In Your Eyes Chapter 10, a criminal minds fanfic

Well, here is the last chapter. Dave and Em are going to have a long road back to each other as they try to work thru lies, misunderstandings, and pride. After they clear the air will it be enough? Sorry for the extra long chapter, but these two had a lot to work thru.

Special thanks to ilovetvalot for the perfect Dave response. I so owe you one!

In Your Eyes

Dave felt his heart race. Emily had called his bluff. It was the moment of truth. Yet his feet refused to move.

Standing up, Emily rolled the top down on the bag of candies. "Alright then, I think we need to go inside."

"Why?"

"I don't want to air our dirty laundry outside for everyone to hear."

"We're in the middle of nowhere Em; only the wildlife can hear us."

Emily flashed him a look. "Don't make this anymore difficult than it already is, please." She pulled open the screen door and walked inside.

"Be careful what you wish for Dave," he muttered to himself. Standing up he went to follow Emily. Pulling the screen door, Mudgie started inside. "No Mudgie; you have to stay outside for this one." If it was going to get nasty, he did not want to be on the receiving end of the Lab's protective nature toward Emily.

Dejected, the dog looked at Emily and whined pitifully. Crossing her arms over her chest, Emily refused to be moved. "You heard him Mudge; now do what your daddy said."

Dave's head went up at her term for him. Was it a slip of the tongue or did it mean…? He was tempted to jump in with both feet and demand to know what she meant but instead he thought it would be best to bide his time.

Tail down, head down, and feeling like his world had come to an end, Mudgie pushed the screen open with his nose and left the two humans to work things out on their own. Turning around three times, he curled up under the window so he could hear everything perfectly.

Inside, the tension was beginning to thicken. Both had a hundred things to say, but neither knew where to start. For a long time the only sound was the ticking of the clock and the crickets.

"Why did you bring me out here?" Emily asked out of the blue.

"What do you mean?"

"I meant, why did you bring me out here? What were your reasons? Or did you have a reason?"

"Did I have to have a reason?"

"For any other rational, reasonable person walking the earth, I would say no. But you're not reasonable or rational when you get focused on something. You're David Rossi." Emily tapped her foot. "I'm not going to ask again Dave."

"I didn't ask you to ask. You took it upon yourself to lead with that question."

She shook her head. "Don't put this all off on me. You recruited Hotch to help bring me out here."

Dave put up his hands. "I don't know why I did. I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure. I wanted us to talk about what happened. I figured enough time had passed and we were calmed down enough to discuss everything like adults."

"So, you're going to tell me why you lied to me the night you called me to come pick your drunken ass up from the bar?"

"I told you the truth."

"No, you told me that you saved my job. You never mentioned that you were going to have to supplement my cheque. Nor did you say that you chose me over JJ. You kept all of this to yourself knowing full well the truth was going to come out."

"What would it have changed if I had told you that I chose you to stay and I made a self-serving sacrifice to make it happen? Would that have made you feel better?"

"I would have switched places with her. I would have made you change your deal and get Strauss to let me go."

"Strauss would have never let you do that. Besides, Will had already taken the job in New Orleans; he didn't know how to tell JJ. It was just perfect timing the way things worked out."

"It wasn't fair."

"Which part?" Dave was confused.

"It was my job; I should have had a say."

"No one got a say. Hotch didn't get a say. I barely got a say. There is no way Strauss would have let you in on this. She was determined to see you and JJ gone. Your presence would have pissed her off and then we would have lost both of you and I couldn't bear that. I barely got her to agree to keep you even with taking a pay cut and funding your pay."

"You lost your pay but got to keep me; was sleeping with JJ consolation for not saving her job?"

"No," Dave snapped.

"So why did you?"

"Why do you need to know?" Dave leveled at her.

"Because I want to believe that deep down inside you are not the horny bastard the FBI rumour mill has labeled you as. I want to believe that it meant something to you." Emily's voice choked with emotion.

"It did. But not in any way I can explain to you…much less myself."

"Did you love her?"

