A/N: this is the first time I've actually done an episode, but I hope I elaborated enough for all of you to stay interested. I wanted this to be along the lines of chapter three, because I feel like so often in life we plan to do something but then it totally falls apart on us. This is much bleaker than chapter three though… Enjoy?

There, finished. Wow, I should make an effort to do my hair more often. It looks much nicer in smooth ringlets instead of that frizzy mess I'm too lazy to care for. Of course, I've never felt like I've had to make an effort before; even with Roy I didn't really care about my appearance. But today is different.

I have been preparing for months for today, and I have no doubts in my mind that everything I've been doing has been worth it. I've been out on blind dates, much to my chagrin. Kelly set me up on them, and all were either boring or horny, which actually reminded me of my early Dunder-Mifflin days. They were nice enough, but there just wasn't a spark. At least I know falling for Jim wasn't a fluke.

Nope, I know it's the real thing with him, and I am finally feeling confident enough to tell him how I feel, especially now that he's coming back to Scranton. I pick out the sweater my mom knitted for me a couple years ago out of the drawer and hold it up; it's much nicer than my other ones, and so I put it on. I need to look like a changed woman from the mousy thing he left six months ago, and I think I do, so I smile at myself in the mirror and head out the door.

…

Oh no, office calling. "Hello?"

"Pam, Michael here. Listen, I need you to pick up some things at the grocery store for me—"

"What?"

"You know, for the Integration Celebration—just, a couple bottles of champagne, some smoked salmon, fancy crackers… you know, stuff you'd serve at a dinner party—"

I can't help but ask, "Did Angela approve of all this?"

"Hey,I am the regional manager, okay? I created the Party Planning Committee and put Angela in charge, so… If she doesn't like it, I can just as easily take away her title, eh? We can maybe stage a coup?"

"Alright, Michael—"

"Put Fuehrer Beesly in charge, eh?"

I sigh, "I'm going to the store—"

"Heil Pam!"

"Goodbye Michael!" I shut my cell phone quickly and pull into the grocery store parking lot. Nothing like a Nazi joke this early in the morning.

…

I set the bags of groceries on the conference room table and look up at Claire and the cameraman watching me. I've been telling Claire about my plans in the last couple months, and while she says she won't say anything to the cameras, I know she gives them hints about what to watch for. I just try to play it cool as she comments, "So Pam, you look happy…"

"Yes, I'm in a good mood today!" I hear myself practically shout as I unpack the groceries. I continue to explain, "I'm excited to meet all the new people… and to see my old friend again, definitely. That's always a thing that makes people happy... to have an old friend back."

"Do you think he'll notice how much you've changed?"

I bite my lip as I consider her question, and can't help but shrug and shake my head nervously, "I hope so! I just… Today will be a good day." And it will. It has to be. Nothing is standing in my way now, and so I am going to take my second chance at happiness and hold onto it for dear life.

…

I watch as Michael makes his first impressions on the new employees, and I'm getting the feeling that they don't exactly know what they're in for. He's actually being somewhat diplomatic, standing anxiously by my desk, passing out "gift bags" to people as they come in, and then escorting them to their seats. He's just taken a larger man named Tony into the annex when a young brunette walks in. She looks very professional, but approachable, and she walks right up my desk and sticks out her hand. I've never been treated like that before as the "lowly receptionist," so I stand and extend my hand to her. Maybe we'll end up being friends.

"Hi!" I say cordially to her.

"Hi."

"I'm Pam."

"Karen. I love your sweater."

I knew this sweater would be the perfect one for today, but I never thought about making an impression on the new people. "Oh, thanks. My Mom made it for me."

"Really? That's so cool. I've always wanted to learn to knit…" Our lovely conversation is of course interrupted by Michael, who practically sprinted to my desk after he saw he was missing out on meeting someone.

"Welcome! Welcome, welcome, welcome! Take me to your leader. Oh wait, I am your leader," he says in his patented robot voice, and all I can do is wait for Karen to respond. How she handles this will determine how he feels comfortable treating her, and so I have my fingers crossed she'll come up with something good.

"Uh wait, are you a robot or a Martian?" This girl does not disappoint. She's outwitted him, and did it with a smile too. Very impressive; I like her already.

Michael stammers before getting his bearings back, "I am actually your boss, Michael Scott. Welcome. Wow! You are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I.? Or…" I give him one of my disapproving looks as Karen stands there silently, probably feeling violated in some way. Michael's poor conversational judgment never fails to amaze me; sometimes I like to keep a tally of how many rude comments he makes in a day, and today looks like it will be an outlier from the average.

At least Karen doesn't seem like she'll put up with him. She's just the kind of person we needed in the office to keep Michael in his place, and she appears to be really bright, which means she'll be able to negate anything ignorant he says. It will be so nice to have another girl to chat with who won't want to gossip or judge me, so I smile and sit back down, my hopes high for our future friendship.

…

Oh my God, there he is. I gasp slightly as he walks in the door with another new employee, and I can feel the camera panning over to me. I make sure my hair hasn't frizzed out and give the camera an eager look, but then I realize Michael is going to take the reins on this one. I wait quietly for my turn as the new guy introduces himself and they walk off, Michael making yet another inappropriate comment. I need to remember to add that one to my tally later; right now, I'm focused on one thing.

"Hi, I'm Jim. I'm new here." Always playing it cool, aren't you Halpert?

"Oh my God! It's really you!" I wrap my arms around him and he returns my embrace. This feels so good, like it's where I'm meant to be. I can't wait to talk to him later.

"Yeah, I was just doing a little joke there about how we'd never met..."

