Mike: What the hell am I doing NOW?
Me: How would I know?
Mike: YOU'RE WRITING IT!
Me: Doesn't mean I know what I'm doing.
Mike: Oy.
Anyway, I ended up getting a new laptop, as my other crashed on me. I had what I needed on my USB, so it's all good. Rest in peace, Model One. You were such a great help. Enjoy the newest installment, folks!
"God, it burns!" I screamed from the bathroom in my house.
Only hours after the Poison-types were defeated, I had decided to go out to eat. However, I didn't make it very far. It would seem that while toxins can't kill me, they can do everything else. It's official; the universe is a sadist.
"Get out of me!"
After a few more minutes of agonizing effort, which you're better off in the dark about, I emerged, alive and drained. Groaning like the undead, I limped to my room.
"Fuck you, universe. Fuck you."
I stopped and turned around, growling like a Poochyena. Forgot to flush. After disposing of the incriminating evidence, as it were, I made it to my room. I plopped onto my bed, facedown.
"Good grief," I grumbled, closing my eyes.
"Do you feel better, dear?"
Oh, boy. Forgot she was waiting. Why, though? Dammit brain, must I upgrade?!
She was sitting only inches away from me.
"I'm still breathing. Admittedly, I tried to force it. I need more fiber in my diet."
"Come here," she requested, patting her lap.
I drug myself up to her, laying my head down on her lap.
"This is nice," I sighed blissfully, as one of her vines stroked my hair.
I looked up at her. Every time I see her face, I can't help but wonder what she sees in me. I have to say, though, I've been hearing good things about us chubbies lately, especially bedroom-wise, but I digress. One thing still bugs me, even if she said it was okay.
"Are you really okay, with this situation?" I queried.
"Yes," she replied sweetly.
"How? You were against me being with other women before, so what changed?"
She smiled. "I've said it before. When Vulcana and Current told me how you felt, I knew you wouldn't leave me."
"Heart, it's more guilt than love.
"Don't misunderstand, Heart, I do care for you. The thing is, I'm human, and not one of the better ones. I try to pay attention and be smart and understanding, but I fail epically most of the time. I mope over many regrets I have, one of them being a bastard to you and the others."
"Dear, don't be so hard on yourself."
"I'm not. I'm just pointing out my flaws."
"No one's perfect, especially me."
"What?" I sat up, aghast by her comment. "How could you say that? You are to me."
"I'm a jealous person, Michael. I can't stand potential rivals, even though Pokémon have been known to share mates. I just want you to be mine."
"That's it? You suffer from jealousy?"
"Dear!"
"Sorry, but that's small stuff. People my age cheat on each other, have 'friends with benefits.' It pisses me off. Ruined the whole relationship thing for me."
"Is that why you tried to push me away?"
"Not at all. However, my thoughts are people shouldn't be in a romantic relationship, unless they plan to commit. If I plan to spend time with someone, I want it to mean something, to be of worth. They're a waste of time and effort, otherwise. Am I making sense?"
"Very," Heart replied.
"That's good to hear. As for jealousy, c'est la vie. As long as you don't go yandere on me, that is."
"Yandere?"
"Initially loving, eventually psychotic. Plus, it's not like it's unfounded."
She giggled. "You're very nice, dear."
"I try to be."
There was a knock on my door.
"Pretend we're not here," I mouthed. I just wanted to go to sleep.
"I see you," I heard Current say.
"D'oh!"
"Come in," Heart said for me.
The door opened, letting in Vulcana and Current, the Blaziken dressed in a long silver t-shirt and blue jeans.
"Please don't tell me there's one left," I whined.
"No," Vulcana responded, shaking her head.
"We just came to see how you were feeling," the lioness said.
"I'll live," I told them, lying down.
"You sure you're okay?"
"Aside from intestinal distress, which is really nothing new for me."
"O…kay."
