A/N: Uh, hi everyone! Ha. Ha. Ha. Okay, okay. So on a scale of one to ten how much to you hate me? No really. I haven't updated in what? Four, five months? Yeesh. I suck. But I just kind of lost all passion I had for this fic for awhile. With school overtaking my life and me finally getting my license (YES!) and then all the fun drama that comes with high school, I just could not find time for this. Besides I got really caught up in other stories that I have been writing and this just kind of started getting pushed further and further to the side until I kind of forgot about it. So yes. I am sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I hope that I didn't lose all my readers. Cause that would suck. And I love you all. But moving on, this was originally going to be with what will be the next chapter as one big chappie but I figured that I'd just split it in two and give you all this one first so you wouldn't have to wait any more. But the next one (HOPEFULLY, NO PROMISES) will be up next week cause I have February vacation. And in other awesome news, there are only FOUR MORE DAYS until yours truly turns the big ONE SEVEN. No I will not be eight. Seventeen, you ding bats. Yes. So I will also be going crazy with birthday bashes and the like. So I hope you all enjoy this way too long awaited chapter and don't hate me too much. I LOVE YOU, MY LOVELY STUPENDIOUS READERS!
This chapter is dedicated to three good friends of mine. First off: glowing-ice, who never stopped kicking my lazy livejournal butt to update this sucker. So thousands merci, my friend. Secondly: genuinescence, another one of my livejournal butt-kicking team. You've been there since the beginning of this thing so yeah. Uh, you ROCK! Uh huh. You do. ) And last but not least: Procrastinator-starting2moro, a brilliant author herself who I have gotten to know through our weird livejournal rants and what not. You also never failed to kick my butt for this thing, so thank you muchos!
Summary: Lily Evans and James Potter are finally going out. What will a Christmas break at the Potters' mansion do to the newly established couple, though? Can they survive everything that the holiday season throws them… which of course includes a certain Mr. Sirius Black?
Disclaimer: Y'know. No matter how much I try to deny it, I still am not J.K. Rowling. My life sucks.
Chapter Nine: Getting Even and Playing Fair
It was two hours before Lily Evans showed her face downstairs again. In that time, the newly arrived Potter family had been settling in and catching up with one another. James could hear Sirius having quite a lovely time following around James' young aunt around with a slack jaw, offering his services in more ways than one:
"Hey, Sammie baby, need some help with that heavy trunk? Have you noticed my biceps? They've grown quite a bit, yeah?" And then of course…
"Y'know Sam, that room that the Potters put you in can get mighty scary at night with all the shadows and creaks and whatnot. So, just for future reference, I'm the second door on the left on the third landing. Just in case, you know, you need some company I am more than willing to oblige."
There was always a nice resounding smack and "OW!" after a comment like the latter. Behind Sirius was James' enamored cousin, Briana, trying to win his attention away from her aunt and onto herself and her "newly acquired assets," or so she called them. The rest of the Potters were busy in their own rooms, making sure everything was in order and ready to go for the upcoming holiday.
James was put on kitchen duty by his mother after he came down from his semi-successful "damage control." He was helping with house elves with cleaning the Potters' finest china, but James' grandparents kept coming up to their messy haired grandson to hug, kiss and question him on his school year more and more.
After about an hour of loud smacks and mumblings of "yes'm" and "of course, Grandmother", James finally escapes his grandparents' worshiping and enters the entrance hall. He leans up exasperatedly against the cool wall of the foyer and heaves a heavy sigh. He is positive that his cheek is covered in dark, raspberry lipstick marks and that he reeks of pungent perfume. He rubs fervently at his cheek, trying to get rid of his grandmother's 'marks of love' before a certain best friend of his could catch sight of him, when he hears from the staircase, "Oh, Jamesie darling! Your mother just showed me your lovely Head Boy badge! Oh, it's so shiny isn't it Catherine? Come here, pumpkin! Let you're grandmother see it on her handsome grandson!"
