"Hello everyone! Are you ready for another chapter of supernatural slapstick and pointless violence?" Cheered Shizuka Nekonome as she gestured wildly for no apparent purpose.

"Well, we've had some time for new developments and new characters, so it's time to return to our old time sink: guessing Ranma Saotome's species!"

Shizuka smiled brightly as she flung her arm to the side. "Today we're fortunate to have someone relatively close to our subject: the hellhound Kouma Gamaroshi! And although he's due for punishment both for traipsing about in his monster form and smoking within fifteen feet of a building entrance in violation of the school code, we'll put that aside for now so that we can have his input!"

"Why do we even have smoking rules?" Kouma grumbled, his hands in his pockets as he stood nearby. "Half the student body is probably immune to poisonous smoke anyway, and some of them don't even breathe."

A vein popped up on Shizuka's head. "It bothers the rest of us! Now give us your best guess as to Ranma's species."

Kouma frowned as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, I know that he spent a lot of time in the human world, which is probably why he's so good at fighting in that form. So he's probably a type of monster that gets on well with humans naturally."

Then he smirked. "He's also got four women back home, which either makes him some sort of seduction monster... or just a pervert, like Gin."

Kouma's expression became more serious. "As much as I'd like to write him off as a lech, he sure doesn't act like it, even when he's hanging out with that top-heavy chick with the blue hair. So I'd have to guess he's an incubus."

"Based on his girlfriends?" Shizuka asked. "But don't lots of monster species practice polygamy? Even hellhounds have alpha males, right?"

Kouma flushed slightly as he turned his gaze away. "You're thinking of werewolves. Hellhounds... don't really do the pack mating thing."

"Really? How does it go, then?" Shizuka pressed.

Kouma hesitated for several seconds before he said, "Well... I suppose you could say we do... arranged marriages," he hedged.

Shizuka frowned. "Isn't that kind of an odd tradition to have in Hell? What is it actually called?"

Kouma was once again silent until he lowered his head in embarrassment. "Hellhounds are bred, all right? We have breeders that pair us up."

Shizuka snorted as she tried to stifle a laugh, causing Kouma to flush deeper. "I'll bet there's a humiliating and hilarious story that goes with that confession, but you're not important enough to spend any more time on. Sorry!"

The homeroom teacher whirled around as Kouma seethed quietly behind her. "Another possibility explored! But only time will tell if it's correct! Until we meet again, enjoy the story!"

Black Dragon Productions proudly presents
a Ranma and Rosario Plus Vampire crossover

There seems to be a perception problem when people read about Ranma and Tsukune. Ranma beats people up that annoy him and pretty much ignores people that don't. Tsukune convinces people through heartfelt emotion and pure charisma to do things that are usually in their best interests, but don't occur to them. Why is TSUKUNE the asshole?

Key: Writing/Emphasis, Sounds, 'Thoughts', "Speech", (Comments that you can freely ignore), 'Inner Moka'

Big Human on Campus
Chapter 9
It's Only Libel if it's Not True

"I still think you should go see Miss Madaraki anyway, Ranma. She was talking about how your injuries could have lasting complications if you never have them treated properly." Tsukune led the way out into the halls of the dorm as Ranma followed afterward,shutting the door behind him.

"Don't worry about it, man. I've shrugged off WAY worse than Moka's little kicks," the martial artist boasted. A small spider - small by Youkai's standards, for it was still as large as a healthy adult tarantula - was mounted on his shoulder, looking for all the world like it belonged there.

And Tsukune supposed it did, in a way. Ranma's pets-slash-bodyguards had grown completely accustomed to human company, and somehow Ranma had even taught them to keep to a single corner of the room, as per Tsukune's request the previous morning, rather than wandering all about the dorm. Tsukune could now easily admit that the abnormal arachnids had become a normal and accepted part of their dwelling.

Shaking off that line of thought, Tsukune once again tried to appeal to Ranma's almost negligible sense of physical vulnerability. "The fighting might get harder from here on out, you know. The fight club is probably going to be dealing with the Enforcers frequently from now on."

Ranma smirked. "I hope so. I don't know how I'll keep my edge if your girlfriend is the toughest challenge around this dump."

Tsukune's face fell at the reminder of Moka's transformation the previous day. 'Okay, fine. So I'll have to appeal to something other than his common sense...' Tsukune didn't really want to do this, but his friend had left him no choice, and he took a deep breath before continuing.

"Well, I suppose it's for the best that you don't go after all. You miss homeroom so often, Miss Nekonome has started asking me if you transferred out of her class or something. She'll probably need to do PRIVATE TUTORING with you so that you can catch up."

The response was predictable and instantaneous. Ranma froze stiff, and the spider on his shoulder bristled in agitation.

"You know, I was feeling a BIT stiff from all the bone fractures," the pigtailed boy said, failing utterly to sound casual as a cold sweat broke out on his brow. "And a visit to the nurse is an excused absence, right?"

Tsukune nodded knowingly. "Of course. I'll let Miss Nekonome know that it can't be helped this time."

"Thanks buddy, you're a life saver," Ranma said, looking relieved. "Hey, can you take her with you? The nurse probably doesn't want the little buggers crawling around inside the office."

Tsukune was about to ask what Ranma was talking about when he suddenly saw the spider arcing through the air toward him.

It was as gentle a toss as Ranma could manage, surely, but Tsukune still yelped and almost stumbled as he barely managed to catch the hairy little beast in his cupped palms.

"Whoa! Hey! Be careful!" The younger human protested, his nervousness rising as the spider immediately started crawling up his arms.

"Don't worry, she won't get hurt if she falls. I'll see you after class, okay?" Ranma said as he turned and started to walk off.

Then he stopped suddenly, frowning.

"Something wrong?" Tsukune mumbled, his eyes locked fearfully on the spider crawling onto his shoulder. Just because he was used to the giant spiders didn't mean that he was okay with them touching him.

Ranma turned around and walked up to a metal vent set in the wall before knocking on the grate.

Clang! Clang! "Yo, Mizore! Come on out for a sec!"

Tsukune was about to ask who Mizore was when the grate slowly pushed open and a head of mussy light purple hair poked out.

"... Yes?"

Ranma gestured to Tsukune. "Mizore, this is my roommate and best friend, Aono Tsukune... But then, you probably knew that already, huh?"

Mizore nodded quietly.

"Right. Tsukune, this is my stalker, Shirayuki Mizore," Ranma continued.

"Oh! It's nice to meet you!" Tsukune said politely, bowing slowly as the spider climbed up onto his shoulder. "Wait... Stalker?"

"Yeah. She's not that great at it yet, but she's been practicing an awful lot, so she'll get better," Ranma reassured him as Mizore gave a silent thumbs-up.

'Ah, but how typical, really. If giant spiders and deadly monsters don't bother Ranma, why would an obsessive teenage girl frighten him?' Tsukune figured.

"I was just wondering if you developed those pictures yet. I want to get started as soon as I can," Ranma said, eliciting confusion from both human and monster.

Eventually Mizore nodded. "They're in my room... would you like to see?" She blushed faintly.

"Yeah, I'll meet up with you after class," Ranma said. "Wait. You do attend classes, right?"

Mizore nodded slightly. "The same ones you do."

"Huh. That's some coincidence," Ranma said.

"No, I don't think it is..." Tsukune ventured.

"Well, I just wanted to ask. Catch ya later!" Ranma said, dashing off.

Tsukune watched Ranma leave silently, trying to focus on anything he could to distract himself from the feeling of the spider crawling up the back of his head and into his hair.

It was that mental directive that led him to turn suddenly toward Mizore, who was ducking back into the air vent.

"Wait, Shirayuki? Does that make you some sort of snow monster?" He asked. Her name, plus the fact that the local air temperature had dipped slightly the moment she appeared, allowed him to make the connection.

Mizore halted and gave the boy a guarded look before nodding. "I'm a snow fairy... So?"

"So, are you the reason that the central heating hasn't been working recently?" Tsukune asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Mizore frowned. "Are you the reason it's always so hot inside these vents?"

"Well, they're not made for people," Tsukune reasoned. "Why do you have to shadow Ranma, anyway? I don't think he'd mind being around you."

Mizore was silent for a long time as she stared at Tsukune listlessly. Then, finally, she spoke again. "If you play in the sun... sometimes you get burned."

And then the mysterious girl ducked back into the air vent, not waiting for Tsukune's reply.

"What does THAT mean?" The hapless boy murmured before he finally made his way to class, the giant spider still nestled comfortably atop his head.

"I demand to speak with Lord Kuyo immediately!"

Keito frowned in annoyance as the junior Enforcer in front of her stewed furiously. They were currently in the main offices of the Protection Committee, standing in front of Kuyo's personal office. The Enforcer in front of her, some elemental girl with an annoying voice, had showed up and started pestering her for access to the Protection Committee head first thing in the morning.

Kuyo rarely took visitors or petitioners himself unless they were either of personal interest to him or simply too powerful to rebuff, and this upstart was neither.

"Your demands will be taken into consideration, Kishia" Keito said negligently as she leaned against the door to the office and started inspecting her nails, "right after Hell freezes over. Don't think to give orders to ME, whelp."

Then she sniffed. "Also, you should bathe before showing up for duty. You smell like burnt trash."

Kishia the magma elemental seethed quietly before her superior, pushing down her anger. Although her initial urge was to smack Keito out of the way and barge into Kuyo's office, the Protection Committee didn't work like that; for all their laxity in enforcing the rules and stopping fights around campus, fighting other Enforcers was strictly forbidden and punishable by suspension from the Committee.

"There is a SERIOUS concern that he needs to be made aware of!" the frustrated elemental insisted. "The fight club has been revived! They're now attacking us openly around campus!"

Keito rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes. I'll inform Kuyo when I feel it's an appropriate time to bring up how weak and incompetent you are to come on to your shift broken and smelly and full of worthless excuses. I'm sure he'll be VERY interested in how useless you are."

Steam literally started to blast from Kishia's ears at the dismissal. "You don't understand! After they beat us, they started questioning us about the student council! I think Volos might be in danger!"

Keito frowned and made eye contact with her subordinate once more. "And... WHY would he be in danger? Surely you didn't TELL them anything about him when they questioned you?"

"Urk." The elemental's frozen expression was as good as a confession to Keito.

"Well, it would seem I'll have to have that chat about you with Lord Kuyo sooner than I thought," Keito said, her eyes narrowed into slits, "cowardice, weakness, and now TREASON. Quite a laundry list of failures you have here, Kishia."

"It couldn't be helped! They were going to kill me!" Kishia protested.

"Your fear is no excuse for betrayal," Keito snapped. Much to the junior Enforcer's disgust, she could see Keito's incisors wiggling and shifting as they fought to retain their human proportions; Keito was normally quite cool-headed, but she had very powerful predatory instincts, and the urge to attack at the first sign of weakness sometimes made her human form slightly unstable.

"You don't understand at all! I was fighting Saotome Ranma! How was I supposed to beat him?" Kishia shouted, flinging her arms into the air angrily.

Keito bit back a rebuke as the name caught her interest. "Saotome? The same one that Haruo was raising a fuss about?" She snorted as her human disguise stabilized again. "I knew he'd fail. I wonder if the overgrown yard ornament is still alive?"

"Of course I'm still alive!"

The female Enforcers glanced to the side as the entrance to the lobby burst open, and a familiar and unwelcome young man stepped through. Haruo currently had one arm in a cast and sling, and there were bandage wrappings over his head, but the gargoyle immediately proved that he was still healthy enough to launch into an enraged rant.

"So now, NOW you understand what we're dealing with! Only after I launched an investigation, an attack, and an underhanded hostage scheme do mahrrrmhmm!"

