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Chapter songs: Petrarca Sonnet #2 by Liszt, Prelude for Piano No. 4 from Opus 28/4 by Chopin, Gardens in the Rain by Claude Debussy, Trammerai by Schumann, and for the hunting Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin

Enjoy!

Chapter Ten: On The Hunt

I sat against a fallen hemlock tree surveying the forest around me. The ground was wet, melted snow and rain making it soppy and muddy. It had been only a week. I tried to keep that in mind as much as possible. My impatience was voracious lately. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Did I go through with it on the second outing where we did nothing but lounge at Second Beach for an entire afternoon? No, but I'd resolved to kiss him on the next one. I dithered on the third when we babysat his niece Sarah-Ann and were left completely alone after she got her bedtime story from "Unca Jake". Lastly, on the fourth, I had the perfect opportunity when we sat in his living room reading aloud back and forth. I didn't know what possessed me to hold back – some idiotic notion that I wanted him to make the first physical move since I'd made the emotional step in whatever this was between us.

We'd been together a total of four times since our "date" as Emmett was still keen to tease me about. I'd grown slightly desensitized to his incessant joshing. Nonetheless, it was still difficult to not show a reaction when he insisted in making a monkey out of me in front of Edward. That crossed the line. There wasn't much I could do in retaliation. Any revenge would be seen as an act of war. Emmett was not to be trifled with in that respect.

Hence, I dealt with his derision the only way I knew how.

I completely ignored it.

Anytime I would grab my keys, or my jacket to visit Jacob he would put in an aside like: "Another date? That's like, what, three in one week?" or "What can be so interesting about an Indian reservation that makes you go there all the time?" with a sly smile attached. It was comments like those that made me wish that Bella was still a newborn and could knock him into next week for me. My mother had been the most sympathetic and the quietest about it. And that was what worried me.

I watched as Bella took down a mountain lion without so much as a smudge on her crisp green stretch cotton shirt. She was a frightening creature to watch at times. To the plain eye she looked completely harmless, slender. You wouldn't expect her to be able to uproot a redwood, but she could. That was my Mom. Sometimes, and I would never admit this to anyone in the family, I wish I could have seen her as a human. True, I have one memory of her human face, her sweaty hair matted to the same heart shape face she had now, minus the brown eyes and blushing pulse of blood. What I really wanted to see was her clumsiness. The entire family had seen firsthand just how accident-prone she had been. The mother I knew was one of the most graceful vampires I'd ever seen: confident and beautiful.

I would have given my right leg to see the awkward and insecure human being she'd once been. Damn Edward for not investing in a video camera before I came along.

"Not thirsty?" her voice, as soft as silk, asked me.

I snapped out of my thoughts and shrugged. "Haven't found anything yet."

"There's a scent of a black bear about five miles east," she suggested. I smiled a little. Such a Mom.

We took off in the direction of the scent. I let my instincts take over me. I wasn't a hybrid anymore. I was a predator. I could hear Bella keeping pace with me. Her gait was smaller than normal so I wouldn't fall behind. The bear was fishing for his meal in the river when I found him. I slowed to a stop as I approached his right flank. I stalked him quietly, the sound of my feet muffled by the gurgle of the stream. I pounced on him within moments. He grew rigid and growled in surprise. I didn't let him put up much of a fight when I sunk my teeth easily into his neck. The warm viscous liquid swarmed in my mouth and I greedily gulped it down. Black bear was my favorite next to mountain lion. The flavor was tangy, but less so than elk or deer, with a discernible sweetness that only came with carnivores.

I pushed the carcass aside gently. Though I may have killed it to feed myself, I did have a healthy respect for the dead. He gave me sustenance and now he'd become a part of the cycle. I wondered briefly if other vampires felt guilty when they took the life of a human and left the body laying somewhere, down a dark alley, or in an abandoned building. Did they feel the weight of the life they'd taken?

I knew they must have. At least some of them did. It was enough that over time many were beginning to turn to my family's way of life as an alternative. Were some of our kind incapable of a conscience?

