Snow had gotten more than she bargained for when she asked James about his past.
David, she corrected herself.
She had already suspected something since he never remembered anything from their past, but hearing it come from his mouth was much harder than she had expected. "So," she tried to understand. "You're not the boy I knew all those years ago?"
"No," he said quietly.
"And when I invited you when I first came here, that was the first time we ever met?"
"Yes."
Snow pursed her lips together. How was this possible?
"Snow, I'm sorry," David said, reaching for her hand.
"No," she withdrew and moved away from him. "James, I trusted you! I told you everything. Everything. You were always the one I'd go to for help. I told you all of my doubts, all of my worries. I told you everything!" she said again.
"I know, but I'm still that same person," he said. "I'm still the person who you went to all those times."
"Yes, and that person lied to me. Don't you understand? If I'd known that you weren't the boy I knew, I would have never trusted you the way I have this past year. James, I didn't even know you! What if you were a spy, trying to learn all my weaknesses?"
"I'm not a spy, Snow."
"But you could have been for all I knew!" she said, growing angry. How could she have been so foolish? She wasn't only angry at him, she was angry with herself for trusting this man that she barely knew. Even if he had been the James of her childhood, she shouldn't have trusted him so easily. After all, it had been close to ten years since she'd seen him last, and he could very well have changed over time. But to say that is was disquieting that she'd been confiding everything to a complete stranger all this time was an understatement. She felt foolish. What must he think of her?
"Snow, everything I have said to you has been true. Well, not everything," he said when she shot him a look. "But I truly do care about you now. I knew from the start that you were going to be a good queen."
"Don't flatter me, James. David," she corrected herself. "Whatever your name is."
He winced at her words. "Snow, please. I couldn't tell you. If I had, my mother's life could have been in danger. Just because King George can't lay a hand on her or hire anyone to kill her doesn't mean no one else can."
"Did you really think I would kill your mother? What kind of a person do you think I am?"
Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? "Snow, I didn't know you in the beginning. I didn't know if I could trust you."
"You just said you 'knew' from the start I'd be a good queen. And even if you weren't sure if you could trust me in the beginning, you had every opportunity to tell me since. Perhaps one of those times when I was telling you all my secrets would have been appropriate."
"Snow. . ."
"No, David. You lied to me. You say you care and act as if I am your friend, but if you really valued our friendship you wouldn't have let me believe you were someone else like a complete fool all this time."
"I had no choice Snow. Would you have told me something like that?"
"I told you everything, David."
"That's different. You thought I was someone else."
"Exactly."
"Please Snow, don't do this. . ."
He was pinning this on her? "Don't act as if this was my doing. You could have trusted me. I'm the one who's the fool now for spilling my heart out to someone I didn't even know."
"But you did know me, Snow. Just because I'm not my brother doesn't mean you don't know me."
"No, I knew someone named David pretending to be his long dead brother."
"But I haven't been pretending. Not with you. I would never do that Snow. Everything I have told you, besides my real identity, has been true. I wasn't pretending when I told you that I believed in you. I wasn't pretending when I told you I had faith in you."
Snow turned away. She wanted so badly to tell him that everything was alright, that she forgave him for everything, but she couldn't. Maybe it was unfair, but she couldn't bring herself to forgive him. Not yet.
He came up behind her and touched her arm.
"Don't touch me," she jerked away. She felt her resolve weaken when he saw the pain etched in his handsome face, but didn't back down. "I don't even know you."
The both looked up when they heard footsteps. She looked at David, who paled when he heard them. Had someone been listening? Anna came around the corner, and both David and Snow sighed in relief. She was one of the few who had known about the sword fighting lessons.
"Your majesty, I have a message for you from the king of Serilia," she said.
"Thank you, Anna," Snow said while accepting it.
Anna looked at them both strangely before curtsying and taking her leave. Nothing ever escaped her notice.
Snow turned away from David before opening the letter. When she didn't say anything for a while, he grew concerned.
"Is everything alright?" he asked.
Snow looked at him with a raised brow. "I don't think you're in any place to be asking me anything," she said tersely.
"Why are you doing this?"
"I have business to attend to," she said, folding the letter. "Goodbye David," she said with finality.
"Snow," he said, taking her arm. She jerked it away, but faced him. He could see that she was torn; half of her wanting to forgive him, and the other half hurt by his betrayal.
"What?" she said in a voice barely audible.
"Snow, please," he said, moving closer until he was inches away.
For a moment, just one small moment, she felt herself lean toward him, but catching herself, she stopped. She turned her face away before she could allow herself to give in. "I'm sorry David, I have to go," she said, more to herself than to him.
ooOoo
"We have to begin all necessary preparations for the King's arrival. He and his son Prince Thomas will be here in three weeks."
"That doesn't give us very much time, your majesty," Lord Hugh said.