"Forget I said that," I yawned. "I'm sleepy…"
We've all had one of those nights where you just fall asleep, soon as your head hits the pillow. Sometimes—especially if you're me—you don't even realize it. When I came to, the girls were lying close to me, keeping me warm on all sides, particularly the shiny Luxray at my naked feet.
Okay, how do I get out of bed, without waking these girls?
I looked at Heart, then Vulcana, then Current. They looked content, even blissful, in their slumber.
Then again, I don't have an important date or anything.
My phone had a different opinion, as it went off. It roused the ladies from their sleep.
Dagnabbit!
Very irritated, I flipped it open and said, "What now?!"
"We need you at the station," Cynthia said, unfazed.
"Not even a whole sixteen hours and I have to work again? We need to talk about benefits and time off."
"After you get to the station."
"One of these days I will snap, and it will not be pretty."
"Until then, get over here!" She disconnected. I groaned, closing my phone.
"More work after yesterday?" Vulcana asked, concerned.
"Yyyep," I responded, climbing out of bed.
I put on my dress shirt and shoes.
"I've been wondering, dear. What's the meaning of that crest on your shirt?"
She was referring to the Slayer Mark. Been years since I really called myself one.
"It's just a relic."
I walked back to the bed and gathered the Pokémon in my arms, holding them tight.
"I love you, girls," I said simply. "I hope you know that."
"We love you, too, Mike," Current replied, returning my hug as best as she could, alongside my flower and avian.
Reluctantly, I withdrew from them and bid farewell for the day. I walked down the stairs. Beyond the living room window was a blanket of shadows.
"Jeez, what time is it?"
I went outside quietly thru the front door. The open air was brisk, stripping any grogginess I still had away. With Sinnoh being north of Kanto and Johto, you can expect year-long cold weather. Me, I'm naturally hot-blooded, and the fact that I am a human bear don't hurt. I strolled through the town, the only source of illumination being the occasional streetlight. I'm genuinely surprised Sandgem has them, small town as it is. When I got to the station, there were a few policemen already there, working at their desks. One of them noticed me and gestured to the back. Within seconds, I was standing outside one of the interrogation rooms. Taking a breath, I opened the door.
"You're here," I heard Red said.
I closed the door.
"Mike!" Cynthia ordered.
"You rang?" I asked, opening the door once more.
"Get in here."
I entered, shutting it behind me. "Shouldn't we be in the other room?"
"Just sit," she declared.
I did as she commanded, sitting down in the closest chair, not knowing why.
"So, what did I do?"
"Nothing," Red said, sitting across from me.
"Uh-huh," I said skeptically, looking from the kid to the blonde in black. "Why don't I believe you?"
"I know this isn't the best place to talk."
"You think? Next time, let's meet in a courthouse, with a judge and jury! And for my lawyer, I pick the Turnabout Terror."
"Who?"
"Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright."
"Who?"
"Never mind," I conceded, shaking my head. "Why am I here, if not for any charges?"
"Ever heard of a guy named Hunter?"
"Hunter Hayes?"
"No," Red stated, "and since when do you listen to country music?"
"Anything's better than Justin Bieber, I'll say that right now. I don't care who hears me."
"Anyway," he started again, "he was apprehended in Kalos, charged with poaching rare Pokémon."
"What kind?"
He reached into his backpack and pulled out a feather. While it was a reddish gold, it was shining in all colors under the light as he twirled it between.
"Is that what I think it is?" I asked, unable to believe my eyes.
"One of Ho-Oh's feathers. He was severely injured by Hunter's arrows."
"How did he find Ho-Oh? It's one of the few Legendary Pokémon that has no known migration patterns or resting spots."
"Doesn't matter. If he could find the Rainbow, he could find Suicune, Cresselia, possibly even Mew."
"Well, it's a good thing you guys got him," I concluded.
The Champions looked at each other, a little uneasy.
"Aw, man!" I dropped my head onto the table.
"I don't know what happened, Mike! All we know is he got away."
"That ain't the problem I see," I grumbled.
"What is the problem, then?" Cynthia inquired.