Haruo stopped talking as a thick patch of sticky webbing covered his mouth, and he glared at Keito.

"This proves nothing that we didn't know before," Keito said, rolling her eyes as she brushed some threads of webbing from her mouth with a handkerchief. "If Saotome is such a problem, either remove him or avoid him. Kuyo doesn't have time to be bothered by such petty concerns."

"We can't do either if he's actively attacking Enforcers!" Kishia complained. "And with the fight club behind him, he may not even be the worst of our concerns!"

"And what WOULD be the worst of our concerns? What is the fight club going to do?" Keito asked, leaning to the side with a hand on her hip. "The worst they can do is attack our patrols as a show of strength. So what? Besides, their interests aren't so different from ours: shaking down the hapless weaklings that infest this school."

Then the senior Enforcer smirked. "The difference is that WE have a mandate. When we make our rounds, we're policing the campus. When those fighting buffoons do it, they're simply acting like the thugs they are."

Haruo gasped as he managed to tear through the threads holding his mouth shut with his good hand. "And what difference does THAT make if we can't beat them?"

"We CAN beat them, idiot," Keito snapped. "The fight club members are brutes that are more concerned with showing off their own strength than actually succeeding in whatever their moronic and short-sighted goals are. You don't fight enemies like that head-on; you wait for them to expose a weak point and then strike from darkness!"

"I tried that!" Haruo protested.

"And you messed it up grandly," Keito added. "You didn't wait for Saotome to expose a weakness, you grabbed blindly for one. Imbeciles who grope around in the dark are asking to get bitten."

Then she chuckled. "And boy, did you ever. I heard all about Miss Akashiya's little transformation."

Keito turned back to the magma elemental. "I will inform Lord Kuyo that the fight club is causing a ruckus again, and that you have failed him. While awaiting his judgment, I advise you think on how you might redeem your mistake. Haruo, as your failure amused me considerably, I'll neglect to mention your involvement in the ruckus yesterday."

The gargoyle bristled as the elemental sulked, though both Enforcers accepted the judgments without further protest as Keito turned away and opened the door to Kuyo's office.

The two junior Enforcers glanced at each other as their superior closed the door behind her, leaving the two battered monsters alone.

"I don't understand! Saotome is probably the single greatest threat to the supremacy of the Enforcers across the campus! Why won't she take action?" Haruo growled, slumping into one of the rather comfy lobby chairs.

"Cowardice, probably, same as she accused me of," Kishia spat. "For all her outward arrogance, she doesn't bother hiding her taste for guile. No doubt Miss Keito will be avoiding any personal confrontation with Saotome for as long as she can."

"Damn it! How can our superiors just let that pigtailed bastard walk all over the authority of the Enforcers like this? If we can't put a stop to one rogue student doing as he pleases, how can we show our faces on this campus?"

Kishia frowned. "I think you overestimate Saotome, actually." At seeing Haruo's confused expression, she elaborated. "In the end, he's just another powerful monster, right? Hardly any different from Chopper Rikishi or Kuyo himself."

She shook her head. "Before they realized that I was conscious again, I overheard some of the conversation that Saotome was having with that other kid... the unremarkable-looking boy."

Haruo raised an eyebrow. "Aono? What about him?"

"I got the distinct impression that Aono was... giving the others orders, actually," the magma elemental mumbled. "I couldn't really make out most of what he was saying, but he was talking about fighting the Protection Committee directly. And then once I woke up, he stepped back and Saotome and Gamaroshi started forcing information out of me."

Haruo blinked. "You think that Saotome is just Aono's henchman?"

"I can't confirm anything," Kishia admitted as she walked up to Haruo, staring hard into his eyes, "but Keito's right that Saotome on his own doesn't pose a threat to anything but our pride... and, well, I suppose our immediate good health." She cracked her back for emphasis, wincing at the popping noises that resulted. "But with that posse of his behind him, to say nothing of the entire fight club, they could end up destroying the Enforcers if we're not smart about this."

Haruo's expression turned grim, reluctantly accepting his comrade's logic. It was difficult for him to swallow that his hated foe Ranma might not be the biggest threat to him, but if there was a different - and hopefully much weaker - danger to the Committee then he had to take the chance to root it out. "What should we do?"

"I want to find out more about Aono," Kishia grumbled. "We should... I don't know... gather evidence, or search his dwellings, or maybe ask questions about him somehow... I'm not sure how to describe it..."

"Investigate?" Haruo said suddenly, causing the elemental's head to snap up.

"What?"

"I saw it marked and underlined in Lord Kuyo's dictionary, for some reason," the gargoyle said, idly scratching at his injured arm. "If we try doing that we could find out what Aono's intentions are and whether or not he's pulling the strings here. And then, we can either take him out, or hopefully convince Lord Kuyo that he's actually enough of a threat for him to take action."

Then Haruo grinned. "And I think I know just the fellow for the job..."

Ranma grunted quietly as Fran Madaraki tended to his injuries, the nurse's treatments constantly causing jolts of pain as she tugged shards of bone out from under his skin.

"Really, I'm quite impressed by your ability of self-diagnosis and treatment, especially if you didn't use any proper medical facilities, like you claim," Fran said conversationally as she made another incision right under his collarbone, "I'll barely even have to set the ribs in order to ensure a full recovery. You should still come by for treatment though, especially for bone fractures."

Ranma grit his teeth against the pain, marveling at how much more... agonizing modern western medicine was compared to Doctor Tofu's pressure point and chiropractic treatments. "Yeah, it's like I told you; this happens to me all the time, so I've learned to deal with it." Wincing again as the forceps dug under his skin, he finally asked, "By the way, don't you usually use some kind of painkiller or something when you do this?"

Fran blinked. "Don't worry, this treatment isn't nearly enough to cause any complications due to shock. And obviously your body produces endorphins at a highly accelerated rate, so the pain should subside without having to use any anesthetic."

Ranma sweatdropped at the explanation, wondering where the comfort of the patient came in.

And then something interesting occurred to him.

"Hey, you're a doctor, right?" Ranma asked suddenly.

"Technically I'm a biologist more than a doctor of medicine," Fran corrected as she removed another sliver of bone and put it into a shallow metal pan stained with blood. "My training and knowledge is equivalent to doctorates in the fields of general biology, biological chemistry, neuroscience, and genetics. I have lesser knowledge of anthropology, marine biology, pharmaceuticals, and cosmetic surgery to supplement my operational knowledge."

Ranma only understood a fraction of that, but he got the impression that the answer to his question was definitely "yes". "So you can tell the difference between species that you're operating on, and know what students are what?"

Fran looked up at the pigtailed boy. "I do, although such information is strictly confidential."

Ranma smiled as he pointed to himself. "What am I?"

"You're a human, of course. Possibly of an advanced genus, but I'd have to run a full genetic test battery to determ-"

The school nurse was interrupted by a whooping cry of triumph as her current patient threw his arms up in the air.

"YES! I knew it! You can tell I'm human!" He looked back and forth, searching for someone else in the office to share the news with. "You hear that? I AM a human!" Ranma shouted, seeing no one but figuring there must be SOMEBODY in earshot. "I'm a human! Miss Madaraki said so!"

"I know! Stop shouting!" yelled back Moka from the back room.

Ranma blinked in surprise and lowered his arms. "Wait... is Moka still in here?"

Fran nodded, glad that her patient had stopped making such a ruckus. "Yes. Some of her burns seemed resistant to her regenerative abilities. Although they are not dangerous, I wanted to keep her longer for research purposes."

'Burns resistant to her abilities? But she didn't get burned at all, did she?' Ranma thought as he glanced over toward the back room. 'I mean, the closest thing to a burn she took was from the wat-'

The pigtailed boy winced as the pieces fell into place. "Geez, who would have thought that water would be such a big deal? Well, to someone other than me," he mumbled.

"The reaction is very curious, I agree," Fran said as she popped an eyeball out of her skull and then replaced it with another one that had been modified to see through the skin into the musculature (a great convenience since the office was too small for a proper CAT scanner). "She claims the effect is neutralized by adding herbs to the water. This leads to me to theorize that purer types of water are absorbing a critical element in her dermal composition that isn't affected by supersaturated water. The herbs act as..."

Ranma shook his head weakly as Fran went on, delving deeper and deeper into details he couldn't understand.

What he DID understand was that Moka was still bedridden a day after his battle with her violent alter-ego, and that it was his fault.

The fight itself wasn't his fault, of course, since Evil Moka had just attacked him out of the blue, but the real Moka hadn't been involved in any of that; she didn't deserve the walloping he had given her. And yet, after the blows had landed, and after he had deliberately scorched her with her secret - though alarmingly common - weakness, it was the normal, harmless Moka who had to suffer the consequences of going head-to-head with the school's strongest fighter.

'Great. Now I actually feel guilty for defending myself from the bloodsucker,' Ranma thought as his expression darkened. 'I should have just listened to Tsukune and tried to stop the fight. Damn it.'

"All done," Fran said, alerting Ranma to the fact that she was now drawing the stitches over her incisions closed. "As I said before, in the future you should see me immediately after being injured. Your skin heals at an absurd rate, and it's both hazardous and inconvenient to have to perform a minor surgery like this."

"Yeah, okay. If you say so," Ranma grumbled, his mood noticeably worse even though he had finally gotten someone else to acknowledge his humanity.

Remembering that particular point, he suddenly turned back to Fran as he slid off the office cot. "Hey, is there any chance you could tell my teachers that I'm human for me? They don't believe me when I tell them myself!"

"Well, of course they don't," Fran said, smiling slightly. "Your physical abilities are exponentially higher than that of the average human, and you're attending a school exclusively for monsters, after all. There's no way they'd believe you."

Then she tilted her head slightly to one side. "As for your first request, I'm afraid it's impossible. That information is confidential."

Ranma's face darkened yet again. "What? But I don't care if you tell them! I want you to!"

"The confidentiality has no bearing on the student's wishes, I'm afraid. These rules come directly from the headmaster," Fran explained pleasantly, apparently unaware of her patient's distress.

"Then... do you have any idea why I'm here at Youkai Academy?" Ranma asked, searching for any other piece of useful information he could pry out of the nurse. "You said yourself that it's a school only for monsters, so what the heck?"

Fran tapped her chin thoughtfully as she considered the question. "I do have a theory..."

"Well? What is it?" the martial artist asked eagerly, leaning over the nurse.

Fran took a moment to once again exchange her eyeballs, returning her vision to normal while Ranma waited to hear her idea.

"Youkai Academy's ultimate goal is monster integration. It is with this ideal in mind that the students here are taught how to fit in human society and learn to blend into civilization."

Ranma nodded. "Believe me, some of 'em really need the help."

Fran nodded, smiling. "Yes, they do. So it stands to reason that if you're here at Youkai Academy, you too need to be taught how to act like a human."

There was a long, empty silence in the nurse's office as Ranma's hope and curiosity slowly died.

"What?" he mumbled weakly.

"Things such as basic history, social mannerisms, and most importantly, conflict resolution that doesn't involve snapping the other party in two are all part of fitting in with modern human civilization," Fran explained. "From my own observations, you're here to learn these things."

"But... I'm FROM a human civilization," Ranma protested.

Fran gently took his hand and gazed up into his eyes, her own (apparently replaceable ones) full of hope and determination. "And some day, with work and guts, human civilization will take you back! Don't give up!"

"I... it's just... but..." Ranma stammered pathetically as Fran let go of his hands, unable to think of a defense. "I'm not... THAT bad, am I?"

Fran considered the question. "Was there a particular reason you were sent here? You didn't just pick up a pamphlet for Youkai Academy off the ground, did you?"

