Disclaimer: I don't own POTO.
It belongs to the Leroux dude.
I'm so jealous.
Phantom of the Opera
American Idol Style
By: Janx Spirit
Audition #7
Shouldn't you use a map?
"Okay...so...who's going to start off the competition today?" Ryan asked.
Madame Giry walked slowly onto the stage.
Veeeerrrryyyyy veeerrrrryyyy sssllllooooowwwllllyyyyy...
"I will sing." The French said defiantly.
Ryan had an evil gleam in his eye...why?..."What will you be singing, madame?"
"Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas." She said, then started:
"Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing"
"You're kidding me..." Meg said, video taping the whole performance for Christine to see.
"They were funky China men from funky Chinatown Everybody was kung-fu fighting There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung Everybody was kung-fu fighting (repeat)..make sure you have expert timing
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It's an ancient Chineese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand knew trip
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they did it with expert timing
Kung-fu fighting, had to be fast as lightning"
"Well. That was embarrassing to me, and it has shamed my entire family for generations to come." Meg stopped the video camera.
Simon didn't even wait for Ryan to start,"What was that. It was bad. It was embarrassing. Sit down."
"WELLITHOUGHTITWASPRETTYGOOD!" Paula yelled.
"MROW!" Randy meowed. He wasn't talking to Madame Giry though. He was talking to Ayesha, who promptly scratched him across the face.
"Okay...next...?..." Ryan questioned, looking from one fat man to another...er...I mean...from Piangi to Juan Valdez...
Meanwhile...
"It's over there!" Phantomphan pointed to the huge hovering Tower of Terror.
Atomic Scribble looked at it,"Inside there?"
"Yep." Phantomphan started toward the tower.
Marcellina crossed her arms,"Shouldn't you use a map?"
"Nah." Phantomphan waved a hand at her,"All we need to do is follow the tower, and we'll be there in no time at all."
"I don't know Phannie...that's a little too risky, don't you think?" Marcellina asked.
"Phannie!" Atomic Scribble piped up.
Hehehehe...I'm gonna' have fun with this one...'Phannie' spoke,"No...trust me. I have an internal compass."
"How'd you get it in?" Atomic Scribble asked.
Marcellina handed 'Phannie' a map,"I'm telling you to use the ma-"
But instead of looking at the map, 'Phannie' crumpled it up and threw it behind her where it hit a bush and burst into flames.
"Behold! The burning bush!" Atomic Scribble pointed at the burning bush.
A little boy and his mother were just passing by. "Mommy! Look! Is that daddy's new 'friend'?" He asked, pointing at the burning bush.
"What makes you think that?" The mother looked at her boy.
The little boy shrugged his shoulders,"Well. Daddy says his 'friend' is hot, and that bush burns with the intensity of one thousand Gerard Butlers', so I just figured..."
"Hmmmm...nooo...If that bush burned with the intensity of one thousand Gerard Butlers, then that would be considered as nuclear power," The little boy's mother explained to him.
A few branches fell off the bush, and soon the fire was put out. The bush was now just a pile of gray ashes.
"But yes, that actually might be your not-so-biological father's new 'friend,'" She went on to say.
"Look! We're so close!" 'Phannie' was so close to the Tower. She saw it right in front of her! If only they could climb over that annoying wall...wait...wall?...
Marcellina fell to her knees, tugging at her hair,"YOU LEAD US TO A WALL!"
"Ooooooo!" Atomic Scribble looked at Marcellina and 'Phannie' glaring at eachother,"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FI-!"
Marcellina and 'Phannie' were now glaring at Atomic Scribble.
"Eep!..." Atomic Scribble walked away.
Yes. It was true. Right in front of the tower where Phannie had lead them was a huge wall. A wall that you could barely look over.
Marcellina crossed her arms,"What is this!"
"It's a wall." Said Phannie.
"AGH! I KNOW THAT!" Marcellina yelled,"But why is it here!"
"Don't you know...?..." Atomic Scribble appeared beside her,"It's the Great Wall of MGM. How did you NOT know that?"
Marcellina grabbed the girl by the collar,"YOU KNEW WE WERE WALKING TO A WALL ALL THIS TIME, AND YOU DIDN'T SAY A WORD!"
"Of course." Atomic Scribble said as Marcellina put her down,"It was fun to see you two moron's get lost."
Anyway...
"So...who...?" Ryan looked from Piangi to the Angel of Coffee.
Finally the Angel got up,"Eye wheel goo nerd."
Trans: I will go next
"Eat easy apple sung toward eye search off make ukelele," He told the audience.
Trans: It is a song that I sort of made up.
"Okay...just sing the song..." Ryan walked away.
Meg looked to her mom,"Is his English getting worse?"
"Hmph." Madame Giry took a swig of pure, 100 percent alcohol,"Is that possible?"
