10 - Reality Check

BPOV

I opened the door to find a very disgruntled Edward. His jaw was set tight and his eyes were hard. I lifted my eyebrows at him in surprise.

"Can I help you?"

"We need to talk," he growled.

"Um, we don't need to do anything, Edward. If you want to talk to me, I suggest you ask. If not, then go away. I've got shit to do."

"What kind of shit do you have to do? Aren't you just living off your father?"

I slammed the door in his face. How dare he! Arrogant rich son of a bitch had the nerve to tell me that I was living off my dad when he was doing the exact same thing. Bastard.

There was another knock on the door. I ignored it. Pounding. I continued to ignore. Finally he started pressing the doorbell. Over and over and over. I couldn't ignore this. It was sure to wake Charlie up and the last thing I needed was an over tired three-year-old whining all afternoon.

I threw open the door.

"What?"

"Okay, fine, will you Pleeeeaaase talk to me?" he asked sarcastically.

"No."

I went to slam the door again, but he caught it with his foot to stop me.

"Edward, I swear to God, if you don't move your foot, I'm going to go get one of my dad's guns and shoot it off," I snarled. "And stop ringing the Goddamn doorbell. I have a child who is trying to sleep."

"Bella, you're wrong. I don't really want to talk to you either and I wish I didn't have to, but unfortunately we do need to talk." He shook his head and lowered his eyes. "And I didn't realize he'd be sleeping," he mumbled.

"So, you just figured you'd wander over here and have it out with me in front of him?"

"No...Maybe...I don't know, Bella I didn't really think about it."

"Seems like a habit of yours."

He sighed loudly, presumably in irritation. "Well, regardless, we gotta do this shit sometime."

I didn't want to admit it, but he was right. He needed to know where I stood. And although I didn't want to admit it, I needed to know what he was thinking.

"Fine, but you're going to have to go around the back."

"Seriously, Bella, you're not even going to let me come in? It's kind of cold out here. And wet." He was shuffling his feet and rubbing his hands together.

I huffed. I wasn't about to let him in my house. . . or my father's house. Whatever.

"No, I'm not. First of all, Charlie and I were making a fort this morning and the house is a wreck. Second of all, he's sleeping in said fort and I won't have your screaming waking him up," I snapped. "So go around back and I will be out in a few minutes." I shut the door and locked it. I ran up the stairs and grabbed the baby monitor out of my room and set it down on the table next to where Charlie was sleeping. I hooked the other one into my belt loop and made my way to the patio door. When I opened it, Edward was pacing back and forth.

"Let me make one thing clear. If you get loud enough to make him even whimper inside, this conversation is over," I warned.

He didn't respond. He just stared at me with….I don't know if it was anger, frustration or just plain hatred, but I got the message he was trying to convey. He was not happy with me.

"I've got plenty of shit to say, but since you made the trip over here I suppose you should go first," I stated with a wave of my hand.

"I don't even know where to fucking start, Bella." He raked his hands through his hair and tugged. "I mean, what the fuck were you even thinking?"

"When? When you were fucking me, when I found out I was pregnant? When, Edward?"

"When you decided to make me a father without even discussing it with me? Didn't I have a right to any input?"

"And what, pray tell, would your input have been? Charlie is the love of my life and I don't regret a single second giving birth to him."

"You had no right."

"I had every right. It's my fucking body. I wasn't going to kill my baby because I made a fucking mistake."

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant you had no right to keep him from me. Why didn't you tell me?"

I chuckled darkly. "You made my first time having sex completely miserable. You left me bruised and bleeding. Why on earth would I trust you enough to tell you?"

"You can't put all that shit on me, Bella. It was just as much your fault. You didn't tell me you were a fucking virgin and I don't recall you asking me to stop. At any point in time you could have told me I was hurting you, but you didn't."

His voice was an octave higher than normal and I could tell he was struggling to keep himself under control.

"All you had to do was fucking look at me, Edward. I'm sure it was written all over my face. It hurt so bad that I couldn't breathe, much less talk, but you didn't even have the decency to look at me. And in all honesty, I don't even believe that it would have made a difference. I was covered in purple fingerprints from my shoulders to my thighs. That shit doesn't just happen."

He winced slightly, but turned away from me.

