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Last time on The Woes of Itachi!

"Knitting huh?"

"Yes Leader-sama, I saw it with my own eyes."

"Well so much for him coming back."
The hospital was near silent, save for the occasional scream or moan from it's inhabitants.

Under the cover of the night, and true to her nature as a shinobi, Tsukiko lurked in the shadows of the hospital, her Akatsuki cloak absent, and sporting a grinning kitsune mask over her face, and a small satchel over her shoulder.

After making sure that there was no one around, she leaped up onto the windowsill of Kisame's room, and peeked inside.

The shark man was peacefully asleep, a bottle marked 'Horse Tranquilizers' sat empty on his bedside table.

"Good, everything is going as planned," she said quietly, so to not wake up her prey, and slid her window open. "I'm sorry, Kisame-san, but this is for the best. I'm afraid that danger is approaching Itachi-sama, and wants me to protect him." She thought that over for a moment. "Well, he just doesn't know it yet. But he definitely needs me. Oh yes..."

Silently, she edged closer to his bed, staring intently at his peaceful, fishy face.

Getting started quickly, she reached into the satchel and produced several small, black plastic trays filled with supermarket sushi.

The author now feels it necessary to make a comment. The author adores sushi to the point of calling it the food of God, but it will be a pleasant day in hell before she eats supermarket sushi without gagging.

"I'm sorry, Kisame-san. Please don't think badly of Tsukiko-chan. It's all for the best." She surrounded his head with the food, and reached back into her pack.

She pulled out a large manila envelope marked, 'PETA: Fish are friends, not food.'

Inside there were shots of sharks and fish being captured and cut open, as well as sharks having their fins removed to make shark fin soup. She dutifully pasted them all over the small room, so that they were the first things he saw as he woke up. Finally, she extracted the last item from the bag. It was a carefully sliced piece of tuna, and after biting the end off, she gently prodded the rest of it into Kisame's mouth. Smiling in triumph, she looked down at the still sleeping Kisame and slipped out of the window and into the night.

In the morning, Kisame woke up, smiling at being one day closer to sweet freedom. But what was with that strange taste in his mouth? He opened his eyes and was greeted with a horrible and gruesome sight. Everywhere around him were images of death suffering, of fish and sharks being mutilated and killed for the pleasure of humans. He looked down on his lap, and saw to his horror, a piece of tuna, bitten off at the end. Around him were trays of sushi stacked on his bedside table.

Tears came to his eyes as he screamed a long, shrill, ear-piercing scream. Somewhere, Rock Lee and Gai-sensei's damsel in distress alert rang, loud and clear.

Itachi frowned at a positively innocent-looking Tsukiko.

"It was you, wasn't it?" He asked tonelessly. Tsukiko beamed at him.

"Tsukiko-chan doesn't understand what Itachi-sama is referring to." Itachi sighed and went to his room, slamming the door in her face as she tried to follow him.

Had it all been a dream? Had he not visited Kisame only yesterday to find him happily knitting away at that pink monstrosity? Had all hope of Kisame recovering, from both the trauma and the hospital, been lost overnight?

"Itachi-samaaaaa! Why is there a door in Tsukiko-chan's way? Should she smash it? She will okay?! Itachi-sama?" Itachi barely suppressed a groan.

Author's Note -

About the PETA thing, shout out to my good friend Kenia who is probably not going to read this anyway. I give her a hard time because she's a vegetarian and I'm a hardcore carnivore. Yup yup. And Kenia, if you are reading this, please stop passing out animal cruelty pamphlets and stickers at lunch. It's not so much disgusting (my mom's a doctor, I have a high tolerance for nasty crap) as annoying. And it makes me hungry too...

I've decided that this story will actually have a real plot, and not just a bunch of shit and giggles. See if you can find the painfully obvious plot. PLEASE REVIEW!

Uh, the next chapter is gonna be kinda hard, since my plans of making fun of Leader-sama's face were ruined last week. Kishimoto-sensei has bad timing!

DAR