Bowing Out Gracefully
Chapter 10
A Cold Christmas
Disclaimer: The world of Terabithia belongs to Katherine Paterson and her publishers.
I'm just playing around in it for a while. Sadly, no profit can be received from this story.
The day before Christmas, Judy Burke and Mary Aarons were enjoying a leisurely walk around the seasonally bare fields of their adjacent farm. A light snow the evening before remained, and heavy, dark clouds threatened further precipitation. Arm-in-arm, the women walked in silence, amazed that they had found time to be together so soon before Christmas with their guests, and their traditional holiday dinner-party the next day. However, those who had once been a burden and distraction, Ellie and Brenda, were now a gift. The siblings, with May's assistance, had taken it upon themselves to give their mother and her best friend a real gift and assumed complete responsibility for the Christmas activities. Further assistance came from their husbands, Anton and Toby, and May's most recent boyfriend, Bobby Herron (who was constantly reminded that if he married May she would become May Aarons-Herron).
Stopping at one of the barns to check on the milk cows, both women laughed at how they once found the animals' smell so repulsive. These days, coming home with manure on shoes was a given.
Seeing the cows were warm, fed and comfortable, they moved to the neighboring chicken coop and repeated the process. The low, content murmur of brooding hens was like music. Three dozen cages, one beneath each fowl, had already started to refill after the morning collection. It had taken two years to learn how to keep hens and produce eggs, but the surplus eggs, purchased by local families and markets, more than paid for the creatures.
Next, the mothers visited the shelter that once held sheep; their failed attempt to produce their own wool removed the necessity of those animals and the structure now stored equipment. The locks and braces were checked for tampering.
With the daily rounds complete, Mary and Judy started back to the house as the first new flakes started to fall. In the still mountain air, cold though it was, there was a magic about the snow that continued to bring out the child in both adults. Christmas and snow: They go together. Along the way, they saw a lone figure standing still in the woods by the north creek.
"Jesse," Mary breathed quietly. Sadly.
"How is he, Mare?"
"Don't rightly know. He never leaves his room; even Ellie can't get him to talk." They resumed their slow pace. "And Leslie?"
"She's quiet. Spends all her time with Jimmy and Jan, or investigating colleges on-line. I think she's given up on starting this spring though."
"Judy, Jesse's leaving the twenty-sixth."
"WHAT? I thought he would be here at least another week."
"So did we. He says he wants to visit Tom Jacobs in Woodbridge before heading back to Boston. I tried to talk him out of it but he just walked away." Judy heard her friend sniffle, and it was not due to the cold. "I'm worried about him. He hasn't been this down since, well, you know." Mary was referring to the summer before Jesse and Leslie entered ninth grade and she had broken up with him.
"If it were only that easy. I can deal with drugs, but this is…" she almost said crazy, but that would not have been polite. "…sad."
"Kinda funny, too."
"How so?"
"You, Judy, my dear friend, spent about two years trying to keep them apart."
In a false-hurt tone, Judy Burke tried to defend herself. "I did not. I just wanted them to take it slowly."
"Uh-huh. Okay."
Following another long silence, Judy noted, "It's very different now – it's been different, especially since Anton came back into our life. I had so much guilt."
"I know, Jude."
"So, little bro, are you going to sit around here with your thumb up you butt all evening or you going to talk to her?"
Jesse gave his eldest sister an evil look. "Thumb up my butt sounds better. Besides, she can talk to me if she wants, too."
Ready to strangle her brother, Ellie Aarons Walsh finally gave up and returned to the party.
It was Christmas day and the Aarons and Burke families were mingling happily and enjoying each other's company. All, that is, except Jesse and Leslie who had made it a point to avoid anything approaching close proximity. They might have been able to pull it off, too, were it not for the gift exchange after dinner. As it turned out, it would have been much better if neither attended. The only things exchanged between the longtime friends were disinterested looks and Hallmark cards. Watching closely, the parents of both carefully hid their disappointment, others pretended to ignore the tension in the room.
Shortly after the exchanges were finished, Jesse caught Bill and Judy in private, thanked them, and said he was leaving the next day to visit Tom Jacobs before returning to school. The disappointment on the two adults' faces was plain to see, but Jesse ignored it. He then snuck back into the room, said goodbye to Jimmy Burke and left with no further ado.
It was hours later when the rest of his family returned home. Brian was being carried by Ellie while her own son clung to Anton's neck and looked on jealously. Jesse was watching Miracle on 34th Street when everyone entered the family room, most becoming quiet upon seeing him drinking a beer - and three other empty cans on the table.
Mary Aarons shooed everyone to bed except May who was allowed to wait on the porch with her boyfriend until his ride home arrived. Then she pointed to her husband and Jesse; he understood the message and sat with his son.
Little was spoken over the next half hour. Jack Aarons respected his son's obvious desire for silence, but he eventually said that he was available if Jesse wanted to talk. He finally went to bed when May came in.
The following morning, Jesse was gone before anyone else was up. All agreed it was the most uncomfortable Christmas they had experienced since the Burke's moved into the area. Everyone was cranky and tired, Mary Aarons most of all. Half way through breakfast, she excused herself and returned to bed, complaining of feeling ill. When she was gone, no one could recall the last time she had been sick.