Ranma looked nervous as he replied, "Uh... there was some fuss over me destroying a mountain-no! Wait! I only HELPED destroy the mountain! It wasn't even inhabited or anything, probably!"

The school nurse nodded reassuringly. "I understand. However, mountains are very large and at times important terrain features. They provide convenient and often historically significant landmarks, host a great deal of biodiversity, and can be a great boon to industry as well when used for logging or mining. As a human, you should be more cognizant of the consequences of destroying them."

Ranma lowered his head sheepishly. "Oh. I... I didn't know mountains were such a big deal."

Fran smiled angelically as she patted Ranma's head. "And it's lessons like this that we hope you'll take back with you when you're finally ready to re-enter society."

The pigtailed boy looked somewhat defeated, but also strangely determined as he stood up and walked out of the office, thinking hard on what he had been told.

"Did you seriously just have to explain to him why massive collateral damage is bad?"

Fran turned her head to see that Moka had stepped out of the back room, still dressed in the loose hospital gown she had been given.

"I do hope I explained it correctly. I've never been a particularly good teacher," Fran said, looking worried as she got up to meet the vampiress.

"I just think it should be pretty self-evident why destroying MOUNTAINS is wrong," Moka grumbled as Fran started to look over her burns. "There's something the matter with anyone who thinks causing that kind of damage is okay."

Then the vampiress glared down at her Rosario meaningfully. "Don't you agree?"

'Oh, cry me a river, you wimp. You can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs, right?' Moka's darker self retorted. 'Thus it follows that you can't smash Saotome flat as an omelette without breaking a few classrooms that happen to be in the way. That jerk IS pretty fast.'

Moka's eyebrow twitched. 'Why am I the one taking classes here, again?'

"All right, I think I've gathered enough data by now," Fran said as she turned away from Moka and took the girl's clothes from a cabinet on the side of the office. "You're free to go, but please return immediately if you suffer any more water burns... or other severe injuries, of course."

Moka nodded gratefully as she took her shirt and skirt from the nurse and started to dress, periodically glancing around to make sure there was no-one coming into the office.

"And while I agree that Saotome's ignorance of the consequences of his violent conduct is generally detrimental to his societal status," Fran continued pleasantly as the vampiress dressed herself, "it's insignificant compared to the detrimental effect to your health caused by trying to fight him."

'Ridiculous! That bastard was just lucky that there was water nearby!' Evil Moka growled.

Moka's eyebrow twitched again as she forced a smile to the nurse. "Of course, Miss Madaraki... it... won't happen again."

"I do hope that it doesn't," Fran said, her tone still quite pleasant, "because he could most definitely kill you. And while a vampire's cadaver would make for excellent research materials, your health and safety is technically my first priority."

Moka sweatdropped. 'Technically?' "All right, Miss Madaraki. I'll keep that in mind."

'Who the hell does she think she's dealing with? That little human is no match for me!'

Moka quickly finished buttoning her shirt and then made a dash for the front door, unsure as to how much longer she could put up with the Rosario's abrasive taunting before she started yelling at her jewelry; not only would such a scene be incredibly embarrassing, but she was reasonably sure Fran could have her committed if she were to have such a breakdown in the nurse's presence.

Fran watched her go, basking in the personal, humble satisfaction of a job well done.

"Well now, let's see what materials I've gathered this week," she said to herself as she picked up a clipboard laying on her desk off in the corner of her office.

She halted as she felt something odd along the edges, and an eyebrow rose as she observed some kind of sticky film that clung to her fingers as she pulled it away from the clipboard.

"A mucus discharge? No... the consistency is wrong. Then an epidermal secretion, as part of a membrane?" Fran frowned as she continued studying the goop. "How odd. I don't remember having any gastropodan patients... hmm..."

"By and large, the density of any given mass is affected by it's temperature," Richard droned as he scratched a piece of chalk across a board while facing away from his class. "The mass expands when temperature increases, and contracts when temperature decreases. For example..."

Very slowly and rigidly, Richard turned around to face his students.

"Let's say I were to freeze the interior of your lungs such that your breathable oxygen changes from a gas to a solid form; your lungs would instantly collapse from having the volume within them drop so rapidly. On the other hand, if I were to boil the fluids of your stomach into a gas, it would burst from the calamitous expansion."

Richard's cowl curved slightly as he grinned, a sure sign that someone was about to suffer soon. "Experiment time!"

The entire class groaned at the prospect of another "lab". They weren't hard at all, and actually provided quite a boost to the students' grades with very little effort on their part, but the labs inevitably involved one or more students being subjected to cruel, lethal magics, and Ranma hadn't shown up to stop or restrain their murderous professor.

Or at least, that's what the students thought before the classroom door opened up and the aforementioned aide walked in.

"Hey Prof, sorry I'm-"

Before Ranma could get another word out, Richard whipped around suddenly, his hands glowing a bright blue.

"Tardiness will be rewarded with PAIN!" The warlock howled as a lance of ice about the size of a man's arm sheared through the air in Ranma's direction.

Thunk!

Ranma blinked in surprise, and then craned his head upward where the icicle had embedded itself above the doorway.

"Still haven't gotten that fixed, eh?" Ranma deadpanned as he stared down at Richard's disembodied head. It had fallen off when the warlock had turned around, and was now rolling slowly across the length of the classroom toward his feet.

"White glue is such a hassle," the professor grumbled as his body started walking after it. "It takes forever to dry."

Before the warlock could pick it up, Ranma kicked the undead cranium up into the air and then grabbed it. "Here. I'll take care of it."

"Really? You will?" Richard asked, his body thrusting its arms up in triumph. "Thank goodness! The day's lesson is saved!"

There was a chorus of tired groans from the class as Ranma rummaged around in Richard's desk with his free hand, eventually pulling out a stapler.

"Wait. What are you planning to-"

Richard was cut off as Ranma slammed the warlock's head roughly onto the ragged stump of his neck.

Chunk! Chunk! Chunk! Chunk! Chunk! Several students winced at the sound of staples being pounded into flesh, while the rest silently lamented that Richard's aim would be skewed no longer.

"There you go," Ranma mumbled as he finished the circle of crude metal stitches and gave the undead instructor a solid whack on the back of his skull to test the fix. "That should hold until the next time you piss off someone strong enough to do something about it."

"Yes, thank you," Richard said, his head rocking back and forth slightly but lacking any real flexibility. "You may take your seat, Saotome."

Ranma made his way to his desk, and then stopped in surprise as he saw a familiar and generally unwelcome face in the desk beside it.

"Saffron? I didn't know you were in this class," Ranma said as he sat down next to the Phoenix king.

"Yes, well... I only recently started actually attending my classes," Saffron grumbled. "Really, is this the sort of thing that humans have to go through every day? It's an enormous waste of time."

Ranma shrugged. "Well, human schools aren't EXACTLY like this. For one thing, at most human schools the teachers are only allowed to knock out the students, rather than murdering them outright," Ranma explained, recalling Ms. Hinako's habit of draining the life force of trouble-makers and delinquents.

Saffron considered the policy. "I suppose that would go a long way toward ensuring further tuition revenue. Professor Richard's methods seem rather wasteful."

"NO TALKING IN CLASS," a mighty, ghastly voice boomed, startling both martial artist and Phoenix from their conversation.

Richard's body was encompassed by darkness as a strange, neon-green energy leaked from his eyes like blazing tears. "YOUR... PUNISHMENT!" The warlock howled, throwing one arm forward.

Segments of sharpened bone appeared from the ether before linking themselves into a crackling chain, and then the skeletal weapon bolted forward through the air, eliciting an otherworldly howl as it streaked toward Saffron's shocked and terrified face.

Thunk!

Saffron blinked in surprise and relief as the bone spear embedded itself in the front of his desk.

Richard was silent for several seconds before he coughed and patiently clasped his hands behind his back. "Saotome, I think I'm still a little off-center."

"Yeah, I know," Ranma replied, clearly disinterested as he pulled out his science book.

Saffron snorted in annoyance. "It would seem you're out of violent diversions, Professor. Perhaps it would be best for you to continue your lecture."

Richard considered this, staring down at his hands as they practically seethed with arcane power.

Then he glanced up again. "Would anyone be interested in murdering a classmate for extra credit?"

By the time Saffron had finished murmuring "What?" the boy in front of him had turned around and yanked the bone spear out of his desk.

"GYURK!" Saffron gasped in agony as the spike punctured his chest, and glared hatefully at the offender as life leaked out of his grasp once more.

"Sorry about this," the other student mumbled as he pushed the spear further through his victim's ribcage. "I have practice in the afternoon, so it's hard to find time to study. Nothing personal."

"Hey, don't take it out on him because you can't keep up with class," Ranma complained, although he made absolutely no effort to help as his neighbor started to bleed out onto the floor.

"Would anybody like to take care of Saotome too?" Richard offered, glancing around the classroom. "Anyone? It's worth an automatic 'A' on the mid-terms!"

As Saffron's breathing weakened and he slowly slid out of his seat onto the floor, Ranma looked around at the surrounding classmates, all of them clearly avoiding eye contact.

"What? Nobody? No one at all?" Ranma asked with an annoyed grunt. Not that he wanted the class to descend into a murderous frenzy for their grades, but he was disgusted that his peers wouldn't even hesitate to kill off a little boy (albeit an annoying, nigh-unkillable, fire-wielding little boy) when they didn't have the guts to even try attacking him.

"An 'A' isn't worth much if you're dead," mumbled the boy who had impaled Saffron. Then, more quietly, he added, "besides, you're the best chance we've got of actually surviving until finals."

There were many nods of agreement from the surrounding students.

"All right class, that's enough," Richard said, clapping his hands together. "If we're done turning on each other for the sake of fleeting academic advantages, please turn to..." Richard trailed off mid-sentence as he stared at Saffron's desk. "Saotome? Did that pest next to you just turn into an egg?"

"Yeah. That happens whenever he dies," Ranma mumbled, looking disinterested as he thumbed through his science book.

"I was under the impression that life BEGINS with eggs, not ends with them," the warlock mused, rubbing his chin.

"What're you asking ME for? You're the science teacher!" Ranma countered.

"Whatever just happened has very little to do with science," Richard said.

"Well, you're also the wizard here, aren't you?" Ranma asked.

"Touche," Richard allowed. "Anyway, could you get rid of it? Having food items on the floor is a safety hazard."

"You're ALSO the biggest safety hazard!" Ranma complained.

"Look, I doubt we can keep that joke running long enough to really bite into our class time, so why don't you do your job, already?"

Ranma grumbled under his breath as he hauled Saffron's egg up onto his shoulder and carried it over to the window.

Chak! Sliding the window open, he dropped the ornate egg outside, and then slammed it shut behind him.

"Thank you, Saotome. I presume that it landed on the ground and was smashed to bits?" Richard asked.

"Nah. I aimed for a trash bin," Ranma replied as he took his seat again.

"... Oh. I see," Richard mumbled, wondering if that was better or worse than his presumption. "Anyway, please open your books to page one-hundred eleven..."

Tsukune sighed wearily as he stood stock-still in the hall yet again in which was quickly turning from an embarrassing novelty into a major bother.

The fact that he had a pair of fine schoolgirl bosoms hanging in front of his face, almost brushing his nose, made little difference to his mood, nor did the other three unfamiliar girls that were giggling and making cooing noises while occasionally brushing against him.

Oh, sure, yesterday he had taken plenty of guilty pleasure in having random girls fawning over him because one of Ranma's spiders tagged along, but it had gotten old fast. Being immobilized for several minutes by people he didn't know, answering rapid-fire questions while the girls were hardly even listening to him, and then feeling the cold, displeased stares of Kurumu or Moka for several minutes afterward all put quite a damper on his short but frequent bursts of popularity.

