Ten one-shots! Woohoo! So this is loooong. Like, really, really looooong. Like three thousand words long, which is long by this one-shot collection's standards. It feels a bit disjointed, since I wrote most of it a year ago as different chapters to a multi-chaptered story, that I ended up staring at for about thirty minutes before declaring, "That would be a wonderful continuation of that little mini-ficlet in this one-shot collection!" And then I basked in my own genius. It was sticky.

Warning: This one-shot includes underage drinking. Don't drink and underage. It also contains mild language. Remus inherited Lily's potty mouth.

Disclaimer: Remember that time I didn't own Harry Potter? And it was a sad day in the gotalittlebitstronger-ton's house.

A continuation of Revelations and Intoxications.

Setting: Gryffindor Tower, Boys' Dorm, sixth year, the morning after Intoxications

The next morning, Remus woke up to the sound of retching, the absolute loveliest possible way to wake up. Confusion reigned for several groggy moments until realization dawned and he immediately rolled over. The space where Sirius had been passed out last night was empty and the curtains had been swept back, so Remus sat up and glanced around the dormitory. James was, of course, still out cold - he was going to need a Rennervate, but not until Remus was certain that he was completely alert and able to flee his friend's wrath. Peter's curtains were pulled closed, but his loud, rumbling snores told Remus that his friend hadn't kicked it during the night, always a plus. The immediate concern was to find Sirius, so Remus threw back the covers and toed on his slippers before shuffling over to the bathroom. The retching grew stronger the closer he walked until finally he pushed open the door and found his unfortunate friend with his arms fairly wrapped around the toilet, clutching it for dear life as he threw up into it.

"Alright, Pads?" Remus asked softly, mindful of his most likely pounding headache.

With one last mighty heave, Sirius wiped his mouth on his sleeve and laid his head against the cool porcelain, his breathing ragged. Remus walked over to him and pushed the sweaty bangs off his forehead, smiling when the action made him groan in appreciation. "And this is why I don't drink," he said. Without asking, he grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the cool tap, ringing it out before using it to wipe his friend's face.

"S'nice, Moons," Sirius managed on a sigh, his eyes fluttering open to peer up at him. "Thanks."

"No problem." It was difficult to force the words from his suddenly tight throat and he cleared it subtly, smiling a bit when the noise made Sirius wince. "Sorry, I've got a tickle. So, do you, er, remember much about last night?" Too pushy, too pushy, abort, abort! his mind screamed, but Remus shoved it to the side and settled his expression into one of amusement, hoping Sirius wouldn't read too much into the question.

To Remus' utter dismay, Sirius froze, his eyes widening exponentially in horror, then he turned and threw up some more into the toilet. Well, either that's a good sign, or a really bad one, Remus thought bitterly. In a hasty bid for damage control, he quickly continued, "It's just, you sort of got raging drunk and collapsed in my bed, so I'm thinking you probably owe me a huge favor for the inconvenience. I had to share my bed with a great snoring drunkard."

Once he was able to sit back and look to Remus again, Sirius stared at him for a moment before cracking a sheepish grin. "Oh, right, sorry. I don't remember much, to be honest. Except thinking you were dead. And oddly, I'm really thirsty for lemonade."

Remus snorted, but inwardly he was thanking Merlin and Godric Gryffindor and everyone else he could thank that Sirius' alcohol impaired memory had saved him from a highly awkward conversation. "Right, well, you were acting insane, and Peter ate something possibly toxic, and James accused me of wanting Lily, but besides that, it was a typical Friday night."

"Glad to hear it. Now, how about that lemonade?"

"I'll get you some lemonade if you Rennervate Prongs."

"…deal."

TITITITITITITITITITITITITITI TITITIT

The rest of the day, Remus tried not to dwell much on what had transpired the night before, but it was always on his mind. Even while planning a prank on the Slytherins later that night, he was contemplating what Sirius had meant by trying to "seduce him", and somehow ended up volunteering to pour Itching Powder down Angus Martin's pants.

"Just to distract them, Moony… then, we'll launch our plan into action!" James announced smugly.

"Right, so who is making the potion?" Remus asked absently, his mind still mostly preoccupied.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Definitely not you. Probably me and James."

"James and I."

"Don't be a twit, you're pants at Potions."

Remus sighed. "No, it's James and…never mind. You and James, then. And Peter?"

"Wormtail is in charge of reconnaissance. If something goes wrong, he's going to squeak three times."

"That's a shite plan."

"Well, you were over there in your own little world, we had to improvise."

