Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own anything. Everything belongs to Janet Evanovich.

Chapter 8

Fed up

Tossing and turning around in her bed, Stephanie heaved a heartfelt sigh before switching on the bedside lamp and sitting up, rubbing her tired eyelids. It was really strange, actually quite contradictory, but since Ranger had gone for this secret mission of his, she felt like she couldn't sleep at all anymore. God only knew where he went and what he was doing at the time being.

Admittedly, she was worried about him and his well-being.

But moreover there was a more selfish reason why she wasn't able to get any rest: She felt alone.

You may now interject that she felt this way already at an earlier point of time, but this was different. The extent of being lonely gained suddenly new ground.

In the last few years she had collected quite a number of close friends and acquaintances through her job and her pretty chaotic life. Though only few could be really counted as being close to her.

Her family had been close to her. Her mother with her never ending rants about wanting a respectable son-in-law and many grandchildren; her father and his little but effectual interjections; her perfect sister with the kids and Albert Kloughn; and of course Grandma Mazur – the crazy woman who truly possessed some morbid and juvenile habits.

How much she missed them.

Although they all had had their quite share of quarrels and disagreements, they still had been a family; a working family with its own bunch of unique characters.

And then there was Mary Lou. They had been best friends since they were teenagers and Stephanie was grateful for this deep and long prolonged friendship. They had been through a lot of good and bad things, and the both of them knew they could rely on each other no matter what. It had always been like this.

Next would be Joe Morelli, Trenton's hottest cop. They went back to childhood, a time when he tried to play choo-choo with her. Their relationship had been complicated right from the start and had only got worse over the years. At one point they actually fell in love with each other, though it didn't make it any easier for either of them that their feelings were running deeper all of a sudden. Despite everything there was something unexplainable which drew them to each other and bounded them together. Something the both of them could neither let go nor ignore.

Connie and Lula shouldn't be forgotten as well. They definitely helped to make working for her cousin Vinnie a whole lot easier and way more interesting. It was always refreshing to hang around these two and exchange pointless gossip.

As for acquaintances and loose friends there existed a huge number of those. Carl Constanza, Big Dog, Dougie, just to name a few. They all supported her in one way or another, even if it meant to stretch the law a little.

And then there was Ranger.

A sob escaped Stephanie's lips as her thoughts continued to wander to the last person that had meant more to her than she ever thought possible and now betrayed her so badly. She shook her head vehemently, not wanting to dig any further into the mysterious man that promised her shelter only to abandon her in her safe shack.

She yanked the sheets off of her body and tiptoed across the room straight to the kitchen.

And as if it wasn't bad enough that Ranger had left her, Stephanie knew for a fact that Jeanne Ellen accompanied him and apparently only she.

A cold shiver ran down her spine and she wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

Ranger had been gone for four days now and slowly the feelings of sadness and loneliness were wearing off while new emotions appeared: Frustration, anger, weariness. Oh yes, she was weary of this life. Weary of how much everything had changed. And she was sick of the pressure to change again. Why should she? It didn't matter who she was, the problems wouldn't go away if she pretended to be happy.

Suddenly she saw things a little clearer. She understood. Obviously she wasn't welcome at RangeMan anymore. Lester's and Hal's attempts, Bobby's and Tank's worries – they were all lies. After all, Ranger was their boss, wasn't he? Their boss and friend. They fought for each other in wars and in normal life situations, and shared a past no oblivious citizen could ever sympathise with.

So when Ranger didn't care about her, why should they? She was so sure they didn't, but why did they seem to be sincere whenever they tried to make her go out with them?

It was about three o'clock on a Friday morning when Stephanie's head hit the kitchen table next to an empty bowl of doughnuts. Just another night of disturbed sleep.

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Tank leaned against the door frame, his bulky arms crossed over his chest while his narrowed eyes observed his female co-worker. The emotional roller-coaster Stephanie was feeling was somewhat understandable, though not completely due to the fact that nobody knew what exactly caused her change in behaviour.

But he was willing to put this fact aside, for now.