"Better now?" she asked as she leaned against a willow.

I grinned and nodded. "Yes. Thank you. This was a great idea."

Bella smiled and threw her arm around me as we began making our way back to our campsite. The coolness of her touch was soothing. "I knew it would be. I miss doing this with you. At least we can go alone now. When you were little you hated hunting animals."

"Donated human blood just tasted better, and no one had to die for it."

"True. It was still amusing. Especially when Jake came up with the idea of making it into a game. So competitive, just like your father and uncles," she mused. I chuckled and shook my head at the memory. In hindsight it was pretty entertaining. It was a good thing Jacob didn't mind eating raw. "How are things with him? You seem very happy since you've come home."

I stopped walking for a moment and stared at her. Had she figured it out? Bella would be the one I pegged to figure things out first. For all her quiet pensiveness she was far too observant of a mother. She always knew when something had changed in me. So perceptive, as always. "What do you mean?" I asked, trying my best to keep my tone even.

She smiled and we continued to walk, hopping over stumps and squashing through moss-covered mud. "You're happy. Happiest I've seen you. I was wondering just maybe if something had changed..."

I sighed and rolled my eyes at her. I pressed my fingers to the hinge of her jaw as she passed me. Fishing for info, aren't we?

A giggle bubbled up from her chest. "Can't I be curious about my daughter's life?"

"You can. Unless Emmett's incessant teasing has made you think there's something when there isn't," I reminded. I hoped that this wasn't the case. If so I might need to have a little talk with my currently least favorite uncle. I couldn't have him going around and making my secrets seem so obvious. This was exactly the type of scrutiny I wanted to avoid. The reason why I'd asked Jacob for his compliance in sequestering this thing between us. I realized that it probably wasn't the case. That my mother, being the typical worrywart that she is, was just being concerned.

"No, though that is a problem. I've spoken to him about toning it down. You're a grown woman and you deserve to keep some things private if you so choose."

I stared at her dumbly. She agreed with me? "...Th-thank you," I stammered. It made me really wonder though if she had in fact figured it out. It truly wouldn't surprise me if she had.

"You're welcome. One of the things I loved about Charlie as a father was that he gave me space when I needed it. I'm trying to do something similar. You're an adult and you've been extremely well behaved throughout your life. More than any parent can really ever hope for with a child. You deserve to have a little privacy now and then."

"What are you saying?" I asked, trying to comprehend where she was taking this.

"I'm just saying is… that if you want… I could give you a little extra privacy," she offered a meek grin on her face. I was taken aback by it. Was she really offering to shield me? The idea of being able to think freely at home even when Edward was in the room would be so wonderful. I'd never really asked for her to do it in the past. However, now, it seemed like by not asking I'd gained her compliance? I didn't know how to really answer that.

"Umm... thanks?" Her musical laughter rang out in the forest and I shrugged. "What do you want me to say? If I ask you to, Dad's going to know something's up."

She grinned. "Let me handle your father. I know you have an affection for Jacob. I've known that for quite a long time." I flushed slightly. I shouldn't be embarrassed, but I was. My intense attraction to Jacob wasn't something that I liked to openly discuss, especially with my parents. Their shared history made me all the more hesitant at opening up to them. Would she be offended that I could fall for him? Would Edward not approve if I chose to be with Jacob?

I stood there not really all that surprised. As much as I tried to hide that we were changing the definition of our relationship, I knew I couldn't hide how I felt about him as much as I would like to. I'd never been one to be able to hide just how much Jacob means to me. Even as a child I'd cared for him. I did wonder however, exactly how she figured it out. "How?"

"A mother knows these things. You look at him differently. You've always watched his every movement, but it's been different since you were closing in on maturity. I don't have to have Edward's ability to know exactly when your feelings went more than platonic."

I sighed. "Still doesn't change anything. He's still my best friend," I assured. It was one thing for the entire family to eye us suspiciously whenever we were together, or for Emmett to get a rise out of me. It was entirely another thing for the family to know exactly what had changed. I wanted to be with Jacob out in the open, of course, but was I ready to deal with the family? That was less certain.