"Oh, bugger," James muttered. He frantically looks around the large room for somewhere to find refuge and settles on the small cleaning closet in the corner of the hall. Using his Quidditch athleticism, James dashes towards the door and throws himself in there, closing the door quickly behind him. From his hiding spot, James can hear the clinking of his grandmother's high heals as they come down the staircase. His breathing begins to become labored and static as the footsteps grow closer to the closed door.
Click-clack. Click-clack. Click-clack.
"Please don't let her find me. Please don't let her find me," becomes James' whispered mantra as the clicks grow closer and closer.
"Jamie dear, where are you hiding from grandmum? Come out, come out," comes the coaxing voice of James' grandmother just outside the closet. James takes a deep breath, refusing to exhale as the seconds slowly creep by and the door handle jiggles the slightest bit and…
"Gwennie! Fancy meeting you here, beautiful!"
James is fairly certain that he has never been more relieved to hear his best friend's obnoxious voice as he finally exhales that breath.
"Oh, Sirius Black, that flattery will not work on me, mister. Besides I know that you only have eyes for my darling daughter."
James hears Sirius sigh dramatically and the distancing sounds of his grandmother's shoes makes James know that Sirius is leading her in the opposite direction.
"Ah, alas, it is true. My heart was violently captured by your enrapturing Samantha. But she slashes me with her refusal in returning the sentiment. My heart is torn with grief and loss."
James has to hold back a snort at the seriousness laced in his friend's voice. He is almost positive that if he wanted to, Sirius Black could convince a canary that he was its long lost brother.
"Oh you poor dear," his grandmother responds sarcastically. "But before you came along I was in search of a good looking friend of yours, Sirius. Perhaps you know where he's run off to?"
"Good looking friend? Hm, afraid I don't have one of thos—OUCH!"
James smiles in the dark of the closet at what he knows is his grandmother's infamous slap across the back of the head. If Catherine Potter was famous for her icy looks, Gwendolyn Potter has her on actually putting those looks into action.
"Yeesh, Gwennie. I was just kidding, y'know."
"Yes, Sirius, I am well aware of what kind of jokester you are but I must draw the line at you "kidding" about my grandson's looks. He is one of the best looking young men I have ever seen. I'm sure that his girlfriend would readily agree with me, too."
James cannot help but feel a swell of pride at his grandmother's comments on how wonderful he is. But then the mention of his redheaded girlfriend brings him crashing back to earth. Ha! Lily verbally agreeing with my grandmother on my looks. That will be the day. Though I know she secretly thinks it, of course.
Sirius and his grandmother's voices grow fainter with each passing second until James can no longer hear their bickering. When he feels that the coast is clear, James pokes his head out of the cramped and stuffy closet and sees that he is once again alone in the entrance hall. He releases a sigh of relief and makes his way slowly out of the binding room. The sudden burst of light causes James' nose to prickle and the comings of a sneeze are at the tip of his nose.
"Oh no, no, no. Don't sneeze. C'mon nose! Do. Not. Sneeze," James pleads in a nasally voice with his eyes closed and forefinger and thumb clamped on the bridge of his increasingly tingling nose.
He holds his breath and the feeling passes him slowly. He releases a sigh of relief and turns back to the closet to close the door. When he clicks the creaking door into place, a gust of dust flies up at his face and the sneeze that comes is uncontrollable.
AAACHHOOOOOOO!
James stands stagnant on the cold marble floor as the sound of his sneeze echoes around the large, empty room. He curses the lack of objects in this room that could absorb some of the sound. He waits for the inevitable click-clack of his grandmother to come but it doesn't.
He waits.
And waits.
And waits a few seconds more.
For what seems like the tenth time in the past five minutes, James Potter releases another sigh of relief and turns around to be faced with,
"Gazoontite, Prongsie, m'boy!"
James stumbles back in surprise with the sudden presence of none other than the boy who successfully led his grandmother out of his way merely minutes ago.
