Thank you for your encouraging reviews,! Please enjoy! (I know the grammar sucks, but since I'm too lazy to find a beta for this story and I'm upset because Jenna (of Vampire Diaries) died, I'm not on my best.)

PREVIOUSLY:

Esme sat down on the couch.

"Listen." she echoes in a dead voice.

I looked up, nodded and ran to her, almost quite possible to touch her, but I kept my distance.

"I will." I say, staring at the picture frame of me and her wrapped in a tight embrace on our 76th wedding day 3 years ago.

Chapter 9

Forgiveness

Carlisle Cullen

She sighed and cradled the ring I gave her on our 50th year.

"After the fight we had about coming to the Volturi-" she paused and passed me a look, quietly asking if I remember. I did so I nodded discreetly.

"I passed lots of empty towns, wondering if you'll search for me."

"But then 2 days passed and I knew you won't. You valued your family so much more than me that you would rather risk us just to have the help of their tracker. You wanted to ask for their help, knowing the price they'll want in return, our loyalty to them forever. You knew we would have to give up living on animals."

I balled a fist. Oh, so now she's blaming me. I visibly relaxed though, because I had to obey Bella's words. Listen. Even when it meant hearing how a fool I was.

"I didn't understand how you could do it to me. We spent 7 years together, companions and friends. But you chose them over me. But deep down, I knew you are a father and husband first, and my friend on the last. But still, I hoped. I hoped that one day, you'll love me as I secretly grew to love you with each passing day, that one day you'll forget them and make new memories with me."

"And then I passed a fair on a lonely house. There I saw the answer to your question.I saw your daughter, oh how lovely she is, even with a dress that had gone out of season years earlier and her obvious lack of coin. I knew she was the girl we searched for, her stature, her age, her features.. It was all a haunting replica of yours. Especially her eyes. Even though they weren't the golden ones you have, the shape of them are identical to yours. Hers were lovely emerald ones that sparkled."

"I knew what I should have done, run straight to you and tell you what I knew. But it hurt. I knew I couldn't do it, knowing you'll leave me once you find her. You'll abandon me, and again I'll be alone. Did I want that? Of course I didn't. I knew it was wrong, but I kept it from you, waiting for you to track my scent here, so in that case you'll be able to see me and her. If you don't.. Then I'll leave her alone and you go kill yourself in Volterra for something you could have gained from me just by wanting to see me again."

"I knew I could not lose her, she was very precious. So I observed her. I traced a faint scent of something sinister on her. She coughed a dozen times that morning. And then it finally dawned on me, as I remembered one of your patients. She had…she had..the signs of tuberculosis. There wasn't a cure yet discovered, and for next hour I knew what I had to do, and quickly. I formed a plan. I am going to stay with her. I bought myself pilgrim clothes, and told her I am one when I knocked on her door. She easily believed me. I stayed with her for the day. I know she won't remember now..but she was sick, Carlisle, she was very sick. She coughed up blood which didn't affect me in the least, knowing she is you daughter, someone you love. She was also running with fever, and I cried, oh, I cried, when what I wanted was for you to just trace my scent and see her. I couldn't leave her. Not then. I was confused. I wanted you to be there, to tell me what I should do. One one hand I knew I won't be able to leave her, even if she isn't your child, just because she is an innocent affected by the plagues of disease. But on the other, I knew you would never forgive me for the consequences of what I would have to do if I am going to save her.

"There is also the uncertainty if I am going to be strong enough to make her one. I wanted her to magically heal so I can be the one doing the chore of tracing you to decide what you should do, but I knew every moment might be her last. The rest of the day passed quickly. She was on bed, and it broke my heart to see such a frail young one, one you love and I grew to, in the space of the day, suffer.

"I held her hand through the afternoon, fed her some stew I just cooked by instructions on a tattered page of recipe, and fed her quietly. I said sorry for the slightest things, even for the state of the weather." She laughed darkly, looking me straight in the eye. My heart went out to her, but still the questions burned in my mind. After all these years, she didn't tell me. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, but the frustration was still there, so I didn't. I was trapped in my own kind of personal hell.

So she continued, putting her own arms around herself and sat staring at the floor, almost in a trance.