She chuckled. "Yes, he is. Until you decide it's time to change it. I'm just offering you the privacy you deserve when you're at home."

"Are you really doing this for me or are you doing this to make it easier on Dad?" I asked and she snickered. I had to know if she was really doing this because I'd shown maturity and growth or if she was really doing it to save Edward's sanity. There were things a father just shouldn't have to know about his daughter. How much she wanted to be kissed by her best friend/soul mate was definitely at the top of the very long list.

"He would never ask me to. I love you both and though he doesn't show it much it's hard for him to see you all grown up. You're still our little girl."

Parental love, however blind, was maddeningly endearing. I knew my parents would forever see me as their child. The one they hadn't expected, a surprise. "I know. I try not to think about Jake around him. Just out of respect."

Bella nodded and began setting up camp for the night. "It's exactly why I'm offering. Your kindness and respect shows me that you deserve this."

"Can I think it over?"

"Sure, just let me know before we get home," she replied as she set up the tent for me. It'd been so long since she and I had gone on an overnight hunting trip. As I'd grown older I'd shown more of preference for hunting with Jacob or with one of my other relatives. Bella never made any mention of it, though I knew she must miss the mother/daughter time. Living the way we did, in such confined quarters allowed for the variety of hunting partners but sometimes it was just nice to go and have a nice time with her.

The sky had stopped its downpour finally as we worked together in silence. I threw my sleeping bag inside the tent along with my backpack. It was inordinately light. I'd only packed a book and a change of clothing. In many ways I loved being half vampire. Though I bathed out of preference I didn't exactly have to everyday. Sweating was minimal even when I exerted myself in the extreme. Hunting trips like this always dealt with a campsite when I tagged-along. I wondered what the others did when they went out on all night hunting excursions. Not having to sleep I assume afforded them much needed privacy in the forest. Time away from the family I assumed meant alone married couple time.

The family usually hunted in pairs. We rarely, if ever, did a full family hunting trip, unless it was a special occasion. Birthdays and such usually had a family hunting trip, something akin to what human families did when they would go out for dinner. Since my mother's transformation and my birth, everyone in the family had realized the importance of birthdays. The celebration of one's birth, whether into humanity or into immortality were important. Thus we tried to celebrate at least in some small measure for everyone each year.

I climbed a nearby Sitka and lounged on one of the branches. I loved being outside. The forest, I had to admit, was truly my home. I closed my eyes and listened to the world around me. I could hear Bella getting out her cell phone and calling Edward. It was endearing how she always checked in with him. A few moments later she joined me up in the Sitka. "Your father says-,"

"Let me guess, be careful?"

A smile broke out on her face as she struggled not to chuckle at me. "No, he said he'll see us tomorrow. You're right, though. He did say be careful. How'd you know?"

"Mom, you married the world's biggest worry wart," I shot back at her and her entire body shook in laughter.

"He does tend to worry doesn't he?"

"Tend to worry? If worrying were an Olympic sport... I think he'd win gold consistently."

Her laughter only intensified at that point. "You've been hanging out with Jake too much. His wit is seeping into yours."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, sure," I replied just for added emphasis. Her face grew incredulous for just a second and then both of us erupted in laughter. It'd been such a long time since we'd done something like this. Just sitting around and laughing at each other. Maybe I was spending too much time with Jacob. I didn't know hot to amend that, really. Jacob had become such an integral part of my life. I knew that wasn't the healthiest of things when starting a romantic endeavor like we were. Could it be helped? That I had no answer for. It seemed more inevitable than anything that I would become completely dependent on him. Something I both wanted and feared.

"You have been hanging out with Jake quite a bit since you've been home."

"I always hang out a lot with Jake. It's kind our thing."

"Yes, but you used to hang out with the other wolves, or talk about it when you came home. You don't anymore. I think that's why Emmett has been so suspicious. You've been extra cautious at home."

