A/N: Very important please read! I made a twitter account specifically for you guys since some people have been requesting other means of messaging me. So go on my profile, click the link to my twitter and follow me! Thanks! I love you guys! Also, special shout out to WaitCait705 who always leaves me wonderful reviews on every chapter!
"Drew... You look like you've been hit by a truck," Adam noted as his older brother walked downstairs to the breakfast table. Drew rolled his eyes and opened the fridge, only to grab a bottle of water. He cursed under his breath and grabbed an apple as well. He was too exhausted to make himself breakfast. He had spent the entire night thinking about Clare, and the more he thought about her, the more it hurt him. How did he let himself for so hard, so fast for her? Honestly, the whole situation was driving him crazy. How did she manage to get such a hold on him? And then there was Eli... Drew couldn't find an ounce of sympathy for Eli. In fact, he couldn't wait until Eli told Clare about Bianca. Then maybe, just maybe...
"Drew!" Adam broke his older brother out of his thoughts and back to reality.
"H-huh?" The older of the Torres brothers blinked a few times in confusion. "Sorry Adam... I didn't get much sleep last night..."
"I can tell. Nightmares?" Adam asked as he munched on some cereal.
"You could say that." Drew decided it would be easier to say that rather than explaining the entire situation to Adam. He yawned loudly and stretched his back. Jeez, why were all his muscles so stiff?
"Is it because of... well, you know... your dad's birthday coming up?" Adam asked quietly. Drew tensed noticeably before guzzling his bottle of water and chomping down on his apple.
"No. Why?" he demanded defensively. Adam knew Drew hated when anyone acknowledged the existence of his father which was why no one ever brought it up. But, given how Drew was telling Clare about his father, Adam thought it safe to assume that the topic was safe to talk about. He was obviously mistaken.
"Just asking. I thought since Clare knows I could ask about it too..." Adam let his voice trail off as Drew shot him a death glare.
"Yeah, well Clare doesn't know everything. He's messed up alright? He made some bad choices and that's why my mom left him," Drew explained.
"Well everyone makes bad choices Drew. You're the king of making bad, impulsive decisions," Adam replied, earning himself a glare from Drew. "You of all people should know that people learn from their mistakes and can change."
"People like him don't change, okay? My dad isn't like yours, my dad is screwed up!" Drew yelled. Adam looked surprised by his brother's outburst but stayed quiet. Without another word Drew grabbed his book bag and slung it on his back before he stormed out of the house. He felt bad for yelling at his younger brother, but Adam shouldn't have provoked him like that.
Drew was only running on about three hours worth of sleep, an apple, and a bottle of water. It was Friday, but he just wanted the day to be over. As Drew walked to school, he couldn't help but think about his father's birthday. It had been a while since he'd seen his father; almost six years to be exact. What made Adam think he was just going to go over to Brampton and wish his father a happy birthday? Was he supposed to just barge in out of the blue and say, 'Happy birthday dad! Even though I think you're a jackass who'd be better off dead, you still deserve a visit from the person whose life you almost destroyed!'? That was a pretty absurd thought. Before Drew could really divulge into his thoughts, he heard his name being called.
"Hey Drew," Clare said as she waved at him. He smiled meekly and waved back before he walked over to the front steps of Degrassi to meet up with Clare.
"Hi Clare," Drew said. She frowned at him when she realized how tired he looked and rubbed his shoulder soothingly.
"You look exhausted Drew... Are you sick?" Drew huffed. He must've looked like a wreck if everyone kept asking him that question.
"No. I didn't get nearly enough sleep..." he replied. She nodded her head and gave him a small smile.
"Anything you want to talk about? It's been a while since we've had an actual conversation," Clare said. Drew growled under his breath and kept his jaw stiff in an attempt to stop himself from yelling at Clare the way he yelled at Adam.
"I'm not in the mood to talk about it," he said.
"Are you sure?" Clare asked
"Yes Clare, now just drop it okay?" he said angrily. Clare looked at him sadly but decided to just let it go.
"Fine… I'll see you later," she said as she walked off. Drew watched her as she left him and was even more annoyed when he saw that she was walking towards Eli's hearse. Why did she like such a dark, brooding kid? Clare and Eli just weren't compatible; everyone could see that except the two of them. Sure, maybe he wasn't the best match for her either but he was sure he was a much better match for her than Dr. Doom.
