Dear Natara,

There have been four more murders, one for each week. Each of them were either shot or stabbed and placed in a dumpster on school grounds. They all had a paper crane in their left hands. Two were teachers at the local middle school. One was a bus driver. One was an elementary school prinicpal. One was a social worker for the middle school. One was a Special Ed teacher.

No one knows what the hell is going on. The only connection we can find is that they all had occupations relating to a school. Add to that all the other homocides the station usually deals with, and just imagine the chaos. Ken's doing his best to keep things under control, but that's a difficult job to do when there's a psychopath serial killer on the loose.

There's still no new leads, no new evidence. We're not sure how we haven't found any DNA on the bodies or anywhere else on the crime scene. We've followed every lead, looked under every stone, and still nothing on this guy.

I'm not too sure what writing to you will accomplish. I know that you can't just pop out of nowhere and tell me where to look. I'm useless as far as profiling goes, as is everyone else investigating this case. Everyone's only able to sit around and scratch their heads while some guy continues to murder innocent people.

Sometimes I think God is selfish. I don't understand why he took you from us. I get that everyone has to die, some sooner than others. My mom told me when I was little that God takes people once they've completed their purpose in life. Only I can't figure out what purpose you completed.

There are still killers roaming free, and none of us can get in their heads like you could. We can't figure out who this guy is, or why he's killing people. We have a tentative profile, but it's nothing like the things you used to come up with.

So why would God take you if there were still murderers?

I hate the fact that you're not here to help me. I'm so used to being able to turn to you for help, and now that's not an option. Everytime I want to ask you a question and then remember that you're not there, my heart clenches. I'm torn between anger and sorrow every single time.

And you may be saying, "Well, that's great, Mal! You're feeling emotions again. It means you're healing, and isn't that what you wanted?" And it is what I want. But sometimes I'm not so sure I want to feel the emotions. Part of me wants to go back to the time when I couldn't feel anything, because it wasn't as uncomfortable as the things I feel now.

In other news, Amy and Kai are still going strong. to be honest, I'm a little jealous of them. I didn't know you could miss a possibility for the future so much.

I walked in on them once, in the conference room. I had gone back to retrieve a file I had left on the table, only to stop short and let out a shocked yell as soon as I stepped into the room. They were locked in an embrace, kissing each other tenderly. The three of us were beyond embarasses and tried to laugh it off.

I watch them a lot. I see them holding hands, or watch Amy blush when Kai brushes his hand against her cheek. They're inseparable. I see them like that every day, and I miss you so much it hurts. I wish that it could be us holding hands or stealing kisses in the conference room.

I guess the bottom line is that I miss you. I want you back, even though I know that's impossible. I want to be able to hold you and know that you're safe and alive. But as much as it pains me to acknowledge, you're dead. You'll never laugh or run or creep people out by getting in their heads ever again, and I hate it.

I dont think the plan my therapist and I came up with is working too well.

Love you always

Mal