I lifted my head. "You're gonna have me find him, that's what."
"We're not," Red said.
Huh?
"I made Hunter my personal responsibility. You focus on the Followers. I just wanted to see if you knew anything." He stood up. "Come along, Cynthia."
She followed suit and was about to leave with Red, when I decided to speak up about my newfound info.
"There's a possible connection between the Gijinka and Pokérus."
They stopped before the door.
"How?" Red asked.
"Yesterday, I ran into one who was on my team once. They said they grew ill, but after recovering, they changed."
"Did you believe them?"
"Not much to gain from lying about their transformation. Plus, it couldn't hurt to look into it."
"Fair enough. Take care, Mike."
They left.
"Off to home, then," I said to myself, before making my way out.
Later in the day, I had busted out the boxing gloves.
"Oh!" I grunted, being thrown down on the mat, yet again. "I keep telling you, this isn't how you box!"
"I'm not a Hitmonchan, Dad," Luke replied, helping me up.
"Doesn't take one to know you're not allowed to use jujitsu in a boxing match."
I had chosen to train with Luke downstairs, since I figured the enemies would get tougher from here. Wasn't really looking to be a punching bag, but what can you do?
"What are you trying to accomplish here, Dad?"
"Spatial awareness, Luke. Knowing where everything is."
"I don't think that'll work for you," he argued.
"What do you mean?"
"You managed to get this far without it."
"Key phrase; this far. Time and again, I lived through whatever was thrown at me. Scar, Jawx and the Gijinka so far. Yesterday, though… I lost twice in one day, due to being oblivious to what's happening around me. The only other time I was beaten so badly was by Seth."
"Seth?"
"A chameleon Beastman, not that much bigger than me. To date, he beat me ten times, because I was unaware. The next time I fall, I might not get back up, Luke."
"Dad, you have us. Me, Rai, Kong, Vulcana. We'll always have your back, you just have to ask."
"What do you think I'm doing now?" I asked.
"Repeatedly losing?" he quipped.
I frowned. "Wise guy."
I threw a punch, but he used it against me, flipping me onto my back.
"Will you stop that?!"
"Not everyone boxes, Dad."
"Humor me, at least."
"Maybe later. Can't continue on an empty stomach, right?"
"Dinnertime?"
"Dinnertime."
Rolling to my feet, I resigned for the moment, eager as usual to stuff my face. While I wanted to keep going, I knew what happens when you push your body too far. Not to the verge of death, mind you, unlike my battles. Let's hope my luck runs for a little longer.
That Hunter dude, he's been popping up all around. TV, Internet, newspapers; everywhere you go, he's there. From what I've seen of video clips on some websites, he is dangerous. He uses a longbow of some kind, but there's no signs of augmentation with his arrows, like Hawkeye or Green Arrow. His appearance screamed "Fable" to me. For those of you who never played the Xbox game, it's a very enjoyable game. One of the interesting things is, your Hero's appearance changes based on your choices. Enough good choices give you a halo, and enough evil ones give you crabs. Whoops, I meant "horns."
Hunter's gear was definitely influenced by evil. All dark and bloodstained, his clothes were hanging off his thin body almost like drapes. The weapon he carried resembled something called Skorm's Bow, which is pretty much a knockoff of the Epirus Bow. The only way you can get it in the game is to sacrifice some people at this temple. I tried, but it requires no less than perfect timing.
I sighed, walking around the living room with my hands in my front pockets.
"Mike, calm down," Rai said, watching yet more coverage on the rogue via TV.
"I am calm," I told him, pacing back and forth.
"Then can you stop moving around, please? You keep blocking the news."
I complied, continuing behind the couch.
"Okay, you need to find and pummel this guy."
"Why?"
"Because listening to your footfalls is even worse."
"Just tune me out. Can't be that hard."
He scoffed. "My big ears don't allow me that luxury, Slim Jim."
"Yeah, yeah," I dismissed.
"Seriously, why aren't you after him? He doesn't look very tough."