Drew chuckled at his own stupidity. Of course he thought he had some special right to be with Clare; he was just like his father. But unlike his father, he wouldn't let anyone or anything come before the girl of his dreams.
As Drew gave another look at Clare and Eli, he noticed that the pair seemed to be in an argument with one another. Clare had her arms crossed over her chest and Eli's body was incredibly tense. After a few faint shouts, Clare stormed away from Eli. Drew had half a mind to chase after her, but he refrained. He had his own problems to deal with.
As if problems seemed to enjoy his company, he felt someone jab him as soon as he entered the school building. Drew turned to look over his shoulder, ready to verbally attack whoever it was. Seeing that it was KC who tapped him, so Drew was slightly less aggravated. Best friends were allowed to be a pain every now and then.
"Way to go Drew," KC said with a grin. "I heard you and Clare have been hooking up." Drew rolled his eyes. The last thing he wanted was a stupid rumor buzzing around about him and Clare.
"She's dating someone else right now. You know that right?" Drew asked, trying to keep his voice calm.
"I know that part was a lie but..." KC smiled as he looked around cautiously to make sure no one was around. "Last week Clare came up to me and made it pretty clear that she's losing interest in Eli. Not to mention that they've been fighting non-stop since this rumor got started."
"Seriously dude?" Drew's eyes lit up. Maybe he did have a chance. No... He was just getting his hopes up for nothing as usual.
"Yeah. I had no idea that you liked her though... I mean... I guess we have similar taste!" KC joked. Drew gave his best friend a smile.
"I guess we do. Thanks for the heads up KC," Drew said as he and KC did their usual handshake before going to their first period classes. Drew had health first period and always hated how awkward the class was. Between the immature snickering and uncomfortable talks about sex, Drew would rather just skip the class altogether. His only motivation for going was the easy A it gave him to help bolster his average. He slid into his seat and waited for class to start, doodling in his notebook to pass the time. Eventually, the bell rang and the health teacher, Mr. Samuels, a pale, scrawny man with thick, curly, red hair began to start the lesson.
"Alright class. Today I want to try a little activity. I'm going to hand out these folded index cards," he said as he held one up for a visual. "Each one has something written on it. Don't open them until I give you further instructions." Mr. Samuels passed out index cards to every student before continuing. "Now open your card and read what's written on it to yourself. Drew rolled his eyes and read his index card to himself. In thick black letters it read:
You suffer from anorexia and bulimia.
Drew stared blankly at the piece of paper before looking around the class. That was so depressing... What did that have to do with anything?
"Okay, now some of you have dark secrets written on your cards. Those are the ones written in black. Everyone else has something not as dreadful written in blue ink. Right now, you can't tell which students have a dark secret right now, can you?" Mr. Samuels asked. The students shook their heads. "Exactly. Now everyone who has a dark secret please stand up." Drew stood up reluctantly as well as four other students. Mr. Samuels pointed at a blonde girl in the front of the room and motioned for her to share her secret. Drew knew the girl tried out for cheerleading but didn't make the cut. That didn't stop her from attending a few football games every now and then. He was almost certain her name was Dahlia, but he wasn't entirely sure.
"When I was younger, I was sexually abused," she read. Everyone's eyes widened as she said that. The teacher nodded and pointed to a darker skinned boy a few seats behind her.
"I cut myself for the past year and a half," he said. Mr. Samuels then pointed at Drew, he sighed.
"Mr. Samuels... Mine is kind of... girly..." Drew said as he cringed.
"These things can happen to anyone Andrew," Mr. Samuels said, addressing Drew by his full name. Annoyed, Drew rolled his eyes and read the index card aloud.
"I suffer from anorexia and bulimia," he mumbled. A few of the guys in the class laughed to themselves.
"Aw, poor little Drew's too fat for his football jersey?" one boy commented. Drew angrily took his seat as they continued to mock him until Mr. Samuels stepped in.
"Actually, you'd be surprised to know that almost 15% of people with an eating disorder are male. Anorexia and bulimia are no laughing matter gentlemen." The class was silent again and Drew went back to doodling in his notebook. Maybe his teacher had a point. Nobody knew why he hated his father so much or why he didn't like talking about him… Drew sighed. Thinking about his father was the most stressful thing in the world. As his mind was consumed with thoughts about his father and Clare, he suddenly wished he had the attention span to focus on anything else.
