknown amount of time.

Sighing, he allowed his hand to come to rest at his side. Against all odds he had survived, and he couldn't be more frustrated.

Usually, one would feel triumph at overcoming such a harsh ordeal but Reid was the exception. Instead he felt disappointment and anger. He had come to terms with his own death while he was lying there on his bedroom floor. He had embraced the fact that he was dying and he was glad that he didn't have to endure a long emotional recovery. But it looked as if his desire to move on had been thwarted by his friends and the paramedics. Now his friends were going to question him about his feelings, drill him for explanations, and try to impart their sympathy on him. They were going to force him to relive some of the worst moments of his life over and over so they could record it and file it away in a case file. His humiliation would live on forever in the annals of history, able to be accessed by anyone doing research or someone who is just trying to satisfy their own curiosity.

So how can he forego all of this unpleasantness? Perhaps he could take his earlier plan of hiding away his feelings a bit further than he originally planned.

He was wrested from his thoughts when the doctor knocked on the open door and walked into the room without waiting for an invite.

"Good morning, Dr. Reid," the man in the starched white coat said as he walked toward the foot of Reid's bed to grab his medical chart, "I'm glad to see that you're awake."

The genius chose not to acknowledge the doctor and steadied his eyes on the white ceiling above his bed.

Undeterred by the silence the doctor continued talking, "I'm Dr. Messler, and I have been put in charge of your care. Do you have any questions for me?" The doctor, noticing that his patient was looking up went and positioned himself in the young man's gaze.

Reid continued to ignore the doctor and turned his head away facing it toward the blank wall on his left.

"Um, well…I'd like to go over your injuries with you and our treatment options. Is that okay?" Dr. Messler said trying to appeal to the man's attention.

Still receiving no indication of the boy's preference the doctor pushed on, "I casted your broken fingers again and treated the rope burns that you incurred on your wrists and ankles. All of which should heal nicely within a couple of weeks. You also sustained a minor concussion which we will be keeping an eye on. Your worst injury was the stab wound you sustained in your abdomen. The knife went in up to the hilt and perforated your large intestine. We had to remove a small portion of your descending colon, and as a result we have fitted you with a colostomy bag which you will require the use of for a few weeks. Do you have any questions for me now?"

Spencer continued his stubborn silence and decided that it was time to close his eyes in a not so subtle hint for the doctor to just leave him alone.

"Okay. Well, Mr. Reid I would like a verbal confirmation from you to indicate that you understand what is going on," Dr. Messler asked hoping that the boy would respond.

Receiving nothing in return, the doctor tried one last approach to get some sort of reaction from the injured agent, "Should I send your friends in to see you? They have been in the waiting room since you got here. I haven't even updated them on your progress yet. Perhaps it would cheer you up to see some familiar faces."

Nothing.

The doctor let out a large sigh of disappointment and decided that his efforts were being wasted. Something was obviously wrong with the boy and he didn't mean physically.

"Alright, I'm going to go talk to your friends and family and update them on your condition. Since you don't seem to have an opinion I'll be allowing them to come in and see you as soon as I'm done," the doctor said as he turned around and left the room.

That last statement almost made Spencer break his vow of silence. He really didn't want to see his friends at all.

"What do you mean, he's refusing to speak?" Morgan asked incredulously.

"Just that. I went in his room to inform him of his care and I couldn't get a single reaction out of him. I asked him multiple questions and went over his health, but not once would he respond to me. He was wide awake and seemingly aware of what was going on around him. Initially he had his gaze set on the ceiling and then he turned it to the wall and closed his eyes," the doctor explained.

"Well maybe he was just tired or disoriented," JJ suggested.

"No, ma'am. I've been doing this job for quite a few years and I know the difference between a confused patient and an obstinate one," the doctor responded.

"To be honest I'm not surprised that he isn't talking," Hotch piped up after the doctor finished.

"Why is that?" Dr. Messler asked.

"Reid has been very distant with us all lately. He wasn't recovering well from his abduction, and he chose to hide most of his emotions away from us. The fact that he is now mute suggests that he is closing us all of entirely," the lead agent answered.

"That and…," Morgan trailed off forgetting that they hadn't told the doctor about Reid's attempt at suicide.

"And what?" the doctor asked curious as to what the dark agent had to add.

"Ah…well, before the ambulance arrived to Reid's apartment he tried to take the knife out of his stomach," Derek explained.