"Merlin, Padfoot! Trying to scare me death, are you?"
"Oh, James, you should know by now that if I wanted to kill you I would find a much more entertaining way than just scaring you," Sirius responds with his trademark smirk.
"And the comedy keeps coming," James mutters underneath his breath, just loud enough for his best friend to hear him clearly.
Sirius lets out a bark of a laugh and struts up to his best friend and slaps him on the back heartily. James recognizes the familiar mirth and amusement laced in his friend's onyx eyes and cannot help but smile in return. (A/N: I cannot remember if I already said whether Sirius' eyes are blue or black but for some reason I like the idea of them being black. I don't really know why. ;))
"So, Padfoot, where is my darling aunt at the present time?"
"Ah, the lovely Samantha," Sirius begins with a dramatized dreamy glaze in his eyes. "She regretted to inform me that we had to briefly part from one another because, as she so eloquently stated from those delectable lips of hers," here, Sirius pauses as he heaves a large sigh. "'Nature calls.' Oh, that Shokesfear guy really knew what he was talking about, Prongs. Parting sucks and is full of sorrow."
"Paraphrasing a bit, are we Padfoot?" James asks, laughter glowing from his hazel eyes.
"Maybe a bit," Sirius relents.
"And just how long has nature been calling my dear aunt?" James continues.
"Hm, good question," Sirius responds. He glances down at his watch and then looks back up at James with a self-satisfied gleam in his eyes.
"Forty-two minutes and three seconds."
James chortles and has to break free from his rather dense friend. Sirius looks on in mock annoyance and asks haughtily, "What ever is wrong with that Potter?"
"Do you think," James manages to let out between laughs, "that she has been in the loo for that long? C'mon Sirius. For the man that Hogwarts deemed "Lord of the Ladies" I would think that you could figure this out.
Sirius did not let James' mocking affect him and responded calmly, "I like a girl with a good diet. She's obviously been staying on top of her fiber intake."
James shakes his head lightly at his friend and resumes his prior position next to Sirius as they make their way towards the kitchens.
"Now Jimmy boy, as my reward for my chivalrous act," Sirius starts in a high-class voice that he and James have often mocked in their years of friendship.
"What chivalrous act is that, Paddie?" James asks in return.
"Why! Saving you from further poisoned kisses a la grandmamma, of course!" Sirius responds aghast.
James laughs again at his friend's tone and with a pat on the back says, "The only reward you will be receiving, Sirius, is a nice pat on the back, which I have now given you. So I believe we are even." With a mischievous smile, James begins to walk away from his best friend towards large, welcoming doors of the kitchen.
"Oh ho ho!" Sirius calls out to his retreating, messy-haired companion.
James turns in place to be met with a roguish looking best friend. "You hoed, Mr. Black?" James answers as seriously as he can muster.
"That I did, Mr. Potter," Sirius answers, amazing James with how much he sounds like the Minister of Magic. "I believe that your debt has not yet been paid in full, regardless of your own beliefs on the topic."
"Is that so, Black?"
"That is so, Potter."
Both friends suppress their upcoming grins from breaking out across their handsome faces and try to maintain eye contact. A bustling house elf scurries out of the kitchen holding a large bowl of chocolate pudding in his small arms. Both marauders eye the dessert with interest and excitement and then look back at the one another.
"Well, Mr. Prongs, I think there is only one real way to settle this little disagreement we have here."
"Is that so, Mr. Padfoot? Well, please, enlighten me."
Sirius sighs heavily and when the scurrying house elf passes him, he grabs hold of the clumpy substance from the little creature and holds it out in front of him.
"A pudding fight, of course."
And with that said, Sirius takes a handful of the delicious dessert and throws it right at his best friend's astonished face.