"I would have fucking stopped," he whispered so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

"I have been with other men and not one of them left a single mark like that, much less dozens of them. I know the difference between being rough and being violent, Edward. I don't know what I did to piss you off so much that night to make you want to hurt me, but I was fucking scared of you; of your reaction. When I found out I was pregnant, you were already gone and I was petrified."

He swallowed roughly as he closed his eyes. I couldn't pinpoint his expression. So many emotions seemed to be playing out at once.

"I didn't do it on purpose, Bella. I didn't want to hurt you. God, hurting you was the last thing that I wanted. I got upset, I just lost control. I've already told you that I was sorry countless times. There will never be a good excuse for what I did to you, but that's no reason to completely leave me out."

He spoke a little softer and I could see his mask slipping a little.

"I thought I was doing what was best. What would you have done if I had told you?"

"I don't know." He shrugged and met my gaze. His green eyes bore into mine. It was almost too painful so I looked away before I spoke again.

"I do. You would have come back. You would have tried to convince to me to end it. You would have resented me and Charlie for taking away your chance at a normal life. Just like you do now. You had a girlfriend, Edward. One you cared enough about to go to college with. You were hers, not mine."

Something flashed in his eyes, but was gone just as quickly.

"Tanya was a fucking bitch," he growled.

"Of course she was, but you were with her. I didn't know what your relationship was. I heard at one point that you were getting married. I wasn't about to show up with my kid and ruin that for you."

"That's a piss poor excuse, Bella. You can justify it all you want to, but what you did was fucking wrong."

"I'm not making excuses and I'm not trying to justify anything. I'm explaining my rationale. And for the record, what exactly have you done since I told you that proves I was wrong to hide it from you? You have done nothing but scream at me and insult me. You can't possibly imagine what it was like for me to discover that I was carrying your child. To hear the whispers and the accusations every time I tried to come home. You stand there and judge me without knowing a single fucking thing."

He continued to glare at me.

"I want a DNA test," he blurted out. I watched as he closed his eyes tightly and shook his head with a grimace.

Did he really just say that?

My jaw tensed and I ground my back teeth until they ached from the pressure. Did he honestly think I was lying about this? He obviously hadn't gotten a good look at Charlie.

"Really?"

"And if he's not mine….."

"He is yours," I interrupted.

"Bella!"

"I'm not going to sit here and say 'if he's not yours', because he is yours, Edward. I had sex one time, with you, before he was born and not again until he was almost a year old. Not to mention he's the spitting image of you. All you have to do is look at him. You want a paternity test, I'll give you your fucking paternity test, but there is not 'if' for me."

I took a deep breath before continuing.

"Look, I'm not any happier about this situation than you are. We've been just peachy for the last several years all by ourselves. But the fact is that you are his father and regardless of how I feel about that, you deserved to know."

"I deserved to know four years ago."

"Fine, I get it, but I can't go back now. I did what I did. I can't change that.

I wrapped my arms around my middle as if it would give me protection from all the tension and anger radiating off of him.

"I want to give you the opportunity to be a part of his life," I continued, "but if you decide that you don't want it, then I am asking you to terminate your parental rights."

"Excuse me?" he scoffed.

I swallowed dryly. "It means give him up permanently. I can't have you jumping in and out of his life as you see fit. I don't want him to see a parade of women making their way through your bed. And I don't want him to ever feel second best to any other children that you choose to have with your future wife or girlfriend."

I knew I was hitting below the belt, but my fear got the better of me. If he gave up his rights now, he could never fight me for him in the future.

"What the fuck, Bella?" Edward's voice cracked.

"I'm doing what I have to do. I've already told the rest of your family that I wouldn't take him away, and I won't, but if you decide that you don't want him, then he won't be yours. He doesn't ever have to know that you're his father." I took another deep breath.

"You accused me of being after your money. I don't need shit from you. I never have and I never will. I'm a good mother all by myself. You won't ever have to pay a cent."

Yeah, I had practiced this speech a hundred times in the mirror and it came out just how I wanted it to. I wasn't about to let Edward Cullen see me crumble.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" he roared. "You….I…Oh MY GOD! I don't even know what to fucking say to that shit. You hide my kid from me for three years, surprise me with him out of the blue and are already asking me to just fucking leave? I know I was an asshole, Bella, but I didn't deserve this. Did you even consider what this was going to do to me? Who the fuck are you? I've known you since you were twelve, Bella. Twelve! I never would have imagined that you could be such a manipulative little bitch."