The doctor's eyes widened, "Are you telling me my patient is suicidal? Why didn't you say something earlier? We left him all alone in his room with no special instructions to the nursing staff to keep an eye on him. He may even need restraints. I can't believe you all didn't report this before now!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa Dr. Messler. Slow down. First of all, I would highly advise against restraining Dr. Reid," Hotch started to say.

"And why is that? It is common practice in order to prevent another suicide attempt," Dr. Messler said as he stood up to go check on his seemingly unstable patient.

"One of Spencer's worst nightmares is being locked up and strapped down. I promise you he will shut down so tightly that you'll have no hope of ever getting him to talk," Hotchner explained.

"Yes, well…the young man isn't speaking anyways. So right now it seems that the boy can't get any worse," Dr. Messler argued as he halted his progress out the door.

"Might I suggest something?" Rossi asked interrupting the alpha fight that was stewing between the two dominant males.

Both men turned to the older gentleman and waited for him to continue.

"Why don't we send Morgan into his room to see if he can get Reid to open up? If he is successful than perhaps you, Dr. Messler, will be able to come in later and do a full psychological work up on the genius," Rossi finished with a self-satisfied smile on his face.

"Morgan?" Hotch asked as he turned to his fellow agent.

"Yeah, I'll do it. I've got the best chance out of all of us," Morgan answered.

"Alright," the doctor acquiesced, "I'll let you give it a shot, but if he doesn't come around than I may have no choice but to turn him over to the psych ward for the duration of his stay. As it is right now, even if he does start talking I'll want him to talk to someone about his trauma."

"We weren't suggesting that he shouldn't talk to a professional. In fact, I think we can all agree that he will need to anyways. But at least this way we aren't forcing him to endure his worst nightmare," Hotch said.

Morgan, anxious to see his friend, got up out of his seat and went wait by the door, "Doctor, which room is he in?"

"Oh…here. Let me show you the way," Dr. Messler said as he turned and led the profiler out of the room.

The rest of the agents were left in the small conference room looking around at each other with worry, mentally wishing Morgan success with their favorite genius.

Morgan took in a deep breath before he entered his best friend's hospital room. He knew that it was going to be a battle to get his friend to talk. Once Reid set his mind on something it was near impossible to get him to change it.

He rapped gently on the door to let the genius know that someone was coming into the room. As he walked in the first sight he took in was Reid's back. It barely concealed by the flimsy hospital gown that he was wearing and through the gaps he could see scarring that wasn't caused by the explosion on the island. Morgan mentally filed that information away knowing that now was not the time to bring it up.

"Reid?" he called out to his friend as he went and planted himself in the chair next to the study hospital bed.

His friend stiffened a little, signaling to Morgan that the boy was awake, "Reid, man…I know you're awake. Look, why don't you turn around a face me so we can have a talk?"

There was no response, and unbeknownst to Morgan, Reid was squeezing his eyes shut on the other side of the bed praying that his friend would go away. Ignoring his friend's stubbornness, Derek decided to plow on hoping somehow to get his friend to crack.

"Alright, have it your way man. I guess I'll just talk. Um…Reid, Spencer…I just wanted to thank you for saving my life back there. If it wasn't for you John would have killed me. You were absolutely amazing under pressure and because of that I get to live to see another day," Morgan said with admiration in his voice hoping that Reid would come around.

Reid, listening to what he felt were false words coming out of Morgan's mouth, couldn't control the tears that were dripping out of the corners of his eyes. How could Morgan thank him? If it wasn't for Reid than Derek would have never been put into that situation in the first place.

Morgan heard soft sniffles coming from Reid and decided to keep talking, "I also wanted to tell you that I understand why you've been acting so closed off lately. I…I saw how John was treating you and well…it all clicked. Spencer…why didn't you tell me. I could have helped you get through it. Out of everyone on the team I know what it's like to be violated by someone. You know that I would have been there for you."

Reid felt his face heat up and flush a deep red at Morgan's insinuation. Perfect, just perfect. His best friend was able to accurately discern his secret and now the man knew how dirty and foul Reid was because of it. How could he even suggest that Reid needed to talk about it when he kept it hidden for years and years? He knew that this wasn't something you just sat down and told someone. It's an experience that needs to be buried and ignored, not embraced and faced.

