DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO TWILIGTH. I THINK I FORGOT TO PUT A DISCLAIMER IN THE LAST CHAPTER I WILLL GET AROUND TO DOING THAT.
Chapter 10: Trust
Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for
Save me, I'm lost
Oh, Lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for, oh, Lord
I told the story has calmly as I could. It was very hard to relive that moment when my world ended; the pain came back full circle. I clutched at my chest in a way to try to sooth the ache within me. I stood there gasping for the air that just wouldn't reach my lungs. Suddenly I feel cold, stone-like arms encircle around me waist. I froze momentarily before I relaxed in the comforting embrace. Tears silently trail down my face.
"It's okay. It's okay Bells. Let it all out. Just cry." Jasper says soothingly.
And I do just that. I cry. I cry the love I lost. I cry for the family that abandoned me. I cry for the lost time. I cry for making Charlie suffer. I cry for the friends I lost. I cry for myself. I cry for everything bad that happened since meeting Edward.
I don't know how long I cried in Jasper's arms. But I do know that I ruined his shirt with my snot and tears. I pulled back and looked down at my lap. My hair curtained my face, I didn't want him to see me shame and embarrassment even though I know he can probably feel it. I felt his hand push my hair back behind my ear. He pulled my head up to look at him.
"You don't have to be embarrassed at crying in front of me. I will always be your shoulder to cry on. Don't ever feel embarrassed around me. Okay?"
I nod my head. "It's just hard to relive those moments. It brings the pain back and I don't want to feel it."
"Bella… I'm so sorry. I didn't know Edward did that to you. He told us that you agreed that breaking up would be best and that you were civil. I didn't know that he left you in the middle of the woods. I didn't know that he said all the things to you. You have to believe me Bella. If I had known I wouldn't have ever left. Please believe me."
"I know Jasper. I trust you." There was a pause in conversation. You could cut the tension in the room. Not long after Jasper speaks, "Bella let me help you get better. Let me help you keep the pain away. I want to show you that you are worth the time that you're worth so much more than you feel. Please let me show you."
"I...don't want – I don't want to get hurt again. When you guys left it took everything in me not to die. You took every part of me with you. I don't want to be in that pain again. What will you do after you finish "healing me"? Will you leave? Will you stay? Will you say fuck you Bella once you can't help me? Hmm? Will you be just like your douchebag asshat of a brother? I trust you with some things but I can't trust you not to leave me when you did once before. I can't." I look at him with tears in my eyes and pain in my eyes. I don't know how else to tell him that my trust in people is broken. I don't know how to tell him that I'm broken beyond repair. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to put too much trust in him and have him leave.
"Please, Bella? I'm nothing like Edward. I'm far from him. I won't leave you, not when you need me most." I looked into his eyes and saw how much he wanted to help me but I just couldn't let him in. not after what happened.
"I'm sorry Jasper." I saw looking down at the bed.
"Bella-"
I cut him off, "I think you need to go for right now Jasper. It's just too much right now. Please leave." I continue looking down. The only thing indicating that he left was the slight breeze in the air. I plop down on my bed and lay back. I cry again for the second time today but now there is no one to hold me while I cry. That fact alone makes me cry more.
Trust is earned
But once violated
It's difficult to regain
When do you trust?
Who do you trust?
You trust with your mind
You trust with your heart
You trust with honor
You trust with pride
You trust with expectations
But is putting trust in someone worth it?
Tell me, is it?
I've tried to trust
But ended up with betrayal
And cannot allow it to occur again
I opened my mind
Opened my heart
But only received
A shattered heart
Now I know not to trust so easily
It's been about a week since I told Jasper to leave and he has not contacted me since. I've got not one phone call, text, email, message in a bottle, a whisper in the wind, and I haven't even caught his scent next to my window sill. I think I made a mistake telling him to leave. All he wanted to do was help me get back to where I was before the woods happened. I pushed him away. I'm a horrible person. Edward was right. Edward was always right.
I want to stop this pain. I want to the Bella that was fun, vibrant, free, and just me. I want to be the best Bella I can be. I walked over to my phone that was on my oak wood nightstand. I picked it up and went to my contacts, scrolling for Jasper's number. I find his number and went for the call button but paused. I hesitated but ended up pushing the call button.
It rung once. Twice. Three times
Four.
Five.
And then he picked up just as I was about to hang up.
"Hey."
"Jasper…hey"
"Right now is not a good time Bella. I'm going to have to call you back", he states.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"I'll tell you later", with that he hung up.
*~At the Cullen House~*
I stare at the people in front of me with cold, hard, blank eyes. There is no emotion on my face.
"Why are you here?"
Their stances were tense and defensive. Well as they defensive as they could be.
I don't even give them a chance to speak before I strike.
A/N: Well there is chapter 10. We see more of Bella opening up but still not fully trusting our cowboy.
Who are the mystery people Jasper is talking to?
Acknowledgements: the first saying is from a song by Carolina Liar called Show Me What I'm looking For. The second one is from this site: poem/trust-218/
And now the long list of people who have supported me throughout these 10 chapters and so:
1991may Warrior of Olympus catjumped1 MyDogSirius NicoNepenthe GabrielsBellaw odunbar3 garose35 Demicole NatalieLynn sammyw45 Luthiaesc HallieSaw stubbendick26 bbycakes007 Ella Whitlock viau1 SilverMistt Belatrix233 prunelle05 Webbie 298 Lady Skyelite Konohashinobi07 blueeyedprincess100 dolhpin33 Kcasey92 LunarWolfess lucylu0508 jasper100 1 Xo Bella Italiana oX raine1969 psychovampirefreak knightshadow31 dewert10 waterangel55 Diamondz-Love lyndz91 Lovable Bella chibi kitsune12 jinto22 estreja10 Mercedes Johnson Speedyraider Aoika Midnight-rose19 mads410 KC420 Alliboba14 BabyGirl44 Backlinedeyes cheetahgl4 Stjarna09 fallenblackangel44 Ciara-Rayne Jazzella-love85 Pearls-A-QT Sarasrii vikinglass25 MaximumRideTwilightLover midnightapril872 gokuhikaru82 Nari88 River Nailo-Chaos Kitaluv slack2011 KittenEyez ksas4 DK87 missredkat Dustykins crazyikleangel straight up g 52 mbrunberg1 aecarey willow0live SarahanjoMiller rockette1987 brikaspoms Lil Hatchet da lette.
I got as many as I could. Sorry if I didn't get anyone.
I love and thank you all for all that you've done to help me. Anything is welcomed review, favorite, alert, pm, share.
With all the love
~CWH01~