Evening that out a bit was the fact that having one of the hairy fanged beasts on his head for so long had done wonders for his lingering fear of the creatures. Most of the time he had barely noticed that the arachnid was with him, and even on the occasions when it was disturbed it still hadn't bitten him or crawled down into his shirt like he had been afraid of.

"Look, I'm really sorry, but I should be going now. I have to meet up with a friend of mine," Tsukune said apologetically after one of the girls asked to hold the spider. Neither Kurumu nor Moka were there at the moment, but he knew that if he waited long enough one of them were sure to catch him like this.

"Awww, okay," one the girls said reluctantly as she pouted. "You should bring him to class more often, though!"

"No, I don't think that's a good idea, Tsukune mumbled. "It doesn't get along with all the teachers." He had no idea what had possessed him to bring the giant spider to his homeroom class rather than bringing it back to the dorm, but the obviously well-trained little beast had been on edge the moment it saw Ms. Nekonome. Luckily it hadn't objected to being stuffed in Tsukune's book bag for the duration of homeroom, but he didn't want to think of what might happen if his feline-like teacher was exposed to it directly.

Tsukune was so distracted by thoughts of his innocent and plucky homeroom teacher being attacked that he didn't notice one of the girls that had been fawning approach him from behind as he walked away.

"Hey, don't be in such a hurry!" The girl said as she took Tsukune's arm, surprising him. "Let me come with! You're going to see Saotome, right?"

"Eh? How did you know?" Tsukune asked, genuinely surprised.

She giggled. "You two are always together. It's hardly a big secret. Just like it's not a secret that you and Akashiya are going out."

Tsukune turned red as a cherry as he started stuttering. "Wh-What? We're not dating or anything! Who told you that?"

The schoolgirl's eye gleamed mischievously. "Oh, okay! So I guess you're available!"

"Not to you, I'm not. Would you take a hint and back off?" Tsukune demanded, his voice razor-sharp.

Tsukune slapped his hands over his mouth as the girl recoiled, unable to believe that he had just said that. In fact, after giving it a bit of thought, he was pretty sure he HADN'T just said that.

"Geez, what's your problem?" The pushy schoolgirl snapped, backing away. "Fine then, jerk! I don't have to put up with this!" She snapped, whirling around before she stalked off.

Tsukune watched her go silently, his hands still clamped over his mouth. He might have tried to defend himself, but he had no idea what to say, and didn't trust his voice since it seemed to have acquired a mind of it's own.

He felt a tugging sensation coming from behind him, and he turned his head.

Kana stood behind him silently, her one visible eye staring at the young human impassively.

"Kana? Was... Was that you just now?" Tsukune demanded, cautiously taking his hands away from his mouth.

"..." Kana nodded as she mumbled something that he didn't catch.

"Don't do something like that without permission!" Tsukune complained. "You'll ruin my reputation!"

Kana shrugged, clearly not caring a whit. "Ranma," she said, speaking that one word clearly as she stepped aside, out of his path.

"Huh? What about him?" Tsukune asked. "I was just about to go meet up with him."

Kana simply nodded again, saying nothing.

"Ah. I think I see where this is going," Tsukune mumbled, continuing down the hall as Kana fell into step behind him.

The siren said nothing as Tsukune made his way down the halls toward the classroom where Ranma had the miserable fortune of sharing with Jadeite and the dubious fortune of sharing with Yukari.

Ranma and the aforementioned witch were standing outside the classroom door, engrossed in a conversation of their own as Tsukune and Kana spotted them.

"I guess I understand the logic behind making us identify magical girls and their weaknesses," Ranma mumbled as he looked over a sheet of paper, "but I don't get these models he's using for examples. They're all wearing the same little cheerleader outfit thing. Don't most devil hunters wield swords or dress as shrine maidens?" At the very least, that was HIS experience with such warriors in the past. "The Prof sure seems set on the whole 'magical girl' type, doesn't he?"

"Identify each target and list strategies for their downfall," Yukari read aloud from the assignment description. "Extra credit will be granted for appropriately graphic descriptions of their deaths."

"Why are they all named after planets?" Ranma continued, idly waving a hand toward Tsukune and Kana as they approached. "Do you think these are real people? The details seem way too specific."

"Methinks I'll skip next week's field trip," Yukari said as she shook her head.

"Hi Ranma!" Tsukune said as he came within arm's reach, "are you ready for tonight?"

"Of course I am," Ranma said, handing his homework to Yukari as the young witch continued perusing the assignment, "but just to make sure we're talking about the same thing, what's happening tonight, again?"

Tsukune's expression turned grim. "Today we have to strike back at the Enforcer that's holding down the Student Council, plus I need to speak to Miss Wildman."

"Oh, THAT. Right," Ranma mumbled, idly taking the giant spider from Tsukune's head at last. "Saving the school from corruption and tyranny. Yeah. We should probably do that right away, huh?"

Kana frowned slightly as she scooted over behind Ranma, throwing uncertain glances at Yukari.

Tsukune sighed as he finally went about smoothing his hair, which had spent the last few hours as a literal spider's nest. "You forgot, didn't you? Did you have anything else planned?"

The pigtailed boy gave a noncommittal shrug. "I thought I could do some training, is all."

It was about this time that Yukari noticed Kana standing demurely behind Ranma, and the young witch raised an eyebrow.

"Training for what? Aren't you already the best fighter around?" Tsukune asked, confused. Some might have mistaken the question as empty flattery, but after seeing Ranma fight Evil Moka to a standstill, he really couldn't imagine anyone ever beating the older human.

"Obviously," Ranma confirmed. "But those attacks of Moka's were actually pretty impressive. I thought if I could get some pictures of the battle, I might be able to figure them out."

That didn't make much sense to Tsukune, and he was about to argue the point further when Yukari cleared her throat.

"Not to interrupt," the young witch said, glancing at the purple-haired girl, "but who is this?"

Ranma snapped his fingers. "Oh! Right! You two haven't been introduced!"

He turned toward Kana and patted Yukari on the head, causing the young girl to brighten instantly. "Kana, this is Sendo Yukari. She's a runt, and has an attitude problem, but she does whatever I say so she's pretty useful to have around."

"Aw, Senpai, you're making me blush!" Yukari said, so giddy from the mild compliment that she completely failed to register the criticisms of her mind and body.

"Yukari, this is Kanade Kana. She's in my government class and sometimes helps me train the spiders. She's also a little bipolar." Kana winced at that, shrinking in on herself a bit.

"Ranma!" Tsukune chided. "Don't say that!"

"All right, fine," Ranma said, rolling his eyes, "so she's VERY bipolar. I was just trying to be nice."

"No, that's not what I..." Tsukune trailed off as Kana's face darkened. "Oh, never mind. She actually followed me here looking for you, you know."

"Really? What's up?" Ranma asked.

"..." Kana mumbled something totally incomprehensible to everyone else, but it had Ranma scratching his head.

"School newspaper? I didn't know we had a school newspaper," he said as the siren started sifting through her book bag.

"Wasn't that Miss Nekonome's club?" Tsukune asked, vaguely remembering something like that being mentioned before he had resigned himself to the indignity and hazards of the exploration club.

"It doesn't get much actually published; I heard that there's only one member in the newspaper club," Yukari said. "There was some thing with the Enforcers too, I think. Then again, most of the clubs have some kind of issue with the Enforcers, even if it's just complaints about bribes."

Kana pulled out a folded-up newspaper, and silently held it up in front of Ranma's face.

Tsukune grimaced as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Everything I've heard about the Enforcers involves them bullying someone or extorting money. This has to stop."

"Tsukune?" Ranma said suddenly.

"Yes?" The younger boy gave Ranma his full attention, noting that Ranma's hands were clenching the newspaper to the point of almost tearing it.

"We may have to go through with your plan without Kouma's help. He's going to be in the nurse's office for at least a day or so."

"What? They got Kouma?" Tsukune cried, grabbing the newspaper out of Ranma's hands and scanning the headline.

Seeing nothing but some sort of gossip piece titled "Rising Star of Freshman Class Claims Harem of Four in Human World," Tsukune gave his roommate a confused glance. "I don't get it; why would this mean that Kouma is injured? It's just a story about some womanizing jerk."

Ranma's eyebrow twitched.

Yukari popped up between Tsukune's arms as he held the paper, startling the boy as she began to read the article. "Elite fighter Saotome Ranma, undisputed champion of the freshman class, was revealed today by a trusted source to be engaged to several young women back in his hometown of Nerima, situated around the human city of Tokyo, Japan. Although it doesn't come as much of a surprise to hear that such a powerful monster has romantic attachments, the revelations have stirred new theories as to his species as they have opened up the possibility of royal lineage or possibly a pack leader mentality."

"Did... Did I say 'jerk'?" Tsukune asked, sweating slightly. "I meant to say... jock! Some womanizing jock!"

"Not helping," Ranma grumbled.

"Whatever the case, there has definitely been both great disillusionment and great admiration among the freshman class at the news that Mister Saotome is such a lecherous bastard." Yukari finished, pulling the newspaper out of Tsukune's hands entirely. "That last bit sounds a bit too much like the writer's opinion to me. It looks like there's an editorial section devoted to the story too. Page thirteen..."

"What the heck? The newspaper club doesn't have anything better to print than this trash? Who cares how many many fiancees I may or may not have?" Ranma complained, throwing his arms up in the air. "Moka turned out to be some sort of super-powerful fighter, students are fighting off the Enforcers, a tremendous spider is eating people, and the Dark Liege STILL hasn't found those really important soul jewels or whatever! But people are more interested in Kouma's gossip than any of that? Give me a break!"

Ranma probably would have continued on that subject, but Kana tugged firmly on his sleeve to get his attention.

"Explanation, please," Kana said simply, an unreadable expression on her face. It escaped nobody's notice that her voice was now perfectly clear and audible.

"I don't know anything about the soul stones, I swear!" Ranma shouted, much to confusion of everyone else. "They must have been planted there! I was framed!"

"I think she meant about the fiancees, Ranma," Tsukune pointed out, although he was quite interested in Ranma's unexpected protest.

Ranma blinked. "Oh. Is that all?" He snorted, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It's my Pop's fault. I don't even WANT to marry any of 'em. Half of them are arranged marriages and the other half are just people trying to impose themselves on me."

"But still, four? How do you end up with four girlfriends by accident?" Tsukune asked. Somehow, after he spoke, he got the distinct impression someone was laughing at him.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Ranma groused. "Look, can we go already? I need to see Mizore about those pictures I wanted."

"Mizore? That creepy ice girl?" Kana's attention was immediately piqued. "What about her?"

"Oh, you know her?" Ranma asked, seemingly oblivious to the distasteful expression on the siren's face. "She took some photos I think I could use to learn Evil Moka's moves."

"You can do that with a few pictures?" Tsukune asked, surprised.

Ranma shrugged. "I don't see why not. You'd be surprised what you can learn to do from a few stupid doodles on a scroll," the martial artist reasoned.

"Yukari? What do you think?" Tsukune asked, wondering what the girl genius had to say about something so outlandish.

"Some of the new theories are well-reasoned, but most of them are reading way too much into the harem thing. Just because senpai has that many girls doesn't make him a shikima. I don't even think he HAS tentacles."

Tsukune snatched the school newspaper out of her hands, an exasperated look on his face. "Let's just go."

Haruo grimaced as he observed a sticky film that stretched between his fingers, and sighed regretfully as he gazed at the shining splotches of goo that led back to the door in a series of footprints.

"Really, you MUST learn to perfect your human form, Kano," the junior Enforcer officer said, turning his head lazily. "It's a horrendous pain to get this stuff off of carpet, you know."