Okay, that was it. Time for me to put a stop to his little tirade.

"Yeah, you've known me since I was twelve and yet you accuse me of lying about my son's paternity and question my motives. Fuck that, Edward. You never knew me." I turned towards the door, but stopped with my hand gripping the handle.

"Let me know when you've scheduled the paternity test and I'll take Charlie in. When you get the results, you have two weeks to make a decision and then I'm going to make it for you."

I turned around and went inside, locking the patio doors behind me and pulling the curtains closed. I heard something hit the window with a thump, but didn't look back. Almost exactly two minutes later, just as I had made it to my bedroom, I lost it.

I fell to my knees beside my bed and let out a painful, shuddering sob. I had known that this was going to be bad, that Edward would be upset. But I had no idea that he would be so cruel. I managed to make it up to my bed and curled up into a ball. I tried to pull it together, but every time I thought I was done a new wave of emotion would hit and I couldn't breathe. I hiccoughed violently, my nose was dripping mercilessly and tears poured from my eyes. I just wanted time to go back. I wanted to be free from all of this. Charlie and I were fine. We were living. There was no drama and no pain. We were happy, just the two of us, with my dad and Jake and Riley. I loved that the Cullen's, other than Edward, wanted to be a part of his life, but Christ I wished I had never run into Alice that day. And that feeling alone caused guilt to seep in and another round of sobs, snot and tears to take over.

About an hour later, my body was so exhausted that I had to stop. I continued to lay in bed, motionless. Where before my body and mind had been engorged with emotion, they were now void of any feeling at all. I felt numb. I heard Charlie stirring over the baby monitor and knew I had to pull myself together, but it was so Goddamn hard. I didn't want to move, I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up three weeks ago. But my son deserved his mother, not some withering mess. I reluctantly pulled myself from my position and walked across the hall to the bathroom. My muscles were sore and heavy. I looked in the mirror and saw what I can only describe as a horror movie victim…..or a villain. My eyes were bloodshot, completely red rimmed and puffy. My nose and upper lip were raw from the constant stream of snot and my cheeks were flushed and blotchy.

I took in a deep breath and turned the water on cold, splashing it on my face. I held a washcloth and wiped it down before putting on some soothing lotion and a little bit of makeup. I still didn't look fabulous, but it was enough to fool my three-year-old.

XXXXX

After the encounter with Edward at my house, I was determined more than ever to just stay out of his way. He texted me on Tuesday to let me know that he had scheduled the paternity test at a little clinic in Port Angeles. He would go in and I could take Charlie in any time on Tuesday or Wednesday. I figured it was bullshit anyway, but the sooner the better. It was a quick test. A little swab of his cheek and they gave him a sucker. He was thrilled. They told us it would take approximately 2 weeks.

Alice freaked when I told her what Edward had asked me to do.

"Is he fucking blind?" she screeched.

I chuckled as a few people around us glared at Alice for her colorful language. She hissed at the realization of where we were and mouthed the word 'sorry' a couple of times.

"I don't know. He either didn't get a good look at Charlie or he's completely in denial," I sighed. I was now speaking much quieter as to not disturb the other patrons. "It doesn't fucking matter. I already know what the results will be. If it makes him feel better, then whatever."

After my meltdown I had finally been able to slip comfortably back into defensive mode. I felt stronger now that I had been able to purge some of my more fragile emotions. Not that I was looking for another confrontation, but if it happened, I was confident that I could stand my ground.

"What a jerk," she grumbled. "I can't even look at him without wanting to smack him silly. Mom is going to shit a brick. I probably shouldn't tell Emmett and Rose, he may not survive their opinions. Emmett's going through serious Charlie withdrawals Bella. I'm surprised he hasn't shown up on your doorstep to try to steal him away.

"He's been texting me at least ten times a day asking for a 'play date'," I laughed as I quoted the big goof using my fingers.

"Are you really going to stay away as long as Edward has his head up his ass," Alice sighed.

"No," I shook my head. I'll give him until the results come in, but after that he's either going to have to deal or stay away. I can't keep refusing Esme's dinner invites. You all have been way too supportive and I promised not to take him away from you. I'll keep my promise Alice, regardless of what Edward has to say about it."