The chocolate goo slowly slides down James' face, starting at his hairline, over his glasses, down the tip of his nose, and right down the front of his mouth to his jutted chin. Ignoring the boisterous guffaws coming from the thrower of the dessert, James brings his hands up to his covered face and, much like a windshield wiper on a muggle car, wipes the chocolate goodness from the lenses of his glasses. He looks at the delicious treat now covering his fingers and he licks his lips calculatingly. But in doing so, he receives a scrumptious taste of his favorite dessert, that is, next to Lily of course.
"Mmmm, Trinkie, nicely done! This pudding is superb! One of the best yet!"
The now glowering house elf harrumphs his appreciation and stalks out of the entrance hall, anticipating that his master is not done with his sparkly eyed friend.
"You… should've seen… your… face," Sirius manages through his choking laughter. James now sees that his friend is doubled over in delight and amusement at his reached target. A familiar glint appears in the bespectacled marauder's eyes and he slowly makes his way towards the other boy.
"I must say Padfoot," James starts calmly. "If we weren't even before we most certainly are now. Though I do think you are losing your touch."
At this last comment, Sirius straightens considerably and looks at his friend as though… well… he has chocolate pudding sliding down his face.
"What was that, Prongs?" Sirius asks with amusement still evident in his boyish face. "How do you suggest I am losing my touch?"
"Well, I mean, pudding? Again? How many times can you pull a prank involving the same culinary delight? Come now man! Get some imagination!"
Sirius looks back at his best mate with incredulity increasingly growing apparent on his face. James has to hold back his own laughter at how quickly the size of Sirius' eyes are growing and how he is gaping like a fish on dry land.
"Imagi… Imagina…" Sirius stutters out helplessly. He finally locks his jaw in place and straightens his shoulders to his fellow prankster.
"How can you even suggest that I, Sirius Black, do not have imagination! Me! The King of Kooks! The Ruler of Ruckus! The Prince of Pranks! The Governor of Gags! The Duke of Diversion! How can you say such a thing! Blasphemy, I say! Blasphemy!"
While Sirius continues in his spirited rant, James surreptitiously obtains his own handful of the delectable pudding and currently holds it in front of him, nodding at Sirius' points.
"Right you are Padfoot," James amends coaxingly. "Pudding is a brilliant idea and it never gets old."
"Exactly!" Sirius readily agrees, nodding his head enthusiastically. "It's a timeless prank that will never die thanks to my own genius skills in… Prongs? What's that you have in your… AH!"
James splats the pudding right in Sirius' astonished face, enjoying the glow that good revenge brings.
"As you said Sirius, it never gets old," James smirks.
Sirius just stares at his friend and begins to say something when he gets a taste of the food spread over his face. His eyes light up in delight and he completely ignores the choking laughter of his friend as he starts to lick around his covered mouth and face. Once his tongue reaches as far as it can, Sirius brings his fingers to his face and scrapes up the remaining dessert and brings his fingers to his mouth to lap it up. He continues to clean himself of the dessert as James just watches him unbelievingly, still getting caught up in spurts of laughter.
Once he is convinced that he got as much of the pudding as possible off of his face, Sirius turns towards his still pudding-faced friend with a self-satisfied grin adorning his mouth.
"That was absolutely bloody delicious! They must've been working on the recipe while we were at school, Prongs!"
"I thought the same thing, Padfoot," James answers as seriously as he can muster.
"It would be a crying shame to let all this pudding go to waste, yeah?" Sirius asks innocently as he looks up at his friend.
"Uh, yeah. I guess it would," James replies cautiously, looking at his friend in slight interest at the sudden innocence.
"Well then, we can't have that happening, can we?" Sirius continues with wide eyes.
"I suppose not. Sirius what exactly are you—OOF!"
In the middle of his sentence, Sirius lunges at James and pins him down to the ground with a dog-like growl. He then proceeds to take all the pudding off his friend's face by licking him clean.
"Padfoot what the flying—ugh! This is absolutely bloody disgusting! Get off me you slimy dog! There's an entire bowl—bloody hell, Sirius! I think you're letting Padfoot out too much, Yuck! Gerroff me! Now!"