"And that night I knew she'll be gone by the time the dawn passes. So I decided to make her one of us. After all, that was what you would have done, right? You would turn her into one of us anyway, if I am I in the scene or not. So I acted like I am going to say goodbye and pass on for the next leg of my so-called pilgrimage. I talked to her, told her I am sorry, told her it was the only way and she'll know me soon enough, because I knew I had to be there when she wakes up."

She stopped and her eyes crinkled, as if tears will fall.

"She told me I was her friend. She told me that..and I told her I hoped that. Then I told her sorry for the millionth time..and then I bit her."

She stood up from the couch and walked to the windowpane, turning her back to me, her arms still crossed on her chest.

"For hours I was there by her. I held her hand, soothed her cries, tucked her hair….all the while she cried for her mother and father."

The words mother and father sounded oddly on her lips, like it were words that cut her in half.

"And that's when I regretted turning her. I, Esmeralda Eleanor Smith, once again became a fool for love. Because I love you, I loved her too. And so loving her, saving her, will take you away from me. But you know what? So be it. At least you'll be happy with her. You'll be with your daughter whom you searched many years for "

"So one hour later I left her, Carlisle, because I wanted you to be the first one she sees when she awakes. I wanted you to tell her all about the specifics of our kind. I wanted you and her to be happy,." She turned abruptly to face me.

"Even if I won't. You know why? Why?" She shouted.

I sat there, frozen, willing her to see I understand and that she can stop now.

And then her voice dropped to a whisper. "Because I loved you and her so damn much that I don't care if I'm alone for the rest of eternity."

I ran to her then, finally understanding my daughter's words.

Love.

I wrapped my arms around her, but she didn't stop, even though I wanted her to. Her pain is my pain, her misery is mine. The hurt inflicted on her eyes cut me in agony. I wanted to yell, stop, I understand. Stop doing this to us, I understand.

Because I knew what prompted her not to tell me.

Because when she tracked me…

Where is she? When will she be back? God, please please make her come back. I don't know what I'll do without her. I was a fool to let her go. She was right, my daughter is gone, my family is gone, and all we have is each other now. No point in gaining a debt to the Volturi. No point in giving up what we have for nothing but disappointment. 4 days have passed and she still haven't even sent a telegram. When?

And then the door of the inn opened. There she stood. Her eyes pooled with confusion and hurt. I immediately wrapped my arms around her, this time not in the way we used to when we were friends and siblings.

This time of an embrace of true love.

"Don't do it anymore. Don't leave me." I told her, crushing her body to mine. She wrapped her own arms around me too. I tilted her chin so her eyes looked on mine.

"I love you." I whispered, acknowledging the wisdom of the quote "you never know what you have until you lose it."

I didn't expect it but her eyes turned into something more mysterious. Misery.

"Esme, what is it? I love you, I love you, please, tell me what's wrong. My love, my heart. I know I shouldn't have pushed you to come with me to Volterra. I know now that my daughter is gone. I know now that what I only have is you and him."

That pulled her in. "Him?" She croaked.

I pulled her hand to guide her in the other room.

"Edward Masen. He was dying of the influenza. His mother told me to look after him. I knew him when he was a boy, I was acquainted with his father. I saved him, Esme. I know it was wrong to put him to hell and damnation, but I had to. He is just so young, 17, and his mother told me to do all I can. His mother, Esme, his mother. I would never have done it without her consent, you know." I smiled quietly.

And then I looked at her eyes. Hers were sad orbs that were..red.

"Esme?" I said, horrified.

"What did you do?" I said, going over the possibilities. Mine were also red, but that is because of Edward's blood. I didn't kill him.

"I….slipped and bit a criminal Carlisle. I have neglected to hunt too long. But I stopped. I didn't kill him, probably because my whole being was against the deed. And he was so far in his drink that I doubt if he will remember or anyone will believe him." Somehow, I knew there were bits she isn't telling me. Maybe she bit someone who will remember. Maybe she even did kill him, after all. But I didn't care. That was his fate, and this is mine. I have Esme, and now I have Edward. A son.

A start of a new beginning. And against my better judgement, I left Edward, knowing he'll be on the bed for 3 more days anyway.

I took Esme on the deep part of the forest of Chicago.

She was smiling, though it didn't reach her eyes. I realized she is probably sad because of her slip up.

"I'm sorry, Esme." I say honestly.

"You'll never be as sorry as me." she said quietly. Her eyes were full with unshed tears. I struggled not to shout "Dammit, nothing is your fault."

"No." I contradict.

