Authors Note: For those of you reading here is part ten. I think this is about the halfway mark for the story. If you're enjoying the story I'd love to hear from you. Thank you to anyone who's already left something on the reviews, much appreciated, it is nice to know people are enjoying the read.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters; I make no money from this. This is written purely for my own enjoyment and maybe that of anyone who reads this.

The first thing Jay noticed when Erin opened the door was the increasing size of the dark rings under her eyes. She grabbed the coffee he held and took a sip before she'd even said 'morning'.

"Not sleeping well?" he asked looking around her apartment.

"No," she replied as she took the paper bag from his hand. Inside it had egg and bacon breakfast bagels. She sat down at the kitchen table and started eating. He sat down at the table with her and pulled out the other bagel.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" he asked taking a bite of the bagel. She looked away from him and took another bite. He watched her eat, waited for her to answer. "Erin, what's wrong?" He watched her pause, swallow.

"I have nightmares," she finally said, "when I go to sleep, it's like I'm back there. Costa he…" she stopped short of actually describing what Costa did to her in the dreams but Jay could fill in the blanks.

"He can't hurt you," he said reaching out for her.

"I know," she said looking at him, "I know he's gone that's why I can't sleep, when I sleep he comes back. In my dreams he's as real as you and me. When I wake up I can still smell him, I can still feel where he's touched me."

"Erin," Jay moved his chair closer to her, "have you told anyone else this?"

"No," she said taking another sip of the coffee, "don't you tell anyone."

"I won't but Erin you need to sleep." He reached out took her hand and squeezed. "Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want to stay at my place a few days, or I could stay here, maybe having someone else in the house will help. I could sleep on the sofa."

"I'll think about," she said pulling her hand away, "Thanks for breakfast."

"No worries," Jay said standing up, it was time for him to get to work. "I'll come by again tonight, and phone me if you need anything."

"I will," she and locked the door behind him.

She walked back into the kitchen finished her coffee took her medication and began cleaning up, she hated the way she was feeling, she didn't want to be venerable, she didn't want to be exhausted, she wanted to feel normal again. She changed her clothes and left the house, she caught a taxi to the hospital and went and found her doctor. She told him how she was feeling, about the anxiety and nightmares, he seemed to care but he didn't help. When she left his office she had prescriptions for painkillers, sleep aids, and anti-anxiety meds, as well as a referral to a psychiatrist. She made the call to the psychiatrist, he didn't have any opening in his schedule for eight weeks, she threw the psychiatrist's number in the bin. He'd been a waste of time in fact the whole experience was a waste of time, now she felt frustrated and worse than before.

When the taxi arrived she gave the driver the address for the station, she wasn't ready to go home yet, she thought being around work might help. But when she arrived the whole unit was out of the office, she read their case board, wondered around for a bit but it was the people and the cases she wanted, not an empty room with only half the story. She went back down the stairs and was going to leave when Sargent Platt called out to her, the woman asked her to stay, to hang out with her for a bit. Reluctantly she took a seat behind the desk with the Sargent. She still didn't quite know what to make of the desk Sargent, the woman ran a tight ship, she was hard on the patrol officers she managed but she was kind as well. When she wasn't giving out orders she talked to Lindsay, asked her how she was doing, when she thought she'd be back. At first she just gave her the standard short answers, the answers she gave everyone when they asked but as the time went on, Platt started talking about herself as well, about the time she got shot on the job and how she ended up behind the desk. And somehow she found herself telling Platt about her shoulder, about her fear that it wasn't going to heal properly, that she'd never be able to hold a gun again. She found herself telling Platt she couldn't sleep, and Platt started telling her about sleeping pills, she'd taken them herself from time to time and they worked well. She admitted there were a few times in her life where they'd helped her get through and they weren't habit forming, just taking them a couple of nights was enough to get her body working right.

By the time she left the station, Platt had her convinced she should try the sleeping pills. On her way home she stopped at a pharmacy and got the script filled.

-8-8-8-

Jay arrived at Erin's earlier than expected. Instead of buying takeaway he was going to cook for her. He held a bag with the ingredients for spaghetti bolognaises in his hand and he banged on the door. Erin didn't answer; he knocked again, but still no answer. He tried phoning her, he thought maybe she'd gone walking again but he could hear her phone ringing inside the apartment. He knocked again, waited, he was about to walk away when he heard something bang inside the apartment.

"Erin, it's me Jay," he called knocking once more. He heard the bang again and then thought he heard someone call for help. "Erin!" He pulled out his keys and unlocked her door. He wasn't supposed to have a key, Erin didn't know he had it but when he'd got the locks changed for her, he'd kept one just in case. He pushed the door open but the chain grabbed. "Shit," he swore to himself, with the door partly open, he could defiantly hear something going on inside, Erin was home and something wasn't right. "Erin," he called through the door but she still didn't answer. He pushed at the door trying to dislodge or break the chain but it was a good chain, he'd brought it, it wasn't designed to break. He dropped his bags and ran back to his car, from his trunk he pulled out a pair of bolt cutters and ran back up stairs. He cut the chain and pushed his way into the apartment.

"Erin," he called walking into the apartment. He heard the crash again, it was coming from the bedroom. "Erin," he called as he pushed open the door. She was lying in bed, asleep, her eyes were closed but her arms and legs were flaying and she was making incomprehensible sounds. Nightmares, he thought as he ran to her side and started trying to shake her awake. She was difficult to rouse, she didn't seem able to wake up but then her eyes flew open and her arms and legs fell still. She looked him straight in the eye but it seemed to take a moment for the recognition to set in.

"You were having a nightmare," he said sitting down beside her on the edge of the bed. "He can't hurt you."

He helped her sit up and pulled her to his side; he wrapped his arms around her and gently rocked. For a long time she didn't say anything, she let him rock her while her heart rate slowly returned to normal. He talked soft words to her but he was worried about what he was saying, as much as it was just a dream in that moment it was very real to her.

-8-8-8-

Erin listened to the steady beat of Jay's heart, gradually her own heart slowed to the same beat and the shaking stopped. She felt cold and numb and a shiver ran through her body. Jay pulled the blankets up around her and kept whispering calming words. She couldn't follow what he was saying but she didn't really care. She was grateful for his presence, grateful someone had woken her from that terrifying dream.

Eventually her senses returned and she realised Jay was in her apartment.

"How did you get inside?" she asked, feeling almost scared of the answer.

"When I changed the locks I kept a key and then I used bolt cutters to cut the chain."

"Oh," if it had been any other time she would have been mad as hell at him but now all she felt was numb.

"I know I shouldn't have kept it but I wanted to be able to get in in an emergency. I was afraid something like this might happen."

"Okay," she wasn't going to get mad at him, not now; she was too grateful that he was here in the first place. She let out a long slow breath and tried to think what to do next. More than anything she wanted this to stop; she wanted to feel normal again.

"I brought the stuff to make spaghetti bolognaise for dinner." Jay finally said to break the silence. "How about you go have a shower and get cleaned up and I'll start cooking."

She tensed up at the thought of going back into that bathroom. She'd been avoiding it since the panic attack, only going inside when she really had to and never turning on the shower. Jay seemed to sense her fear. "I'll be in the apartment the whole time," he told her, "if you hear anything, think you hear anything, just tell yourself it was me. I'm the one inside making noise."

"Okay," he helped her stand and gave her a smile.

"I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything," he said before walking out the room.