"Clare, are you going to sit with me and Adam?" Eli asked. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't yelling either, which was a drastic change from earlier that morning when he had been jumping down her throat for still talking to Drew.
"I'll pass," she said calmly, averting his gaze. Eli held onto her by her elbow, but she quickly wiggled out of his grasp.
"Clare, you're overreacting," Eli whispered. She had to laugh at that. She wasn't the one being clingy and possessive; he was.
"When you get over your little problem with Drew, then we can talk. Until then, I don't need this, alright Eli?" Clare walked away from her boyfriend and sat at a table by herself. She cracked open a book to keep herself entertained, not even giving Eli a second glance. He was such an idiot for cheating on her with Bianca, and now he only had one week before he probably lost her forever. No matter what he did, he'd lose Clare. Eli sighed inwardly at what he was about to do, but he scanned the cafeteria until he saw a familiar head of brown curls. Bianca was sitting on a table with Owen by her side. If he was going to get caught anyway, he might as well have fun with it. Eli sauntered up to Bianca and didn't even give Owen a second glance as he sat down next to them.
"Hey B," he said with his usual smug smile. Bianca's eyes seemed to light up as soon as she heard his voice. They hadn't talked much since the day she went over to his house and they spent almost two hours worth of kissing on his living room couch.
"Long time, no see," Bianca stated with a flirtatious smirk as Eli sat next to her. He shrugged his shoulders carefully in an attempt to be nonchalant, but failed miserably. Bianca rolled her eyes. She had seen the argument between Eli and Clare, so she knew why he had come to her. She gave Owen a look that made him leave the two of them alone before she turned back to the goth.
"It sucks that she doesn't listen to you," Bianca said. "If you asked me to stay away from Drew, I would... Guess she just can't resist..."
"If you're trying to take advantage of me, it's not going to work," Eli said with his famous smirk.
"Oh darn Eli," Bianca said with obvious sarcasm. "What ever will I do?"
"Cute," he remarked with a genuine smile. It was funny, he hadn't couldn't smile around Clare anymore, but smiling came as naturally as breathing when he was with Bianca.
"Aren't I always?" she retorted. Eli snorted. No wonder he liked hanging out with Bianca. She was a pretty witty person and she didn't take life too seriously. In an odd kind of way, he could see himself with her, despite what he had told her. Sure, she was no Clare, but she was her own person and that was enough to make her worth something to him. It was strangely reassuring that he wasn't just hooking up with a random girl... It was possible that he could have feelings for Bianca, even if he wasn't sure if he did at that exact moment.
"Bianca, can I be honest with you?" Eli asked. Confused, she nodded.
"You better be Goldsworthy," she said.
"I'm not sure how I feel about you, but I'm going to tell Clare about this whole situation," he explained. "I know she's going to be really upset when she finds out, but she deserves to know."
"Really?" Bianca looked somewhat pleased. "And what about us? I know you're no where near over her, but are you still testing the waters with me?"
"If you're okay with not being in a serious relationship," Eli said. "I don't see why not."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah... I don't know if I like you but, you were right. I need to relax and I want to relax with you." Bianca looked at Eli with wide eyes. Did he actually just say what she thought he said? She tried not to let her excitement show, but Eli could see the pure elation in her eyes. Weird, he'd never seen her look at another guy like that before.
Interpreting her silence as happiness, Eli quickly looked over his shoulder to make sure Clare couldn't see them from where she was sitting before he pulled Bianca by the hand and led her out of the cafeteria. He walked through the hallway before he ducked into the nearest staircase with Bianca on his heels. She didn't protest as he led her upstairs and guided her slim figure so she was pressed against the bright yellow lockers.
Without giving her a chance to think, he kissed her as hard as he could. His hands fit naturally onto her waist and her arms wrapped snuggly around his neck. If he didn't know any better, he would've thought they made a cute couple. His lips didn't leave hers, but his hands found themselves moving from her waist, to the small of her back, then to the flawless skin on her cheeks. He hated to admit it, but if there was anyone he wanted to get caught cheating with, it was definitely Bianca. She pulled back from him and smiled widely.