"How many people have said that about you?" I retorted.
"Fair enough."
I finally had enough and sat down.
"Red said he would handle the guy."
"And since when do you listen to him?"
"I don't, but I am getting worried."
"That he'll call for you and insist he has things under control, thereby 'guilting' you into fighting Hunter?"
"You get me," I agreed.
"More than I'd like to admit."
"This just in!" the teal-haired reporter announced, suddenly appearing on the screen. "The criminal known simply as 'Hunter,' has been sighted just outside of Jubilife City. Authorities are advising all civilians to remain inside, as to minimalize casualties."
"Three, two, one," Rai and me counted down together.
My phone started ringing. I answered.
"Thank you for calling Poké Mart in Sandgem," I said, pinching my nose to disguise my voice while Rai snickered. "This is Manwell speaking, how may I help you?"
"Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number," Red apologized, sounding a little dumbfounded.
"It's me," I confessed, unstopping my schnoz. "What do you need?"
"Are you watching the news?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You sure you don't know who he is?"
"I have an inkling."
"What do you got?"
"Hold that thought," I said.
I got up and walked through the kitchen, and out the back door. I don't get why, but I felt I had to keep the rest secret.
"I really have no idea who Hunter is, but he may be a Hero from Albion."
"Then why is he doing all these things?"
"Heroes from there, not all of them are good guys. The Hero's Guild is pretty flexible when it comes to one's alignment. In fact, their appearance is influenced by their alignment."
"How does that help?"
"It doesn't, but knowing he's not much without his bow does. That said, be prepared for literally anything. Heroes aren't a dime-a-dozen."
"Got it. I'll let you know what happens."
He disconnected.
"Hiding something, big guy?" Vulcana asked, coming out the back door wearing long shorts and a tube top.
"Yeah, I rule all the regions from the shadows," I answered sarcastically, closing my phone.
"Very funny."
"Red just wanted my opinion on that Hunter guy."
"I don't get it. You say you don't like the guy, so why do you do these things for him?"
"Because I respect him. Respecting someone and liking someone are two different things. They don't always go hand in hand."
She folded their arms. "What about me and Current?"
"Kinda hard for her, since she walks on all four."
"Mike."
"I'm kidding. I have respect for all of you, except for Rai."
"Why?"
"He once put me in an iron maiden, while I was asleep. Hard to respect someone who does that to you."
"Isn't that the name of a band?"
"It's also the name of a torture device, a very hurtful one."
"Why do you have one?"
"…I want to say something sarcastic, but it may not come out as intended. Annnd I forgot what it was. That's gonna keep me up tonight."
"Why do you have one?" Vulcana repeated.
"Eighty-seven percent of the junk in the house isn't originally mine, and that weird thing ain't in high demand. Last I checked, anyway. I could do a haunted house thing, though, make some cash selling tickets. Annnd I lost control of my train of thought."
The following perverse thought made me shiver, despite it involving Esdeath.
"Mike," the Blaziken stated.
"Hmm?"
"That Hunter person seems to be the human version of Jawx. Do you really want to stay out of this?"
"What can I do? I'll get killed before I can reach him."
"Same as it was with him. That didn't stop you from helping us."
She was right in a sense, but that was more for me than them. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions," they say. Does it hold true for the opposite, as well? I can only hope.
I sighed. "Feel like doing something stupid with me?"
She smiled. "What did you have in mind?"
(3rd person POV)
Uptown Jubilife had become something of a combat zone. Cars were either destroyed or on fire. Officers on scene were on the ground, mere pincushions full of arrows. Hunter had laid waste to them, firing one after another at an inhuman rate. The only one left standing was the World Champion, who had decided to aid the police. Red was winded, three or four bolts stuck in him. He wasn't giving in, not until the so-called "Hero" was stopped.
Hunter's impish face bore no emotion when he spoke, bow in hand.
"Pretty resilient," he said, a dark tremor to his voice.
Red glared in response.
"Give me the stink-eye all you want, it won't change things."
