Ten: Seriously, why? – Zetsu

A/N: Sorry for bumping up the rating to M. I figured that the stuff in the last chapter is to blame for that – and anything else that may happen later. I really only know bits and pieces of what's going to happen next in this story so I don't know if there'll be any more…um, M rated contents. Just a heads up and a reason for the change – if anyone really noticed…

Please enjoy anyway though. :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto© or any characters thereof. The premise of the anime/manga, characters and such belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

Yes, this is the question I ask constantly. "Seriously, why?" And why do I ask why? For starters, why not? But I also want to know why they are so fucking evil! I'm so sick of them tormenting us! They're between the ages of three and five. And we're all in our twenties, if not older. And they're mind torturing us. Yes, mind torturing us. It's like physical torture only in your head where they just twist your thoughts around and shit. They are major experts in this technique. (Insert sigh.) I just want them to grow up already so we can mind torture them with thoughts of what they did to us! Will we make them pay? Oh yes, we will make them pay – tenfold.

"NO, YOU CANNOT TRY TO BLOW UP SASORI!" I scream, throwing down the spatula I was using to make the boys pancakes. "So just shut-up, Deidara." The little blonde boy looks down at the table, clearly upset by my shouting. I take a deep breath and put one hand to my forehead, rubbing my temples in exasperation.

"You made Dei-Dei cry! You're so mean, Zetsu-san!" Tobi cries, sounding angry. I don't look up though because I'm still trying to calm myself down. It's pretty bad when either of my sides get angry but when both of us get angry at the same time…

"If he wasn't pissing me off, I wouldn't be yelling, Tobi. And you damn well know that so don't go defending the little brat," I snap and all the little kids flinch, looking surprised. "Go wake everyone else up. If I hear them screaming at you that you got in trouble, you're going to be going to timeout so fast…" They all jump out of their seats and run out of the room. It's like I told them that if there was candy somewhere. Yeah, that's how fast they ran. It makes me wonder if the only thing they think about is torturing us. Okay, I know that's not entirely true. I mean, the whole incident with Deidara the other day totally compromises that idea.

"AH!" I hear Hidan scream followed by a much louder cry from Sasori. My guess is either they were naked or the kids pushed them out of bed. At least they're awake now… A moment later, I hear Kisame screaming at the brats. I forgot that he was naked.

"EW!!" Deidara screeches, running back into the room. I jump back as they all dash behind me, wrapping their arms around me. "My brain is flashing nasty pictures, un. If only they had more blankets!"

"Bad Zetsu!" Tobi cries. "If you hadn't sent us in there, Tobi's tummy wouldn't be sick!"

"Well, I'm tired and I forgot that they might not have clothes on…" I reason as Hidan runs in, buttoning up his pants.

"This is your goddamn fault, isn't it?" he hisses, pointing a finger at me for a brief moment before going back to trying to button his pants as fast as he can. "You couldn't wait for us to wake ourselves up, could you? You just had to send all those little brats in to push us out of bed, didn't you?"

"So you were naked and pushed out of bed?" I inquire, trying to imagine it. It was actually pretty funny. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you'd be stupid enough to not lock your door." He lunges at me and all the little kids scatter, screaming. He knocks me back into the counter and I just stare at him, rather amused. I also know that the moment either Sasori or Kisame came in, he is going to have hell to pay.

"Stop being mean to Zetsu-san, un!" Deidara suddenly shrieks and we looked down at him in surprise. "He didn't do anything, Hidan-san. Please stop being mean, un…" Reluctantly, Hidan lets go of me and walks off grumbling. I glance down at him curiously. "Are you going to finish making breakfast?" I sigh – of course…

"Yes, just be patient," I respond, picking up the spatula and getting back to the now burning pancakes. Deidara nods and stands next to my leg.

"Can I watch, un?" he asks softly. I glance down at him and nod. I flip the pancake and set down the spatula. I reach down and pick him up, putting him up on the counter next to the stove.

"Be very careful and don't touch the stove," I tell him firmly and he nods. The other little boys, I find when I remember them, are sitting at the table again. Though, I must say that Tobi looks extremely jealous. I glance at him and he stares intently at the pancake.