"So you're really giving up on her?" Bianca asked hopefully as she looked up into Eli's green eyes. He stared back into Bianca's own amber eyes and pressed his forehead to hers.
"I-I don't know..." he admitted stupidly. Bianca leaned forward and lightly brushed her lips against his. The act itself was innocent enough, but being with Bianca was anything but. Still, she was trying and that was something. Eli kissed her again, letting his lips linger on hers. The disgust he felt for cheating on Clare was easy to mask with the pleasure he got from kissing Bianca. It was a truly vicious cycle he had gotten himself into. She pulled away from him and looked up into his eyes again. She actually looked pretty staring up at him like that.
"Won't it be worth it though?" Bianca asked. "To finally have a clean slate?" Eli pondered that for a brief moment. She made a good point, he'd give her that.
"That does sound pretty good right about now," he said with a faint smile. Bianca beamed up at him as she pressed her lips to his yet again. Eli couldn't deny one thing, kissing Bianca was pretty addicting. It wasn't like kissing Clare where everything was sweet and cute. Bianca was a match and he was a burning flame. Together they were a dangerous pair. He felt himself deepening the kiss, though it seemed more like a reflex and less like a choice. Bianca's hands were tangled in his hair as if she was trying to pull him closer to her, which was impossible at that point. He broke the kiss for only a moment to catch his breath before he continued to peck her lips. Why weren't the kisses he and Clare shared like that?
"You know, it's pretty hard to believe that you don't have any feelings for me when you keep kissing me like that," Bianca pointed out. Eli cocked an eyebrow at her and smirked.
"Maybe you're getting a little ahead of yourself," he replied.
"Maybe you forgot, I don't give up without a fight Goldsworthy," she said as she brushed some of her hair from her face. Eli rolled his eyes.
"I'm so scared," he said sarcastically. Bianca leaned dangerously close to him so that he could feel her breath against his skin. Her fingertips grazed over his chest, with only his red polo shirt to act as a barrier between them. She pressed her lips against his neck, kissing his jaw line and sending shivers down his back. Eli held his breath. Whatever Bianca was doing, it was driving him absolutely crazy.
"You should be," she said with a smirk.
"Home already?" Omar asked as he noticed Drew walk into the house and head into the kitchen. Drew nodded at his step father as he threw his bag under the table. He wasn't hungry even though he hadn't eaten anything all day. Thinking about his father had a way of making him lose his appetite.
"It's been a long day," Drew explained as he headed up to his room before Omar could ask him anymore questions. All he wanted was to be left alone. Why did Adam have to bring up his father's birthday? He had enough stress to deal with, considering the whole Eli and Clare situation. Then there was the less urgent matter of his grades. What made his younger step brother think that bringing it up was a good idea?
Drew turned on his laptop and singed into FaceRange. Nothing important was happening, not that he was expecting anything in particular. After a few minutes of going through his news feed, he finally stopped and clicked on the search bar, debating what name to put into the bar. Against his better judgment, he typed in a capital 'C' and it automatically suggested Clare's name. As he debated whether or not to go to her page, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.
One new message: Clare.
Drew was confused as to why she would be texting him, but he didn't want to question it. It was better than nothing after all.
Drew! Where r u? I haven't seen you since this morning :(
Drew contemplated what to say for a moment before he typed back a response.
I'm at my house. Were you looking for me?
It was only a moment until Clare replied back.
Yea... You seemed off today...
He wanted Clare to drop the subject, but didn't want to lose his temper at the same time. After thinking it over, he finally sent her another text.
Well, you&Eli didn't seem so hot today either...
It took less than a minute for Clare to text him back.
I know. He's been intense lately... And my parents have been getting worse about their divorce...
Drew felt bad. How could he not have sympathy for Clare?
Jeez Clare, rough week huh?
After a few moments, she sent her reply.
Really rough. Do you wanna hang out? I need to get away from my parents. They're driving me nuts!
Drew laughed to himself.
Sure. How does the dot sound? I'll pick you up in a few..
Almost instantly, Clare sent her response.