Dave weighed his answer carefully. "I thought I did. But when I go back and think about it, I didn't. I loved who JJ is, and I admire her. At the time I believed that I loved her and I would have done anything to make her stay. But she didn't love me. She loves Will. I thought she didn't belong with a broken down old womanizer like me because I thought I couldn't change. And Will could give her so much more. And in a way he has…he gave her Henry." There was a hint of sadness in his tone.

Emily wasn't sure if he was serious or trying to bait her, so she chose to ignore him. "And me? Why me? Why that night?"

"If I remember correctly, you ordered me over to your place. As for what happened, I'm sorry."

"What part? Me finding out thru Strauss? Or you lying to me?"

"All of it."

"All of it?"

"Emily…I know how you feel and I understand your anger toward me."

"Dave," Emily asked evenly as she tried to suppress her temper. "Why do you think I'm angry at you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"About what?"

"That night." He didn't want to think how he stepped over the line and lost control because if he did, then what Doris told him might be true. Although Emily hadn't confirmed anything, he didn't want to get his hopes up.

"You're going to have to…eventually. And I mean eventually because it's eating at you. I've seen that look before- the defeated look that you wear when you've lost control and your way."

Dave tried to meet her eyes but couldn't. "I made an ass of myself and took my anger out over my failings on you."

"What do you mean?"

Dave ran his hand thru his hair. "Damnit Emily, I forced myself on you! I violated you to ease my conscience."

"That's what you think?" she asked in astonishment.

"That is what I know!" he raged as everything about that night came to the surface. "I was angry at you and JJ and Strauss, so I took it out on you. I used you to ease my guilt."

"I know you did. And I told you I could take it. But you didn't do what you think you did."

"Yes I did."

Emily felt her temper rise. "No you didn't! You've done plenty of things in your life worthy of playing martyr but don't you dare feel the need to bleed over this! If, and I mean if, you did what you think you did, do you really think you would be standing in front of me right now?" She got up in his face. "Do you think that I wouldn't have shot you? You're a lot of things, but you're not that, and there is no way I am going to let you saddle yourself with that guilt."

"If that's not it, then tell me why you're angry."

She threw up her hands in frustration. "Because you betrayed my trust, and not just with JJ. You could have told me what had happened with Strauss that night. I wouldn't have said anything. That way if and when Strauss called me in to her office and tried to make you look like the bad guy I would have been prepared."

"I couldn't…"

"Bullshit! We've been partners for three years. You've had my back, and I've had yours. You put your career on the line for me. I've trusted you with my deepest darkest secret. So to hear that you couldn't confide about your secret deal makes me feel like you never trusted me."

"Now I wish I had told you."

"I want to believe you, but I don't know. I don't want to think that you got some kind of perverse thrill with Strauss telling me everything."

"The only perverse pleasure I would have gotten would be my hands around her throat as she choked out an apology to you. When I went to her office, I made sure I took Hotch with me." His tone was low and deadly and unmistakable. Emily took a step back. Only twice had she seen that look and both times it had chilled her to the bone. If he had used that look on Strauss, it was no wonder she caved on firing both her and JJ.

"Okay. I take that back." A long heavy silence filled the air. "That doesn't explain why you called me JJ. Was it because you wanted her?"

"I can't make any apologies for that. I'm not even aware that I said it. As for wanting her while I was with you…if I did it wasn't a conscious act."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Emily asked with disbelief.

"It means that I'm a man. And men are stupid creatures. I was confused during that time. I thought I wanted her, really I did. And I would have given my right nut to have her, but in the end, she wasn't what I needed."

"What changed your mind?"

"Hotch…and a chance meeting with a guardian angel in New York."

"Good one Dave," Emily replied sarcastically. "Always a flair for the dramatic."

Dave's cheek twitched. "You wanted straight answers. Well, I'm giving them to you! It just so happened this woman's name was Angelica, but her nickname was Gen. She had a little sister with dark brown hair and brown eyes named, coincidentally, Emily. It was at that moment I realized what Hotch told me about getting my life back on track and deciding who I wanted."

Emily couldn't speak. Dave continued with his confession.