Alice grinned at me. "Good, because that play set is being erected as we speak and I can't wait to show him."

I groaned and shook my head.

We were sitting at one of those bouncy castle places where you pay $8 and your kid gets to wear him/herself out jumping for a couple of hours. Yeah, I had a twenty-visit punch-card. It wore Charlie completely out and he also got a chance to socialize with other kids, which was an added benefit. It was teaming with toddlers today, hence the nasty looks we were getting from the other parents when our discussion included foul language. Every so often either Alice or I would get in to jump with him, but after a while, Alice's lunch break was over and she had to go back to work.

Later that night I got a phone call from Esme. "Bella, darling, would you like to have lunch with me on Friday?" she asked gently.

"Uh, sure, Esme I'd love to. Is this a Charlie lunch or a no Charlie lunch?"

"Do you think you'll be able to find a babysitter? Not that I don't adore spending time with my grandbaby, but I'd like to just sit with you if that's okay."

"I can drop him off with dad at the station. If he needs to go on a call his receptionist Amanda loves taking care of Charlie, but honestly, eighty percent of what my dad does is done behind his desk these days so…."

"Wonderful. We really miss you guys, Bella."

"I know Esme, but the last thing I want to do right now is provoke Edward. Especially with Charlie around."

"We'll figure out something, sweetheart," she soothed.

"Thanks, Esme."

XXXXXX

Two days later I sat in the Cullen's kitchen chopping carrots for a salad as Esme put together some turkey on rye sandwiches. I looked around nervously, hoping that Edward wasn't home.

"He's at the library," Esme said knowingly without looking at me.

"Oh, uh, that's good," I breathed out. "So, how's work going?" I asked, trying to change the subject quickly.

"The firm is doing really well. We've even gotten a few calls for homes in Seattle," she said excitedly. "I've had to hire on two new designers already just to get through the projects that we have on the calendar. We're booked solid for at least the next six months."

"That's wonderful, Esme," I grinned. "How is Alice doing?"

"She's been amazing. Not only is she really getting the hang of the designing aspect, but she's also doing so well with a lot of the project management. I feel bad that I've put so much on her plate so early on, but she seems to be handling it well."

"Alice is happiest when her schedule is so full she can't even go to the bathroom," I laughed.

Esme grinned at me. "I suppose you're right. I have to remind her to take breaks, like she did when you guys had lunch the other day."

"It was really nice just to hang out with her for an hour. How she had the energy to bounce around with Charlie is beyond me."

Esme set two bowls down and I filled them with salad. She slid my plate in front of me and I went about putting some dressing on my salad and digging in. We munched quietly for a few minutes. I finished my salad and started in on my sandwich.

"I know it's not my place," she started quietly, "but for what it's worth, I'm sorry about Edward."

I furrowed my brow. "Why are you apologizing for him, Esme?"

"Because he's my son," she sighed. "I...I never thought he could be capable of such cruel behavior.

"This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. He's a big boy, he can take responsibility for himself."

"Yes, but he...he asked you for a paternity test?"

I nodded.

"You have to believe me when I tell you that none of us are questioning it, Bella. We all know that he is Edward's."

"Thank you," I smiled slightly. "But apparently, not everyone believes me."

Esme took a sip of sparkling water and breathed in and out loudly.

"He knows, Bella. He knows that Charlie is his, he's just not ready to admit it to himself yet. Both Carlisle and I have tried to talk to him about it, but he refuses."

I bit into my sandwich and chewed aggressively as I tried to sort out my thoughts.

"I appreciate your support, Esme, all of you, but Edward and I need to sort this out for ourselves. I've told him where I stand on this whole situation and he has a decision to make. I've given him two weeks after he gets the official results Esme, after that I'll take matters into my own hands. I refuse to put mine and Charlie's lives on hold because Edward can't grow up."

Esme swallowed and nodded in understanding. We let a few moments of silence pass between us before she spoke again.

"Bella?" Esme started again quietly. There was a cautiousness to her voice that made me a little nervous. Esme's tone was usually so comforting. "I have a proposition for you."

I wasn't sure how to respond so I just nodded for her to continue. She lowered her head and didn't make eye contact with me.

"Well, you know the other day when you said that you were going to start looking for an apartment?"

I nodded.

"It's just that we have so much space around here."

I immediately knew where she was going with this. I set the last bite of my sandwich down on my plate and waited until my mouth was empty before speaking.