The thing that was truly bothering him was that she began to retreat herself into a shell yet again. He wouldn't go as far as to say that she had made exceeding progress in the last couple of weeks, but he did like to think that her old spark had perked up again.

Tank gritted his teeth. He really had enough. All this bouncing back and forth, all those times they cheered because they were convinced they finally made some progress with her only to discover she distanced herself once again.

He had enough of it all.

He wanted to know what the hell happened between her and Morelli, he wanted his Bombshell back and he wanted Ranger to be happy. Was this too much to ask for?

"Stephanie," he quietly said, casually stepping into the room.

She winced visibly and looked over at him warily. Was she afraid?

"Hi Tank." Her voice was barely audible.

He rubbed a hand over his face, letting her see how tired he was of all of this.

"What's wrong, Stephanie? Why are you doing this?"

"I don't know what you mean," she carefully replied, all the while making sure not to catch his eye.

He nodded dejectedly and a small sad smile spread over his face.

"Just because you're pushing us out of your life doesn't mean we're not concerned for you anymore… or stop caring about you."

Something flashed in her eyes, but he couldn't quite read the emotion.

"There's work I have to do, Tank," she softly said. "I don't want Ranger to think any lower of me."

Tank turned to her sharply.

"What did you say?"

She bit her lip, her voice trembling as she finally spoke the thoughts out loud that haunted her in her dreams.

"I've lost everything, Tank, one fight with Morelli and I lost everything I had and loved. I lost my family, my friends … and now I even lost Ranger, the only thing that was left for me." Tears shimmered in her sad blue eyes. "I always thought he would be there for me, no matter what. He would care for me and even though I wasn't sure what we could give each other, I hoped that maybe he did feel something for me. At least friendship. But now I see I was wrong."

Her voice broke and Tank was unable to do something. Finally she talked about some of her feelings, but he was unsure how to react. It should have been Ranger who talked to her.

"I know he doesn't care, I mean it's blatantly obvious, and… it's okay. So stop pretending you would care, because why should you? You're his friends, of course you're sticking to him."

Now Tank felt his blood begin to boil.

"What do you think of us? That we're some stupid puppets that only live to serve Ranger and his will? We have our own minds, you know. We decide on our own whom we like and whom not." He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration, thinking of how to comfort the woman in front of him.

Even though she didn't allow a tear to spill out of her eye, he still could see the steady sadness in her eyes that was oddly familiar to him by now.

"Stephanie…," he said, taking a tiny step forward. "Of course, we care, and so does Ranger. We are just not really good at showing it."

A bitter smile appeared on her face and Tank was somewhat taken aback.

"Tank, this has gone long enough. It has to end. I'm just a burden, you don't need to deny it. I know it, anyway. I was a burden to Morelli, I was a burden to my family, to my friends… I should have known that you would get tired of me someday, too. I'm sorry I bothered you this long. But don't worry, tell Ranger, that's over now. He won't have to worry about it when he comes back."

With that said, Stephanie took in a shaky breath, straightened her composure and would have walked straight out of the cubicle, if it wasn't for Tank, who grasped her arm and held it in a firm grip.

"Damn it, Stephanie. Stop it." Both of his large hands settled on her shoulders and he began to shake her lightly. "You are not a burden! Whoever said that is a moron and I'll kick his sorry ass!" he growled, meaning every word he just said. "You need to understand-"

"No!" she suddenly screamed, which left Tank in quite a shock since he hadn't heard her raise her voice in a really long time. Therefore Stephanie was able to wriggle her way out of his arms. "I don't need to do anything! You need to understand that this is who I am. This is Stephanie Plum! And if you don't want me for who I am, then so be it." She pointed her index finger at herself to emphasise her point.

Tank shook his head adamantly. "No, Steph, this is not you. You're-"

"Who?" she quietly asked. "Who am I?"

Tank opened his mouth to reply, but the lost look on her face, the dejection and hurt he could faintly detect in her posture, it all made his mind go blank. In its place appeared the strong urge to comfort her and protect her from everything that threatened to harm her in any way.

