When I woke up, I felt the nausea crawl across my skin like burning ants. I scrambled from the bed and raced into the ensuite bathroom. The thoughts surged around my brain as the vomit escaped me. The dreams had restarted since my work with Bucky. The pain was etched into my memories and it was never something I could remove. This time it had been different. After the tiring exercise of the previous day, I felt the pain anew.

I rested my forehead on the toilet as sweat soaked through my tank top.

"You okay?" Bucky's hand came to her back and he sat down next to her.

"I'm okay," I coughed but tears stung my eyes as the pain still rippled across my nervous system. "I will be okay." I repeated with a fake confidence. Bucky didn't seem to buy it and just rubbed my back in silence.

"This isn't about the mission yesterday, is it?" Bucky whispered. His hand stilled on the base of my back.

I let out a staggered breath and sighed.

"Sometimes I forget what I am," I whispered. "Then it comes back to you all at once. When I was in that room, it snapped back into place like a loose fuse. It came back all at once." A breath struggled through me. "It's a constant. I won't get past it. It's like I keep closing the door as if suddenly there won't be something on the other side… James… when I do that I'm gone..."

Bucky said nothing, but he moved to wrap his arms around my waist and to put his legs on either side of me. His frame engulfed mine and we sat there in a comfortable silence.

Then a thought crossed my mind. I laughed as my forehead still rested against the toilet pan.

"What?" Bucky grumbled against my back.

"This is romantic and all but you're hugging me against a toilet!" I laughed and felt Bucky start laughing too.

…

I had agreed to spar with Clint a week later despite still feeling ill. The itching in my skull had caused me to avoid Bucky. Clint was a comfort and I couldn't bare to be a burden. My power came at a price and he was already hurt enough.

The sparring was going well.

I fell into a rhythm. Punch, block. Punch, kick, block. It repeated like a code.

I sighed but focused and tried to appreciate what Clint was doing with me.

"My turn," A voice came from behind me. I turned to see Natasha Romanoff. I smiled and signalled or her to take Clint's place.

"That's fine with me," Clint raised his hands and backed away. "Always good to see two ladies fighting."

I started to fight but Natasha was taking it seriously. She landed a punch on my waist and I groaned.

I fell back and paced trying to walk off the pain. She gave me space.

"You're out of shape Ava," Natasha smirked. She pounced forward, and I blocked her attack. I rolled away again and nearly landed a kick but failed. She came forward again and wrapped herself around my body. Her arm went around my neck.

His arm was around my neck as he pulled me to the ground.

"Natasha," I whispered hoarsely as I tapped at her arm.

"What? You tapping out?" Natasha let me go and I stood. I shook my head, but my vision was cloudy. I tried to shake it off and turned to ungracefully attack Natasha. I missed and stumbled. She caught my legs and I hit the ground with a loud thud. I groaned.

Pain echoed through my body and the needles went deeper. I screamed- I screamed.

"Ava!" Clint and Natasha were leaning over me.

I felt a surge of energy through my skin.

"Again!" A voice commanded. I held out my hand and the energy surged towards the weeping man.

Vomit rose up my throat but the buzzing in my skin was overwhelming me. I pushed past them both and tried to create as much distance as possible.

"You need to leave," I whispered hoarsely as the energy clawed at my skull. My hands were rippling in my vision.

"Ava! What's going on?" Clint reached out to me but remained defensive.

"I can't control it," I whispered and looked up at them both with white eyes. The energy started to burn my skin. I groaned and fell to my knees. "Go." I forced the words out of my mouth.

"Ava-" Clint moved forward.

"Get back!" I screamed. The energy rippled off me and I could feel the air buzzing.

"Ava," The voice whispered in my ear. "Time to let go."

Clint and Natasha scrambled back. The air around me was rippling and twitching.

"Get out," I whispered and looked up at them pleadingly. I collapsed fully when they had gotten behind the glass door. The energy pulsed from my fingertips. I screamed as it tore at my insides. The energy shot out in waves.

"Ava," The voice whispered again. "You can't hold it in, my dear. It will get out." I screamed as the man who did this to me came into view. He was standing behind the window into the room. Across from me was another girl my age. She was crying. She sniffled and clutched her jumpsuit.

She was scared. She was scared of me.

I screamed and felt the energy explode around the room. It tore through the ground and cracked the glassdoor.

I looked up to see Bucky stood next to Natasha.

My vision blurred as I fell backwards. I could see the faint outlines of people running towards me before I passed out.

….

"What's wrong with me?" I sat on the examination table. "I'm getting worse."

T'Challa leaned against the desk as a doctor walked around me, holding a chart.

"Can you describe any other symptoms?" The doctor paused and looked at his notes on the tablet.

I held myself and looked out the window. "I'm having nightmares constantly."

T'Challa folded his arms and sighed. I tried to squint so I didn't see his reflection on the window.

"Are they your own nightmares?" T'Challa asked.

"They're not Bucky's," I stated and looked down at my hands.

"Ava," T'Challa started. "I am worried about you."

"It's not Bucky," I repeated and turned to glare at him. "It's… got to be what they did to me. You need to fix me… I need to be fixed."

"How do I do that?" T'Challa raised his voice. "What do you want me to do, Ava?"

He threw his hands wide and continued, "I can't fix you and you know we can't cure you. What do you want me to do?"

"T'Challa, you know what I'm asking," I sighed and rubbed my temple.

T'Challa recoiled. "I will not."

"I need you to," I whispered.

"I can't do that," He folded his arms and a sadness fell over his face.

"I can't keep doing this," I tried to keep the tears from falling. "But I know you need to break me… I need to be broken to get better. You need to do what they did. I know you have the stuff to do it. I need you to break me."

"I can't believe you're asking for this," He sighed. "We agreed we would never do this."

"I can't keep doing this," I snapped. "I need you to fix me, and I know this is the only way… I never completed the experiments they had planned. I need to finish what they started. I'm a danger to everyone around me if we don't try to stop it. Do I need to kill Natasha, or Clint for you to see that?!"

T'Challa looked at me with a sadness I had come to recognise.

"I will not," T'Challa whispered. "I will not do that to you."

"Fine," I closed my eyes and I let part of me close. "But there will come a time when you need to do that to me."

He just nodded.

I left before he said anything more.