Nagare Kano stood in the middle of Enforcers' lobby, nervously glancing behind him at Kishia as the female Enforcer glared at him contemptuously. He was a weedy and suspicious-looking individual, with a skinny, frail body, freckled cheeks, and hair that was parted to cover his right eye. The more unusual - and frankly disgusting - aspect of the boy was that his skin was pale, clammy, and constantly seemed to secrete a foul-smelling, translucent film. In his hands he held a small digital camera, which he clutched tightly as if to protect it.

"I'm s-sorry. But it can't be helped, right?" Nagare stuttered, removing his backpack. "I got what you wanted. You're going to keep your end of the bargain, aren't you?"

"Of course I will," Haruo said negligently, stepping forward and cradling his injured arm. "In return for information about Aono Tsukune, I'll erase all evidence of your... 'transgressions', and I'll even look the other way if I happen to find you engaging in your hobbies in the future."

Kishia raised an eyebrow. "And what hobbies are those, Haruo?" she asked, not liking this one bit. The fellow that Haruo invited into their office gave off a distinctly... perverted vibe. Elementals didn't have much in the way of gender identity, but every bit of hers was telling her to pummel the slimy creep.

Haruo wasn't nearly as concerned; Nagare's crimes were simple acts of voyeurism, which was exactly the type of criminal conduct that the Enforcers sought out to earn bribes and favors. More importantly, such criminals were good at finding out information without being caught, which made them excellent spies.

"Don't worry about it, Kishia. Suffice to say, this one is no threat to our authority." He smirked as Nagare started rooting around in his backpack. "It is sometimes necessary to overlook a minor, harmless wrongdoing in order to put a stop to a greater threat. This is the sad, but difficult truth of justice."

"Exactly! I don't mean any harm!" Nagare said as he pulled out a manilla envelope and handed it to Haruo. "Besides, THESE findings would make you forget all about me, even if you hadn't agreed to do so!"

Haruo put down the folder, not wanting to have to handle it with his injured arm, and then slid a large photograph out to look at it. Kishia stepped up next to him, her interest piqued.

A vein popped up on the magma elemental's head as she stared at the photo. "Please explain, Mister Kano, how an up skirt shot of Miss Madaraki qualifies as a 'finding'!" she demanded, her voice an angry hiss.

Nagare looked startled as he dug into his backpack again. "Oops! Sorry! Wrong folder!" he said as he pulled out another one and laid it next to the first. "I'll just take that other one back and-"

As the peeping tom reached for the envelope, Kishia slammed her hand down on top of it, causing Nagare to flinch back. His fear quickly turned to sorrow as the envelope and the photographs started to shrivel and burn underneath the Enforcer's palm.

"Hey! Those are my treasures!" the voyeur complained as black smoke started to curl around Kishia's hand.

"Oh, relax would you?" Haruo mumbled as he reached for the new envelope. "I did say the evidence of your crimes would be destroyed, didn't I? You should be glad."

Taking a photo out of the second envelope, he pulled it out to see that it was a photograph of a paper document. "Hm? What is this? A medical record?"

"The medical records of one Tsukune Aono," Nagare said, wheezing slightly as he stared regretfully as the blackened cinders of his work. "It seems he escorts his friends to the nurse's office quite often, so Miss Madaraki gave him a checkup."

Haruo frowned as he looked at the body of the document. "Hmmm... tests are all negative... no bruising... no allergies... heart rate... blood pressure..."

The gargoyle looked annoyed as he finally turned toward Nagare. "So, what, you went through all this trouble to inform us that he's in good health? Are you an idiot? That's the problem we're trying to correct, if necessary!"

Nagare simply chuckled, baring his long, crooked teeth in such a way that Kishia shuddered. "You missed the most important part. Look near the top. I think you'll see something very interesting about Aono. Something that the Enforcers would probably want to deal with directly."

Haruo raised an eyebrow as he glanced back up at the top of the page. "Name: Aono Tsukune. Age: 15. Species: Human. Blood Ty-"

His breath caught in his throat as he realized what he had just said, his eyes snapping back to the "species" column.

Kishia's eyes bugged out. "Human?" she hissed. "He's a human? That's impossible!"

Nagare grinned as he shrugged. "It's right there in black and white. I can't say whether Aono is a mastermind pulling the strings of the fight club like you suggested, but that becomes perfectly moot in the face of this tidbit, doesn't it? He doesn't belong here; the penalty for a human entering Youkai Academy-"

"Is DEATH," Haruo growled, his hands clenching the photograph tightly. "There are still so many questions... but with this, we can end it. We now have the proof we need to convince Lord Kuyo that the situation is indeed serious."

Kishia nodded, flexing a hand into a fist as seams of glowing red embers spread over her arm. "To think there was such a dangerous enemy right under our nose..." she shook her head. "Of course, this still means that we'll be stuck with Saotome and the fight club."

"Oh, don't worry," Nagare said, grinning horrifically, "you'll find that I dug up a little dirt on Saotome as well."

Haruo's good arm practically ripped open the envelope in its haste to seize the remaining photo, and he held it up greedily before he began to read.

"This is Saotome's physical data! Of course! Now we know his species! He's..."

Kishia leaned forward expectantly as Haruo trailed off. "What is he? What? If we knew what kind of monster he is, we could find a weakness!"

Nagare chuckled. "That too, is unnecessary. As you can see, Saotome is a human! Just like Aono!"

Kishia blinked. Haruo continued staring at the photo. Nagare's pleased expression slowly wilted, sensing something was wrong. "Uh... hello? That's what it says, right? You didn't get another one of my... uh... 'hobby pics' did you?"

Haruo snorted and tossed the photograph into the air. "Saotome Ranma is NOT human," he snapped.

Reaching his good arm back, his forearm bulged as his skin turned a rough granite gray and his fingers turned into talons. With a single swipe, he reduced the picture to shreds.

"Wh-What? How can you say that?" Nagare asked, shocked.

"That brute took down Saizo, Akashiya, Rikishi, and Kurono, as well as us two," Kishia snapped, a puff of steam blasting from her nose as she snorted, "and you expect us to believe he's a human? Are you making fun of us?"

Nagare recoiled. "But... But... the proof was right there! How come the school nurse's word is good enough to convict Aono but not Saotome?"

Kishia snorted, blasting out another puff of steam. "For the same reason we sent you after Aono in the first place, rather than Saotome: Aono is weak, but clever. Saotome is strong, but dim. We don't need proof to stop Saotome, we need an army!"

"Besides, the school nurse is obviously wrong. Seriously, what does she know?" Haruo said, his arm returning to normal.

"She has, like, four PhDs," Nagare mumbled, only to be completely ignored.

"The important thing is that Aono is brought to justice, and that his attempts to undermine our fine institution are halted! For accommodating that, Kano, I will consider our bargain complete!" Haruo said firmly. "Kishia! We must go see Keito at once. If THIS doesn't warrant Kuyo's attention, then nothing does!"

Knock! Knock!

Mizore jumped slightly at the sound of knuckles against her door, and she felt her heart start hammering against her chest.

'Is that him? He's here? Already?' Mizore thought, a flush coming across her face. It would have been difficult for an outside observer to tell that she was panicking, or even flustered, but Mizore was almost quivering as she reached for her popsicle that was sitting in a small dish on her night stand.

She had spent most of the day fretting about Ranma eventually coming to her room, such that she had even neglected to keep track of him. And while it would have made sense to most people that there was hardly any need to obsessively skulk around somebody when they were going to meet with you later, the shift in approach left the poor girl terribly flustered.

Of course, her unease was helped considerably by the literal wall of photographs that dominated the room, each one featuring her pigtailed target and skirted by notes and comments that mostly detailed how dreamy and strong Ranma was.

Mizore hoped he didn't think that was weird or anything.

Just having Ranma's likeness nearby - on the occasions where she wasn't keeping close to the ACTUAL Ranma - made her feel safer, like the walls could collapse and the ground open up around her and in an instant she'd wake up in his arms completely protected from harm. And given that those things DID happen around Youkai Academy sometimes, to say nothing of fireballs suddenly raining down on you in the middle of nowhere, it was a more practical reason than some may have guessed.

After a few more seconds of zoning out, another knock came from the door.

"Maybe she's not here? I guess I could always stop by later," Ranma said from out in the hall.

Mizore jolted into action, quickly grabbing a small lollipop from where it sat in a small dish atop her dresser. Closing her lips around the candy and feeling a soothing coldness seep through her pounding heart, she crossed the distance to her front door and turned the knob.

"Oh, there you are!" Ranma said, smiling as Mizore opened the door a crack. "I was beginning to think you were lying in wait for me back at my room or something."

Mizore flushed as she stared wanly at the pigtailed boy, basking in his radiant grin. He even had a spider resting on his shoulder, which she personally found absolutely adorable. Ranma was, without question, a dream given flesh.

"Lying in wait? Is she some sort of creep?" came a young, high-pitched voice that caused Mizore's racing heart to seize up briefly.

She opened the door a little wider, and her elated mood dipped considerably as she saw the young witch that had taken to following her crush around like an abandoned puppy.

"She's... uh... a close friend, you could say," said a male voice that caused Mizore's eyebrow to twitch. "I mean 'close' more in the sense of... you know... literal distance."

Opening the door a bit more revealed Ranma's underwhelming friend and roommate, Tsukune, and her last hopes of a romantic rendezvous with the pigtailed boy faded.

"You should say it plainly," said yet ANOTHER voice, this one pleasant yet sharp, which caused Mizore's hackles to rise, "the girl is an obsessed stalker. It's the truth."

Mizore finally pulled the door open entirely, finally revealing Kana standing behind the others. And while her position may have been humble and demure, there was nothing lady-like about the flash of contempt that crossed her expression when their eyes met.

Needless to say, any joy she had felt from seeing Ranma had now fled entirely, replaced by a cold irritation. "Why are... they... here?" she mumbled.

Ranma shrugged as he rubbed his arms roughly, noticing that it seemed even colder than it usually did when Mizore was close by. "We're on our way to see Miss Wildman, so I thought I could stop by and get those photos I wanted," he explained. "Why? Are they not ready yet?"

Mizore glanced over at Kana, who promptly straightened and glared back at her through her one eye not hidden by her hair.

"They're... not ready yet," Mizore said evenly, starting to close the door. "Come back later."

Ranma looked disappointed, but before he could say anything Kana promptly pushed Tsukune aside and then slammed a hand against Mizore's door, knocking it open. "Enough of your games. Let's get the stupid pictures and leave."

Tsukune regained his footing and then sighed as he sensed a fight brewing.

"So, what, does she only talk when she's pissed off?" Yukari asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Something like that, I guess," Tsukune grumbled.

"Whoa, hey! Kana, what's the big idea?" Ranma asked as he followed the siren into the room quickly.

Mizore bristled silently as Kana glanced around the room, and her fingers slowly froze over within the oversized sleeves of her outfit, each one extending into a razor-sharp ice crystal that continued growing to dagger length.

Kana's only visible eyebrow twitched mightily as she stared at the wall of Mizore's room completely dominated by pictures of Ranma. "What the hell is this? How much of a creep are you?" the siren boomed, her voice reaching an almost painful pitch as she whirled on the other girl.

'If only Ranma wasn't here...' Mizore thought morosely, sliding her blade-like fingers against each other within her sleeves. Besides the fact that she didn't want him to think she was some sort of possessive, violent woman, she also didn't doubt that he'd stop her if she tried to fillet a friend of his out of indignation and embarrassment.

"Whoa... this is... uh..." Ranma stopped short behind Kana, caught off-guard by the massive wall that seemed to be devoted to him.

