First, a big THANK YOU to all of you for reading my story ! I reached the 100 followers and it feels so surreal... of course it's not THAT much when you consider it's the internet and it counts thouthands of people and all but for me it's a lot. Same goes for all you nice comments :3
I hope this story will be to your liking as long as possible and that you'll stick with me for a few weeks more. In deed this fanfic should count 24 chapters in all (maybe a little more or less)
Anyway, hope you'll enjoy !
Day 120, before noon
Clarke was in town. Lincoln was hunting. Octavia was taking a bath. And Lexa was alone. And bored. So, SO bored. She had tried to just lie down and take a nap, but she wasn't tired. She had tried to work on her reading and show Clarke how good she was but after 15 minutes she was bored again. She tried to clean up the house but she had already done that the day before so it took her only 10 minutes. Knowing Octavia, Lexa still had 20 minutes of doing nothing to endure. Or maybe not.
Selina had woken up and started crying so the brunette stood and bent down above the cradle *What is it baby ? Is that your diapers ?* Lexa bent down further to sniff the still sobbing little being but no. It wasn't that. *You ate half an hour ago you can't be hungry so what ?* So she lifted the girl in her arms, resting her on her hips and she stopped crying.
Lexa was good with kids. Or kids were good with her she didn't know. It was really rare for children to cry when being in her arms. The most amusing thing is that it had always been like that. She wasn't the type to play house when she was young and yet, when a parent in her village was tired of their crying children, they just put them near Lexa and they calmed down. So, little by little, she learned how to take care of them. Selina was actually the first really young child she had had to take care of since she became commander. Paradoxically, Lexa didn't like children. Well no more or less than any other human being. Ok maybe a little less than most women in general. Taking care of children was not as enjoyable for her as it seemed to be for Clarke for example.
No, Lexa was more fascinated by them. Humanity knows only two ways to reach eternity : going down in history or having children. By passing on traditions, history, experience and genes, mankind and individuals can last. That simple fact amazed her. But she had also always been impressed by how intelligent and sensitive young infants were. Selina was a calm girl, rarely crying for nothing, always looking around her with curiosity, listening to the world, taking in as many new information as she could. Lexa couldn't help but to connect this surprisingly mature behaviour to Octavia's story and feelings. She was sure that somehow the little girl could feel that something big had happened between her and her mother. Maybe that could explain why Lexa had become so fond of her in such a short amount of time. Her relationship with Octavia too had improved in the past few weeks. The girl was now more at ease next to her, a little familiar even. But Lexa didn't care. The other girl was amusing and so easy to surprise…
Selina's babbling dragged Lexa out of her thoughts. *Well, well in which kind of language are you talking young girl ?* said Lexa with a smile and Selina laughed *I am pretty sure this is not English nor Trigedasleng so what is it ? Do you mind telling me ?* The little girl babbled something again and Lexa answered by a nod and a convincing *I see*
She went to sit on the rocking chair and placed Selina on her lap so that she was facing her. She was planning on saying something, babytalk the girl or tell a story but when she saw the serious look into the girl's eyes, Lexa stayed silent. Selina seemed so concentrated on Lexa's hands. She was looking at them with all the attention she could muster. Then she turned her gaze to Lexa's clothes. Finished with the material's analysis, she turned her attention to Lexa's face. The brunette smiled at her but the girl was still serious. She tried to stand on Lexa's lap so the brunette helped her and maintained her. They were face to face and slowly, as gently as her limited skills permitted her, the child traced the deep healing cuts on Lexa's face with her hands. The touch was light but when Selina's finger grazed the bridge of her nose, the brunette winced in pain. The child stopped and a sad expression twisted her small features. Lexa smiled *Do not worry, I'm ok. See ? No pain* but Selina didn't smile back. Instead she wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck and let the brunette hold her.