"Absolutely not, Esme, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm trying to re-establish my independence," I said shaking my head. "Besides, if Edward forces my hand, how could I possibly live here and follow through. That wouldn't really be fair for any of us."

"Just hear me out sweetie," she begged.

It was against my better judgment, but I agreed.

"We have a full apartment above the garage. It has three bedrooms, three baths, a full kitchen and living room. It's a good fifteen hundred square feet, it has its own separate entrance and it's fully furnished and completely soundproofed."

Oh my God it sounds perfect…Except for the fact that I would practically be living with my asshole baby daddy and there is absolutely no way that I could afford it.

I took a deep breath and started to speak, but Esme stopped me. She placed her hand on top of mine and looked directly into my eyes.

"Please, Bella, at least consider it. It's just wasted space right now. You wouldn't have to pay rent so you could save up for grad school or a bigger place in the future. Whatever you want. It has its own utilities so you could always pay those if you want to, but please, you've done so much on your own already. We haven't been there for you when you needed us the most, all we want to do is help you to provide a solid future for yourself and our grandson."

I didn't want to consider it. It was too close to him. I needed to move on. I was pretty sure that Edward was not going to want anything to do with Charlie. I was okay with that, but living under the same roof, or even next door to each other would just make things worse.

"Esme, I…."

"I can ask Edward to leave." Esme said hurriedly.

"Jesus, Esme. You are not going to kick your own son out of his house so that you can put me up."

"That's not what I would be doing, Bella. Edward is an adult; he can take care of himself. He's lived on his own for years."

"So am I. So have I. I've taken perfectly good care of Charlie, we don't need handouts," I snapped.

"Darling, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. I….I just feel like, like we failed you. If Charlie had been born a Cullen…"

"But he wasn't, Esme. He was born a Swan and I'm damn proud of it. I may not have been able to spoil him rotten or give him everything he could possibly want, but I did the best that I could. He is a good boy. He is sweet, kind, loving and funny."

I could see Esme's eyes beginning to water.

"Oh God, none of this is coming out right. I don't want to make you angry sweetheart. We just want you to be close. We want to be able to come home and see our grandson every day. We want to make up for lost time." Esme started to cry. Big fat tears were now silently dripping down her cheeks.

I sighed. "Look. I appreciate your offer, but right now, it's just not an option."

She gave me a sad and watery smile and nodded in understanding.

The rest of lunch was uneventful. Esme convinced me to allow Charlie to go over and play with the brand spanking new Rainbow play set when Edward wasn't around. It was called The Super Rainbow Double Whammy Cabin Package with Dual Lofts. It was fucking massive. I could have moved into that and lived comfortably. Oh, and by the way, I looked up how much that play set cost. Twenty THOUSAND dollars. That is a twenty with three zeroes. I'm pretty sure that I had a fucking coronary right before my brain hemorrhaged from shock.

In any case, they couldn't return it so I had to suck it up. It wasn't my money and it wasn't my property. I gave Esme a hug and a gentle kiss on the cheek before heading back to the station to pick up Charlie.

As I expected, my dad was still there, sitting with Charlie on his lap. They were watching a show about proper fishing techniques on the Internet. I smiled as I watched my dad pointing at the screen and talking into Charlie's ear. My dad looked up and grinned sheepishly at me. He really was the best grandpa out there.

Sometimes I wondered what kind of grandma my mom would have made. She hadn't really been up to the task of being a mom to me, but maybe things could have been different. People can change right?

EPOV

I couldn't believe her. She actually thought she was justified in keeping her little secret. Okay, yeah, I probably would have been upset about her being pregnant, but I wasn't a total bastard...not all the time anyway. But I guess she didn't know that. She didn't know anything. The way I had treated her that night had made her feel like a whore. Like she wasn't any better than the girls who threw themselves at me. God what I wouldn't do to change what I had done to her. I wasn't going to dwell on it though, there was nothing I could do, but that didn't mean I didn't want to. Just like she said, she couldn't go back and change the fact that she had kept the pregnancy from me. We had both made mistakes.

Everyone kept assuming I would have asked her to get an abortion. Would I have? I didn't honestly know. I had wanted her for so long; it would have been a reason to keep her. But that's not who I was. I didn't keep girls. And I didn't deserve to keep her.