But how? How to approach her?

Eventually Tank was bursting. "God damn it, Stephanie! Wake up from your lethargy! Of course, we care! Of course, we know who you are! You are the strong and stubborn person who does what she wants! The person who doesn't take crap from anyone! The person who we all love because of her uniqueness!" He shot her a look full of meaning, as he continued in a low and controlled voice, "And this are you certainly not at the moment. Stop hiding, Stephanie, and let us help you."

Stephanie stared at him for a moment, not fully comprehending what he had said. Then a melancholic smile came to her face, as she bowed her head.

It was pointless. They didn't even know that this was the real her. People did develop, right? So why couldn't they understand that after all she had been through, all those disasters and threats and near-death situations, that she didn't go completely unharmed out of it all? That there had to be a point where it just all got too much? Just the tip of the iceberg had been missing to snap something inside of her.

And those few months ago it had.

Why couldn't they understand?

An uncomfortable silence filled the little room. Stephanie's chest heaved heavily with each breath she took, her cheeks were flushed from anger and she felt so weak all of a sudden. During this heated argument she had mentioned so many things that hinted at the insecurities she felt or the problems of her past that led her to this point in her life, and yet she knew it didn't matter.

People still seemed to have a certain image of her that they all holding on to, clutching it tightly and throwing it back into her face every chance they got. But this was the point. She was not this person they all thought she was. She didn't know exactly who she was either, but certainly not the person everybody else saw.

It was as if somebody had wrapped her up in a false façade that she detested, but everybody else accepted.

Why did nobody see the real her? Why did nobody see her pain?

And it were these two questions that made it irrevocably clear for Stephanie that nobody wanted to see her pain – because nobody cared.

And then all these pretences from Tank, Bobby, Hal, Lester and all the others – there were just lies.

Her whole life seemed suddenly be founded on lies, pretences and false feelings.

She realised that now.

There was a loud tap on the door frame as a new figure entered the scene.

"What is going on here?"

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Matt was feeling rather happy at the moment. His job was no challenge at all, the man he loathed was on a business trip for an unlimited time frame and there was nothing there anymore between him and the woman of his current interest.

Life was truly easy.

It was in the evening, when he yawned and lazily stretched his limbs before exiting the control room. His shift had ended for the day, which meant it was time for him to have a little fun.

Those thoughts immediately led him to a certain woman, probably sitting not too far away in a boring, little cubicle.

A predatory smile grazed his features as he headed over to said cubicle in order to visit the aforementioned woman.

However, as he came into earshot, he was utterly surprised to hear two heated voices in a screaming match. He frowned lightly. He hadn't noticed anything on the monitors, neither had the other two, or at least they hadn't mentioned anything. He shrugged it off carelessly. He hadn't been a very responsible co-worker so far – which he didn't intend to change – while the others on duty with him probably thought it was best to let the two discuss it out, whatever they were discussing.

But Matt clearly had a problem with that. He wanted to convince Stephanie to go out with him, maybe this time to one of the more naughty locations in Trenton instead of one of those plain boring cafes.

And Matt wasn't a very patient person. He had no intention to wait until they had sorted out their silly problems. In addition, if he waited too long, Stephanie might get too upset over what Tank said to her that she would decline his offer and refuse to leave the building with him.

And that was no option at all.

He chose a moment of total silence between the two to make his presence known. He put on an easy smile and casually entered the room, walking past an agitated Tank, straight to Stephanie. His eyes wandered over her reddened cheeks, the wrinkling of her forehead and most of all the water in her striking blue eyes.

Displeased he turned back to Tank, unconsciously positioning himself directly in front of Stephanie as if to protect her physically. He had no clue what the argument was about, but it he knew for sure that it disturbed him to see his only entertainment at RangeMan so upset. He had never been one to read other people's emotions – for it had never been of any interest to him – but her pain and her anguish were so visible that he felt the need to take matters into his own hands.

He cocked his head seemingly playful to the side, while gazing disdainfully at the second in command.