Lexa didn't know what happened in the girl's mind, nor what she thought she had just said but from an adult point of view it looked like a grateful apology and Lexa was aback. It was impossible for a child this young to understand what had happened with the bear and yet. When a tear ran down her cheek, Lexa tightened her embrace and made a decision.
When Octavia and Clarke came back 20 minutes later, Selina was sound asleep on Lexa's lap. Without tearing her affectionate green eyes from the sleeping being nor moving a single muscle, Lexa stated.
*I'm the commander*
Day 125 evening
"Can I join you ?"
Clarke snorted "I know why you are here. And I prefer telling you now, I will not change my mind"
Lexa rolled her eyes but smiled "I just came here to take a bath Clarke"
The blonde turned on the platform, crossing her arms on the edge of the pool to look at the girl and raised an eyebrow "Really ?"
"Really."
Clarke shrugged and turned her back to Lexa once again "Sounds fake but fine. Come in"
Lexa undressed and washed herself then sat next to the blonde. After a minute or two she said "Clarke-"
But the blonde cut her "Tss, tss, tss !"
Lexa smirked and called again "Clarke…"
Head back, rested on the edge of the pool and eyes closed, Clarke smiled "Nope."
The brunette took a lighter, smiling tone "Clarke"
"I don't want to hear it"
Lexa sat on her knees and poked the blonde's side "But Clarke…"
Clarke jumped at the touch and giggled "No !"
The brunette poked again a few times and the blonde wiggled, her smile growing "Hey Clarke…"
"I said no Lexa !" But the brunette continued to poke Clarke's side. Eventually the blonde moved and fought back, splashing Lexa, laughing like a kid.
With a mischievous smile the brunette grabbed the blonde's agitated hands. In the impossibility to fight Clarke just dropped her shoulders and made a face. Lexa raised a proud eyebrow and pulling the girl closed she said "Hey, Clarke"
The blonde turned her head to the dark of the cave with a pout "No."
Lexa quickly put her hands on Clarke's shoulders to have a stronger control and took a ridiculously low voice "Claaaaarke…"
The blonde bit her lip to try to repress her smile but she end up bursting out laughing.
With the same voice the brunette added "Please look at me Claaaarke"
Finally childish blue met amused green and the blonde said again in a giggle "Lexa no."
"Lexa yes"
"Lexa…" menaced the blonde.
"Clarke."
Clarke rolled her eyes. She raised a hand and slowly traced one of Lexa's chest scars with her finger. "Lexa... I told you no"
Suddenly Lexa felt the urge to avert her eyes but she managed to plea *Clarke please…*
Clarke came closer and started playing with a lock of Lexa's hair *Don't you dare using trigedasleng on me you bad girl…* Lexa swallowed with difficulty and to make it worse the blonde added in a whisper, lips brushing the brunette's now burning ear "Look at me Lexa"
When the brunette's eyes fell back on Clarke's face, the blonde had a serious expression. A strangled "Clarke…?" escaped Lexa's dry mouth.
Clarke's seriousness got replaced in a second by a devilish grin and she quickly grabbed the brunette's hips and pushed her off the platform. The muscular body of Lexa sank like a rock and Clarke laughed crazily until… Until she noticed the brunette wasn't coming back to the surface. "Lexa…?" But no movement in the dark water "Lexa !" she called louder and kneeled on the platform's edge. "LEXAArgh-" The end of her desperate call fell with her in the water when two strong hands grabbed the back of her thighs.
When Clarke made surface, coughing and panicked, Lexa, barely panting, was sitting on the edge of the pool, smirking. "LEXA !" she swam to the platform and stood on it to punch and slap and yell at the brunette "You dummy ! You gave me a heart attack you little- !" but it was just making Lexa's smirk grow.
*cough*
Both girls stopped moving at the obviously forced sound and turned to look at Octavia, standing awkwardly at the opening of the tunnel.
"Um… I just came down to tell you that dinner is ready and all but since you seems to enjoy yourselves so much right now… Take your time and um… See you tomorrow, bye !" and the girl rushed and disappeared into the dark corridor.