"Why are you doing this?" Red asked with some difficulty.
"Is there need for one?" he countered.
Red's eyes widened with the realization that the man was insane. Hunter drew yet another arrow from the quiver tied to his waist and readied his weapon.
"What's your name?"
"…Red," the Champion replied.
"Red. I'll be sure to remember that."
Pulling the bowstring tight, the red plate covering his bow-hand began to glow a bright blood-red.
Where are you, Mike? Red thought, getting worried.
A moment later, he heard screaming in the distance behind him. He looked over his shoulder to find a black Bronco swerving down the street, someone hanging onto the roll cage for dear life.
"Stop this bloody thing now!" a young man in orange yelled, trying desperately not to fly off.
"You're here," Red sighed with relief.
(Mike's POV)
"We're not there yet!" Kong shouted.
"Stop the truck this instant!"
He did, the pickup screeching to a halt. I kept moving, soaring through the air until I landed between Red and the Hero.
"Last time he drives," I groaned, getting to my feet.
I heard a thud. Red had collapsed.
"Red!" I ran over to him and kneeled down. He must've blacked out. He was still breathing, even with the arrows in him.
"I got him covered, Dad," Luke said, having come over to tend to him, Vulcana and Kong following behind him. "You worry about that guy."
Leaving him to use his Aura, I turned my attention the Hero. Hunter had relaxed his weapon a little.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"A colleague, let's leave it at that."
He drew back the string in an instant, poised to kill. I stopped.
"How did you get here?" I asked.
"If I knew that, you think I'd still be here?"
"What do you mean?"
"I fall asleep back in Oakvale, and when I wake up, I'm in someplace called 'Can-too.'"
"It's pronounced 'kahn-toh,' pal," I corrected him.
"Irrelevant in this situation," he said. "Now again, who are you?"
I flung my arms out a little. "Why do you need to know my name?"
"So that I know who I killed."
I wasn't fazed by his words. So many ways to say the same thing. I smirked.
"What are you smiling about?"
"I've been to Albion once, but not for very long. Nice place, the Guild. If nothing else, it was educational."
"Weird choice for last words, No-Name."
He released the projectile. He was shocked when I caught it with one hand. They all were.
"How did you do that?" Kong queried, mouth agape.
"You have Will?!" Hunter exclaimed.
"Will" is what Albion calls magic. In the time I was there with my friends, I learned one spell, one that helped me keep up with many an agile foe.
"Let me make one thing clear to you, Hunter," I said, dropping the bolt. "I'm not invincible."
"That's not what you're supposed to say," he replied.
"I won't lie, even if you are an enemy. I don't see a need for intimidating you."
He chuckled. "Have it your way."
Sheathing his bow on his back, he drew a mace from the same spot. Its head was a simple blue sphere, the whole of the weapon being very detailed and ornate. I responded by drawing my scimitar.
Here we go. Slow Time.
(Luke POV)
"Okay," I said, finished repairing Red's last wound with my Aura. I stood up, ready to help Dad. When I turned, I saw Kong and Vulcana just standing there.
"Aren't we here to help Dad or not?!" I accused of them, standing by their side.
"We would," Kong objected, "if we knew which one he was."
"What are you talking about?"
He pointed out to all the wreckage, where I saw two blurs move about. Their Auras were hard to keep track of, but his showed nothing abnormal.
"He did something that kind of sped him up," Vulcana explained.
"Albion," I stated.
"What?"
"Dad, among his many quirks, tends to talk in his sleep. One of those things was a place called 'Albion.'"
"How do you know that?"
"We watched him sleep," Kong told her. "He wanted someone to keep an eye on him after his 'Chocolate Thundah!' nightmare."
"Don't ask," we interjected before she could.
I heard a shout. Dad fell against a totaled sedan, battered and bloody.
"Not even thirty seconds," Hunter commented, towering over him.
"Yeah, I just know the basics," Dad coughed. "What I can do, anyone can do, if not better."
"Hmph." The criminal put his club away. "Don't meet a lot of honest people."