Morgan shifted in his chair and saw the color rise in the one cheek that Reid had exposed. He knew that he was hitting home with the genius and that now was not the time to back off, "You know what Reid…I understand that you're trying to bury all of the shit you've gone through into the depths of your mind. But I'm telling you right now that it's not going to work. Take it from me. Hiding it all away will allow it to gnaw at your soul and overtime the pain will grow worse. Honestly, it's going to destroy you if you let it. The Reid that we all know and love is going to die and leave behind this hallow shell that you are wearing as a façade right now. So please, talk to me before it's too late."

Reid, deciding that his friend wasn't getting silent message flipped over onto his back and turned his head in Morgan's direction. There was anguish written all over his face, etched in deep lines that someone his age should have yet. Instead of talking though he just shook his head from side to side as he brought up his right hand to cover his eyes.

Morgan was tormented at seeing his friend wallowing in so much distress, but he was also getting frustrated. Why did his friend have to be so pigheaded? Hadn't their friendship over the years taught Reid that he could trust him? In fact, the more Morgan thought about it the angrier he got.

"You know what Reid? I never thought I would see the day that you decided to give up. You have been through so much in your life, more than the average person. And every tragedy that you've had to endure you come out stronger on the other side. Never once have I seen you give up and stop living your life. Sure, sometimes it took you longer than others to bounce back, but never once have you just up and quit. You are a poster boy for survival. Why is this time any different?" Morgan stated allowing his ire to shine through in his words.

Finally having heard enough out of his friend, Reid threw his arms down on the bed in exasperation and yelled out, "This isn't giving up, it's letting go!"

Morgan, shocked that he had actually gotten a reaction out of the mulish boy, asked quietly, "Letting go?"

"Yes! I'm letting go of you. I'm letting go of the team. I am going to do this on my own. That way I don't drag any of you into this mess I've made of my life. I'm not going to be responsible for bringing you all down with me. I'm going to carve out a new path through this terrible life all on my own. I can't let the dirt and filth that taint me rub off on all of you. So please, let me take the truth with me…all the way to my grave," Reid expressed with sorrow as uncontrollable tears cascaded down his face.

"No…there is no way I'm letting you go. There is no way any of us will let you go. Stop being ashamed of what happened to you! No one thinks any less of you for enduring the all the shit John put you through. No…what makes us disappointed and upset with you is your instance that you have to overcome it all on your own. The fact that you insist on pushing us away does not make you strong, it's making you weaker. Your stunt on the bedroom floor, trying to kill yourself, it only came about because you've allowed your spirit to become weakened," Derek chided his friend.

"You're right. I am weak now. And I would rather die than be seen as weak," Reid said with defeat in his voice.

"But that's just it Spencer. You don't have to die. You can become strong again. You have a support group that is here to help you rebuild your life. You've just got to ask," Morgan said as he reached his hand out and placed it on Reid's forearm.

The genius shuddered at the touch and tried to pull his arm out of Morgan's grasp, "I can't."

"Why?"

"Because…because…you all would be better off without me anyways," Reid admitted finally wrenching his arm away from Morgan.

"What are you talking about? Why would you ever think that?" Derek asked incredulously.

"I bring danger and pain with me wherever I go. It was with me in Vegas, I was tormented in college, the FBI academy was no picnic, and I have brought countless hazards and unnecessary trials upon this team. I couldn't ask you guys to repair me, the person who brings about so many misfortunes and hassles. It would be better if I just move on and start over somewhere else," Reid explained in a hollow voice.

"You're insane Reid," Morgan said knowing that the word would startle Reid out of his self-pity.

"I'm not crazy!" the genius practically shouted.

"I think you talking about leaving us and moving on by yourself qualifies you as crazy. And for your information, if you do keep talking like this your doctor is more than ready to put you into the psych ward," Morgan said as he watched Reid's red eyes widen in fear.

"What?" the boy whispered.

"Yeah…he knows that you're suicidal. He told us that if you keep acting closed off and depressed than he will have no choice but to pass you off to the psych doctors," the dark agent explained.

"But…I just wanted to end the humiliation," Reid said as if that was a good reason to attempt suicide.

"Well, you can avoid it if you would just accept our help. If you do, than the worst you would have to endure is talking to counselor as an outpatient while you recover at home with me," Morgan said knowing that he was playing to Reid's worst fears.

Reid licked his lips in contemplation. He really didn't want to open up to anyone, but he didn't want to end up strapped to a bed in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, "I'll think about it."

"That's all I can ask pretty boy," Morgan replied as he squeezed his best friend's arm.