And here I was screaming at her once again. I was angry and I was hurt and I was completely mind-fucked over this whole situation. One minute I wanted to kiss her and the next minute I wanted to kill her. What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn't intend to be an asshole. I didn't want to be so mean to her and yet, I couldn't stop myself. The shit that had come out of my mouth I instantly wanted to retract. I accused her of living off of her father. What a completely asinine thing to say. I was doing the same fucking thing. And asking her for a DNA test? It just slipped out. You hear stories all the time about men raising these kids only to have it revealed years later that they actually belong to some other guy. Shit, Maury Povich had made an entire career out of those cases. But once it was out there I couldn't take it back. I needed to be strong. I needed to not crack. I needed to be right!

But the fact was, I may not have gotten a good look, but I saw enough of that little guy to know what the chances were that he wasn't mine.

She wanted me to give up my rights. Shit, really? Was I that bad of a guy? Was that something that I wanted? Now that I knew, could I just walk away again?

XXXXXX

Bella and I didn't speak at all after my unannounced visit. I texted her to tell her where to go for the paternity test and when, but that was it. I occasionally heard my family talk about them. Bella had gotten a job as a research assistant in Port Angeles working for some hot shot psychologist. Now my comment about living off of her father made me want to crawl into a dark hole even more.

An obscenely large play set had been erected in our backyard and I noticed more and more toys collecting both inside and outside of the house. I had even stubbed my toe on some god forsaken metal dump truck that had been left on the patio. I felt a tug in my chest every single time I spotted one of his things. I wanted to see him, but I didn't. I was scared to look into his face, to see what I wasn't ready to admit.

Exactly thirteen days after that little Q-tip swab, the results were in. I stood in my kitchen with my entire family around. Alice had grabbed the mail earlier in the day and snagged the results before I even had a chance to see if it was there.

"Eeeedddddwwwwaaaarrrddd." she sang as I got home from work. Our entire family was already milling about, which made me think that Alice had already told them what she had in her possession. My mom was hovering over a stockpot stirring what smelled like beef stew. I'm pretty sure that I was salivating. I was fucking starving. Everyone else pretended that they had a purpose there, but I'm pretty sure they just didn't want to miss out on anything." You got some maaaiiiillll."

My stomach dropped and my appetite suddenly disappeared. I knew exactly what she was waving around. I tried to snatch it out of her hand, but the quick little demon girl danced away with it still clutched in her wicked little claws.

"Nuh uh. Not until you promise to open it up right here, right now."

"This is none of your fucking business," I growled.

"Oh, on the contrary, bro," Emmett bellowed. "You've not only put Bella through hell over the last few weeks, but you've made us all suffer. Bella has avoided us all so as not to piss you off and it's about fucking time we get her and little C back for more than just an hour long visit. That's our nephew and their grandson," he said pointing at my parents. "It's everyone's business."

I wanted to argue. I wanted to shout at them all that it hadn't been proved yet, but Alice held the proof in her hand and in a matter of seconds we would all know. I mean, we'd all know for sure.

Who the fuck was I kidding?

"Fine, give it to me."

She set it in my hand and I held it tightly. My nerves were shot. It's one thing to be told you're a father, it's a whole other thing to have the genetic proof in your hand.

"Open it," Rose ordered.

"I am," I yelled.

Carlisle handed me a letter opener and pretended to read a magazine that also came in the mail. I knew he was pretending because it was called 'Quilting Daily' or some shit like that. I nodded in thanks and slid it into the corner of the envelope, slicing across the top and pulling out the piece of paper inside. I slowly opened it up, my fingers shaking.

"Motherfucker!" I gasped, throwing the letter down onto the island.

Alice snatched it up and opened it, a wicked little smile spreading from ear to ear before she handed it to my father. The letter made its way around the room as my hands tore through my hair.

"We fucking told you!" Emmett howled, clapping his hands together loudly. "Ninety-nine point nine percent accuracy."

I looked at my parents. Carlisle's arm was wrapped tightly around my mom. Her head was tucked into his shoulder and her eyes looked like they were beginning to tear up. They were both looking at me, but neither one said anything.

"What a stupid douche," Rose muttered under her breath.

"Do you have all the proof you need now?" Alice asked in that sickly sweet voice that always made me want to cringe. "Will you finally at least look at your son?"