James made violent motion with his hand and shushed them loudly, pointing quite obviously to the portrait hole where Lily had just entered the Common Room with a mound of library books in her arms. "We'll pick this up later. Need help with that, Evans?" he called out as he leaped over a couch and several frightened First Years to reach her.

"Well, there goes that. Anyone want to get drunk?"

TITITITITITITITITITITITITITI TITITIT

And that's how they came to be playing Truth or Dare. Actually, that's not true. James and Sirius managed to get Remus drunk. And that's how they came to be playing Truth or Dare.

Remus didn't like to drink, really he didn't. But his friends wouldn't take no for an answer, they just kept pushing glasses of Firewhiskey at him until he caved under the peer pressure and took a sip. Then a second. Then a third. Then he was on his third glass, and the room was spinning, and for the first time that day, he wasn't thinking about last night. He was thinking of jumping Sirius, but he wasn't thinking about last night.

The real shocker was that the Sixth and Seventh Years had somehow managed to rope Lily Evans into joining the impromptu party and, while she wasn't drinking, she was sitting on the couch next to Remus, joining in on the Truth or Dare by making Sirius wear his underpants on his head.

"But I'm not wearing pants!" he'd whined.

"First, ew. Second, I know you have to own at least one pair of pants. Go get them."

Grumbling under his breath, he pulled out his wand and shouted, "Accio Sirius' underpants!"

Nothing happened.

"Alright, alright…Accio James' underpants!"

"Oi!"

A bright red pair of boxers flew down the staircase to the boy's dorms and landed in Sirius' lap. He grimaced as he held them up and unceremoniously laid them atop his head. "Happy?" he grouched.

"Aww, you look adorable," Remus teased, earning himself a glare and the promise of an elbow in the ribs later.

"Alright, my turn…Frank, truth or dare?"

The Seventh Year boy turned away from staring lovingly into his girlfriend's eyes and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Uh…truth."

Sirius grinned. "Have you and Alice gotten to third base?"

"Black!"

Ignoring Lily's scandalized gasp, Frank flushed and glanced sideways at his girlfriend. She merely shrugged so, with a smug grin, he answered, "Yeah, we have."

"Frank!"

"Oh, come off it, Lily," Alice said dismissively. "Just because you're like the Virgin Mary-"

"-Mary Macdonald is no virgin-" Sirius supplied.

"-stuff it, Black. The point is, Lily, you're almost seventeen, and you still blush at the word sex."

Lily was, indeed, blushing quite furiously, but she waved it off with a, "Just play the game, then."

"Alright, Remus." Frank turned to the slightly intoxicated youth and smiled. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Alright, always wanted to ask: Have you ever kissed a boy?"

Remus would have lied under normal circumstances. But the firewhiskey he had consumed made him say, "Actually, I have. Although technically, he kissed me. Does that still count?"

Most of the group was slack jawed, with the exception of Lily, who already knew he was gay, James, and Frank, who was grinning broadly. "Knew it!" he crowed. "Alice, I believe you owe me ten galleons, love."

"You bet on my sexual orientation?" Remus asked, amused rather than angry. Maybe it was the alcohol affecting his emotions; he was sure to be horrified in the morning.

Frank shrugged as his girlfriend, glowering, promised to pay him when she received her allowance next month. "No offense, mate, but you're not exactly a ladies' man. I just had a hunch, is all. Not that I care which way you swing."

"That's…oddly comforting, Frank." Remus rolled his eyes, then turned to Lily. "Truth or dare, Lils?"

She smiled, pleased to see that Remus was taking his outing so well. "Truth," she answered cheerfully. That is, until Remus continued, "What do you really think of James?"

Before she could reply, Sirius' brain seemed to shift back into drive and he said, "Moony, why didn't you tell us you were bent? And who have you been snogging?"

"It's Lily's turn!" James stated, anxiously wanting to hear her reply.

"There is no way that I'm answering that!" the redhead told Remus hotly, her face flushed.

"You do remember the punishment for breaking the rules, yes?" Remus said with a grin, ignoring Sirius' demands to be told the truth. "Or perhaps you really would rather strip off and streak through the castle?"

"Remus John Lupin, I'm going to hex your bollocks until they scream obscenities!" she growled.

"Remy, have you been snogging other boys?! Marauders for life, mate!"

James jumped to his feet and loudly cleared his throat. "Alright Evans, either spill the beans or get your kit off!" he ordered.

She flushed and gained her feet as well. "You're such a-a-a prat, Potter!"

"It was a Marauder, Pads," Remus slurred quietly, yet it made the entire group go silent.

Lily spluttered, "B-but Remus, you said-!"

"He asked me not to tell anyone, and I haven't! We-"

"I can't believe you've been making out with PETER!" Sirius yelled incredulously.