"I can imagine, Matias."
Hunter drew his bow. "I gave up my real name when Oakvale burned, and I've been wanting to hunt that masked man down ever since."
"Vengeance, huh? I hope you dug enough graves," my father warned him.
Hunter readied his weapon. "I always keep a spare."
Rushing over, I pushed Hunter away. He stumbled.
"Don't you dare lay another finger on him!"
"Who's the mutt?" he asked Dad.
What did you call me?
"Yeah, he doesn't like that particular word."
"Okay, how about son of a—"
I wailed on him before he finished that sentence. I let my anger take control, but it was worth it. One palm thrust after another to the upper body, he refused to go down. He actually caught my attack by the wrist, twisting my arm and forcing me on my knees.
"Give me one reason, mutt."
He kept the hold tight. I thought my arm was really going to snap off.
"How about this?"
(Mike POV)
Back on my feet, I plunged La Espada into Hunter's chest. Gasping his last, he fell backwards, releasing Luke's arm.
"You killed him," Luke said.
"I wish," I told him. "He'll be back up in a minute."
"Dare I ask how?"
"You know my skunk juice?"
"Yeah."
"All Heroes carry at least one vial of something like it, revives them within seconds. Or minutes, I could never remember which one it was."
I checked my pockets for something to tie the Hero up with, but came up empty-handed.
"The one time I don't have rope. Keep an eye on him for me, I need to check my bag."
I went over to the truck and grabbed my bag. Rummaging through it, I was careful not to cut myself on the many blades inside. While I looked, I was injured. Now, I've seen this meme for Skyrim, and I have one thing to say: why me?
"Dammit!" I yelled, dropping to the ground, clutching my knee.
"Are you okay?!" Vulcana had come to my side.
"I took an arrow to the knee, how do you think I feel?!"
"Okay, geez! Just calm down."
"What part of 'arrow to the knee' do you not understand?!"
It was lights out for me. Not from the pain, but from Vulcana hitting me on the head very hard. When I came to, I was in the hospital, in bed.
"Ah, you're up, Mr. Hogrelius," a man with graying hair in blue scrubs at the foot of my bed said, holding a clipboard.
Sitting up and rubbing my head, I asked him, "How long was I out?"
"You only just got in an hour ago, man," he answered. "You're lucky the arrow didn't completely destroy your knee, but you're still gonna be stuck in bed for a while longer."
Figures. And that joke is NOT funny.
"Lucky?"
"Yeah, relatively speaking, of course. If your sciatica nerves had been damaged, you would have no further use of that leg."
"Okay, so I was lucky. What about Red, though?"
"He's still being operated on."
"What room?"
"He's in good hands. You just take it easy, pal."
"Afraid I can't do that," I objected, getting out of bed.
My knee nearly gave out as I got to my feet.
"Hey, easy there!" the man exclaimed, rushing to stop me. "Any strain now will destroy your knee."
"It'll have to hold up until I find Hunter," I retorted, resisting. "Then, I'll break it off in his ass."
"It can wait."
"No, it can't!"
I slugged him in the solar plexus, putting him down for the moment.
"Sorry, but I'll feel at ease when Hunter's gone."
Despite my conviction, I had no way of stopping him. Slow Time doesn't give me enough of a chance, especially when his agility is beyond mine. Luke hardly did any damage, and who knows how many vials of that stuff he has. I just know he's still kicking; Heroes aren't high in quantity for a reason.
I shuffled off into the hallway and kept my cool as I walked, in case a silent alarm goes off. As I was about to exit the building through a side door, something dark passed me by out of the corner of my eye. Looking in its direction, it had disappeared. On a hunch, I decided to follow the shadow. Every time I turned a corner, I only saw traces. Yet, I couldn't stop trying to catch up. The optimist in me thought it was the Hero, while the realist believed I was wasting my time. Either way, I wasn't turning back at this point.