"Ahhhh Fuck!" I screamed. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I needed to get out. I had asked for this. Why had I asked for this? Now I couldn't even pretend that she was lying. And chances were that she had already gotten her letter. She knew that I knew. Should I expect to hear from her? Would she call me up to gloat? She said she wasn't interested in my money, but now that I had given her hard proof, would she change her mind? I didn't know. The fact was, even though I had practically grown up with her around, I had no idea who she was, at least not now. I had a son with this person that I barely knew.

I blew out of the kitchen and ran up to my bedroom, leaving my family behind me. I wanted to leave the house, but the last time that had happened was the night Bella had told me and I woke up in some strange woman's bed. I just couldn't do that again.

I flopped down on my bed and buried my face in my pillow. I wanted to be angry, but the fact was, that I had spent three weeks being angry and I just didn't have the energy for it anymore. Now, well now I was just plain scared.

I heard a knock on the door, but I didn't respond to it. I didn't need anyone telling me for the millionth time that I was an asshole or a douchebag. I already knew that. The door opened and then clicked shut again.

"Go away," I mumbled into the pillow.

The bed dipped. "Son," Carlisle's voice spoke softly. It was warm and non-accusatory. I didn't, however, lift my head.

"Edward."

"What am I going to do, Dad?" I nearly sobbed.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and gripped it firmly.

"That's up to you, son. What do you want to do?"

I sat up, facing him, and pulled my knees into my chest.

"I want to go back."

Carlisle sighed. "That's not an option, Edward."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I have a kid. I have a three-year-old kid that I didn't even know existed three weeks ago. I don't know how to be a dad."

"Do you think I was any different when I met your mother?"

"What?"

"Your mother was raising three small children when I fell in love with her. I wasn't even thirty. Don't you think that the idea of being a dad scared the shit out of me?"

"It's not the same thing."

"Of course it's not, but you need to look at things from another perspective. When I met you, Emmett, and Alice, I didn't know anything about you. I didn't know when you were born or how much you weighed at birth. I didn't know when you walked or talked for the first time. I didn't know any of your likes or dislikes. But I learned. It took time and a lot of effort and patience. I thought for sure that I was going to screw you up, but Esme supported me and she supported my relationship with you."

I laughed humorlessly. "Bella made it perfectly clear how she feels about my relationship with….uh, with….."

I don't know why it was so hard to say his name. I had said it before, but then he was just Bella's kid. Now he was my kid too and it seemed weird.

"With Charlie?"

"Yeah. She wants me to give up my rights to him."

"What?" Carlisle looked confused.

"She asked me to sign away my rights. I don't know Dad, maybe I should. Maybe it would be better for all of us if I just signed the fucking papers and we could all just move on."

"Okay, first of all, Edward, you are not signing any papers. Second of all, we will not all just be moving on. We love that little boy and we love Bella and regardless of what you decide to do, they are both a part of this family and they will stay that way. You must have misheard her."

"I know what I heard, Dad. She said she doesn't want me coming in and out of his life and she doesn't want him being around any of my girlfriends."

I saw Carlisle take in a shaky breath.

"We've already had this conversation with Bella, son. She's not going to take him away from us. All she's doing is protecting him. She's right, you go through women like you go through socks and Charlie can't be exposed to that. I trust Bella. She's been nothing but accommodating and supportive of our relationship with Charlie."

"She fucking kept him a secret for three years. You call that accommodating? You trust someone who lied to you? To all of us?"

I was so fucking frustrated. My head ached and my chest hurt. Being a father was not something that I had ever considered and I had no idea where to go from there.

"You need to talk to her Edward."

"I've already talked to her."

"No, you've yelled and screamed at her. You've fought with her and accused her. You haven't actually talked to her."

Carlisle had a point. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I hadn't exactly been receptive—at all.

"And you need to meet Charlie," Carlisle said with a slight smile on his lips.

"He is one of the most amazing kids I have ever known. He reminds me so much of you when you were little."

"He does?" I asked, before I could catch myself.

With just that small statement I found myself curious. I didn't want to be curious.

"Yes, Edward, he does," he answered as he stood up. "Call Bella."

He was at the door when he turned around.

"I want you to think long and hard before you decide whether or not you want to be a part of Charlie's life, Edward. It may not be what you wanted, but would you really be able to live with yourself knowing you gave up on your own son?"