Clarke and Lexa looked at each other then burst out laughing "Oh my god ! Her face !"
It took the both of them a few minutes for their laughs to die. Then Lexa said seriously "Clarke. I want you to know that I disapprove of you coming with me, and I disapprove even more of Octavia accompanying us"
Echoing Lexa's serious tone, Clarke answered earnestly "I know. But we already talked about this and our answers haven't changed. We're coming with you. You can say all the things you want, I won't stay and hide here while you fight"
"Clarke it's dangerous"
The blonde raised her voice "And that's precisely why I HAVE to come with you !" then she added softly "It would be even more dangerous for you on your own. I have to come Lexa. Together we're stronger. Maybe not as much as an army but… You're not alone Lexa"
The brunette smiled one of her softest and more honest smiles. She stood unceremoniously turning to grab a towel. She threw one at Clarke and said "How am I supposed to defeat an army and kill a queen when I can't say no to a random girl"
Clarke grinned "Not just any random girl, a sky random girl, please !"
Day 127, before noon
"So. How are we doing this ?"
"Oh you mean the whole 'let's defeat a nation that an entire army couldn't beat, just the four of us' thing ? Gee, how surprising, I have NO IDEA !"
"Thanks O, that was constructive."
Clarke was annoyed, Octavia too pessimistic and Lincoln as silent as always.
"Maybe we can, I don't know, go from village to village, recruit people and build our own army ?" Octavia suggested, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.
Clarke sighed and shook her head "No. The last thing we want is the queen to know Lexa is alive. We'll have to travel under cover. No the real question is, to where… And Octavia, please, PLEASE ! Could you stop pacing !"
Lexa thought the two girls were going to fight again but Lincoln saved them all. "Luna" Everyone turned to look at the man "Maybe she can do something"
Lexa was perplexed. She didn't want more of her friends to be involved but they just couldn't sit there and watch the queen take control of the whole region "I don't know"
"Lexa, who is Luna ?"
"A woman that took care of me for a while when I was young. The past Heda had sent Anya's squad to Luna's lands to help her people recover from an attack and we stayed there longer than we thought. Anya was always busy so Luna just took me with her and taught me how to build and use a boat"
"Where does this wonderful woman live ?" asked Octavia, hopeful.
"On an Island, not so far from here. 12 hours if we use horses"
Octavia jumped, a smile on her lips "Wonderful ! When are we going ?"
"Calm down O…"
"Yes. There is a problem"
"Of course there is a problem…" Octavia sighed and finally collapsed next to Lincoln on Clarke's bed.
"I don't know if Luna will be able to help us. She has warriors of course but most of her people are traders and fishmongers.
"At least she could offer us shelter and time to think about something else. Lexa, if you think this woman will be willing to take us in and take our side then she is our best option"
Lexa cared a lot about Luna. She knew the woman was a good leader, loved by her people. She didn't want her and her nation to be involved in what could be a terrible fight. But Clarke was right. Once again Lexa had to make a choice, not knowing if she should listen to her head or her heart.
"Lexa, we should move. I know you don't want to put her and her people in danger but she is all we have for now. She'll have at least information to give us and weapons for sure"
Lexa sighed, beaten. If Lincoln could agree with that then… "Alright. But how are we going to reach Entis without being caught ?"
"Entis ?"
Lincoln answered to his wife "Entis is the name of the island. The problem is that the boats we need to go there are in Polis"
"But maybe we can fit in. Polis is a harbour city right ? Don't forget I'm supposed to be a horse breeder. I have something to sell"
Lexa thought. It wasn't a bad idea. "But so many people know my face"
Clarke looked right into Lexa's eyes "Lexa. No offence of course but, for the world right now ? You've been dead for almost five month. Plus, this fucking bear gave you a surgery that could be handy"
Lexa didn't like it. She didn't like the fact that the blonde was right, and that this whole plan might actually work. But she didn't have a choice. With each second passing the queen was becoming stronger and she could reach this small farm of theirs at any moment now. After a long sigh she nodded "Fine" she leaned her head on the wall behind her and closed her eyes "Lincoln, how are we going to by-pass TonDC ?"
