10th chapter, YEEY! And CSI: Miami and Criminal Minds are back, double YEEY! So here comes the story of how Ryan was, you know, made. Can't remember the word on English… Conceived? Is that right? Never mind, you guys get it : )

There's going to be about 3 very short flashbacks in the flashback, just so you know.

Warning: Mention of rape. But it's NOTHING graphic, don't worry! I just have a friend who pales at just hearing the word "rape" so I figured I'd warn everyone that reacts as strongly as her.

Disclaimer: Don't own…

Flashback

Horatio was just about to knock on the front door of Amanda's house when it opened and a tired looking Ron came out.

"Hey, Caine, what are you doing here?" he asked surprised.

"I just wanted to check on Amanda. Is she alright?" Ron glanced inside the house and shrugged.

"She could be better, but she'll get over it. I think." He looked back at Horatio. "You should talk to her, you just might be able to cheer her up. But be careful, you know how she can get." Horatio nodded and went inside, closing the door behind him.

"Who's there?" Amanda said from what he guessed was the kitchen and he hurried over there.

"It's just me." She gave him a quick glance before going back to chopping some vegetables. "Where's Ryan?"

"He's asleep. I'm fixing dinner for him and the nanny for tomorrow." she said without looking up.

"Oh…" An uncomfortable silence settled over the room. "Do you want some help?"

"What are you doing here Caine?" Her voice had suddenly gotten cold and he resisted taking a few steps back.

"Caine, huh? What happened to Harry?" She moved over to the stove, her back against him, silently. "Ok, fine. I'm sorry. What I said was insensible and I should have known better." he said formally.

"Fine, apology accepted. Now leave." she responded just as coldly.

"No." he said baldly. She turned around and raised her eyebrow at him.

"No? You do know that staying here against my will is trespassing, right?"

"What are you going to do, call the police?"

"Or I could shoot you, you pick." She turned her back against him again but he still didn't doubt that she would shoot him if it came to it. Maybe he was doing this the wrong way? He took a few fast steps against her and before she noticed how close he was he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.

"Amanda, what's going on? And don't tell me nothing, I know you too well for that." He was surprised that she didn't hit him with the pan in her hand at that moment. But she seemed paralyzed. He recognized the look in her eyes as fear; she was scared.

He didn't think he'd ever seen her scared before. And what made matters worse was that she seemed to be scared of him.

"Amanda?" he said with a much calmer voice. She seemed to snap out of the paralyze when hearing her own name and quickly pushed him away.

"What the hell Caine!" she said angrily, but he could still se the fear in her eyes. "What's going on in none of your business." She started walking against the door but he stopped her and carefully pushed her against the fridge, feeling rather angry too. Why was it none of his business? Hadn't he always stood up for her against the officers who were whispering behind her back like some High School cheerleaders? Hadn't he helped her our with Ryan every time she needed it? Hadn't he backed up her self-defense story in the double murder case, when the killer had accused her for being too violent in the arrest? He thought he deserved at least a little credit for all of that!

"Let go of me!" she said loudly, panic creeping in to her voice while she tried to push him away, but he remained his grip steady, waiting for her to calm down. But she didn't, she just seemed to get more and more panicked and scared. "Please." She almost begged. "Don't hurt me." she almost whispered at last, closing her eyes and finally stopping to resist his grip.

Horatio had during the three and a half years while working with Wolfe never, ever seen her scared, panicked, upset (unless you count angry as upset), helpless or begging. And never in his life did he think that he'd see it either, specially not all in one day. And here it was, all of it, directed towards him.

He slowly took his hands off her.

"I would never hurt you." he said in a hurt voice, remaining close to her. "How could you think I would?" She opened her eyes again and he could see that there were tears in them. Now there was another thing to ass to the list of things he thought he'd never see her do: cry. She leaned her head back and took a few deep breaths, the tears running silently down her cheeks.

"Sorry Harry." she mumbled suddenly.

"About what?"

"Freaking out."

"Amanda, what happened to you?" Even though he guessed he already knew the answer, he had to know for sure. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and took her into a small, worm hug, and to his relief she didn't back away, she actually hugged him back.

Damn it! How many times hadn't he dreamed of the moment he'd get to hold her in his arms and have her melt into his touch? But in those dreams she'd been happy, and a little horny. But now…

"What happened to you?" he asked again.

"Long story."

"I'm listening."

