I know, I know, it's been a month...But I have another excuse! Finals! Yay. cough sigh but here you go, it's about Freddy learning to read for the first time.

You know how when you have a general advantage over your minor, your minor is always constantly looking for something they can do better than you and then when the find that something they use that to take advantage over you and make you THEIR minor and suddenly you're no longer in control, and you're a minor and they're a major, and then you look for something you can do better or try to master whatever they found they could do better then you, and the whole process starts over again? Have you ever felt that horrible weakness and loss of self? It's like the whole Jacob and Esau thing, Esau sold his birthright and suddenly Jacob is better than him, only in this case Jacob sold the birthright that Esau sold him and so on and so forth. AND you're kinda selling it unwillingly.

Well, that's what happened to me. You might think that the whole explantion thing above was confusing,a dn uneccessary, but for one, that was half the point, and for another, I had to make sure you understood the painfulness of my situation.

The weakness that Ed found in me was my inability and foreigness to books and reading. After a while, he found that he a certain power over me: the threat of suddenly disappearing and refusing to read to me. That little sucker thought that he could prevail with that simple little threat. But did he? NO! I think not! In the process of retrieving my rightful position of leader, I decided to take measures into my own hands. I would learn to READ!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Since I couldn't do that alone, I had to have Carweasel help me. It was an unpleasant yet interesting conversation, but eventually my Stare of Pure Evil got to him and he grudgingly agreed to get a book and teach me to read

So, this is how our reading conversation went:

C: walks warily and wearily to the meadow with a strange, bulky object with a red dog on the front

Me: points at the funny object wazzat?

C: resigned sigh (he's really reluctant with the whole "teaching me to read" thing.) Alright, it's time you meet your first book: it's called Clifford, the Big Red Dog

Me: shrinks back warily I don't like dogs. Dogs bite. Bite hurts. Hurt's bad. Bad is not good. Good is...AGH! I broke the chain!! NOOO!! FORGIVE ME, GOD OF CHAINS!!

C: menacing voice Alright, you little sucker, you better listen to waht I say adn do what I tell you or the deal's off.

Me: Funny, that's what Ed always says... maybe it's just me?

C: Alright. The book. Do you at least know how to read letters and words?

Me: Yep. I got Ed to teach me that before he ditched me and decided I was evil and mean.

C: Sure. Whatever. Ok, You open a book like this. You take the cover, and pull up while holding rest of the book. that brings you to the first page of the book.

I watched as he opened the book to the First Page. I looked at it confusedly. It said Clifford, the Big Red Dog in big letters, with a name underneath and some otehr unneccesary stuff.

Me: Is that it? It wasn't as evil and captivating as i thought. Maybe big red dogs aren't that bad... but what do i know? i've never seen one.

C: No no no, that's not all. You have to take the next page and you turn it over. And you do taht over and over again until...he keeps magically getting the pages to flip...you get to the end! Now you can ditch that book or read it again.

Me: Bu-bu-But...tries to reopen the book to actually read it...ehhhhhhhhhhhhh I can't do it!! hard breathing

C: You have to flip the book to the side with the big, colorful words again.

Me: oh.

After a few more hours of fiddling with the thrice accursed book, I decided I didn't like dogs, no matter what color or size it is. But the next day, as Ed prepared to read me the next part of The Shining, I told him about my renewed status. And so his quest for major-ness continues.

I know it says Freddy doesn't like dogs, but i personally have nothing against them. However, you gotta see it from his point of view: dogs love chasing things. And it just so happens that butterflies are part of their list.