Staring at the computer screen for the 40th time in as many hours Amanda tried not to look disappointed that there was still no new messages in her personal e-mail. 4 e-mails in her work e-mail required answering but she flicked back to her personal e-mail again.

Had they written the wrong address on the e-mail? No he could have just replied directly. Maybe he'd deleted the message. Maybe he'd changed his mind about contacting her.

"Rollins, what the hell is this?" Murphy's voice echoed around the squad room.

Amanda looked up but her thoughts were a million miles away. It wasn't until Murphy placed Danny Mill's case file on her desk that she knew what he was roaring at her for. She looked past him to Fin who was looking at her wondering what was going on.

"Rollins, I asked you a question"

"Yes Sir, sorry. I em… what… what's wrong?"
"There are 3 errors in this Mills report and I'm only on page 4. Fix it, now!"
His tone was harsh and Amanda flinched. But she knew it was unacceptable and she knew that"
"Sorry, I'll…" Amanda's voice caught and quivered. Fin looked at her as if he was seeing his partner for the first time. He'd seen Amanda cry, but not in the squad room in front of the boss.

She regained her composure. "I'll fix it"

Murphy didn't speak just turned on his heel and walked out of the squad room. He had a meeting with One PP, which wasn't helping his mood.

"You ok partner?"
Amanda simply nodded and returned her attention to the computer screen.

Her phone vibrated on the desk and she picked it up smiling as she saw the picture of Noah, which meant Olivia had sent her a message. The other detective was sitting across from her but she didn't want to get up and make it too obvious she was worried. It wasn't the way their relationship used to work and they still weren't at a point where they wanted to tell people about their relationship. Tapping the screen the message read:

'I'm hugging you tight in my head'

Amanda bit her lip, texting back a minute later.

'I'm gona need a real hug later'

Olivia response was almost instant 'Always xx'

The response calmed the commotion in Amanda's stomach and she took a deep breath, opening Mills file up. Lunch was a long time away but once she had something to focus on other than her e-mail she could survive, just about.

She closed down the laptop and started righting the mistakes she'd made. At least she thought she could rectify some mistakes.

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Picking up Noah from crèche Amanda had an early evening. Murphy's exact words as she left were "tomorrow bring your head or don't bother coming back".

Amanda simply nodded gave the barest of smiles to Olivia and headed to the day care.

Camilla smiled when Amanda popped her head around the door.

"Here again? He'll start thinking you're his second Mommy"

Amanda blushed and confirmed Camilla's suspicions that the blonde detective as the reason Seargent Benson was in such a good mood".

"Detective I have a reputation as being the heart of discretion in this district. I am akin to the parish priest. I retain all the secrets of all the cops. I know more about affairs and dalliances and who has slept with whom than you've had hot dinners. And trust of me, some of it is not pretty" Camilla winked as she walked further into the room to pick up Noah who was sitting in a high chair having just finished his dinner.

"If you are his second Mommy, he's the luckiest boy in the world. Babies are a bit like dogs…"
Amanda looked at Camilla slightly worriedly until she held up a hand "I don't mean peeing on trees and eating out of bins, although I've met a few in my time in this job who've done both. I mean you know by their reaction when someone walks into the room whether that person is a good person. And look at him" Camilla pointed to Noah who had his hands in the air and was giggling excitedly at her.

"He is just dying for you to pick him up so he can say hi"

Camilla unstrapped him from the high chair and let Amanda do exactly that. Picking up the little boy she held him tight. He had already started to chew on a piece of her hair when she moved him onto her hip.

"They're also like puppies when they are getting teeth. They'll chew pretty much anything" Camilla took the piece of blonde hair from Noah's grasp and gave him one of the carrot sticks he'd been eating instead.

"Thanks Camilla"
"You ok Detective, you're looking a bit down?"
Amanda nodded and sighed, "I'm better for seeing this little man"

"If you need to chat, as I said, heart of discretion" Camilla crossed her heart to reinforce her point.