She was right, I had been extra cautious. I hadn't meant to but controlling ones thoughts took quite a lot of work. "I know. And you're right. I haven't seen very much of the other wolves. Jake and I have been hanging out just the two of us," I admitted. It was the truth to some extent.

"I see, why not invite some of the others along. They all love you, I'm sure they wouldn't mind hanging around you."

I chuckled a little, "No, I'm sure they wouldn't either. Jake's teaching me how to rebuild a car," I fibbed. He'd offered so many times to teach me, I knew now that I'd have to take him up on the offer. Oh well at least that could be a great excuse to hang out alone. "And we have the bon fire coming up too. Maybe once I meet Amber, Leah will bring her over more often."

Bella smiled at the mention of Amber. "I think you're going to like her. She's very sweet, and funny. Edward went on about how she doesn't sugarcoat anything. She thinks it, she says it."

I chuckled. "Sounds perfect for Leah."

"She is. I'm really happy for her. Leah's had it the hardest in the pack. I couldn't imagine going through what she has."

"She definitely is much happier than she has been in a really long time."

"I think this is the happiest she's been since, well, since Sam," Bella continued. "I didn't know her back then but I know she didn't like making it easy on the guys. She definitely didn't like me for quite some time. Sometimes I think she still doesn't."

"Well, Mom, that's just Leah. She's very loyal."

"Yes, especially to Jacob. I admire her for that. When I was pregnant with you she read me the riot act when Jake had taken off," she explained. I wondered if this was the same occurrence that Jacob had told me about in the park the other night. When he was trying to imprint just to stop the pain. Had Leah gone in at that moment and scolded my mother for hurting him?

"Sounds like something she would do. She's like another big sister for him, I guess," I replied and Bella nodded.

Bella chewed on her lower lip for a moment. She looked like she wanted to ask me something, but was afraid to utter it aloud. I gave her my best imploring look and she smiled. "It's nothing."

"Mom, just spit it out."

"I was just thinking about Nahuel. You haven't written to him since you've been home. I'm sure he'd like to know you arrived safely..."

I sighed, she was right. I knew Nahuel must have been patiently awaiting word that I'd come home safely and was happily back with my family. What would I tell him about Jacob? Would I tell him at all? I knew it wouldn't be fair to flaunt that I was beginning a romantic relationship with someone else. He knew of the imprint but had I ever told him what that really meant? I didn't think I had. It seemed to be fairer to keep him in the dark as well, just for a little while. It would be much easier to keep it from him than my family. I wouldn't have to work at it as hard.

At home it was a twenty-four hour a day chore to keep my changes in my relationship with Jacob from the forefront of my mind. The fact that Jacob was in every thought anyway made it doubly trying. I reveled in this time away from home. I could think freely and without restraint. Maybe that was why she had offered her ability to give me that luxury at home. Regardless of her motives to entice me to stay home more often, it was a kind gesture.

"I know, I should write to him," I answered. "Sometimes I worry though, if I am sending the wrong signals when I correspond with him."

"Has he said something?"

"Not overtly, but he's made it obvious, even without words, that he would like something more."

Bella chewed on her lip again, a clear sign she was thinking over what I had said to her. "Do you want there to be something with him?" she asked tentatively. I stared at her wide-eyed. What in the world would give her that impression? Had my reluctance to open up about my feelings for Jake made her consider I might want another option? "It's not that I'm doubting how you feel about Jacob. But I just want to make sure you're not holding out for something else?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't see Nahuel that way. He's a dear friend."

She nodded then, taking my word for it. I appreciated that. I wondered why she thought of Nahuel as an option for me. It wasn't like I'd never considered it. But at the same time it was not really an option either. I'd known for a very long time what Jacob could become for me. He was well on his way, too. It seemed silly to entertain the idea of anyone else. I had, however, tried to think of Nahuel as a romantic option. When I was younger, and much less patient with Jacob, I thought long and hard about Nahuel. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for him. I thought maybe something could grow from nothing, but over time he's remained my friend. Ever present and always there if I needed someone other than Jacob to talk to.