"All my life I've done what I wanted without consequence. I've done things that I'm not proud of and looking back, I'm surprised I wasn't shot by one or all of my ex wives. The only time I've ever had to answer for anything was via divorce lawyers. Now it seems that every wrong I've done is coming back and I don't know how to make things better. But I'm trying…God knows I'm trying."

Emily watched his face and saw how much this was hurting him. "I'm sorry for lying about what JJ said. We did go out that night, but she never actually said anything."

Dave's eyebrows knitted together. "How did you find out?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "I am a profiler. She mentioned that she went over to your place to talk but she tugged on her ear lobe. Then she started to say something but corrected herself. Then I remembered you calling me by her name. I also watched the way you acted around her and all the pieces fell into place."

"So, you decided to throw it back at me?"

"Hell, I was angry Dave. It seemed like you had jumped from one bed to another, then you had the audacity to apologize during a stakeout. It seemed you insulted me at every turn."

"My tact is legendary."

Emily raised her eyebrow. "That it is. When you took that moment to clear your conscience, I decided to get even."

"That's why you hit me with the rubber band?"

"There would have been too much paper work if I had shot you during a stakeout. The rubber band was the lesser of two evils."

Dave tried not to smile. "I admire your restraint."

"What I did was childish. And I'm sorry." Emily felt a tear slip from her eye. Then another.

"We all make mistakes and do things we shouldn't without thinking...God knows, I'm not the saint in this scenario but you need to know that I never meant to hurt you. Of all people, you're the one person I don't want to get hurt, Emily." He reached out and brushed the tears away with his thumb. "If I could go back and change things, I would. In a minute."

"I know; that night. You said so. I just wish you hadn't."

"I meant it."

"I know you have regrets about that night. But it was far from being a mistake."

Dave's hand stilled and his look became serious. "What are you talking about?"

The tears came a little faster. "The night you came over. The night you said changed everything."

"Em, I wasn't talking about that night, I was talking about the night Strauss gave me the ultimatum."

"What?"

"You wanted the truth; I'm giving it to you. There are certain things about the night we were together that I wish I could do differently…that's no lie, but I think subconsciously I always wanted to be with you. I just wish I had gone about it differently." Dave paused. Now it was time to call her bluff. "I only wish some good had come from it."

Emily looked down. It was the moment of truth. Reaching in to her back pocket, she hesitated for a moment then handed him the stick.

Dave looked at the stick and then at Emily. It was true. He was going to be a father. Reality started to dawn on him making his hand shake.

"I wasn't going to tell you," Emily faltered. "I was hoping that you would take me back to Quantico so I could put in for a transfer."

Dave became alarmed. "Why? What were you going to do?"

Slowly his meaning dawned on her. "No! I would never do that! I know it sounds crazy, but I love my baby."

"But you weren't going to tell me."

"I wasn't going to tell anyone," she amended as she tried to hold on to her composure.

"Why?" Dave had his suspicions but he wanted to hear it from her.

"I was scared. All my life I wanted a child I could call my own." She turned around so he couldn't see her tears. She wrapped her arms across her chest as though to ward off a chill only she could feel. Her voice cracked, but her tone was steady.

"They lie when they tell you can't miss what you never had. And it's true- to a point. At the beginning, you don't feel the emptiness, but eventually you do. It starts out with your arms aching occasionally, then a little self-doubt creeps in, and then one day you wake up and realize that your baby would have been graduating college this year. You think you buried that pain, but it's like a festering sore that seeps slowly into your mind and heart. And everything just comes to the surface." She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "And it hurts." Dave didn't respond because there was nothing he could say, so he let her talk.

"I had given up the thought of ever being a mother. And I could live with it. Then this happened. This baby is a miracle. No matter the circumstances it was conceived, I love this baby." She got quiet. "I know how you feel about children…I won't burden you to be part of our lives. I promise that I won't ever bother you."

Dave digested her words carefully. Reaching out, he touched her shoulder. "Em, turn around." She resisted. "Emily, I need you to look at me. Please." She did, but she kept her eyes downcast. "I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to assume that of you."