"Is it almost done, un?" he inquires curiously.

"Not quite…" I murmur, turning back to it. Suddenly I feel a tug on my pants leg. I glance down to see Itachi staring up at me. "Yes?"

"I want to watch, too," he states softly. I sigh, flipping the pancake onto a plate. I pick up the dark haired boy and set him gently down on the other side of the stove. He and Deidara watch intently as I pour more batter into the frying pan. I then feel another tug on my pants. If it's who I thought it was, I was running out of room. I glance down to see Kakuzu staring up at me.

"You wanna watch, too?" I ask and he nods. I sigh again and pick him up, putting him on my hip as I check the pancake. I flip it and then feel a tug on my sleeve. I glance down at Tobi and as he opens his mouth I say, "Hang on." I set Kakuzu down and pick up Tobi, putting him on my back. Then I pick up Kakuzu again and put him on my hip where he was before. "Whatever you do, Tobi, don't let go or my neck or else you'll fall."

"Okay," he replies happily. "Thank-you, Zetsu-san!" Then there's a quiet where the only sound is the pancake cooking. "Is it almost done?" he questions.

I groan. "It's almost finished." I check the other side and then flip it onto the plate. All of the little kids cheer. Confused, I get butter and put it onto the pan. All of the kids "oh" in admiration. I wait for it to melt before pouring in more batter, met with the same results as the butter. They all watch, fascinated, as it sizzles and the bubbles form and pop. I slide the spatula under it and flip it, earning more cheering.

"Wow…" Deidara breathes happily.

"It's not that amazing…" I mutter, trying not to cringe in annoyance because my ears really hurt now. "But whatever…" I flip it onto the plate and there's more cheering.

"What's with all the noise?" Sasori asks, walking into the kitchen. I glance out of the corner of my eye and then go back to putting the butter in, getting the same results as last time.

"I don't know. They wanted to watch and now all their doing is cheering me o as I make breakfast," I respond, confused. "I really don't know what's going on."

"Breakfast is now a five-star quality show," he murmurs, leaning over my shoulder as if to just make sure that all I'm doing is making pancakes.

"Oh, Sasori-san!" Deidara cries, successfully catching his attention. "Hidan-san was being mean to Zetsu-san awhile ago, un!"

"Little tattle-tail…" Hidan hisses and makes the little blonde boy jump. Then he screams. "I didn't do a damn thing!"

"Deidara…" Sasori soothes, picking him up. He bumps me and Tobi screeches in my ear as I feel him slide off.

"CRAP!" I drop the spatula and reach behind me with my now free hand to catch him. Kakuzu clings to my neck, desperate not to be dropped. And Itachi just watches the whole thing. Startled, Hidan hurries to my other side and pries Kakuzu off of me. The little boy wraps his arm around him and turns his head to watch us as I struggle to keep Tobi from falling.

"Why do the simplest things turn into the most chaotic things?" Kisame asks, walking in and prying Tobi off my back. I sigh and hurry to flip the pancake before it burns.

"Because it's our life right now," I sigh as the pandemonium starts to die down. "Thanks, guys. Having to keep an eye on all four of them when they're so clingy is hard!"

"I can't imagine…" Sasori murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief. "Now, Deidara, what was that about?"

"He scared me, un… I didn't mean to scream so loud. Promise, un!" the little blonde boy cries.

"Okay, four pancakes done. Breakfast is on for the little ones," I announce, getting four plates down. "I hope you guys are still hungry…"

"YEAH!" they all scream and all the adults cringe. It's always too early for this stuff. And does that stop them? Nope.

"Favorite color."

"Orange."

"Why?"

"It looks like sunrise and sunrise is pretty, Zetsu-san."

"Okay…Least favorite color."

"Blue."

"Why?"

"Because it reminds Tobi of the dark."

"But the dark is black."

"Not right after a sunset. The sky turns a really dark blue. And that's about the time you put Tobi to bed."

"Are you scared of the dark?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"…Tobi's mommy and daddy came back one night after a mission. They were all bloody and Mommy was laughing. Daddy kept telling her to be quiet but she didn't listen…" He pauses, glancing away with a pained expression. "There were lots of loud noises and Tobi put his fingers in his ears so he could hear anymore. He hid under his bed when all the noises were gone – it was a scary quiet. Someone came into Tobi's room and after a lot of looking around, left again. Tobi stayed under his bed all night and when he got up the next morning…Mommy and Daddy were gone."