Around the next corner, I had caught up with the figure. It was Hunter, standing in front of a room window unarmed. Much as I would love to beat him down, doing so in here would jeopardize people's lives. All I could was walk up to him and see what was beyond the window. A team of surgeons was hard at work, trying to save Red, who was under anesthesia on the table.
"Guy like that won't die so easily," Hunter commented.
"No thanks to you," I growled.
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Infuriated by his remark, I grabbed the archer by the throat and pinned him against the wall behind us.
"Give me one good reason why I should let you live!"
He was unfazed by my threat. "You're above that?"
I put some muscle in my grip, show him how serious I was.
"Try again."
He smiled condescendingly. "Heroes aren't worth a shit if they don't have a monster to fight."
"It's better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.
"Besides, Slayers aren't heroes. Glorified bounty hunters, if not vengeance-seekers."
"Which are you?"
"Neither. Why would it matter to you, anyway?"
"Because now, you have my interest."
In a flash of dark light, he had vanished into thin air.
"Damn Heroes… wait a minute. He can teleport?! Goddamn, he's OP!"
Ohh, it feels good to say that. Too many OP people in the world…what? Why are you giving me that look?
Red made it, in case you were worried. I can't say I'm not. Hunter went off-grid, hiding. The next few days, while Red was recovering in the hospital, I kept up on my work. Probably shouldn't, with my knee the way it is, but something tells Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dum won't be handling things if I go on vacation.
"Yiii-yi-yi-yi-yi!" my newest opponent laughed, as they swung from branch to branch in the woods north of Floaroma.
"Dagnabbit, if anyone is going to have to a weird laugh, it'll be me!" I shouted, trying to keep up.
Their outfit- shirt, pants, even their hair- was all purple, except for the extra set of hands. That's right, a freaking Ambipom Gijinka! Stole the shirt off my back! Their two suspender straps had big yellow fuzzy-things on them, holding it up as they breezed through the trees, while I was stuck running on the ground.
The only way I can catch up is if they decide to run through the meadow.
As if I commanded them to, the monkey changed direction. They fled to the field of flowers outside the forest. I made use of my newfound opportunity to close the distance between us. Something whizzed by my ear, hitting the Gijinka in the back of the head and bringing them down. When I reached them, they had reverted to their original form in their death. Yes, I said "death." Really no other way to explain an arrow in their head. Stepping lightly as I approached the body, I retrieved my oxford shirt.
"You missed," I stated grimly.
"By choice," Hunter replied loudly, the malicious echo ever present.
Replacing the chemise onto my shoulders, I turned around. In the tree line, I didn't see him. He must have been hiding along the tops or, most likely, behind one of the trunks.
"I thought you returned home."
"Believe me, I would love nothing more."
Behind me?!
I whipped around, scimitar drawn. Aside from the corpse, no one was there.
"I'm in no mood for your games!" I yelled, quickly losing my patience. "Come out so we can settle this for good!"
"No need to finish this so soon," he said all chipper. "We can still have some fun!"
"A monster like you shouldn't be alive in the FIRST PLACE!"
There was a moment of silence. Then, the whole forest, in all directions, began to shake. Bird Pokémon of all kinds flew away in a panicky fashion.
Uh-oh.
He revealed himself, standing about ten meters from me, in the center of the field.
"I don't recall Heroes having that kind of ability," I said, referring to whatever he just did.
Sheathing his bow, he replied, "It's why they call me the 'Dayshadow.' I'm the only known Hero who can hide in the light."
What did I tell you? OP! DAGNABBIT!
"As if this wasn't hard enough."
Sighing deeply, I readied myself. I had made up my mind to stop him, and I would not falter now. Him or me, that's the only outcome I will allow.
"What I am now, was not really my choice," Hunter said.
"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…" I took my place.
Cliché, but true.
He drew his mace, poised to strike. It's times like this when you need that western tune, the one that goes wah wah wahh. Before I could react, he closed the gap in an instant. I reacted instinctively, blocking the swing of his club with my blade. The force of it made me stumble, allowing him to connect a second blow to my side. I tumbled through the meadow, only to be hit again like a golf ball. Going up high, he joined me, only to bring me down. Upon impact, I was stuck in the ground, unable to move.