"Back off, Tank. You're clearly crossing the line here." His voice, too, held not a pleasant tone.

Tank looked at him incredulously, then over to Stephanie. He didn't exactly get what was going on.

"Get out of here, Matt, this is none of your business," he growled.

Matt only smirked in reply.

"Sorry, buddy, can't do." The word buddy came out more like a profanity.

Tank looked like he was ready to pound him and only restrained himself because Stephanie was there.

"What are you doing here, Matt? It's not like you really care about Stephanie anyway."

He heard Stephanie inhale soundly behind him and cursed inwardly. Of course he did not care, why should he?

"Of course I do care, moron." He sent him a burning glare, before looking behind him at Stephanie, letting his gaze deliberately soften at the sight of her. "You're a wonderful person, Stephanie, inside and out. He's a fool for not cherishing such a beauty as you are."

Tank snorted in disbelief as he heard him uttering those words, but Matt looked unwaveringly into the eyes of the woman standing before him, whose eyes slowly filled with naïve hope. Mentally Matt made a note to remember that Stephanie was to be inveigled by outright declarations of adoration and affection, as he humoured her with a charming smile.

Stephanie couldn't help the small smile that soon appeared on her face. At least Matt saw her for who she was and accepted her. It was a good feeling. She ignored her little inner voice that told her to be careful with Matt and his intentions; she was sick of being careful around people. She needed someone, a friend, and Matt was the only one she would consider letting get close to her.

"Stephanie, don't believe him! He's a cunning, little bastard who-"

Stephanie rose a hand, successfully silencing him as she tiredly shook her head. "Enough, Tank, it's enough."

All energy left her body and she only wanted to get out of here. The building seemed suddenly too small and she felt suffocated.

Matt placed a comforting hand on her forearm and proceeded to drag her out of the room and into the elevator despite Tank's loud protests.

She closed her eyes as she pressed a hand to her forehead, thus missing the look full of triumph and wickedness Matt threw at Tank before the doors shut.

There were no words spoken as Matt took charge and drove them to a bar he had spotted on one of his tours through town. He was certain that Stephanie wouldn't approve of his choice, but he didn't dwell on it. After all, he had saved her from a painful argument and now he was even willing to cheer her up. She didn't have to know that his oh so good deed served his purposes quite well…

Stephanie finally opened her eyes as the car came to halt, and was positively astonished to find herself in one of the side roads of Stark Street.

"Come on, Steph. Let's have a drink. I gathered you could need one."

She cast an uncertain glance at the street, before hesitantly nodding. Matt went around the car to open the door for her and she wobbled out onto the street slightly apprehensively. Matt, however, ignored it and again took her arm to lead her inside of the bar.

The sticky air full of smoke was the first thing Stephanie noticed. The light was dimmed as to a degree where it provided a mysterious mood. A few customers sat in the back of the room, playing cards, smoking cigars or talking in hushed whispers.

Stephanie didn't feel comfortable as she felt a couple of eyes on her, but tried to ignore them as she followed Matt to the bar on the left side of the room. They took two seats in front of the bartender and Matt ordered a beer and a margarita.

Matt seemed to finally notice her nervousness and shot her a dazzling smile, while squeezing her hand reassuringly.

"I'm here, Stephanie. It's all right, I'm here."

And how she had yearned to hear someone say those words to her.

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The evening flew by in a blur. Stephanie was keen to forget all about the hurtful argument with Tank that she didn't realise that Matt was eager to keep the alcohol coming.

Stephanie was just loosening her carefulness and began to tell Matt of the argument with Tank and her complaints, while suddenly a loud squeal silenced the whole room.

Slightly dizzy, Stephanie stopped her monologue and turned around to see what was happening, as two quite familiar figures came into her field of vision.

She narrowed her eyes in order to see clearer, confusion clearly written all over her face as she asked, "Mary Lou? Lula? What are you doing here?"

I want you to understand that the main problem in this story is the lack of communication between the characters. There are a lot of misunderstandings, but nobody makes the first step to sort them out.