Mizore flushed as he started looking over the photos carefully, to be joined a moment later by a fairly stunned Tsukune and Yukari.

"Well, I can kind of appreciate the sentiment here," Yukari muttered, "but still, YIPES."

"Er... Ranma?" Tsukune looked at the older boy in concern, wondering about his intense stare as he looked over the pictures.

"They're not here," Ranma said suddenly, sounding disappointed as he straightened.

"Hah? What's not here?" Yukari asked.

"The pictures I wanted," Ranma explained, frowning. "Actually, there aren't ANY pictures of me fighting. Or even training in the fight club." He shook his head. "It's not a very good album."

Thud! Tsukune winced as Kana fell over into a faceplant, and promptly moved to help her back up.

"Album? S-Senpai, this isn't really..." Yukari trailed off weakly, unsure of how to explain the social implications of stalking and wary of having to do it right in front of the stalker.

Mizore, for her part, quickly withdrew a folder and held it out to him. "Here. These are the new pictures I was going to add today. I was... hoping we could add them... together."

As a cold shudder ran through everyone else in the room, Ranma happily took the folder and started flipping through the photos inside.

"Okay, here we go!" His eyes narrowed as he looked at two images of Moka chambering a kick, and then another that was mostly distorted by the failure of the camera to record Ranma and Moka's images quickly enough. "Hmm... these could be helpful... hard to say." He flipped through a few more, then gathered up a handful and placed them Mizore's dresser. "I don't need these ones. Use 'em for the wall."

Kana's eyebrow twitched as she clenched her hands into fists. "You're... OKAY with this?" she said, barely containing her voice to a weak growl.

"Well, like I said, it's not really a good representation if there's no pictures of me doing martial arts," Ranma noted as he held up a photograph to the light, "but hey, it's not really any of my business."

"It IS your business!" Kana shouted, shooting a hot glare at Mizore as she waited silently next to her bed. "This is a complete violation of your privacy! You shouldn't have to deal with-"

The siren was cut shorted as Ranma suddenly patted her on the head, causing a flush to fill her cheeks as she suddenly felt her usual shyness reasserting itself.

"It's alright, Kana. Relax," Ranma said, smiling reassuringly as he tussled her hair. "It makes me happy that you're worrying about me, though." Kana's blush darkened, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she took in the feeling of his fingers rubbing at her scalp.

Then the pigtailed boy chuckled as he turned back toward the wall of photos. "Though honestly, it kind of makes me happy to see wallpaper devoted to how cool I am, too!" he wasn't looking at her at the moment, so he missed the vein popping up on her head as well as the extremely annoyed expression on her face.

Yukari sweatdropped and then tugged on Tsukune's arm. "You know, I honestly can't tell if Senpai is really good with girls, or really bad with them."

"Well, it would seem he's not lacking in experience," Tsukune allowed, holding up the newspaper he still held in his hand and looking over the front page article.

He was reasonably surprised and fairly alarmed when Mizore stepped forward and took the newspaper smoothly out of his hands before opening it up to read.

"It's harmless. Let it go," Ranma said to Kana as he pocketed the pictures he wanted from Mizore's collection.

"She is NOT harmless! Stalkers are dangerous!" Kana protested. She glanced over at the stalker in question to check her reaction, but noticed with some irritation that Mizore was calmly reading the school newspaper instead of dealing with them.

Ranma snorted. "I don't think she could hurt me even if she wanted to," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Just because she can't hurt you doesn't mean she isn't... dangerous," Kana said sharply.

"Whatever that means," Ranma mumbled. "Look, would you calm down? I'm the one asking her for a favor here, and you're totally getting on her case!"

"Why shouldn't I get on her case for sneaking around and taking pictures of you in secret! That's horrible!" Kana protested yet again.

"Not to take sides or anything," Tsukune interjected, "but it's worth pointing out that we caught you hypnotizing us out of our beds at night."

Kana's expression froze in place as her face colored. Yukari raised an eyebrow as she stared at the siren knowingly.

"Okay, okay, look: wrongs were done. Mistakes were made," Ranma said, nodding sagely, "but the important thing is that we forget our differences and all get along, right?" He then noticed that Mizore was cutting out a section of the school newspaper using her finger, which had somehow become a razor-sharp blade of ice.

Tsukune seemed surprised to hear such a sentiment coming from his roommate, and he stumbled a bit before rushing to support him. "Y-Yes! Absolutely! If we don't let mistakes turn into grudges, there's no reason we can't all be friends!"

"Except for Kouma," Ranma said in a deadly monotone as he watched Mizore pin the article up onto the photo wall.

Tsukune blinked. "Huh? Kouma?"

"Yes. Kouma is going to have to pay for his mistakes," Ranma deadpanned.

"But th-that's..." Tsukune trailed off as he noticed Mizore staring at the article, and he sweatdropped at how intensely the cool-tempered girl seemed to be reading it.

Finally, Mizore turned around and stared impassionately at Ranma. "You have... four fiancees?"

As Ranma twitched, she cocked her head to one side. "So... is there a... form to fill out, or..."

"I have to go punish a bad dog now," Ranma said evenly, turning on his heel and walking out the door. "Thanks a lot, Mizore. See you later."

Kana and Yukari quickly followed him, the former scowling briefly at Mizore before matching Ranma's pace and departing.

Tsukune, for his part, offered Mizore a bow as he struggled for something useful to say. "Uh, so, I guess I'll... see you around? Depending on your progress as a stalker, I suppose?"

Mizore frowned as she leaned down to whisper into the boy's ear. "Next time... don't come with him... okay?"

Tsukune shuddered as a gust of cold wafted from her lips and brushed by his ear, chilling his skin instantly. "O-Okay, I'll keep that in mind. Th-Thank you for understanding."

"Hmn..." Mizore glanced over at her wall o' Ranma and cocked her head to one side. "Say..."

"Uh, yes?" Tsukune asked, halting on his way out the door.

"You can see Ranma in the shower whenever you want, right?" Mizore asked, a slight flush crawling over her cheeks.

"I'm... not sure how to answer that, actually," Tsukune mumbled.

Mizore idly scratched at one picture at the top corner of the wall, which had Ranma in a towel, and a note that said "Find some way to remove".

"I was just thinking..." the purple-haired girl said slowly. "If I lent you my camera..."

"I'll be going now," Tsukune deadpanned, walking straight out of the room. "Have a good day, Miss Shirayuki." 'Crazy pervert. I'd hate to think what would happen if she were after me...'

Within the head offices of the Enforcers, Kishia and Haruo stood at stiff attention as their master and captain of all the Protection Committee calmly perused the large photograph taken by Nagare.

The head of the Committee was an elegant-looking man, with an immaculately pressed jacket and flawless complexion. Long platinum hair swept straight back over his scalp revealed a large forehead with a pair of tattoo circles in the middle.

Kuyo was a cool, calculating sort. Or at least, that was the impression he gave to those that met him for the first time.

To those more familiar with the chief Enforcer, and with the gall to criticize him even in their minds, his calmness was simple arrogance framed by a nearly delusional sense of self-righteousness and authority, and in truth nobody had ever seen anything approaching calculation coming from the man.

That was more the domain of Keito, who was even now carefully reading over Kuyo's shoulder while occasionally casting questioning looks at her two juniors that waited for their captain's judgment. On the occasions that the Enforcers wielded their authority in a manner more befitting a secret criminal organization (as opposed to wielding it in a manner befitting a non-secret criminal organization, which was far more common), she was inevitably at the head of the operation... whether anyone knew it or not.

"Inconceivable," Kuyo said suddenly, slapping the photograph onto the table. "Are we certain this information is reliable?"

Haruo hesitated. "As certain as we can be, Lord Kuyo. Our source has no reason to lie to us."

Of course, that wasn't entirely true, as Nagare had been under considerable pressure to dig up dirt on one of the least disruptive students in the school, but there was no reason to start poking holes in his own story. "As you can see, Aono Tsukune, a human boy, has infiltrated the school right under our noses."

Kishia nodded firmly. "Not only that, but I have reason to believe he may be trying to undermine the authority and presence of the Enforcers on campus, using the fight club as a proxy."

Kuyo clenched his hand into a fist, and a fierce red glow lit around it, as if his glove were burning. "I see. Then it is good you brought this to my attention." His eyes narrowed. "The fight club in particular is an annoyance I had thought extinguished. I am... displeased to learn that Wildman didn't learn her lesson last time."

Then he stared down at the photo. "But still... A human? Here? At this elite school for monsters?"

There was a pregnant pause as each Enforcer digested the implications for themselves.

"Elite?" Kishia said slowly, looking thoroughly confused.

"It's been a long time since Lord Kuyo's attended any classes," Haruo whispered to her.

"This will be dealt with," Kuyo said imperiously, sliding the photograph to the side. "Keito, hand this order down to Jin. Tell him that I am permitting any means necessary to have Aono seized and brought here."

"Of course, Lord Kuyo," Keito said, bowing deeply and walking out of the room.

After she left Haruo bowed as well, making as if to leave.

"Well, if there will be nothing else..."

"As a matter of fact, there will be," Kuyo said, freezing Haruo in his tracks and making Kishia stiffen even more than usual. "It is my understanding that each of you have encountered a certain monster here on campus, belonging to the fight club. One by the name of Saotome Ranma."

Haruo scowled angrily. Kishia simply nodded, saying nothing.

"Ah, not fond memories, I see. Tell me of him," the Committee leader commanded.

Haruo needed no further prompting. "He's an arrogant brute and chronic delinquent who takes pride in flouting school rules and pummeling those of us trying to restore order," the gargoyle growled.

"What's more," Kishia cut in, "he's Aono's lackey. Aono treats him as a bodyguard and uses his influence in the fight club to his own devious ends."

Kuyo nodded slowly. "I see. However... is it possible that Saotome is unaware of Aono's species?"

Kishia and Haruo gasped, glancing at each other.

"Of course! Maybe the human has merely been using him all this time!" Kishia hissed. "It makes so much sense!"

"Hmph. To think that even one as mighty as Saotome can be toyed with like that. Humans are truly terrible and frightening creatures," Haruo mumbled, although he seemed curiously pleased.

"I can think of no reason why our students would knowingly allow the existence of a human. Perhaps he would cease being such a bother if he were to realize that the Protection Committee is looking out for his interests by disposing of his friend."

Kishia sweatdropped. "Erm... When you put it that way, actually..."

"I will see to it personally, Lord Kuyo," Haruo said, bowing.

"Of course. If Saotome is unwilling to side with us for some reason, inform me at once," Kuyo commanded, steepling his fingers. "I will put an end to his defiance myself. There are far too many among our student body who think their trifling 'powers' place them above the law. It may be time I disabused them of this notion."

Haruo nearly shed a tear as he imagined Ranma on his hands and knees, begging for his life as Kuyo seared the flesh from his bones. "I would relish the event, my lord!"

"Then go to it! These fools and dissidents would think to plunge this, our precious academy, into chaos and disorder, but I will not stand for it! We will end Aono's duplicity and Saotome's disruptions once and for all, and then all will know the TRUE authority of this campus!"

"We don't have a fight club meeting today, but I think Miss Wildman is usually around here," Ranma explained as he led Tsukune, Yukari, and Kana through the main gym.

Most of the space inside was taken up by a large basketball court, and the volleyball club had set up a pair of nets and were practicing diligently.

Ranma quickly spotted his club's head and advisor near the back of the gym lecturing a member of the fight club as he hammered away relentlessly at a punching bag. "There she is! C'mon!"

"Your pace is slacking! Keep up your speed!" Riza Wildman barked as the rather weedy-looking fighter huffed desperately. "And keep your aim steady! When your blows don't land properly, not only do you do less damage, but you spend extra time and energy drawing back your arm! Keep your elbows properly chambered!"