"Dammit!" I grunted, trying to wriggle out. Hunter landed next to me on his feet. He lifted me out and flung me away. There's no denying it; I'm a hacky sack. After landing on my noggin, I picked myself up, a bit dazed. Staggering, the Hero laughed.
"Oh, man! You have some weird death wish!"
Shaking off the confusion, I looked at him. "Believe what you will, today will be your last."
I pointed my sword, or my fist, as I seemed to have misplaced my weapon.
"You may have gotten that backwards, pal."
He switched to his bow and drew an arrow from his quiver. In spite of knowing I had to move, my legs didn't respond. Then, the weirdest thing happened, and I only say that because I didn't expect it. I threw up, a lot.
"Oh, oh," I coughed after basically turning inside out.
Poor flowers.
"You're that scared of dying?" Hunter chuckled.
"Not gonna lie, I was poisoned not that long ago, and now it seems it has reared its ugly head once more."
"Hmph."
"Ooo, I think I have one more heave left."
I was right. Once again, I spilled my guts. While it was gross to see what came up, there was something shining in the mess. Against my better judgement, I picked it out. Yes, it was gross, but I don't remember eating anything like that.
It was a jewel of some kind, small and toxic-green. While I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, it shattered between my fingers, a light breeze carrying it away.
The flip was that?
"That's enough of that. Goodbye, No-Name."
He released the arrow. Though it spun through the air at breakneck speeds, I saw it. Did that gem do something to me? Leaning to my right, it past me by. He was a little stunned this time.
"No magic? You keep me intrigued, but it won't last."
He readied another arrow, moving his lips like he was saying something. The bolt gained a ghostly glow, then it flew. The glow separated from it, becoming a swarm of arrows.
Another Will power, great.
I'm starting to think that jewel was a stat-boost item of some kind, seeing as it gave me the speed to evade all of them, with some grazing. Before he could fire another, I practically flew straight at him. He blocked my punch with his bow, immediately brandishing his mace. I stepped to the side, dodging his downward swing and countering with another punch. It connected with his face, allowing me to follow up with a few more. He took another swing, but I ducked and laid the point of my elbow into his stomach. He croaked, dropping his club. I took the high-quality stick and, with a twist for momentum, I struck him on the chin, knocking him off his feet. He landed on his back. The Hero tried to get up, but I pinned him under my foot. I had a good mind to smash his skull in with his own mace.
"Hehehehe," he chuckled.
"What?" I asked sternly.
"I told you, Heroes are zeroes without a monster to conquer. So, why this façade?"
"Façade?"
"I know who you are, Maniac. Hard to meet someone who hasn't heard at least one of your exploits. After all, killing isn't what necessarily makes a monster."
"Then what does?"
He chuckled some more. Even after vanishing in a flash of dark light, his laugh grew into a bone-chilling cackle.
Really? You're gonna do that? Oi-yoi-yoi.
"Least I got his mace."
POOF! Yes, it disappeared with a poof.
"Mothershucker!"
What did I do to deserve this, universe?! First the beatings, then gonorrhea, now an arch-nemesis?! Why, oh why ME?
Mike: You have a lot of self-loathing, don't you?
Me: Shut up.
Mike: That proves it.
Me: Ugh...
Tessa: Bordering on cross-over...
Me: Don't you have an appearance at some club?
Mike: Hey, why don't you do that for the next chapter?
Me: Out. Out. Out. Out. *pushes them out of the office* Bloody OC's.
Hunter: You're telling me.
Me: OUT!
Why don't they listen? Anyhow, this is not a crossover. I keep it up, though, and it will be. And like Rex, Hunter will be back. And yes, Phoenixir, he gave in to lust. Name one person who hasn't given in to temptation at some point. Enough of my rambling. This is Mike, signing out with hope that this chapter was good.