Peter squeaked from the other end of the circle. "Hey, I've never snogged Remus! I like girls!"

They all turned to face James, who had tried to inconspicuously edge out of the Common Room but now froze as he felt all eyes on him. Slowly turning, he gave them all an innocent look and asked, "What?"

"You kissed Remus?!" Lily and Sirius shouted simultaneously.

James blushed and ran a nervous hand through his hair, shuffling his feet to stall for time. Finally, he glanced over at Remus and hissed, "You weren't supposed to TELL!"

"Yeah, well, you weren't supposed to go around kissing boys when you were already halfway in love with Lily," Remus retorted.

Before James could respond to that, Sirius leapt to his feet and, without a word, ran up the staircase, leaving behind a silence so loud it could shatter glass. James took one last look at Remus and followed suit, though he disappeared through the portrait hole. Almost before it had closed behind him, Lily was halfway up the girl's staircase. Everyone else cleared out soon after that, leaving Remus and Peter in the Common Room by themselves. After several moments of silence, Peter opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and scampered away to the dorm as well. Remus had never felt so close to crying in his life.

TITITITITITITITITITITITITITI TITITIT

Monday morning dawned with the Marauders still divided. Sirius and Peter left the dormitory early and took seats at the Gryffindor table at the far end of the table. Remus and James, much to the delight and disgust of their schoolmates, sat together in the original Marauder seats and were joined by Lily minutes after sitting down.

Remus immediately began to apologize for Saturday night, but the redhead shut him up with a grand smile and a sympathetic pat on the arm. "Never you mind, Remus," she told him, then turned to James, who automatically ducked behind Remus, shamelessly using him as a partially human shield. "I'm not going to blow up, Potter," she said with a light laugh. "Oddly enough, this is the least upset I've been with you since we met."

"Huh, just my luck," James groaned, his head hung in a miserable fashion. "Kissing boys makes the love of my life like me. Remus, wanna go make out by the Slytherins? Give them a little show?"

"Ha ha," Remus huffed. His gaze was directed to the opposite end of the Gryffindor table where Sirius and Peter were determinedly silent and staring down at their respective breakfasts.

"Can't you just speak to him?" Lily pleaded softly. She didn't like the lost expression on her friend's face and never wanted to see it ever again. Reaching out a hand, she laced her fingers with his and tugged insistently until he turned to look at her. "I might not understand your freakish Maraudership, but I hate to see you like this," she told him. "You need to clear the air."

"I've tried," Remus groaned, dropping his head into his free hand dejectedly. "He won't even look at me, Lily. He hates me."

James clapped a sympathetic hand on his shoulder and shook his head. "He doesn't hate you, mate. Sirius isn't the type to hold a grudge-" When Remus lifted his head to glare at him reproachfully, he admitted, "Alright, we both know that's a lie. But I don't think he hates you. Just give him some time. He'll come around."

TITITITITITITITITITITITITITI TITITIT

Remus didn't intend on giving him time. In fact, later that night, after an entire day of avoiding him in the corridors and being forced to sit next to James and Lily and listen to her being civil towards him (civil!), he ordered James to take Peter down to the kitchens as a distraction and put his plan into action. It wasn't really anything complex. He just made sure that Sirius was up in the dormitory, rushed in while he was in the bathroom, locked the door, and grabbed his wand from the table next to his bed.

"Merlin's balls!" Sirius shouted when he exited the bathroom and came face to face with Remus, jumping back and placing a hand over his heart in fright. "Don't be a creeper," he mumbled, trying to edge past him.

Remus shook his head and blocked his escape. "Don't think you're getting out of this, Padfoot. We have to talk about it."

"I don't know what you mean-" Sirius hedged.

"Bullshit."

In the face of Remus' intense stare, Sirius seemed to deflate and he sighed, rubbing his hand across his forehead to dispel the headache he'd been sporting for the past two days. "Look, I don't want to talk about this, Remus. I just want to be mad for a while, okay?"

"No, not okay, Sirius! You don't have any reason to be mad-"

"No reason to be mad?!" Sirius repeated incredulously, lifting his eyes to glare at his clearly shocked friend. "I have every reason to be mad! We're best friends, and best friends don't keep secrets from each other!"

This time Remus didn't block him as he stalked past, but he only flopped down on his bed and stared angrily at the floor. "And worse, it was you and James! It's just not right."