"Well, It had been a tough case." she started, talking into his chest. "It was a serial killer case; the 'Call Killer'. Ever heard of him?"

"Not really, no." Horatio confessed. She got out of his embrace and leaned back against the fridge again and looked him straight in the eyes while continuing.

"Well, he raped and killed three brunettes while they were walking their dogs on the beach, killing the dogs first, on Saturday mornings. I was a sergeant at the time, and I, just like a few others, was trying to get Morris to consider me for the vacant spot Lt. Summers left after getting killed in a gunfight. My partner at the time, Connors, who was also trying to get in that 'possible' list, came up with this plan…"

Flashback 1

Sergeant Amanda Wolfe tightened her grip on the dog's leash, cursing Connors under her breath. Sure, the plan was good: They'd send a brunette out on the beach with a highly trained dog on a Saturday morning and wait and see if the killer took the bait, and when/if he did, there would be armed police officer there to arrest him. Morris had loved the plan, the only problem was that they couldn't send out a civilian to be a bait for a serial killer, so they figured that they'd send a cop. And wasn't it just their luck that the only female cop in the department happened to be a brunette?

Connors had probably predicted that from the beginning, wanting to send her out to the killer and see her freak out. But that wasn't going to happen. She wasn't going to freak out, she never did, except for that one time. But that hadn't been her fault, it had been the stupid OCD of hers that she'd been determined to suppress, but for some reason it always came back to haunt her.

Either way, there she was, walking down the beach in a bikini-top and some very short sweatpants, trying to forget the looks the other cops had given her when seeing her in the outfit. Probably another part of Connors plan. But she was still thankful that he was the one sitting and looking out for her, he was after all her partner, and he would always have her back, no matter how little he liked working with a woman. Right?

"Hey, you! Are you planning to pick that up?" the beach guard shouted to her and pointed against the dog who seemed to have just done his business right on the beach.

Great, just great.

"I'll do it right now!" she shouted back, knowing that all the other cops were probably laughing at her at that moment.

She picked it up and went over to the trashcan by a closed kiosk in a more secluded area of the beach. Suddenly someone grabbed her from behind and started dragging her behind the kiosk. The dog immediately sprung to action and started barking and attacked the man holding her. But then she saw a flash of something black and the dog got silent, and the man who was holding her pressed something cold against her temple.

"One word and you're dead."

End of flashback 1

"Then he raped you." Horatio continued.

"Actually, that part doesn't't come until a bit further into the story. I told you; it's long. Anyway; Connor was suppose to stand guard, but apparently he found talking to some beach babes more important, so I was on my own. I managed to throw the guy off, I was a trained police officer after all, and then I arrested him. Afterwards Morris gave Connor the biggest lecture for not paying attention when I was in a life threatening situation, and then announced that I was on top of his list for the promotion at the moment because I'd managed to fight the guy off and arrest him on my own."

"I don't see how this is a bad story."

"We're getting there."

Flashback 2

"Man, Morris was really pissed."

"Yeah, well, I should've looked after her better."

Amanda stepped further into the locker room, doing her best to stay out of Connors's and the four other cops' view.

"Oh please! I bet you left her alone intentionally, hoping that the guy would kill her!" All of the men started laughing, including Connors.

"Well, one can dream, right? I still can't believe that Morris set me up with her! And now he's considering her for lieutenant. I don't think I'll stand having her as a superior." Connors said with disgust in his voice.

"Yeah, Morris is a little strange. If he wasn't, well, the way he is, I'd suspect she was sleeping with him for the promotions." Another round of laughter was heard as Amanda hurried out of the room with angry tears.

"Hey, Amanda, you okay?" Ron said when approaching her.

"I'm fine." she muttered and stopped.

"No you're not. What's going on?" She glanced around the room and sighed.

"Not now Ron, please."

"Fine, our bar, in an hour? I'll pay."

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

End of flashback 2

"It hurt, a lot, to hear the people you spend your entire days with, who you're suppose to trust your life with, joking about how much they'd appreciate your death. So to drown my sorrows I went to a bar. Not the one Ron was talking about though, I didn't't feel for his pity. I went to a small, secluded bar that I'd never been in before, and that was where I met Graham." She got quiet and closed her eyes again.

"Graham as in Ryan's father?" Horatio asked surprised. He'd never actually met the guy, but he knew that he visited once in a while and the few times that Amanda or Ron had mentioned him it'd been with venom in their voices.