As the boy's performance only seemed to deteriorate, Riza noticed a small group of students approaching. She didn't recognize most of them, but the half-werewolf brightened when she saw Ranma leading the group. "Oi! Human! Get your ass over here! I need you to demonstrate something!"

Ranma dashed forward immediately, stopping in front of them. "Yeah? What's up?"

Riza patted the large red punching bag on the side as the other club member backed off. "Hit this thing as fast as you can."

Whomph! The bag's supports snapped as it flew away the air, eventually impacting the wall of the gym before it flopped onto the floor.

Tsukune blinked. Ranma was still standing there with his arms at his sides, and he could have sworn that the older human hadn't even moved. To him, it looked like the bag had simply exploded away from the pigtailed boy.

Riza frowned. "I said as FAST as you could, not hard."

"It's the same thing to me," Ranma replied, shrugging. "When you hit the same spot that many times, it registers as one big hit."

"Hmh..." Riza waved off the other student, allowing him to go rest. "Whatever. Are you here for extra practice?"

"Nope. A friend of mine wanted to talk to you. Something about the fight club removing the Enforcers from power."

Riza raised an eyebrow. "No kidding? Huh."

Before Tsukune could step up, Ranma continued. "Hey, is Kouma around here?"

"Eyebrows? Yeah, he's always around here, it seems," Riza murmured, pointing behind her to the gym's rear exit. "I heard he got into a fight and used his monster form, so I'm making him do laps as punishment."

'Oh yeah, that is against the rules, isn't it?' Ranma thought to himself, remembering the battle against the elementals. Not having a "monster" form himself, it was easy to forget that the usual Youkai Academy student had to hold themselves back if they wanted to comply with the rules. Not that many of them bothered.

Ranma silently turned toward the exit and left, Kana trailing behind him quietly.

Tsukune cleared his throat, straightening. "Hello Miss Wildman, I'm Tsukune Aono. We met briefly when the clubs were demonstrating for new members."

"Ah. Okay..." Riza mumbled, not remembering the boy at all. "So what can I do for you?"

Tsukune gave a pensive glance back at Yukari, who offered him an encouraging thumbs-up.

"Miss Wildman, can you tell me why the fight club resists the Enforcers?" Tsukune asked.

Riza raised an eyebrow. "Why? Are you one of them?"

"No, not at all," Tsukune said quickly. "In fact, I guess you could say I'm an enemy of the Enforcers, technically."

Yukari snorted. "From my observations, anyone who isn't in the Protection Committee is an enemy by default."

"Well, yes, that's actually why I'm here," Tsukune continued, playing off of Yukari's comment. "The Enforcers need to be stopped, once and for all."

"No kidding?" Riza said lazily, leaning against the remains of the punching bag setup that Ranma had destroyed. After a moment, she glanced over at the club member she had been training. "Do fifty pushups and then hit the showers, slacker. You've got a lot of endurance to build up before we start combat training you."

The student in question grumbled under his breath as he staggered away, looking ready to collapse at any moment.

"Well, that's an interesting idea, I guess," Riza said, once again addressing Tsukune. "So why are you telling me about it?"

"I know that the fight club has challenged the Protection Committee's authority in the past, so-"

"You're wrong," Riza deadpanned.

Tsukune blinked. "What? Wrong about what?"

"We've never challenged the Enforcers' authority," Riza explained, crossing her arms under her breasts. "We challenge individual Enforcers, sure. But we don't really have any particular problem with the Committee overall."

"You... You don't?" Tsukune asked, fairly stunned. "Uh... Then, why do you fight them?"

Riza shrugged. "Well, who else is there to fight besides them and the monstrels? I mean, we get into plenty of scrapes with individual monsters - Saotome is kind of the rising star on that front - but they can't offer us any kind of real challenge. The Enforcers are actually organized enough to stand up to us as a group, so they're our targets."

Tsukune said nothing as he rushed to re-do his mental calculations and arguments.

"Not that they've been up to snuff this year," Riza continued, looking annoyed. "Last year they fought like bears defending their territory. This year they've been more like jackals; they've just been preying on the very weakest while fleeing from any harsher conflict."

The redhead shrugged. "I guess that's mostly our fault, though. They probably still remember getting walloped last year, and it doesn't help that any of 'em who show any spine end up with broken spines."

"Well then, if you want to provoke them, shouldn't you move deeper into their territory?" Tsukune said suddenly.

"Eh? Whaddya mean?"

"The student council!" Tsukune almost shouted. "It's the key to their power here on campus! Without the student council under their thumbs, they could lose the authority they have over Youkai Academy! THAT would get them into a fighting mood!"

Riza raised an eyebrow as she thought over the proposition. "Huh... Yeah, that doesn't sound like a bad idea, actually. But what would we do with the council when we have it?"

A few droplets of sweat started to collect on Tsukune's brow. "Well, ideally, you'd protect them from harm while they restore actual law and order to campus and stamp out corruption..."

"Wow," Riza said humorlessly, "that's about as 'ideal' as it gets."

She crossed her arms under her breasts as she continued. "All right, cut to the chase, shrimp. You obviously want the fight club assaulting the Enforcers, apparently even more than we already do. What's your angle? What do you get out of this?"

Tsukune wet his lips nervously as he considered all his possible responses and Riza's likely responses to them. He hadn't expected the fight club's activities to be so pointless in their violence, although in retrospect it made sense. Riza didn't seem opposed to his idea, but at the same time Tsukune had very little to offer her.

'Well, when all else fails, I suppose it's time to tell the complete and unvarnished truth,' he thought wryly as he sighed.

"I want the Enforcers out of power because I've seen what they do around campus, and it's horrible!" Tsukune admitted, lowering his head. "They're in charge of keeping the peace, but I've never seen one stopping a fight or helping someone in trouble. They do nothing for the security of Youkai Academy, and instead abuse their authority by extorting money and settling personal grudges. They been badgering and attacking Ranma over a prank that someone pulled on him, and recently even attacked me and my friends to get back at him, and both Ranma and Moka got hurt as a result. They're worse than useless, and I think the school would be a much better place if they were gone."

His hands gripped into fists as he glared at the floor. "I can't do anything myself, so I'm trying to find people who can, and will. I'm tired of hearing about students afraid to criticize them and clubs having to pay them or shut down."

He looked up again, meeting the noticeably unsympathetic gaze of Riza. "There's a lot wrong with this school, it's true, and I know this might not fix anything. But I see a chance to fight back against the real criminals and hopefully make this a better place, and I want to take it."

"Huhn..." The redhead cocked her head to one side as she stood up. "So that's how it is, huh?"

Then she smiled and hooked her arm around Tsukune's shoulders before rustling Tsukune's hair, surprising the human boy and causing him to stiffen. "You're a nice guy, aren't you?"

"Uh? W-Well, I like to think so..." he stuttered, unsure of what to make of the question.

"Heh. I don't hate guys like you," Riza said, smirking as she let go of his head and stood up straight again. "And it would be nice to call the Protection Committee out once and for all for a showdown, so why not? I'll start telling the crew to start hanging around the student council offices and pick some fights."

"Oh, that's... good! Thank you!" Tsukune said, hesitating only a little. He couldn't help but wonder if he was making a mistake, relying on a force of reckless thugs to take on a force of slightly less reckless, more organized thugs. Surely there would be little to stop the fight club from doing as they pleased if they decided to seize control of the student council themselves.

Yukari once again gave an encouraging gesture in the form of two thumbs-up.

Tsukune sweatdropped. 'Then again, it's not like the Enforcers stop them as things are, so I guess the only limits on their actions is their own initiative.'

Ranma certainly exemplified that thought. The martial artist was nigh-unstoppable, but somehow... lazy. He usually got into fights in reaction to a threat or challenge, and never seemed to put his superhuman abilities to any productive use besides defending his friends.

Which he was very thankful for, and was a very good use of his strength, but Tsukune found it strange that Ranma was content to lie back and build his reputation by simply clobbering anyone who challenged him rather than, say, fighting the strongest monster in the school or roving the halls to stop monstrous bullies.

'Well, I suppose it's better that he doesn't go around picking fights to prove himself,' Tsukune reconsidered. 'Speaking of which, he's been gone a little while. I wonder if Kouma's okay?'

The hellhound in question was currently completing his seventeenth lap around the gym sports field, the burnt-out remains of a cigarette hanging from his lips as he gasped for breath.

Not that a few laps of running were anything that could strain him, but he had forced himself to keep up an almost constant dash the whole time, pushing his body to the limit.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could you disappoint Miss Riza like that, you idiot!' he thought to himself, puffs of dark gray smoke bursting from his lips. His body temperature was already soaring from the constant exertion, and he could feel his lungs literally burning as they incinerated every scrap of oxygen, toxin, and tar to fuel his legs.

'They warned you about staying human! But no, you had to learn the hard way! Idiot!' the hellhound groused mentally as he rounded the edge of the field, his pace slackening.

After a few seconds, his teeth clamped onto the end of the cigarette, and he started speeding up again. 'This is for your benefit, Kouma! If Saotome can fight as well as he does in human form, then I can too! All I need to do is train myself under the limitations of a human body!'

His eyes flaring a bright red, he raised his head from the track below to check how far he had to go until he reached the lap marker.

Kouma was quite confused and understandably upset to find an outstretched arm blocking his path.

"BWAH!" the hellhound was pitched onto his back after being clotheslined, slamming onto the dusty dirt track with a meaty Thud!

He honestly wasn't that surprised to see Ranma leaning over him a moment later; it seemed that any time something annoying happened to him, the pigtailed boy was always involved, if not directly responsible.

"Hey Eyebrows. Take a break. You look like you're about to die," Ranma deadpanned, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Kouma struggled to sit up, lacking the energy to even lash out at his partner in blind fury as usual. "Why did you do that? You made me swallow my cigarette."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm sorry... wait, is that even a bad thing?"

"I was saving it for when I finished twenty laps," the hellhound groused, "you know, as a reward."

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, you were working hard enough. Take a break."

Kouma noticed that some girl he didn't recognize was following behind Ranma silently, holding her book bag against her stomach. "What, you've got another chick? Yeesh, maybe Gin was right," the hellhound mumbled, wiping a hand through his shaggy black hair.

Ranma's eyebrow twitched, but he managed to keep his fists on his hips. "Gin... I don't know a Gin, do I?"

"Morioka Ginnei," Kouma said as he stood up. "You wouldn't know him, I think. Well, unless he hit on your girl form." Then the hellhound frowned. "So why are you here, anyway? If I don't finish my laps, Miss Wildman is going to get upset with me again!"

"I'm here about a funny story, actually," Ranma mumbled, scratching his chin. "Specifically, a funny story about ME, that was routed around the ENTIRE CAMPUS recently."

Kouma blinked. "Really? What's the story? Do I know it?"

Ranma's eyebrow twitched again, and he resisted the urge to simply start pummeling his partner. "Yeah, actually, I think you do. It's a little drama about how I ended up engaged to three different girls. Only without any of the parts about how it wasn't my fault," the martial artist growled.

Kouma recoiled, any lingering irritation fading before the obvious annoyance of his (considerably stronger) combat partner. "Whoa! Hold on! If that story got out, it was NOT my fault! I only told ONE guy! And that was just yesterday! It couldn't have been spread around campus in just one day!"

It was just then that a harsh wind happened to blow by, forcing Kana to hold down her skirt and conveniently blowing a newspaper by.

Ranma's hand lashed out like a snake, snagging the paper and then shoving it in front of Kouma's face.

"Oh! Thanks, man!" the hellhound said, taking the paper and wiping his head with it.