"This is a new beginning. A new family. I have you and Edward. Marie and Isabella will always be in my heart, Esme, but from this day on, you have the place to it first and foremost." I place her hand on my heart.

"This has been yours gradually, and now fully. I'm sorry I was deluded into thinking I'll be able to have my family again. But Esme, you have to understand… I love you. I can't bear the thought of you leaving me. I know now that what I had was a fantasy, and thank the Lord I woke up before I really lost you. Please, please tell me, you understand, and love me, that way too? "

My voice echoes in the hollow of the forest. There was silence, for one moment I thought she would say no and turn her back to me disgustedly. But..

"yes." she whispered. That was enough for me.

I pulled her lips to mine and kissed her passionately, reveling in their softness and response to mine. I was lost in the moment. I felt her arms wrap around my neck, and mine snaked around her waist.

And when we stopped, I pulled out the heavy thing that weighed a million tons on my pocket and got into one knee.

"Will you marry me?" I asked with my heart on my sleeve.

She broke down and put her hands on her face, as if the answer terrified her. My heart broke on a million shattered pieces. I was about to get up and tell her it's okay, I knew it was too fast. But she beat me to it. She got into one knee too, much to my manly pride's frustration.

"Yes" she said, determination shining in her eyes.

Euphoria shouted through me.

Yes. I kissed her again.

"Yes" She whispered on my lips.

We broke apart and I put the ring on her finger.

She smiled.

And I kissed her.

For a very long time.

And so now I got it. Finally, after all, I got it. She saw me and Edward as a family on one hand, and me and Bella on the other. She knew what I would choose. Only she was wrong. I cursed at the fates with the confusion it must have taken her to do it. Finally, I began to make sense of what happened. She got jealous. She protected herself. She protected our family. It finally made sense that on the second day, she slipped out and came back hours later that I thought. She was visiting Bella and she left the note while I was occupied with Edward.

She knew we would see her again, and said sorry for all that time.

And as for the time it took her not to tell me?

She did that because she was afraid. Afraid I'll leave them. Leave her for another.

But the strangest thing of all?

She did it because she loved me.

I wrapped my arms against her tighter, like I did when she came home from our fight. Which is exactly how it happened a long time ago.

"I understand" I whispered quietly, finally accepting it and forgiving her.

"Thank you" she whispered back and closed her eyes.

And, like a long time ago, I kissed her. Again, she responded.

All is well.

After we finished, my heart rejoiced at the sight of her eyes, finally at peace, finally happy.

"I love you" we whispered at the same time and laughed

And then I kissed her for a very long time.

3 HOURS LATER

She touched my arm. Its amazing that even after all these years, a touch from her still feels like an electric current."Esme, you are my life. I don't understand why I told you I hate you earlier. I can never truly hate you, you know? . How can I hate you when you our family are my life? You and them are the most wonderful gifts of the lord to me. You are the one who made me live when I wanted to die, you were the one who held me as I cry, without my knowing you were crying harder. I love you always, forever, yesterday, tomorrow and now."She hugged me tightly and I hugged her back, and lifted her chin and kissed her lips are soft like rose petals and delicate as a flower. I love her face, her scent,her body.. I love everything about her.I love her .And by some miracle, she loves me pulled her face away while I wanted her lips more, that's why I had a frown on my smoothed my eyebrows and said"Thank you, Carlisle, you don't know what that means to me. I love you too, I love you more than anything in this world. And to be fair, you are my life too. I will always love you…" I cut her off, I cant help it..I need her lips again. And she responded, of course. I caught her bottom lip between my lips and made the kiss more passionate. God, I love this woman. What things she could do to me…Too soon, she pulled away again, and I hugged her face to my chest while she wrap her arms in my back.I carried her to the big rock near the waterfall and sat her on the grass. The sun is just setting, Our most favorite time of the day."Carl.""Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you more."

And as we made our way back to our house, I held her hand.

*cue* Carlisle bangs to a tree head on because he's so dreamy and in love. LOL.

Thank you for reading, now please REVIEW the 9 pages of Microsoft Works chapter I just typed. Because I wasted my time for YOUR ENTERTAINMENT and all that. Hahahaha. Not making you feel guilty though.

Thanks if you will. But really, I am begging you to review, because I'm sad today..because of ..some things. You know the feeling that everybody hates your guts? :( I barely escape that by writing.

~Monique