"Yeah, that's him." she mumbled bitterly, her eyes still closed.

Flashback 3

"Hello there." A tall, blond man with a broad, white smile approached her while she was downing her second beer by the bar. "Mind if I sit." She shrugged, which he apparently took as a yes and sat down next to her. He was wearing a dark, seemingly very expensive, suit and Rolex was shining on his wrist; this guy was obviously had way to much money to be on that bar. She couldn't help but wonder what he was doing there. "So, I'm Graham. You are…?"

"Amanda. Nice to meet you."

"So, Amanda. Could I buy you a drink?" She was just about to say yes when she saw a golden ring flash on his left hand.

"No."

"What? Why not?" he said and frowned, the charming smile falling off his face.

"Because you're married."

"So?"

"So… You're married! You have a wife."

"She doesn't really care if I'm with another woman as long as I don't let it interfere with my work and the monthly paycheck." he shrugged.

"Well, I care." she said. "Can I have another beer please?"

She continued the rest of the evening ignoring Graham's continuing attempts to engage her in conversation, and when she finally felt that she was drunk enough to pass out the moment she got home she asked the bartender to get her a cab.

"Wow, you're a smart drunk, asking for a cab." Graham said while following her outside.

"Yes I am." she mumbled in a blurry voice.

"Well, maybe I should drive you home? Then you won't have to pay. At least not with money."

"No thanks." she leaned against the wall by the alley, finding herself wishing that the cab would hurry up to get there. Graham was right: she was a smart drunk, and she could feel that this guy wasn't going to give up. At least in the bar the bartender had kept a worried eye on her, but now they were standing there on their own. Maybe she should get back inside?

"You know, I like that you're so stubborn. Most women agree to anything when they figure I've got money, but you… You're too honorable for that." He stepped closer to her and she got the feeling that he wasn't complementing her. "But you see; I don't like getting rejected. When I want something, I get it. And I want you."

"But you can't have me." Where was that cab?

"The taxi is not coming, I paid the bartender to not call." he said as if reading her mind and took a few more steps towards her. "It's just you and me. Now, are you sure you don't want that ride?"

"I don't want anything from you." she answered boldly and for the second time that day she found herself literally getting dragged by a man, this time into the alley. "Get off me!" she shouted and tried to get him away, but he only laughed and pushed her into the brick wall. She didn't know if it was for the alcohol, the fact that she was tired or because he was a lot stronger then her, but she couldn't fight him off, no matter how hard she tried.

His hand started tracing her body and she heard him mumble something, but she didn't really care what. She just wanted to get away from him, and she thought she'd finally succeeded when his grip loosened a little bit. But then he…

End of flashback 3

She trailed off and Horatio couldn't't help but to be thankful; he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest of the story. "he…" she trailed off again.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it. I understand." He pulled her into another tight hug and she snuggled into his neck, sending shivers down his spine. "Why isn't he in jail?" he asked suddenly.

"Short version or long version?" she mumbled while pulling out of his embrace again.

"Why stop the long versions now?" he mumbled and she gave him a small smile.

"Fine, but let me finish with the food first, before it burns."

"Ah, ok." He backed away and let her get past him.

"You can wait in the living room, you know where I always put the remote."

"Ok." he said again and went into the living room, although he didn't feel for watching the television. He just waited silently for her to come back while trying to digest what she'd just said. He couldn't believe that all that had happened and the guy still got to come and visit.

Amanda came to the living room looking a lot calmer and to his delight she snuggled up against his in the couch. Now, how many times hadn't he dreamed about that? Only in the dreams, like in the hug, she was happy and horny. Although by the time they got to the couch in his dreams she would also be half naked and…

Seriously dude? Now?

He shook away the thoughts and wrapped his arm around her and pushed his face into her hair, taking in her smell. If this was as far as he got with her, it was fine for him. As long as he could have her close.

"So what happened?"

"Well…" she sighed. "Remember that I told you my father and grandfather both were respected cops? And so was my great uncle?"

"Yeah."

"Well, becoming a cop was a family thing, as you've probably figured, and the next male in the family was suppose to carry on with the tradition. My dad was the only son, which was why he and grandpa got so happy when he heard that mom was pregnant with my younger brother. Now they had someone to keep up the family honor. But then mom got sick while she was pregnant and she died during childbirth. My brother was very sick too and was very weak, he died when he was about twelve. That was when I decided to carry on the family honor instead.

