Things we've learned from this episode of SVU:

1. The writers have no idea what's a plot twist

2. The writers think every detective has to have anger issues (now Carisi has them?)

3. Barba has an hearing problem

4. Amanda makes every episode better

Decaying Morality

As promised, Amanda got to the station early. She hoped that by being the first to show up would be ease the pity stares, the looks she knew she would get.

She made herself a cup of coffee. It felt like it has been forever since she sat at her desk, but it was good to be back.

"Amanda" her thoughts were interrupted by Fin's voice "it's good to have you back"

"Good to be back" she gave him a hug.

"It's not the same without you" Amanda smiled at him, she could tell he wasn't going to ask anything else and appreciated him for that.

Nick and Carisi walked in at the same time. Carisi smiled at her, it was clear he wasn't sure what to say,

"Hey guys" she spoke first.

"Hi" Nick smiled at her.

They did get a chance to talk briefly two nights ago, she heard about the ordeal with his father and wanted to see how he was doing. Nick being Nick he didn't offer much then, and they couldn't talk much now, not about anything not work related.

She hoped they would get a moment later.

But it was tough with everything that has been going on with the investigation and they barely had a moment alone.

Nick thought Amanda looked good, she was on time, she was focused. They interrogated Jenna together and Amanda looked strong, at least he hoped she was.

He wanted to talk to her, not about evidence and suspects, he wanted to hear what she was up to on her vacation, or whatever that was.

They were busy with the investigation, working hard to get to the truth and when they finally got their results. As usual it was a pretty messed up situation. A part of him wanted to let the dentist's sister do whatever she wanted to him, but that would have been a bad idea. There was a moment when he held the sister back Amanda touched his arm and he tried so hard not to look at her. If he would have turned to her, he wasn't sure he could hide it, it would have been written all over his face, how much he missed her, it almost hurt.

He had to talk to her.

Nick knew where she liked to walk Frannie but he figured it was best to call before showing up. It took a few rings but she answered and agreed to meet up with him.

Nick waited for her on a bench, it was cold outside but the weather didn't bother him, he was more excited than he thought he would be. When he saw her walking over to him he got even more excited.

"Hi Nick" she smiled and Frannie walked to him.

"Hey girl" he smiled at the dog.

"What's going on?" Amanda sat down next to him, she was wearing her big blue coat and flashed him a big smile.

"I wanted to talk to you, find out how you're doing, you've been gone for a while" she nodded and looked at Frannie "how was the time off?"

"It was…" she tried to think about the right word, what did Nick want to hear? What did she want to tell him? "I guess I kinda needed it"

"How was it to be back?"

"You know, one thing you can count on is that SVU is SVU, always messy" she shrugged.

Nick chuckled "yeah"

"How are you doing? After the whole thing with your dad…" she they'd been quiet for a while. She had to admit it was nice to sit next to him like this, not at work, just the two of them, and Frannie of course.

"I'm trying not to think about it" he answered honestly.

"I get that" she wasn't about to offer an advise since she really didn't have any, instead she laughed and Nick gave her a wondering look "I just think we're so messed up" she smiled "I'm winning obviously"

"That's a competition you wouldn't want to be number one at"

"It isn't" she agreed quietly.

"But we are pretty messed up" he glanced at Amanda who was patting Frannie.

"What does that mean?" she asked without looking at him, a bit afraid of what he might say.

"I don't know" he turned to her and waited until she did the same and looked at him.

"I'm sorry I screwed things up between us" she said.

"I'm sorry I didn't try to fix it"

"I'm sorry about that too" looking at his brown eyes got a little too much and she was about to turn away again when he spoke.

"Maybe it could cancel each other out" he said.

"What?"

"What if our issues cancel each other out" he repeated.

"I'm not sure it works that way" she gave him a soft smiled "but I wish it did"

"You know, I don't know what you and I were doing, and whatever that was we both screwed it up. Maybe that's not a bad thing, maybe it means we were wrong before, because we only thought we were together but we were only alone together, it's not what we deserve, it's not what I want for us"

Amanda wasn't sure what Nick's point was, was he sorry about their fling, affair, whatever it was. But then he made it clear.

"But I do want an us, I just want it to make us happy"

Amanda could make a couple of jokes about what he had just said but she didn't really want to. Instead she squeezed his hand.

"It's complicated between us" she let go of his hand "we're gonna have to figure it out"

Nick took her palm in his "we're pretty smart" they both smiled.

"Or really stupid" Nick kissed the soft skin on her hand and she bit her lip "I think we just like each other" she added and rested her head on his shoulder.

"That's a good start"