Chapter 10. What is wrong with me?
(Abigail)
15th April 2010
Recently, I really hate what I'm seeing in the mirror. I don't know why but I look fatter and my chest is gigantic. My body is not developing well. I am going to be a principal dancer, which means I need a flat chest and long skinny legs. The nurse keeps telling me that its natural, but its certainly not, especially because of my future ambitions.
18th April 2010
Pas de deux is dreadful. Sammy can never pick me up! Miss Raine said I was a sack of potatoes. Imagine how I felt. Anyways, it's not true, right? Though, never thought that Sammy could be so nice. I know I always insult him and treat him pretty badly most of the time, but he's kinda sweet and caring. Overall, I actually think that he is the most decent guy I know in the academy.
22th April 2010
Miss Raine has been getting angry with me for wearing a cross-over/cardigan over my leotard. She's says it's not cold, but I feel more comfortable wearing it, and why can't I? It's a free country and I'm still wearing the leotard. She's says its not part of the uniform but I ignored her which meant I had to go to the academy nurse. Again, the nurse just told me that my body was developing but I know it isn't. My body was getting fatter. I need to go on a diet.
It's not just the nurse bugging me, Sammy has noticed my strict diet and keeps worrying about me, but I told him to back off. He isn't my mother and this is my life and my body!
23RD April 2010
I don't understand why Tara was put in the same private classes as me. She doesn't even try half as hard as I do and she's always hanging out with Kat or basically does nothing. Is it because Tara is now number one in our class? It can't be, she still does tutoring! It is because my dancing skill or technique is getting worse, or is it because of my body?
So you can see that to save my position I firstly needed to work more in my pas de deux routine. Sammy and I have been practicing on some weekday nights in the studio, to keep up with the class. Again, he continuously asks if I have eaten something, and I keep saying yes! I had salad in the morning. He gave me a sandwich after our session, but obviously I didn't eat it, no carbs after 3pm!
26th April 2010
So today it was Saturday, and I would be going to the studio, but it has been closed for a renovation. I was going to find another place to practice dancing or maybe go to a gym but Sammy just wouldn't let me. And I also felt a bit bad for being so tough on him recently. He has actually improved a lot so he deserves the weekend off at least. Sammy suggested that we go watch a movie, but I've never been a movie fan. Though, I didn't want to spend the day hearing Kat and Tara laughing hysterically and being silly, so assumed that going with Sammy would make my day better. I hope the movie won't be boring!
28th April 2010
Sammy and I went to watch some comedy movie on Saturday. It wasn't boring but it wasn't the best. I actually felt quite comfortable on that day. If I'm honest, I've always had trouble socialising with people. With Sammy, it is a bit easier, but I'm not saying were good friends. I mean, he spends so much time with Tara and Kat. Kat and I don't have the best history. The next day, I stayed at the boarding house and I played my first video game. Well actually I played hundreds of video games with Sammy. I never knew how competitive video games were until now hahahaha.