However, despite James' loud protests, Sirius does not yield in his efforts and continues to slobber all over his friend's face. This goes on for a few minutes until—
"Sirius Black! What do you think you are doing to my boyfriend?"
With a yelp of surprise, Sirius is pushed off his snack by James and thrown on the floor. James, rubbing his face much more fervently than he did when his grandmother laid kisses on him, practically sprints over to his girlfriend (who, by the way, is now wearing a safe black cable-knit sweater and jeans) and embraces her tightly.
"Thank Merlin you came, Lils," James starts breathlessly. "That was really getting disgusting and disturbing."
"I'm sure you can now imagine what it was like for me on the Express on our way here," Lily responds, trying to stay composed while hilarious bouts of laughter are threatening to escape her mouth.
"Yes, love, I certainly do and I will never let that mouth near you again. Ugh. How can all those girls stand it?" James replies, shuddering at the thought.
"Y'know, bestest buddies of mine, I am right here and can hear every single thing you say," Sirius states, annoyed at their topic of conversation.
"Of course we know that Sirius," Lily says with one of her eyebrows delicately raised. "Why else do you think we would be saying it?"
Sirius narrows his eyes at the redhead and heaves a large sigh. James sneaks one arm around his girlfriend's waist and begins snuggling his face in the crook of her neck.
"James, get your face off of me," Lily half-heartedly admonishes her boyfriend. He looks up at her with large, round eyes and a pout gracing his lips.
"But Lily," James whines, "I have Sirius slobber all over me. I'm going to smell like the prat!"
"Then I suggest you take a shower before lunch. But before you do that I am extremely curious as to how my boyfriend ended up on the floor with his best friend on top of him, licking his face rather zealously.
"Is there something I should inform the female population of Hogwarts about, Sirius dear?" Lily asks the shaggy haired boy.
"Merlin, Lily-bean, don't get your knickers in a twist. I don't fancy James or anything. I just fancy pudding, is all."
With her eyes lighting in understanding, Lily turns towards the boy next to her and sees the guilt present in his face.
"Pudding?" she rhetorically asks in a voice that would make McGonagall proud. "All of this nonsense over pudding? Honestly boys, didn't you learn your lesson last time there was a prank involving pudding? Do you or do you not remember the repercussions of that incident?"
"Well, if I recall correctly Lils, James got some good repercussions from that one. I mean, didn't you two end up snogging like—"
"Ex-nay on the ogging-snay" James says pointedly to his best friend with a whooshing motion at his neck.
"What's that hullabaloo you're talking about Prongs? I have to say it was really unfair how I got landed with a week's worth of detention from that prank and you landed the gal right in front of me and all that," Sirius counters.
"Sirius. Darling," Lily begins, her voice dripping in icy warmth. "I would be very careful if I were you to be discussing said prank because if you really rack around that empty head of yours, you may also remember that James and I received detention also. Notice the 'I' in that sentence. I received detention for your careless games. I was punished for something that I had nothing to do with. I was humiliated and embarrassed for your stupid PRANK!"
With each word, Lily's voice grew louder and louder until she was screaming at the gaping boy with fire in her green eyes that could melt Antarctica.
Before Sirius can breathe out a word of apology, a flurry of Potters scurry down the stairs, led by Mrs. Catherine Potter.
"What's all the commotion about? Lily, dear, are you alright? James why is your face all wet? Sirius why do you look so shell shocked? What is going on here?"
Placing a brilliant smile on her face, Lily turns to James' mother and says, "Well, Mrs. Potter, I came down the stairs after hearing James in what appeared to be extreme distress. When I got to the landing I saw your dear son trapped by none other than Sirius here. Apparently the two got in a bit of a, what was it dear?" Lily turns to her boyfriend sardonically.