That sounds great. See you soon! :)
With that, Drew got off of his bed and walked to the bathroom, putting the shower on high. He really felt like staying inside, but he couldn't say no to Clare either. After taking a quick shower and drying his hair, Drew put on a pair of jeans and a light green button up shirt. He checked his phone for the time; it was a quarter to 4. Usually he wouldn't have ever been home that early on a Friday. He was glad Clare gave him a reason to leave the house. He jogged downstairs and put on his sneakers before he ran to his car.
"Drew?" Adam said as he walked towards his older brother. "Where are you going? I was looking for you."
"I'm going to hang out with Clare," Drew replied.
"Oh. I wanted to hang out with you," Adam said. "You know, I kind of owe you an apology for this morning..." Drew inhaled deeply to keep calm.
"Dude, whatever okay? The past is the past. You're already forgiven," he stated as he brushed past his younger brother.
"That's great but I really think we should talk about this Drew. I mean, if you're this pissed about your dad when you talk to me, what are you going to be like when Clare asks you about him? And let's be honest, we both know she's going to ask," Adam said.
"Shut up!" Drew shouted. "Just stop talking about him already! I told you to just let it go!"
"This is what I mean," Adam exclaimed. "I'm just worried... Afraid you might snap when you're with Clare... What if you can't control yourself...?"
"Don't tell me crap about me not being able to control myself Adam," Drew said through clenched teeth. His eyes were shining with tears that he refused to let fall. "I am not my father."
"So what did he do that was so horrible?" Adam pleaded. "If you keep acting like it never happened, it's only going to get worse!"
"I can deal with it. I don't need you," Drew replied coldly.
"Do you even hear yourself?" Adam asked. "You're being an idiot." Drew clenched his fists and paced in front of Adam. He'd never hit his younger brother but he'd imagine what it would feel like in great detail.
"Why does it even matter? I'm never going to talk to him again!" Drew shouted.
"Drew, I'd give anything to be able to talk to my real mom again," Adam said. "I don't even have a memory of her. You have no idea how much I wish I had what you have..."
"Funny," Drew mused. "I'd give anything to have my father dead." Adam looked at his older brother in shock.
"You don't mean that," he whispered with wide eyes.
"Yes I do!" Drew yelled back. "Your mom was a beautiful person. She was worth something. My dad should be in jail! He had everything going for him... He had my mom, he had me, but he put snorting cocaine before us! He took advantage of me to help feed his addiction when he couldn't afford coke himself..." Adam was silent for a moment and tried to give Drew a hug, but he pulled back, refusing Adam's touch.
"Drew... please..."
"N-no! Don't... don't touch me!" Drew yelled holding out his hands in an attempt to defend himself. His arms were shaking violently and his eyes were growing more and glassier as it became harder to hold the tears back. Adam was speechless. He'd never seen Drew so vulnerable before. He always assumed Drew was so strong... Seeing him close to tears was mind boggling. "Just... go," Drew croaked as he pointed to the front door of the house. Adam wanted to help his older brother, but knew it was time to leave well enough alone. When Drew was sure Adam had gone inside, he crawled inside his car and drove to Clare's house. The sky was significantly darker as the clouds became grayer. As he pulled up to Clare's house, he felt his eyes stinging as tears rolled down his face. Great, now Clare was going to worry about him. As he waited for her to come outside, he violently dried the tears from his eyes. Adam was right; he should've just stayed home.
"Dammit," he mumbled to himself as raindrops started to fall down on his windshield and it quickly began to pour. Drew didn't think to bring an umbrella, and now he was going to get sick. Impulsively, he got out of his car and ran up to Clare's house, getting drenched in the process. He knocked on the front door, but he could hear her parents yelling from outside. It hurt him a little bit. He remembered what it was like to have to live with that. In the next instant, a tall brunette woman opened the door. She looked as if she was tired but gave Drew a forced smile.
"Hello. Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm Clare's friend, Andrew," he explained. "But uh, just call me Drew. You must be Clare's mom." He held out his hand and she shook it gently.
"Helen, who is that?" a voice shouted from inside the house. She cast an annoyed look over her shoulder before looking back at Drew.
"When don't you come inside Drew," Helen said. "Clare's still upstairs in her room getting dressed but I'm sure she'll be down any moment. I have some things to take care of." Drew nodded, knowing that meant she was probably going back to the kitchen to argue with her former husband. Drew waited until she was out of sight before he quietly walked upstairs to find Clare.