Amanda gave her a small nod as she found Noah's stroller at the door and began to strap him in.

"Thanks again Camilla"

"You two have a nice evening detective"
"Please call me Amanda"

"Ok Amanda". She waved at Noah "Bye little man, see you tomorrow", Noah waved back his new attempt at "bye" 'buh' was his response to Camilla.

"See you" Amanda said as she closed the door to the crèche.

Looks like it's just you and me for the evening buddy? What do you fancy? Beer and pizza? Strip joint?
Noah sneezed and Amanda took it as a sign that home with a blanket was the best place for both of them.

Stopping off on the way to pick up take-out she noted that a trip to the gym was long overdue and tomorrow she was going back to do a kickboxing class at 8 a.m. before her shift.

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With Noah sitting in a circle of cushions on the sofa beside her Amanda sat staring at the unopened e-mail. The fright she got when she opened her account almost made her drop the tablet. She couldn't click on it, couldn't comprehend that Mikey had actually wanted to speak to her, had actually e-mailed her back. Noah sneezed again and Amanda looked up home care remedies for children under 1. The distraction was welcome but she realised at the end of it that there was nothing she could do without going out for supplies, which didn't seem like a good idea with a sick baby. So she exited the page and started again at the one un-opened e-mail.

She began to talk to herself 'What if I told him too much?' 'What if he doesn't want to talk to me again?' – so many what if's; too many. She was driving herself crazy. She picked Noah up and put him in his playpen, making her way into the bedroom she grabbed some sweats belonging to Olivia. A lot of her clothes were now in Olivia's but her workout clothes were still at her place. She sent a text to Olivia as she pulled a t-shirt over her head.

Her phone buzzed a minute later saying she would be home in ten minutes and was everything ok.

Amanda confirmed everything was fine and went back into the living area to start a warm up for her run.

Lying on the floor to do some sit ups she heard a squeal from the playpen as Noah began to laugh hysterically at a grown up lying on the floor moving around like something out of a cartoon. Amanda looked over as he laughed then sneezed and then laughed again.

The giggling was infectious and she began to laugh too as she decided it might be fun for Noah to join in.

Picking him up she lay back down on the floor and put him sitting on her stomach. Holding his hands she began to do crunches and he delighted in movement. He was also a good natural weight for holding her in place and making sure she didn't cheat.

They were both in hysterics when Olivia walked in. Removing her coat she took her phone out of her pocket and started to record the scene on her living room floor.

She was trying to keep the phone steady but was finding it increasingly difficult as she joined in with the laughter.

Setting the phone down she sat down on the floor beside the two giggling figure. Kissing Amanda quickly to make sure she could breathe she placed a kiss on Noah's head too and then watched them continue with their workout.

"I don't think he'd quite work as a dumbbell but he's a good restraint for crunches and she'd probably be good for some resistance training too. That was just what I needed". Amanda stood a few minutes later as Olivia lifted Noah off her stomach.

"Yeah if you hide peanut butter somewhere on your person he'll restrain you better than any NYPD officer. What time are you heading out?"
They both jumped when Noah sneezed on Olivia.

"Uh, yeah, probably should have mentioned that. I think he has a cold"

"Oh good, we've done this once already. The last time we ended up in the ER when he spiked a fever of 104". The panic in Olivia's voice was clear.

Amanda wrapped her into a hug and felt Noah burrow into her arm as she held her.

"He is going to be fine. Honestly, it's only a sniffle. He probably picked it up in crèche. I'll ask Camille to keep an eye on his temperature tomorrow if he's well enough to go. If he's not Murphy will probably be happy if I take a day.

Olivia nodded towards the take-away cartons. "Dinner?"

"There's some left for you. Just chuck it in the microwave"
She kissed the blonde both as a thank you for the reassurance and the food.

As Olivia sat down to eat Amanda warmed a bottle for Noah. Sitting on the sofa Olivia joined them after she'd finished.

Amanda handed her the tablet and she saw the unopened e-mail.