"I know. I don't care." He falls back a bit, surprised at how blunt I just was, but he's going to have to get used to it. This is who I am now, and I'm telling it like it is.

"Awesome! Good to be back. The place looks really good," he says as he keeps his eyes solely on me. This is going to be too easy.

"It's really good to see you," I say with a mile-wide smile.

"You, too." He looks down a bit apprehensively, but I decide to ignore it. He said he's happy to see me!

…

Okay, so I'm getting kind of worried. First, Ryan is keeping the desk he's been sitting at for the past few months, with means I have to look at the back of Jim's head all day. It's a bit upsetting that I can't just look up and catch his eye anymore, and I wonder if he'll ever turn around to talk to me. Also, it never occurred to me that he made friends with the Stamford people when he was there. Like during the orientation, Karen passed him some gum, which I know I shouldn't feel threatened by, but it does make our bond feel a little less special. I know I need to make a move soon, so when I see him headed for the break room I nonchalantly follow behind.

We make small talk, and I comment about how he's not drinking grape soda anymore. He says he's evolving, which I take somewhat as a joke, but I know there's a hidden meaning in there somewhere. I ask him out for coffee, which is where I plan to tell him everything about how kissing him made me feel and how I freaked out and called off my wedding and how I'm becoming my own person... But he shoots me down with some lame excuse about how he's still unpacking. I can't say I'm not hurt by it, but I try to seem understanding.

Then of course Michael comes in and the awkward meter jumps off the scale. I try to laugh with Jim about it, but he barely looks at me and tells me he has to get back to work. We obviously aren't back in tune with each other yet, and it's frustrating. I sigh and stare at the floor before I realize I'm standing alone in the break room; I need to talk to Claire.

Luckily she wants to talk to me too… For an interview of course, but at least I'll get to vent a little. We sit down in the conference room and the cameraman gets settled. I can see her scrutinizing my every move, and after over a year of being filmed you'd think I'd be used to her analyzing, but I'm not. It doesn't help that I want to throw a fit.

"Pam, how is your day going?"

"The day's going fine. It's been a little chaotic but it's fine. It's great! A lot of distractions. But, it's good," I try and convince myself as I play with my fingernails.

"What do you mean by 'distractions'?"

"Um, just… It's weird having Jim back. And I've been trying to connect with him and stuff, but, it's like we're on different wavelengths. It's kind of annoying…"

Claire tilts her head to the side like she's trying to interpret my words, "So, why is it annoying?"

"Because… um, this wasn't how things went in my head. In my head, I asked him out to coffee and he was really excited to catch up, and then, I told him everything I've been wanting to tell him, and…" She leans forward as I try and form the end of that sentence. "And then he, kissed me again, and told me how happy he was that he was back, and that he wants to be with me." I shake my head, realizing that I've been living in a fantasy if I ever thought that would happen. "Guess that was pretty stupid, huh?"

"No, not stupid," Claire takes my hand. "We all want the situations in our heads to play out like we want them to, but they almost never happen that way. It's how that saying, 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst' got its start."

I look up at her, "What's the worst I should've prepared for?" And from her expression, I know she knows what the worst is, but she refuses to tell me. I can feel my stomach sink.

…

"THIS IS EGREGIOUS! This is egregious!" For once, I completely agree with Michael. I look into the camera, stunned at what it has just panned over from: Karen, who I thought would be my potential new friend, rubbing Jim's back. That's what Claire meant by 'the worst,'and it's slowly all making sense. He didn't just make friends in Stamford, he found someone who didn't reject him like I did, and so now they're… What are they?

I have a thousand new questions, all of which I don't know if I'll ever get answers to, but every single one of them makes my insides hurt. I feel like I'm grieving for the loss of my hopes, which have been torn apart and stomped on and are now lying in pieces on the floor. I can see glimpses of the relationship I used to have with Jim in them: a joke, a seemingly innocent touch, a look I chose to deny. And I want so badly to put those pieces of hope back together again, but I know I can't do that if he's not willing to help me pick them up. I suppose I have no one to blame but myself; after all, I tore his dreams apart six months ago… Maybe I'll transfer this time.

…

I will be so happy to get home. This has been one of the worst workdays on record, and Michael and Dwight barely did anything to me. I didn't talk to Jim for the rest of the day, not that he was so eager to talk to me; he didn't even come to my desk to get a jellybean. I walk out to the parking lot and I see his car is still here, so I just try to walk past and not think about it, but then he calls out to me, "Hey."

"Hey!" Okay, so apparently acting overly-enthused is my safety mechanism. I really don't feel like having a confrontation right now, so I try to keep walking to seem in a hurry.

"I thought you had already... left."

"Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff I had to do. What's up?" I say as I stop in my tracks, knowing he's not letting me leave that easily.

"Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today... or something." He noticed too! Maybe—Nope, just be aloof, and prepare for the worst.

"What do you mean?"

"I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. And uh..."

It's true. Dammit. I try not to show him I'm crushed and instead decide to brush him off. By this point, I just feel angry at him. "Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want."

"O—ok. Um… good." He seems taken aback by my answer, so I decide to stick with this tactic. It hurts less to act like I don't care.

"We're friends. We'll always be friends." Not true. Why do I lie so bad? We stand awkwardly as I think of this and notice a twinge of sadness in his eyes. Maybe—

"Right."

Nope. Ugh, I can trick myself so easily. I just need to get home. I turn and walk to my car and give him some petty recognition, "It's good to have you back."

"Yeah. Good to be back." I get in my car and quickly pull away. Today was not what I thought it'd be at all, and so I can't help but wonder, what the hell am I going to do with myself now? Needless to say, I need a new plan.

Good episode interpretation? Please review and let me know!