"You had the right; all things considered."

"No," he contradicted. "I have no right. What you were at fifteen is nothing like the woman you are now. You've lived and learned. You've made mistakes, but you've learned from them. I would like to think that I've done the same. None of us are who we used to be." His finger reached under her chin so her eyes could meet his. "I don't know where you heard that I didn't want children, but that's not exactly true."

"You know how the rumour mill at the FBI is," Emily admitted reluctantly.

Dave gave a half smile. "That I do know. But they were wrong; I've always wanted children. I even told Hotch once that no matter how bad my marriages were, if even one of them had produced a child, I would have fought tooth and nail to make it work; regardless of how my wives felt about me. Children are gifts, miracles. And this one is no exception."

"Dave, don't say it," Emily pleaded though her heart picked up speed at the thought he might want to be a part of her and the baby's lives.

"I want to be part of this child's life. I'll take anything you give me. But I think you know that I have a greedy personality and I'm going to want more. I'm not going to lie; I'm going to want it all. Every cry, diaper change, step…I want to be there. I am promising to be there."

Emily swallowed hard and squared her shoulders. "Well, I think you know that I'm stubborn too. I know that you mean well and any other woman would appreciate David Rossi riding in on a white horse and saving the day. But this is the twenty first century and I am quite capable of raising a child on my own. I don't want you nor do I want your money. I don't want anything from you."

Her words hung in the air. Dave tried to catch his breath. It was true that all of his sins were catching up with him. Everything he had ever thrown away in his life regardless of its meaning now stared him in the face and was about to walk away. For good. And it hurt because there was nothing he could say to change her mind.

Emily took a shuddered breath. "I don't want you," she repeated and took his hand in hers. Gently she placed it on her abdomen. "But we need you."

Dave's eyes filled with tears. "Did you say we?"

She nodded. "I don't know where you and I go from here, but I want to try to make it better than what we've had. We owe our child that much."

Looking in her eyes, Dave felt his heart fall for the first time in his life. "I believe that honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship. That being said, I want you to know that I won't make you promises because I take things day by day. That way when changes happen, I'm prepared for them. If you think you can handle that, then… you're one step ahead of my ex-wives."

Emily smiled thru her tears. "You aren't going to ask me to marry you, are you?"

Dave shook his head. "No. I would never insult you by doing that. Although, five years ago I would have thrown you over my shoulder and dragged you to the justice of the peace before taking you down to the Baby Gap so we could furnish the nursery." He watched Emily draw her eyebrows together. "What?"

"I'm trying to picture you in a Baby Gap."

"You might be surprised at the lengths I will go to provide nothing but the best for our child."

"I was afraid you would say that. Dave, is there any way we can take this slow?"

He tried to process her request. "Slow as in by the time we agree on something our child could be graduating medical school? Or slow in that we will make it legal right before the munchkin makes their debut?"

"Slow enough so I can figure out what I want out of this…relationship."

"Sounds good…for now. I think I can hold back for a while" He brushed her hair back. "I promise that I won't pressure you, but I do have one request: I would like to kiss the mother of my child."

Emily bit her lip. "Yes," she breathed.

Covering her lips with his, Dave slowly moved his mouth over hers. Unlike the first time when he took what he wanted, now he took his time discovering what had always been right in front of his eyes. Gently he possessed her mouth and when he asked for access, she let him in. Trust had to be earned, and though letting him in wasn't much, it was a start.

In the right direction.

For the both of them.

I think I finally know you,
I can see beyond your smile.
I think I can show you
That what we have is still worthwhile.
Don't you know that love's just like a thread
That's keeps unraveling but then it ties us back
Together in the end.

In your eyes, I can see my dreams reflections.
In your eyes, I found the answers to my questions.
In your eyes, I can see the reasons why our love's alive.
In your eyes.
We're drifting safely back to shore.
I think I finally learned to love you more.

You warned me that life changes;
That no one really knows whether time will make us
Strangers, or whether time will make us grow.
Even though the winds of time will change
In a world where nothing stays the same.
Through it all our love will still remain.