"Want me to read it to you?"
Noah was dozing in her arms as he finished the last of his bottle.

Amanda simply nodded.

Olivia wrapped her arm around the smaller woman and she rested her head on her shoulder. She placed the tablet on her knee and tapped the e-mail to open it.

Her voice was quiet as she began to read, trying to soothe both her girlfriend and her son.

"Dear Amanda. Thanks for the e-mail. I was surprised you e-mailed back. I kinda thought you wouldn't want to know. I'm glad you did though. Mom and Dad know we're talking and they're happy about it just so you know. Rach isn't really happy but it's none of her business"

Amanda smiled at the idea her son had similar problems with his sibling to her with her sister.

"I'm glad you told me about Emmett. I mend old cars with my Dad at weekends. Seems a bit of him stayed with me"

Amanda felt her breath catch in her chest – a little bit of Emmett was still alive, she hadn't thought about it like that.

She felt a hand cover hers as Olivia asked if she wanted her to continue. She nodded as Noah finally quieted in her arm. She leaned forward and placed his bottle on the table as Olivia started again.

"I don't race though, I'm only learning to drive and Dad says I have to take it slow before I pick up speed. His brother was killed by a drunk driving a car at high speed so I agree"

Olivia squeezed the hand under hers tighter as she felt Amanda' head burrow into her neck.

"What do you do? I wanted to ask for a picture but I thought it might be a bit too nosy. Do you have kids? I'd like to have another brother or sister. I love Rachel but she drives me mad sometimes. I like school, which doesn't make me very popular, but I don't care. I'm not sure what I want to do when I leave but I want to help kids who aren't as lucky as I was when I got adopted. Seems like he got his Mom's caring nature" Olivia interrupted her narration for a minute.

"Anyway I'd like to keep talking if you'd like? I want to get to know you a bit. I don't know if I'll want to meet but I'd like to know a bit more about where I came from. If you don't want to that's ok too, Mikey".

Olivia was silent as she let the words sink in feeling Amanda's breath on her neck, a small trickle of tears that stopped after a few minutes.

Amanda stood without a word and walked to the bedroom to put a sleeping Noah in his crib. Stopping by the kitchen on her way back to the living room she grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge.

"You want something stronger?" Olivia asked the still silent blonde. There's scotch in the press.

Amanda shook her head. "No I think the be ok thanks. I reserve the hard liquor for when I'm gambling".

Olivia shot her a glance but the blonde held up her hands "Not once, I promise. I might go to a meeting tomorrow though".

Olivia felt slightly upset that she couldn't offer the support Amanda needed to deal with her gambling. But then she remembered her appointments with the psychiatrist after everything with Lewis. No one could have offered the support she got in those sessions the same way Amanda couldn't get the support in group from her.

Patting the sofa she invited the blonde to curl up in the same position they'd been in previously.

Instead the blonde sat into her lap, placing both bottles of beer on the table, curling around the taller woman's body, distributing her weight so she didn't crush her. Cuddling into Olivia she voiced the concerns that were swirling around in her head.

"Does it sound like he likes me? What do you think he'll say if I tell him I'm a cop? Some teenage boys hate cops! What else do I talk to him about? I put it all in the first e-mail"

She didn't give Olivia time to answer her rather she just kept going. "If he doesn't like cops he's going to hate me"
Olivia placed her hand on Amanda's stomach rubbing circles softly, encouraging the younger woman to breathe.

She finally managed to interject "He is not going to hate you. He couldn't hate you. No one could hate you"
"You haven't met my mother yet"
"I think we've established your mother is not exactly a person we should measure human kind against"

Amanda laughed, the first proper laugh Olivia had heard from her all day.

"Yeah I think you might be right"

Placing a gentle kiss on the top of blonde hair Olivia decided now was as good a time as any to put a proposition to the woman in her arms.

"This place isn't big enough for Noah and I. Brian and I weren't including a baby when we bought it. I need to rethink my living situation"

"You want some help? I think I still remember some of the places I looked when I got here"
"Well I'd like you to have a say"

Amanda moved slightly so she could look at Olivia.