I look down at him, sympathy growing deep inside me. "So the dark scares you because…?"

"Because Tobi can't see. He can't see what's going on around him and he's also afraid that someone will come in and hurt you. Tobi doesn't want that. You wouldn't let them hurt you or take you away, would you?" He stares up at me with wide eyes.

I shake my head. "No way. And I'd make sure that they wouldn't take you either, just so you know." I smile at him and he smiles back. "Next question, what's you all time favorite food?"

"Rice…no, wait. Ramen…Um…No, Tobi thinks it must be sushi. Oh! Tobi can't decide!" he cries in frustration. I reach down and ruffle his hair.

"Okay, okay. I have one more question…Why do you like Deidara so much?"

"Oh, that's easy. He's the only one who's really nice to Tobi. He doesn't make fun of him, he doesn't push him down and he always likes listening to Tobi. Tobi wants to do absolutely everything he can to make sure that Deidara will always be okay – no matter what!" He grins up at me. "Tobi really likes Deidara for that but also because he's so cute. Well, Tobi guesses that he likes him just because he's Deidara…"

I feel a pang of jealousy spark inside of me. Yes, I'm dating Kisame. But I still like Tobi – grown up Tobi, that is. To realize that he likes Deidara so much…even if they were just babies right now… "Well, I'm glad he can make you so happy." He looks at me curiously. "You're always happy but happiest around him. You're lucky." I bite my lower lip. Is it wrong to encourage baby relationships?

"Tobi knows," he replies conceitedly. I roll my eyes. Even as a baby, that's still Tobi for you.

"I've decided that all the kids had bad pasts," I inform the others as I sit down after putting Tobi to bed for naptime. "I mean, it's kind of like a 'duh' moment but I just thought I'd point that out anyway."

"I just don't get how they ended up so goddamn obnoxious as adults," Hidan says, folding his arms across his chest and looking like he was pouting. "We all know that they've had horrible pasts but you'd think that'd make Tobi and Deidara like Itachi, Kakuzu, you and Sasori. But no! They've gotta be different. They've gotta be really annoying!"

"You're annoying so shut-up!" Sasori growls, glaring daggers at the other who cringes. "Anyway, all we can do is see if we can learn anything from this – besides the forced on parenting. Maybe something else happened to them and that's why they're the way they are as adults. You never know."

"Until they tell us and then we're going to know," Kisame reminds us, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. "Where's Leader? Why the hell isn't he back yet?"

"Probably because he's got some sort of sixth sense where he knows when suffering so he's staying on 'vacation' longer just to make us suffer more!" Hidan snaps angrily. I shake my head.

"That's ludicrous and you know it," I say definitely.

"Whatever…Hey, you know what I think we should do since it's so warm out?" Kisame asks excitedly and we shake our heads. "We won't let them hurt us, right? So what if we got the hose from out back and some balloons? Why not let them have an all out water war with us?"

"…Is that safe?" Sasori inquires, looking rather nervous. "I mean, is it safe for us? They've probably got a lot of frustration and anger built up toward us… Isn't it a bit dangerous to say that they get to throw stuff at us?"

We all sit there for a minute before I say, "Well, why not just let them get their frustration and anger out on us today instead of a week or so from now when they're even more frustrated and angry with us? It might be good for us all…"

"I'm game," Hidan agrees, raising his hand with a smile on his face.

"Then when they get up, we'll have a water fight," Kisame announces happily. "With that same line of reasoning, Sasori, we can get out our frustrations and anger toward them as well. It'll be fun." Sasori gives him an untrusting look.

A/N: I wanna have a water fight. That sounds fun…

Anyway, sorry it took me so long to update. Damn writer's block…I hope you like it. I'm again trying to work on the actual plot rather than just the humor. But at least it's still funny, right? On top of that, I went back to make sure that I was writing in the right POV and realized that this chapter should have been Hidan. Things will be a little messed up for awhile until I can sort that out in my head. Sorry.

Well, please review…