Ron, my dad's partner's son and my best friend, and I applied to the academy together. Our father's had to help us get in though; Ron was very clumsy of nature and people weren't sure he was fit to become a cop, and I was…. Well, I was a woman. But I still made it though the academy and into the NYPD. At first I was so happy, but after a while I started realizing how little everyone wanted me there. They all respected my father though and accepted me because of that, but no one respected me. For years I tried to be someone I wasn't; suppressing my OCD and trying to be nice to everyone, doing anything to get their respect, but it didn't work. And when I got promoted it only got them to hate me even more. And sure, I had Ron, but he was still and officer so we didn't work together very much and we had different working hours. O'Connell and Morris and some others were rather nice to me some times, but the majority hated my guts. They didn't think I deserved to be there, they all thought I got the job and the promotions because of my father and when he died they stopped being afraid of showing their hatred.

After I got… You know… Attacked, no one took it seriously.

I mean, Ron got really pissed off of course, I'm practically his little sister, and O'Connell and Morris and two, three other officers I'd been in the academy with believed in me too, but all the others didn't. At least they didn't make it sound like they did. Morris had to force the DA to take my case to a judge, and when he did the judge just dismissed all the charges."

"Wait a minute, the judge couldn't just dismiss it! I mean, you were a cop, those cases are taken seriously!" Horatio exclaimed. She gave him a weak smile and snuggled up closer to him, putting her head on his shoulder.

"Not if the guy you're accusing has a lawyer as expensive as the one Graham had. And that my partner told the judge about how I managed to fight off the Call Killer when he attacked me and that if I hadn't wanted Graham I could have just fought him off too didn't exactly help me either. With other words: I asked for it."

"Connors actually said that?"

"Yep. And Graham backed it up and said that I'd asked for it." she mumbled bitterly. "Morris fired Connors the day after the charges were dismissed, saying that no one wanted to work with a cop who didn't cover your back."

"What happened then?"

"I took some time off and simply broke down. Ron would stop by everyday and check up on me to make sure that I was eating and breathing. Then I found out I was pregnant and I just freaked. I didn't know what to do with a kid. It was before I found out there was two of them by the way.

Anyhow, Ron came by that particular day too, after I had calmed down a bit, and in an attempt to cheer me up he told me that he had bet against thirty fellow officers that I would come back and work at the police station within the month."

"That was what he said to cheer you up?"

"What can I say? Ron is the way he is." Horatio couldn't help but to chuckle a little bit. "But it did actually make me feel better. I suddenly got a mission; I was going to prove everyone wrong and go back, not as the smiling little girl who was trying to please everyone, but as my own OCD, anger-management help needed self. If not for me, for my child. And I did go back, and I did prove everyone wrong, and during seven months I managed to earn the promotion to lieutenant on a way that took away any rumors about me getting all of my promotions because of my dad, and everyone's respect. Or, at least most people's respect. Some people still didn't like me, like Emerson for example."

"But that still doesn't explain why Graham comes over here all the time and visits Ryan."

"I told you: he's got a great lawyer. And when he on some unknown way found out that I was having his child he threatened to use his lawyer to get full custody, but I managed to convince him to settle for a custody agreement that said that he could get Ryan every second weekend. He never comes by that often though, thankfully, and when he does he doesn't keep him for that long either, so it's not that bad of an agreement. Plus, a boy needs his father." She shrugged and let out a yawn.

"Seems like you're tired." Horatio stated. She nodded and stood up, leaving him feeling rather cold without her.

"Thanks for making me feel better." she said and smiled at him.

"But I didn't do anything."

"You listened, that's enough sometimes." He smiled back at her and stood up.

"Well, that's what friends are for."

"Come on Harry, you know you're more than just a friend for me." Horatio could literally feel his own heart stop. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? "You're like my little brother." He didn't know that he'd kept his breath until she said that and he forced on a smile to cover his disappointment.

"Yeah. And you're like my sister." he mumbled without any enthusiasm, but she didn't seem to notice.

"I'm going to bed now, can you lock the door when you leave?"

"Yeah, sure. Goodnight Amanda."

"Goodnight Harry."

Ok, there you go! I hope it's not too blurry with all the flashbacks and dialogue.

Next chapter: The photo. I was planning on putting it in this chapter but it turned out too long, so you'll just have to wait :P

As always: RnR away : )