"I want to make sure you're both safe. Of course I'll help"

"No I… eh…" Olivia had been practicing this in her head but it wasn't going the way she planned.

"I wanted… are… I mean if …"

Amanda leaned in and pecked her on the lips.

"Baby you're gona need to put a sentence together"
"Move in with me" – the words tumbled out of Olivia so quickly Amanda had to ask her to say it again.

Taking a breath Olivia's nerves settled as she said "Move in with me, with us? I want us to live together. I know it hasn't been long but this just feels so right. I've never had this before Mand, and I really don't want to lose it".

Amanda didn't hesitate in answering with an excited and rather loud "yes" that they were both afraid would wake Noah.

"Liv, you know you're my world right? You and the sleeping sneeze filled mister in there?"
"Same goes hon"

Amanda gathered the blonde into her arms and began to stand, noting the irony of not quite carrying her girlfriend over the threshold but being in the position for so doing.

"You realise I can walk right?" Amanda giggled as the brunette swung her around slightly.

"Yes I am aware. I am also aware that if we stay here you'll pick that tablet up to start house hunting and we'll still be here at 2 a.m."
Amanda tried to protest but she it was falling on deaf ears. Besides which she knew Olivia was completely right. When a new idea or thought crossed her mind she needed to act on it there and then so she'd be online for hours looking at places for them to live.

Olivia did eventually put the blonde down once they were half way to the bedroom.

"Amanda, are you sure?"
Amanda's initial reaction in cases like this and the one she normally went with whether it got her into trouble or not was sarcasm. But she could see the real fear in Olivia's eyes. Walking forward so Olivia had to back up against the wall the blonde moved her hands so she was holding both of Olivia's. Kissing her thoroughly she felt Olivia's now familiar tongue enter her mouth as the kiss deepened, awakening feelings that could not carry into a bedroom containing a sick baby.

Amanda eventually broke away and laid her head against Olivia's chest.

"I have never been surer of anything in my entire life. Until I moved to New York I never felt like any place was home. I miss Georgia, course I do. But this city gets in on you. And now I have a place in it with a beautiful woman and a wonderful child. If I could cut myself open right now and show you I'm pretty sure the word happy would be written across my heart"

Olivia lau tightened her hug on the only other person in the world that made her life as complete as Noah.

"Bed?"
"Mmm, sounds really good" Amanda took Olivia's hand leading the way as if Olivia had never been to her own bedroom before.

Once there workout and work clothes were discarded in a laundry basket and Olivia located the pyjamas she'd slept in the night before, throwing Amanda a clean t-shirt as they moved to their now established sides of the bed. It was something that didn't need discussion because they each slept on opposite sides of the bed. Meeting in the middle they cuddled into a now familiar embrace, Olivia's arms around Amanda, one hand resting on her lower back the other on her side Amanda's head on her shoulder.

Switching off the bedside lamp they continued to talk quietly so as not to wake Noah.

"I'm sorry I kind of landed that on you when we were talking about Mikey. I should have waited"
"Liv you just gave me a reason to get up tomorrow. Before you came home, well actually before Noah and I started our workout I was terrified of even opening that e-mail. When you did and you read it to me, you just knew I wasn't going to be able to do it myself. You know me, you just get me. As for Mikey I've spent all day worrying and beating myself up and scared about it all. I needed a distraction. He'll still be there tomorrow and we can still talk tomorrow. Right now I just want to think about the future. You me and magoo over there.

"I can't promise it's gona be easy with us but I can promise it's going to be fun"

Olivia kissed the top of the head resting on her chest as a sneeze sounded from the cot. Both women held their breaths fearing it would wake him up but Noah was out for the night.

The two women who loved him weren't far behind.

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A/N I've a bit more to do with this so please stick with me. And thank you all for your lovely comments so far. They all help. If you want to see something done let me know and I'll try to work it in!