"A pudding fight? Yes. That was it." She turns her pretty face back to the older woman and continues cheerfully. "It seems that James had some pudding on his face and Sirius felt it was his duty to clean it off like the good friend he is. Unfortunately, James did not agree in his cleaning methods."
"Well you wouldn't either if it involved Sirius' tongue!" James interjected heatedly.
Mrs. Potter gasped in surprise and amusement and looked over at the other boy standing by himself, now scuffing his shoe against the floor.
"Is this true, Sirius?" Mrs. Potter asks, ignoring the giggles of the people behind her. "Is it true that you… licked James' face clean of pudding? Pudding that, may I add, we were supposed to enjoy after lunch?"
Sirius looks up from the floor and sends Lily a glare, sticking his tongue out at her childishly before he turns back to Mrs. Potter. "Yes, ma'am," he mutters underneath his breath.
"What on earth possessed you to do such a thing, Sirius?" Mrs. Potter asks, her amusement at the ordeal growing more apparent with each passing second.
"It's really all Trinkie's fault, Cat!" Sirius responds with a new found gusto. "If he didn't make that pudding so bloody… I mean dang tootin' good then I wouldn't have been tempted to get it off James' face."
"Well Sirius, may I suggest that in the future, if you wish to maintain your masculinity, stick with licking girls' faces. Not boys'. Especially not my son's."
"Yes'm," Sirius mumbles.
"Good. Now I think that because you and James caused this mess, it is only fair that you help clean it. I expect you both to run upstairs and clean yourselves up first and then come back down here and help the house elves with any more preparations for lunch. Is that understood, boys?"
"But mum it wasn't," James starts but with one cold glare from his mother he shuts up immediately.
Lily smiles satisfactorily at the two marauders and proceeds in hitting them both hard upside the head. She nods her head curtly at them both and when she begins to make her way up the stairs back to her room she distinctly hears Sirius' voice muttering 'Chilly Lily' under his breath. With an ice glare of her own, Sirius promptly stops his mumblings. She continues her way up the stares, sharing a secret smile with Mrs. Potter.
James' Aunt Sam comes down from her spot on the stairs with a large smile on her face, not even attempting to hide her mirth. She walks right up to Sirius and ruffles his now sticky hair.
"It's a shame Sirius that you fancy licking boys. We really could have had something," she says somberly and then barks out in laughter at the look on the teen's face. She walks off with Sirius following her calling "There's still some pudding left, Sammie! My licking days aren't over yet!"
Mrs. Potter walks down the rest of the stairs towards her son and squeezes his hand gently.
"She really is something else isn't she, mum?" James asks his mother quietly.
Catherine looks in the direction of her son's gaze and notices that it is still locked on where Lily departed moments earlier. With another squeeze of his hand she pushes back a lock of his unruly hair and whispers in his ear "She really is."
James sends a brilliant smile in his mother's direction, sloppily kisses her cheek, and races up the stairs two at a time to catch up with his redheaded beau.
James' grandmother comes up behind her daughter-in-law and joins her in watching her boisterous grandson bound after the fiery Head Girl.
"He really has something for that one, doesn't he?" Gwen Potter asks the woman next to her.
Catherine smiles serenely and looks at the older woman she admires so greatly. She answers simply, "That's the girl for my James."
A/N: Okay. So I couldn't resist a puddingafied Sirius. So sue me! Hahaha And no, Sirius is not secretky attracted to James or anything he was just being... well... Sirius. So sorry if any of you are a bit freaked out by the licking. I just couldn't get the picture out of my head. Again, I am beyond terribly sorry for the delay. And yes, this chapter was mostly filler but it was originally going to be incorporated with the next upcoming chapter which I have already started (YAY!). But then you all would have had to wait even longer for this to come out and it would have been ridiculously long. So yes. I hope that you all don't hate me too much and will still leave me some lovely comment love. Cause I love you all desperately. You rock my socks like whoa! And as always, my livejournal is always open for questions you may have or comments or just saying hi. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
Katie