"No, it doesn't, but what choice do we have?" Snow never liked these council meetings. Out of everyone, she only trusted Lord Alton and possibly Lord Ray, but there was nothing she could do about it. Today, however, she wished for nothing more than to be in her chambers, left alone.
All she could think about is what David told her. She understood that he was being protective of his mother and didn't want to risk her safety, but in doing so, he lied to her.
He had been the one she had trusted most. Part of the reason was that she immediately was drawn to him because of their childhood together. Her entire life, she had been locked away from everyone, never allowed to have visitors unless her uncle allowed it. But she was the last thing that was ever on Ivan's mind. Aside from her strict governess and Anna, the only other person she'd ever been allowed to see was James. His being there gave her a sense of normalcy, gave her a glimpse of what a normal childhood could have been. When he'd been prohibited from visiting, she had been devastated, consoled only through the letters they would send each other. After David told her the truth, she assumed the letters stopped after James died, but then she remembered that that had been only four years ago, whereas the last letter she received from him was over seven years passed. Perhaps David was right. Maybe James had changed and thought that writing letters to a princess was silly. Yet, she couldn't help but mourn for him.
But what really hurt the most was how she had trusted David. From the moment she saw him in the gardens nearly a year ago, she felt comfortable around him, mostly because she thought that she knew him. Every time she had a doubt or worry, she would go to him. He just seemed so sincere, like he really did care about her. He seemed so honest, as though he would always be open with her. She had always known since the coronation day that he had something in his past that he kept silent about, but she never could have foreseen how great of a past it was. After how much she had trusted him, the least he could have done was trust her too.
It changed everything. Suddenly, when the truth came out, she realized how he had lied to her all this time. How could she possibly trust him after that?
"Your majesty?" Lord Alton said again.
"What is it," Snow asked, returning from her thoughts.
"What is the spending limit? If they're staying for six weeks like it says in the letter, it isn't going to be cheap."
"I doubt the king will be expecting a feast and ball every night," Snow said.
"Yes, but we must perform our duties to welcome him properly," he said slowly, unsure if she would take offense.
"What do you propose?"
Alton began suggesting different festivities and celebrations that they could plan without it being too expensive, but Snow found it hard to listen. When he finished, she nodded. "Make all the necessary arrangements, then," she said, and took her leave.
To her surprise, David was in the courtyard outside. She almost turned around to take another route to her chambers, but decided against it. They were adults, not children. When he saw her, he came toward her.
"Prince James," she greeted without warmth. She hadn't meant for it to sound so cold. She'd been trying to hide the feelings she had been overwhelmed with, and her words came out harsher than she'd intended.
He frowned slightly at the title. Another boundary between them. "Your majesty, I was hoping to speak to you."
"We're speaking," she said.
"Could. . ." he looked around at the council members walking past them. "Could we go somewhere more private?"
"Here is fine," she said. Then, softening, she realized that it wouldn't be safe to speak in public if his mother was brought up, and nodded. She led the way back to the council chamber, and leaned against the table. Her arms were folded simply in front of her, but to David it was a gesture of defense, like she wanted distance between them.
"What is it Ja—" she frowned and shook her head. "I don't even know what to call you."
"I suppose it would be safer if you called me James. If you got in the habit of calling me David and said it in public, it would raise suspicions," he said quietly.
She nodded. "Well what is it, James?"
At least this time she didn't call him "Prince James". "I wanted to tell you that I am sorry."
"You already told me."
"I don't think it was enough."
"No, it wasn't. James, I need time."
He looked at her, silent.
"James, I understand that you didn't tell me because you were afraid for your mother. But can't you understand it from my point of view? I trusted you more than I trusted anyone else. You were my confidant. And when I found out that it was all a lie. . ." she let the sentence hang. "It really makes me wonder if I can really trust you again."
"I couldn't tell you because it was important."
"And what if something else comes up that is 'important'? Will you just let it go by and let me be ignorant?"
"Snow, I'm sorry."
"You could have told me, James. You could have told me. I would have understood if you told me in the beginning. Yes, it would have been strange, but at least there wouldn't have been any huge surprises down the road. I would never have done anything to hurt your mother in any way. If anything, I would see to it she was protected from everyone, or even found some excuse to bring her to court so you could see her."
"Is there anything I could do to make you not hate me?" he asked in despair.
She took a step forward. "I don't hate you, James. I never could. I understand why you did it, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts. I guess I just need some time."
He nodded slowly. "I can give you that," he said softly.
"Is there anything else?" she asked, not unkindly.
"No."
Straightening, she began to leave the room. "Goodbye James," she said, giving his arm a slight squeeze.
She left David alone, wondering and hating himself for being such a fool.
This chapter was really hard for me to write. I really don't like Snow and Charming being mad at each other, but I thought it was realistic, given that she trusted him so much.