"Why do you ask?"

Bella sighed and shifted against the branch. "There are many different types of love. Many ways to love someone. I just don't want you to figure it out too late and hurt yourself and possibly someone else."

"Are we referring to..." I trailed off not wanting to repeat the story in words.

"Sort of. Sometimes I think if I'd known myself better I could have saved Jake more pain. I know it's silly but if I allow myself to think back I feel guilty for putting him through so much."

"He chose to fight, though."

"Very true. But I could have done the right thing, after the wedding and told him to go away. That might have been easier on him. Granted I didn't want him to go anywhere because you were making me feel that way. It was just a mess."

"I know. He told me." I watched her face as she looked in surprise and then that surprise melted into amusement. "I care very much for Jacob. I'll admit it."

She smiled and jumped down. I followed suit. "Jake's not hard to love. Trust me I know from experience," she mused, snickering to herself.

"What made you fall for him anyways? I mean, you never stopped loving Edward."

"I know. It was a tumultuous time for me. I was so destroyed when Edward left. It wasn't just one thing that Jacob did. It was him as a person. He was always so warm and happy to be around. Even after he phased, he was still Jake. Though I saw him a lot less. I wish you could have seen him as just a normal teenager. He was almost as clumsy as I was. What a pair we were! He had no trouble keeping a conversation going. Telling me about school or his friends while he worked on the bikes. It was a distraction. I didn't feel pain when I was around him. I'll be forever grateful to him for it too."

I listened intently to her story. A large part of me felt slightly jealous that they'd been so close. Two peas in a pod, one could say. Was he so different then from now? Young, irresponsible without much of a care in the world. My Jacob was older, weathered and the epitome of responsibility, when it came to his pack, his home, even me sometimes. Even when we would do reckless things like motorcycle riding or cliff diving (though being half vampire did have its advantages in safety), he was always concerned for me. I longed to know what he was like as just a normal sixteen-year-old boy. Before the magic that ran in his blood took hold. Would he have noticed me if I knew him then? Was it only due to the imprinting compulsion that he noticed me at all?

I stopped my thoughts right there. Why did I want the answers to questions I could never know? The truth was black and white. There were no shades of gray in this instance. He had imprinted on me. He had noticed me. He does care for me. One fact wasn't less true because of the others. He wanted this progression – this evolution of our friendship to happen just as much as I did. He welcomed it, easily, openly. Why was I having so much trouble? I knew I should probably speak to someone about this. Maybe Emily or Claire. They would both know to some extent how to handle this situation better than anyone else.

Maybe I should take Bella up on her offer. When I'm with him, all I can think about is the things he makes me feel. It clouds my judgment, making it incoherent. A ridiculous haze of happiness, that only marginally clears when he's away. It made me recall a line of Shakespeare: "The sun itself sees not 'til heaven clears." Heaven, warmth, safety and happiness was what I felt around him and when he was gone and that thick haze lifted could I think clearly. That meant I'd need a place to think, without the intrusion of Edward. I loved my father, truly I did, but a mind reading father was about the worst thing for a girl. Charlie would have sent Bella to a nunnery if he'd known her thoughts of Edward, I was certain of that.

"I think it may be a good idea to use your ability. Just to spare Dad's sanity," I said finally.

Bella laughed lightly and nodded, "Okay, he won't hear a peep from you unless you want him to see something. Your ability is the only thing that can break through my shield," she answered. It was true. My ability that was the only thing that could get into her mind while her shield was up. Logically it made sense that it worked the other way around as well. If I were under her mental protection, I could still show Edward only what I wanted to show him with just a touch. It seemed like a solid solution. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me.

If I were going to figure out exactly what my feelings for Jake were, I would need a place away from him where I could think without letting it broadcast to my omniscient father. I felt more relaxed. The tension of trying to figure this out with Jacob around had lifted. Maybe now I could begin to comprehend the feelings he alone inspired in me.

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