"I have friends in Aizer and Urel"
With a frim nod the brunette said "Good" then she stood and straightened her back "We leave in three days"
Seeing Lexa, now stiff and distant put on her coat, the blonde asked "Where are you going ?"
"Hunting" she answered without looking at Clarke.
"I'm coming."
Lexa turned to face the now standing blonde and sighed "No you're not"
"Yes I am"
Clarke had this characteristic determined expression that usually meant Lexa's defeat but not this time. The brunette took a deep breath and met the blonde's gaze with her own. "Clarke" she said slowly cupping the blonde's face with her hands "I am coming back" But the suspicious look in Clarke's eyes was still there.
"Drop it Clarke. Let the commander say goodbye to Lexa"
Lexa offered Octavia a thankful nod before turning back to the blonde "Look at me Clarke. I will be home by tonight, I promise"
Clarke finally nodded and Lexa exited the house.
The brunette had never thought Octavia would be the one to understand.
Day 129 early afternoon
Lexa sat next to Clarke and Commander ran to her with her best 'pet me' eyes. The brunette smiled.
"You're late" It was sharp, accusatory and angry.
Lexa gently scratched the raccoon's belly and answered "I know"
"I thought you were gone."
"I know"
"I thought you were keeping your promises."
"I came back"
"But you're late."
Lexa lied "I got lost"
"No you didn't."
"You're right."
Clarke finally turned to Lexa, angry and hurt "Then why !?"
"I was scared"
"Of what !?" in an attempt to calm the blonde Lexa tried to take her hand but Clarke didn't let her "Answer me !"
"I was scared of being weak"
Clarke frowned, visibly furious at Lexa for talking riddles and all the brunette wanted was to just do nothing and breathe while she still had the time and freedom to do it. "You are right. I tried to see how far I could go without all of you" she paused and lied down, Commander jumping on her stomach. "I was scared of coming back"
Clarke, now more confused than angry asked "Why ? In what not running to a certain death on your own uselessly is weakness"
Lexa took a deep breath "Do you remember what I told you that day in front of the pyre ? About Costia ?"
Clarke softened "Love is not weakness Lexa"
The brunette closed her eyes and with a small smile she said "I know. You taught me that already"
Lexa admitting such a thing was a first and Clarke's cheeks reddened, flattered. She cleared her throat lying next to the brunette "Then what is it ?"
"The queen tore away everything I had. I don't want her to have you too. And Octavia has a baby. Have you thought about Selina ? I do not want to endanger you. My duty is not yours Clarke"
Clarke rolled on her side "Lexa, I haven't seen my family, friends and people in more than two years. They probably think that I'm dead too. I ran away from them but now that they really need me I can't just sit there and imagine them being killed or worse, tortured" the blonde grabbed Lexa's hand and green finally met blue "Listen to me Lexa. I am not coming to help you. I'm coming because I need you. My people need me but alone I'm nothing. You, even on your own, you're the Heda, you have strength, you're the weapon I need to achieve my goal"
Lexa smiled and gently squeezed Clarke's hand *I can't win against you, can I ?*
*Who knows. Maybe one day I'll let you* answered the blonde with a small smile.
The brunette shook her head and rose in a sitting position, holding Commander to be sure not to startle her. She looked at the animal and said "I am sorry little one but you cannot come with us"
"She's quite fond of you. I heard animals could recognize one of their kind when they see them. Apparently it's true"
Lexa smiled "I am not a raccoon Clarke, I am a human"
"Good to know." stated Clarke seriously. Then she stood and with a lighter tone added "Time to go home Lexa, say goodbye to your sister !"
Lexa petted the animal one last time before leaving, wishing those caresses were indeed a goodbye.