And with that the Columbian started to sing:
"Past the point of drinking Columbian coffee..."
Everybody cringed as Juan Valdez whipped off his poncho to reveal a pair of super tight pants, a black tail-coat, and a see through white ruffled shirt.
"No use acting cranky...
The American Coffee you've drank 'till now has come to an end...
Past all thought of 'Why not?' or 'Donkey's'...
Abandon thought...
And let the drinking of the Columbo. coffee begin..."
"NNOOOOO!" Meg battered Juan Valdez with Madame Giry's alcohol bottle, then looked into the video camera lens. "Tee hee! Wish you were here helping me, Christine!" Then she went back to battering Juan Valdez.
Simon sat back,"Meg has taken action as to what I wanted to happen. Nothing else to say here."
"AWW!WHYDIDYOUSTOPHIM?THATWASGREAT!" Paula screeched.
Piangi flew to the stage,"I will go next...but on one condition!"
"What now?" Ryan was ready to go to sleep and cuddle up to his...eh...let's just go on with the chapter...
The big man stuck out his stomache more(if that was possible)"I want to have a life-times supply of...BUTTERFINGERS!"
"What? Are you joking?" Ryan looked at Piangi as if he had gone mad.
Piangi pouted (eww...) "No!"
"Ugh." Ryan covered his face for a moment with his hand,"Fine. A life-time supply of butterfingers..."
"YAY!" Piangi jumped up and down,"Okay! Now I'll sing! I will be singing The Opening Barney lyrics!"
Ryan looked at him,"Barney...the purple dinosaur?...no...no...this is too much...no..."
"Yes! I shall sing it the way it is suposed to be sung! And then the way I want to sing it!" Piangi yelled and started to sing:
"Barney is a dinosaur!"
A few moments of silence.
"That's it?" Meg asked.
"Yes. But now I will sing it the way I would have if I were making the show...which I should have been..." Piangi sang it HIS way then. Very long and drawn out in the Piangi way:
"BAAAAAARRRRRRNNNNNEEEEYYYY! ISSSSSS! AAAAAA! DDDDIIIIIINNNNNOOOOOSSSSAAAAUUUURRRR!"
"Um...wow..." Was all that came from Paula. Her gas tank was obviously going empty.
"Ahem..." Simon leaned forward in his chair and everybody groaned as they waited for critique on Piangi's performance,"Now..I don't want to be mean or anything..."
"Heh. Yeah right." Meg held the camera a little bit higher to get a better view.
Simon started,"Now. Is the reason you sang that line because you can IDENTIFY with Barney in anyway?"
Piangi looked down at the purple and green spotted suit he donned,"Eh...no..."
"Are you sure?" Simon asked.
"Si."
"Because...you know...maybe you need a few moments to think about it..."
"No."
"Really?"
"Si."
"Erm...okay..." Simon sat back in his seat and smiled to himself as he twiddled his thumbs.
"Okay! Well! I guess that's really everybody!" Ryan shouted,"So now we'll announce the final eight!"
Meg cocked her head,"Already? What about votes?"
"We already voted." Ryan said.
"When?"
"The Authoress interviewed her POTO obsessed fans at school and got their opinion," Ryan smiled,"So here we go!"
1.) Erik-Because who doesn't want to hear Erik sing more Monster Mash?
"I sure as Hell don't." Said one audience member.
2.) Christine-Because my friends want to see some EC action, except there is no way in this lifetime or the next that they're getting it.
"NIIIIII!" Meg screamed.
Don't you mean 'NOOO!'?
"Um...yes...wait...no...maybe...are you trying to confuse me on purpose?" Meg made sure she had the video camera turned off at that moment.
3.) Meg-I really don't understand why everybody likes her. The songs I force her to sing aren't that funny.
"They're not?" Meg started to sob,"I can always sing Mariah Carey!"
No. Please...don't.
4.) Raoul-I don't get it either, so don't even ask me about this one.
5.)Carlotta-Notice how Raoul and Carlotta are right next to eachother...herm...I wonder...
"'Herm'?" Meg asked.
6.) The Managers-Huh.
7.) Nadir-Come on people. Get realistic.
8.) Piangi-Woah. Really?
Juan Valdez and Madame Giry looked around.
"That's it for us?" Madame Giry asked.
Oh no. The Angel of Coffee will be back to give coffee, but no more songs from him. Madame Giry...gone...hahahahahaha...
Next time we meet, we will be in...HOLLYWOOD! Yep. The POTO cast will meet...Gerard Butler!
A/N: REVIEW! (Cough) That is all I have to say for now. By the way, the 'Flamer Cult' (as I like to think of them) are coming soon, promise. They are all the 'flamers' that annoyed me at school or in PM's, and didn't give me reasons to their flaming. So...now I'm going to make them look like bastards. Bravo to me.