Hesitantly, unsure how Sirius would react, Remus sat down beside him, careful to keep a foot of space between them, and clasped his hands in his lap. He fought the urge to begin biting his fingernails and settled for chewing on his bottom lip as the silence stretched on. After nearly five minutes of it, he took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry we didn't tell you, Sirius. But there really wasn't anything to tell, honest. We were thirteen. I was…confused. I was having feelings for this…boy and it scared the hell out of me. James caught me staring at the boy one day and asked me about it. I spilled my guts, and he just stared at me, then asked if I wanted to kiss him, you know, to be sure I was…yeah. I wasn't sure, but then he kissed me, and…it wasn't horrible. I didn't feel all bubbly and faint, but I didn't feel like running for the hills, so it wasn't the best experiment, overall. Afterwards, we promised never to speak of it again, and everything was great. Until the other night, that is."

Sirius had been unmoving throughout the entire story, but now he shifted on the bed, unconsciously bringing himself closer to Remus. "So…so this boy, did anything ever happen?" he asked quietly, so quietly that Remus wasn't sure he had heard him right.

"Er, no, he's sort of straight," Remus admitted, shocked when the words drew a surprised laugh from Sirius. "Go on then, laugh at my pain," he joked with a slight grin.

"Sorry, it's just…well, I just didn't think it had happened like that. I was sort of imagining you and James making out behind the greenhouses or something."

Remus frowned. Sirius' tone wasn't so much angry as bitter. And why would he be bitter? And now he was pouting. Why was he…? There was no reason… Then it clicked.

"Wait, Sirius…are you actually, truly jealous?!" Remus exclaimed.

Sirius merely pouted harder and Remus let out a surprised laugh. "So this whole thing - all the moody behavior and not talking to me - it's not because you're disgusted by me?"

"Disgusted?" Sirius repeated, unfolding his arms and turning to stare at Remus. "What, because you like to kiss boys? How could you think that? You couldn't disgust me, Rem, if you decided to shag a hippogriff!"

"Well, that will certainly make this next part easier," Remus joked, smiling as Sirius threw his head back and laughed. "So you just feel left out?" he continued after Sirius had sobered a bit. "I should've known - you don't even like it when we discuss homework without you, and you hate all things homework-related."

Sirius shrugged. "Well, kinda. I guess I was just sort of, uh, insulted or something. I mean, even back then, I had more experience with birds and such things than James. Why didn't you come to me first?"

"Er, you'd rather I had kissed you?" Remus asked, his brain whirling with the new information. "Sirius, that's going a bit beyond jealous, don't you think?"

Sirius flushed beneath the force of his stare and shifted nervously again. "Well, maybe I'm a bit confused as well! Maybe I'll go snog James! He is the perfect way to tell if you like boys, apparently! Lily should try it, maybe she's been a lesbian all this time and hasn't known it-"

"Sirius. If it will make you feel better, I'll kiss you," Remus interrupted calmly.

"Oh no, wouldn't want to put you out, Moony, I'll go find Jamie, he'll oblige me, surely-" And Sirius made to stand up, probably to molest his friend with all the best intentions, when Remus pulled him back down onto the bed with a forceful hand and pressed their mouths together.

It wasn't the best kiss; Sirius was too shocked to do more than sit there frozen, and Remus had really only kissed one person in his life, so it was too wet and sloppy to be termed as "good". But when he pulled away, the expression of dazed wonderment on Sirius' face was enough to make him grin. "Been wanting to do that since Friday night," he said honestly, grinning happily.

"Wha Friday wha?" Sirius mumbled unintelligibly, still mostly frozen in place.

"Yeah." Remus quirked an eyebrow at him and laughed. "Oh, that's right, you don't remember. You groped me and tried to kiss me."

"I-I what?!"

Chuckling at his panicked expression, Remus leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek, then stood up and stretched. "Well, now that we've straightened this all out - no pun intended - I think I'm going to start on that Charms essay. If you need help with yours, you're welcome to join-"

Before he could even twitch towards his school bag, Sirius was pulling him back onto the bed and that's how James and Peter found them five minutes later, tangled together and laughing, chatting inanely and pausing every once in a while to kiss again. James placed his hands on his hips and mock-scowled at them. "Moony and Padfoot, snogging? You wound me so, Moony, I thought what we had was special!" He pretended to tear up and fanned his eyes, sniffling.

Peter crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "You're all insane."

"Yes we are. Join us, won't you?"

Aaaannnnddd that's how babies are made. Oh no wait, wrong story. Ah, whatever. So I hope you all enjoy this…whatever, and yay, my first published Sirius/Remus kiss. 'Tis a thing of beauty, 'tis. Inexperienced as it is. Oh, and one other thing: If anyone has a suggestion for a one-shot, I'd be happy to hear it, and if I'm feeling it, I'll write a little something-something. Thanks!