Moment of Weakness - Chapter 10

A/N: So much better for the reviews guys! Thank you! I am a very happy writer now. :D

Special mention to Varia who reviewed three chapters in a row, and ExoticPeachBlossom for sending me a lovely PM in lieu of a review.

No musical reference this time, but if you didn't get the last one, it was 'No Good Deed'.

GALINDA

It was difficult to hate Fiyero when the good times still overwhelmed my memory. I had been accustomed to his face lighting up when I entered the room; the numerous gifts he showered me with; the hot dates at the most swankified eateries in Shiz. Such reminisces of the fun, the laughter, now rendered me incapable of speech while I fought what seemed to be a permanent lump in my throat as I yearned, for the first time, for a thing which I could not have. I was Galinda Upland (of the Upper Uplands, as I couldn't resist tacking it on at the end), a girl who was supposed to have everything, and I now found myself sorely lacking, and longing for the days when life was easy.

At the forefront of my life was a harsh lesson which presented itself daily and nightly. Elphie's verdant skin, once an aberration to me, now spoke terrible and confusifying words, shocking me with the notion that the things I was feeling now were things that Elphie had been forced to suffer her entire life. Added to my confusifying feelings was a layer of sorrow not anything to do with me, but the weird, green girl who lived every day in a world of ostracisation.

I spent the next while battling the two sorrows which did not seem to want to unite. I had been told, again and again, to remember who my true friends were, but is that what Elphie was? A friend? She wasn't a bit like my previous friendships, not chatty nor friendly, but ever so sarcastic and disparaging of my personality. She made me unwittingly question myself, my behaviour, my character, which I had been so sure of before, but was now beginning to doubt.

And the feelings, still looming, still threatening me with their existence. They made me feel like a betrayer in my own right, that I was having them for someone who was not Fiyero, someone who was very undoubtedly female, and very, very green.

Then, when I thought I was going to lose her, a gut-wrenching twist in my stomach as my emotions swung again: Was I not betraying Elphie by still craving Fiyero? Why did I wish so badly for her to stay when we had no hope of being kind to each other?

I continued to follow in her shadow, afraid that if I didn't, I would be abandoned to the loneliness of my own company. The tiffs, the little fights, they provided a distraction from the memories. Elphie neither encouraged me nor begged that I leave, but continued to work on removing herself from the predicament that resulted from her magic.

Magic born of her desire to protect me.

I briefly pondered the tempting idea of writing to Momsie and Popsicle requesting to leave Shiz, but quickly tossed it. If I wrote, they would know of my failure to create an upstanding image of myself. At least, that is the excuse I claimed: in the back of my head, a hard tugging reminded me of the real reason I wanted to stay, but I squashed it down, desperate to not admit it.

Now I was the one who seeped, moving quietly through the university, trying not to be seen. My attempts were futile, and I was met with more spotlight than I ever could have imagined as people laughed at me and taunted me at every corner. Funny, how I used to crave the spotlight.

Every day I was forced to confront Fiyero and Pfannee, who couldn't seem to do anything away from my unwanting eyes. She passed to me many a smug expression – 'Fiyero is mine now,' it said – and made exaggerated gestures towards him. I was appalled, and then I realised that I had once behaved exactly like her, and I felt ashamed.

The day after Elphie's father's letter arrived, she went to see Madame Morrible about the scholarship. I was touched that she had taken on an idea that came from me – I was far more used to her calling me a silly airhead and ignoring me. I spent the rest of the day feeling giddy and entertaining the notion that I had become her saviour. It was my repayment for what she'd done for me, including not abandoning me. The feeling was laced with more confusion, but still, I was pleased.

She stalked back into our room that evening, a mountain of books under her arm. I was busy applying moisturiser to my face, trying to lessen the chance of a permanent, ugly scar. I caught sight of her in the reflection of the mirror and wondered, yet again, how one person could devour so many books in the manner that she did. Her shelf was already bursting at the seams with volume after volume of a great variety of subjects, many of which I had no notion of. Elphie carefully stacked the new books on her desk. I had asked her many times before about the books, and been rewarded with a myriad of different sarcastic responses each time, yet I found myself yearning to speak to her, to say anything at all, just to hear her low inflections fire right back at me. To feel like she was bothering to give me the time of day, even thought I was the one who instigated the chatter.

'Elphie,' I said.

'Yes, my sweet.'

The rare nickname filled me with warmth. I was still usually 'Galinda' or 'Miss Galinda' when we went about our day – they were often accompanied with something disparaging – but there were rare times when neither of us was irritated with the other, and the nickname slipped out, as if Elphie didn't know she was saying it.

'What are you reading?'

She had indeed picked up a book, as was usual most evenings. She didn't even glance up from its pages when she responded. How was it possible to become so lost in the words so quickly?

'Really, Galinda? Again?'

'Well I want to know.' I pouted, though she couldn't see it. She flicked a page with her pointy finger.

'Scholarship stuff.'

'Oh.'

I was displeased by the lack of fire in the conversation. Insecurity plagued me, gripping me with questions as to how she was so easily able to ignore me. Was I so easy to dismiss? Worse, I was finding it increasingly difficult to ignore her. Once, I would have made it a conquest to make her pay attention, but what, I thought, was the point if the attention was to be insincere? More than likely I would end up insulting the green girl, who was the straightest talker I had ever met. I didn't want the false words of praise I'd been accustomed to prior, but her biting remarks and sarcastic disposition, neither of which she was giving me right now as she gobbled down that Oz-forsaken book of hers!

I sat in silence, pondering the situation. A small thought reminded me that this was scholarship stuff she was doing, and that I ought not to interrupt her if I wanted her to have any chance of staying at Shiz. I had also run out of empty words to throw at her. So I sat, not really doing much of anything, wrapped up in my confused thoughts, a situation I was not used to. Where had all the parties and nights out gone? Where were the endless plans and engagements? Where was the lack of time I used to moan about while getting ready to attend a social function?

Gone, I realised, as for the first time, I had nothing to do.