"Clare," Drew half whispered. "Where are you?" After a moment of shuffling, Clare poked her head outside of a door and stared at Drew in confusion.
"Drew? But how..."
"Your mom let me inside. Can I come into your room?" he asked. She bit her lip, but after seeing how exhausted he looked she nodded. Besides the obvious sleep deprivation that was written across his face, she could see that his eyes were red, presumably from crying, not to mention he was soaking wet from the rain. Drew walked to her room and smiled when she let him in. It was the kind of room he expected to Clare to have; the walls were light pink and the room was perfectly tidy. It even had a sweet scent to it, it smelled just like vanilla.
"Any particular reason you came upstairs?" she asked to break the silence. Drew sat on the ground and propped himself up on the side of her bed.
"I forgot to take an umbrella and I didn't want to go out with all this rain," he explained. Clare giggled as she sat next to him on her white carpet. She was wearing a floral print halter dress with a blue cardigan over it to math the pattern. He wanted to believe that she was all dolled up for him but knowing her, it was just something she thought was cute on her.
"A little late for that," she pointed out as she caressed the side of his cheek with her thumb drying what she assumed was a tear.
"I'm sorry about your parents. Things sound pretty bad," Drew said. Clare bit her lip and nodded.
"Sometimes they're fine and I get hopeful... I fool myself into thinking they're going to get back together and we'll all go back to being one big happy family, just me, them and Darcy-"
"Who's Darcy?" Drew asked.
"My older sister," she replied.
"She's... not dead or anything right?" he asked, his blue eyes filling up with fear.
"No, she's inKenyadoing charity work right now. She was supposed to come back earlier this month but then Peter went over to meet her and now I have no clue when she's coming back," Clare said with a sigh. "I'm kinda dealing with having no one right now."
"You have me," Drew said.
"I know Drew," Clare said as she rested her head on his shoulder. He snaked his arms around his wasted and let his chin rest on her head. He expected her to protest against the contact, but instead she merely allowed herself to lie comfortably next to him.
They were silent for a while and listened to her parents, who were too pre-occupied with throwing insults at each other. Clare winced occasionally and Drew squeezed her tighter to comfort her. Eventually, the sound of the rain began to drown out her parents, but the sound of thunder made Clare jump whenever it crackled. Drew refused to loosen his grip on her. He'd never seen her so terrified before and he wanted her to know he was there for her.
"Don't be scared Clare," Drew whispered into her hair. "I'm right here."
"You're not going to stay forever," she whispered.
"What do you mean?" Drew asked.
"Don't you hear my parents?" Clare asked. "Nobody stays around forever…"
"Your parents love you," he said sincerely. Clare's eyes were pinned on her bedroom door which was the only thing in the house that could muffle the sound of their arguments.
"They don't love me enough to stop this," she replied. Drew shook his head in disbelief. How was it that he saw her in such a perfect way, but her vision of herself was so flawed? He tilted Clare's head up so that she had to look up at him and kept direct eye contact with her.
"They're not doing this because of you. It's their problem, not yours," he said. Clare swallowed hard as her eyes welled up with tears.
"Then why does it hurt me so much?" Drew didn't respond, but held her in his arms, rocking her back and forth to calm her. She brought her knees closer up to her body so that she could feel closer to him as she let herself weep on his shoulder.
"It'll get better," he whispered into her hair. Clare shook her head defiantly.
"How?" Clare demanded. "I'm losing everyone important to me… First my sister, then my parents, now Eli is slipping away from me… It's only a matter of time until you leave me too."
"You're not losing me Clare," Drew said as he looked down at her and wiped the teardrops that soaked her face. "Not now, not ever." She looked up at him and offered him a small smile. Drew leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Clare's eyes were fixed on Drew's as they both remained silent until he finally began leaning toward her. Clare normally would've told him to stop, but she was too tired to fight him anymore. Her eyes fell shut and she waited for the inevitable. Drew seemed to be moving towards her agonizingly slowly until his lips finally met hers. He couldn't believe it. He was actually kissing Clare Edwards. And she was kissing him back. She pulled back for a second and stared at him in confusion, though he was certain his expression matched hers.
"I'm sorry Clare…" Drew quickly apologized. "I know you didn't want me to kiss you but-" His voice trailed off when Clare silenced him by placing her lips on his.
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