Crack! Kouma was bowled over by a snap kick to the side of his head, which sent him sprawling.

"Read it you moron! Don't wipe yourself with it!" the pigtailed boy shouted.

Kouma, although upset at being kicked, was so confused by everything that was happening that he quickly grabbed up the paper and started scanning the headlines to try and figure out what was wrong.

There was a long, grim silence as Ranma waited patiently, watching beads of sweat drip down Kouma's forehead to replace that which he had wiped away.

"So. Who was it that you told, again?" Ranma asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"N-Now that you m-mention it... Gin did s-say something about a n-newspaper club," Kouma stuttered as he slowly put the paper down. "But, I mean, I've never seen a school newspaper here before... why did the club release one NOW?"

"..." Kana leaned in toward Ranma as she mumbled something to him.

"Yeah, if this 'Gin' jerk is the only one in the club, I guess it would be hard to write up a paper regularly, wouldn't it?" Ranma agreed.

Kouma started glancing around, searching for anything or anyone that could possibly help him escape. "Hey, look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think he'd go and put it in the freaking PAPERS!"

"Heh, don't worry about it," Ranma said suddenly, rubbing the back of his head, "what's done is done, right?"

Kouma blinked. "Wh-What? You're not gonna beat me up?"

"Beat you up?" Ranma asked, snorting. "What am I, some sort of creep? Of course I'm not going to beat you for making a mistake!"

Then he frowned and stared up at the sky. "I do have a question, though."

"A question?" Kouma asked, feeling immensely relieved that Ranma wasn't going to take vengeance. "What is it?"

"I heard that there are certain kinds of sounds that only dogs can hear, and I wanted to see if that was true," Ranma said, smirking.

Kouma recoiled, and then he grabbed Ranma by the collar before baring large, pointed fangs at his partner. "Oh, no you don't! I hate dog whistles! You give that here or I'll punch it right down your throat the moment you try and blow it!"

Ranma's smirk turned into a grin. "I don't have any whistle. Kana?"

To Ranma, the scene was almost unreal. Kana simply blew air noiselessly from between her lips, and Kouma collapsed nervelessly onto the ground, his body spasming as his hair stuck straight out.

"Ah! Ah! AAAAAH!" Kouma shouted as he writhed about. "What the HELL! Stop! Stop! This is even worse than the whistle!"

"Really? That's VERY interesting," Ranma said, smiling down at the hellhound. "I mean, I don't hear a thing!"

"AARGH! All right! I'm sorry! REALLY SORRY! Please, stop it! I'm BEGGING YOU!"

A pair of wolf ears popped up out of Riza's hair as she heard the side door to the gym open up, and she turned her head. "Ah, Eyebrows, there you are. You finished already?"

"Oh, he's finished, all right," Ranma said evenly. Kana trailed behind him as before, but this time she had a self-satisfied smirk on her face.

Kouma looked haggard and dizzy, but had no obvious physical damage at all. Besides that, he occasionally shot glances of pure terror at Kana, who each time met his gaze with a bright, happy smile.

Curiously, that seemed to make Kouma even more nervous.

"Okay, so here's the scoop!" Riza said suddenly, causing Ranma and Kouma to give her their complete attention. "The Enforcers are running like squirrels, so we're going to have to capture us a tree! We're going to start staking out the territory around the student council offices! If the Enforcers give us any lip about it, you split that lip right open!"

Kouma raised his hand. "What if the student council gets in our way?"

Ranma frowned and turned toward Kana. "Hey, Kana-"

"ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY! I TAKE IT BACK!" Kouma suddenly screamed, slapping his hands over his ears as he whimpered and fell into the fetal position.

Ranma sweatdropped. "Would you chill out? I was just gonna ask her if she knew any student council people. Yukari knows a lot ABOUT other students, but she doesn't make many friends."

The young witch shrugged. "I have Moka and Senpai. With the two greatest students in Youkai Academy at my side, why would I bother making friends with the rest of the idiots that infest this place?"

That explanation got Yukari a few glares from Kana and Kouma, not to mention a few of the girls that were using the gym and had overheard, but true to form the young witch pretended like they didn't even exist.

"..." Ranma frowned as Kana finally gave her response to his question.

"Well, if he's in your class that's better than nothing. Could you ask him to meet me, then?" the pigtailed boy asked, glancing down at the purple-haired girl.

His expression fell as she watched the siren shrink in on herself and bite her lip. "Oh. I, uh... guess you couldn't, really."

Finally, Ranma shrugged. "Okay, so we go with plan B." Then he turned toward Tsukune. "Tsukune, what's plan B?"

The younger human sighed. "I'll make sure to come up with something, Ranma. For now, let's go eat dinner." Tsukune glanced over at Kouma. "Do you want to come too?"

The hellhound gulped. "Is SHE coming with you?" he asked, pointing timidly toward Kana.

"You mean the frail, docile girl too chronically shy to ask a classmate a simple question?" Yukari deadpanned. "Yes. Are you scared of her or something?"

"I'm not scared!" Kouma said suddenly, puffing himself up as he snuck a wary glance at Riza. "Don't be ridiculous! Like I'd be afraid of someone like that! I just don't like her attitude, is all!"

Kana looked annoyed for a second, and Kouma nearly felt his heart stop as she started to inhale.

Ranma quickly placed a hand on the siren's shoulder, stopping her short. "Don't. Who knows how many canines we have in here," he mumbled.

As Kana pouted, Ranma grabbed Kouma's wrist and yanked the nearly paralyzed fighter forward. "As for you, stop being a coward and come eat with us."

"That's the spirit! Fight together, eat together, and win together!" Riza said happily, thrusting a fist into the air. "And don't forget: by this time tomorrow, I expect to hear that you've beaten a stronger Enforcer than some flimsy elemental! WITHOUT using your monster forms!"

Ranma snorted. "Yeah, like that'll be a problem. Let's go."

Kouma looked fairly meek as he let Ranma pull him out of the gym, but suddenly frowned as his nose wrinkled, and then pulled himself free from his partner's grasp. Ranma didn't react, eager as he was to get to the cafeteria.

Yukari gave him a strange look as the hellhound started sniffing the air in earnest, his nose drawing him closer and closer to Tsukune.

The boy in question yelped as he suddenly found his arm seized, and he stared in confusion as Kouma started sniffing up his arm, then shoulder, before smelling his hair deeply.

"Uh... something wrong?"

The hellhound frowned deeply as he took another few whiffs of Tsukune's head. "Go wash your hair."

"What? Now?" Tsukune asked, sweatdropping.

"YES," Kouma growled.

Tsukune quickly dashed off to do as he was told, not willing to resist such a harmless demand. "Okay! Fine! I'll go wash! Meet you guys later!"

Kana rolled her eyes at the sight. "..."

Yukari snickered in response. "Yup. Then again, when would a hellhound NOT be in heat, right?"

"Oh, shut up," Kouma snarled, his face glowing red as he ran to catch up to Ranma once more.

End Chapter 9

Big Human on Campus: Extra!

Tsukune whistled happily to himself as he carried a bag of trash behind him, having just cleaned up the sections of the room now abandoned by Ranma's pet spiders.

He had no idea how the older boy had done it, honestly, and had to consider that either Ranma or the arachnids themselves were much smarter than he gave them credit for.

He still wasn't sure what the big deal was with cats, however.

Reaching the dumpster next to the dorms, he hoisted the bag over his shoulder and then tossed it up over the lip of the container.

Thwump! "Ow!"

Tsukune froze as he heard a cry of pain come from within, and he immediately rushed up to the steel bin.

"Hello? Is someone in there? I'm SO sorry, I had no idea there was anybody in the trash!" He said as he hoisted himself up onto the edge and pulled his recently discarded trash bag back out.

Laying underneath it, much to Tsukune's horror, was what appeared to be a young boy with pink hair and curiously elegant clothing to be found amongst garbage. The boy groaned miserably, as if he could have spoken properly to Tsukune but didn't even want to bother.

While he could imagine that there were some monsters who would eat, or even live in, trash, this one sure didn't look the type, nor did it look as if he was in the dumpster of his own free will. In fact, the boy had a knife blade impaling his leg, a fact that added another layer of alarm and urgency to Tsukune's mental panic.

"Hold on, I'll get you out of here and then go get help!" Tsukune said, stepping into the garbage and carefully pulling the clearly abused boy up and over his shoulder.

Saffron grit his teeth against the pain, forcing himself to keep quiet lest he get dropped back into the trash.

Tsukune clumsily landed at the foot of the dumpster, and then laid Saffron against it. "Wait here, I'll go get the school nurse!" Tsukune said, turning around.

"There's no need," Saffron finally gasped out, sticking out his injured leg and holding it in place. "Remove the blade at once."

Tsukune hesitated, fairly certain that such an action was quite dangerous to do to a human, but also quite sure that the boy in front of him wasn't human. "Are you sure you'll be okay if-"

"That wasn't a request!" Saffron barked, gritting his teeth. "Hurry! The pain is quite a deal more than you're familiar with, I'm sure!"

Tsukune went into action immediately, closing his hands around the knife's handle and closing his eyes against his squeamish stomach.

With one gut-wrenching tug, he had pulled the knife free and then quickly tossed it back into the trash dumpster.

"Are you going to be all right?" Tsukune asked as he opened his eyes again, watching with wonder and relief as the little boy's leg wound regenerated before his eyes.

"I'll be fine after I wash," Saffron grumbled, testing his leg gingerly.

"Well, what happened to you?" The human boy asked.

Saffron gave Tsukune an odd look as he finally stood up. "Why do you care?"

"Anyone would care if they found somebody in a dumpster!" Tsukune exclaimed.

"The last man who did so simply mumbled something about the students being sure that their victims were dead before throwing out their bodies. And then he stabbed me in the leg. Before taking me to the dumpster along with the garbage," Saffron deadpanned. He was so weary from the day's abuse that he didn't even bother to sound indignant about the treatment.

"That's... That's terrible!" Tsukune said, startling the Phoenix king. Then the boy grimaced. "Not that we can do anything about it. Reporting misconduct to the Enforcers is a waste of time."

"You... want to do something about it?" Saffron asked, mystified. "You... care?"

"Of course I care!" Tsukune insisted. "At the very least, I can help you get back to your room! Which dorm is it?"

Both Tsukune and even Saffron seemed somewhat alarmed as the latter suddenly sniffled and started blinking rapidly.

"Wha... What is... this," the Phoenix king asked as his vision went blurry. "Droplets of... liquid... in eyes..." he mumbled, wiping away the tears as they ran down his cheeks. "I may... be ill. This has... never happened before..."

Tsukune sweatdropped. "Ah... Those are tears, that's all. You're not sick." He tilted his head to one side. "Does your species not cry or something?"

Saffron's suddenly enraged expression was somewhat ruined by the tears now freely streaming down his face. "Fool! I am Saffron, king of the Phoenix, Lord of Flame! I do not CRY!" To which he added a moment later, "Bwaaaaah!" as he broke down into a sobbing wreck.

Tsukune glanced about, glad that there was nobody around to see him tending to the child-like king. After confirming that he was alone, he silently rubbed the smaller boy's head the way he remembered his cousin used to do for him when they were younger.

After nearly a minute of bawling, Saffron's sobs weakened into loud sniffling and hiccups, and Tsukune patted him on the back gently.

"There, there. Are you ready to go home now?"

Saffron wiped his nose clumsily and nodded as he sniffled again.

"All right, then. Let's take you home," Tsukune said, gently taking the Phoenix king's hand.

'Geez, this is awful. Who would treat a poor, harmless child like Saffron so horribly? I'll have to talk to Ranma about maybe taking a harder line against some of the bullies around here.'