The front door of the Jacobs' house opened before Jesse had the chance to ring the doorbell, and Tom pulled his best friend into a long and warm embrace. Over his shoulder, Jesse saw Grace sitting on the couch chatting with a younger girl whose unique red hair and curls identified her as Madison Keane. Jesse had not seen her since they had moved from Lark Creek four and a half years earlier.
"Geez, Tom, is that Maddie?" Jesse asked. "She's, um, grown."
"Yeah, and keep your hands off her, Jess."
Laughing, the two young men walked into the house and greeted the girls and Mr. Jacobs. Jesse then saw a woman come out of the kitchen and take Al's hand. Surprised at first, he then immediately chided himself. Mrs. Jacobs has been dead six years, why shouldn't he be seeing someone? She was introduced to Jesse as Annie Thorne.
Jesse sat on the couch next to Maddie and she began pelting him with questions about Lark Creek and their mutual acquaintances. As their conversation progressed, Jesse saw and felt the old Keane friendliness in the girl. She was much like her sister Barbara: happy, friendly, and completely comfortable throwing herself at him in a flirty sort of way – but with limits. Beyond that, however, there was a haunting emptiness in her eyes, like he could see right through them into a blackness beyond. The scars of her parent's abuse were more hidden than when she had left town, but still visible if you knew where to look.
They talked about Jen finishing medical school, Maggie starting medical school, Barbara's disturbing behavior her first year at college and poor choice of male friends. She told him a bit about herself and then stopped abruptly, as if she was going to give an update about Teri. The haunted look appeared again – and was hidden just as rapidly.
"And how's your girlfriend? Leslie, right?" When the room went silent, she understood instantly that this was not a topic of conversation. "Sorry," she whispered.
"It's okay, Maddie. I saw her yesterday at our annual Christmas party with the Burke family. She looked well."
There were a few uncomfortable seconds of silence and then Grace jumped up. Taking Jesse's hand – to the surprise of everyone – she led him off saying she wanted to show him something. In Jesse's mind, he could only imagine how Tom was mutilating that comment.
Grace led Jesse to a small reading room where the family had set up their Christmas tree. It was beautifully simple, decorated with but a couple strings of small white lights and all handmade ornaments. In the fading light of the winter afternoon, it was truly representative of the Jacobs family.
Jesse's attention was drawn back to his friend a few seconds later as she handed him a gift from under the tree. The package was wrapped in the comics section of some Sunday newspaper. It gave Jesse a jolt and his breath caught: Leslie had often wrapped his presents the same way.
"You okay, Jess?" Grace asked, seeing her friend zone out for a second.
"Yeah, sorry, Gracie…" She smiled at the nickname now. "You know me, mind always rambling here and there."
Looking down, Jesse opened the small package – obviously a book – and laughed. "How'd you know I loved The Far Side?" Then looking at Grace, gave a small chuckle. "Thanks. Isn't this his first collection since he started drawing again?"
"Yes. Merry Christmas, Jess." And adding yet another shocker to his very brief visit, Grace put her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. Then briefly on his mouth, lingering just long enough to make Jesse wonder if it was a completely platonic gesture. But whatever the meaning, he didn't feel it inappropriate and he wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm glad you're up there with me, Gracie. I don't think I could have made it through the past few weeks without you."
For a long minute, the two embraced. Then Grace let go, stepped back, and with a mischievous look asked Jesse what he'd gotten her for Christmas. He laughed. "Actually, I have something for your entire family, if I can get everyone to sit still long enough."
Re-entering the living room, the first thing Jesse noticed was Al Jacobs' questioning glance. He made a note to himself to speak with his friends' father and ease his concerns about himself and Grace. Otherwise, the evening was fun and eventful. Jesse almost immediately noticed that his feeling of ease was from not being in close proximity to Leslie, though when he mentioned this to Grace she seemed to not understand his logic.
With dinner finished and the dished cleaned, Jesse offered Al his Christmas gift of drawing his family, and was delighted at the acceptance. With that, Al, Tom and Grace started arguing about what they should wear until Jesse told them he could simply leave their clothes off. Tom turned to him with a devilish grin, Grace blushed, and Al said they would all wear their best clothes, ending Jesse's input to the matter. Shortly thereafter, posed next to the tree, Jesse began.
Unlike most artists, Jesse's ability to imprint images in his short-term memory allowed the subjects to leave the scene after only a quarter hour or so. When he gave the word, the Jacobs left him to his work and returned to their other guests. Al looked in on him an hour later, admired the drawing's progress, and left with nothing more than a friendly clap on the shoulder.
By ten o'clock, Jesse had finished the majority of the drawing and called his host back in. Delighted, Al gave the young man a one-armed-hug; then he told Jesse to sit and closed the door.
"Everything going well with you and Grace, Jesse?" Al asked after watching Jesse for a few seconds.
"Sure. She's great having around. Kinda like a little bit of home away from home."
"Hm. I just wanted to check. She certainly seems happy. Anything you two need? Grace isn't big on asking for things."
"No, sir, um, Al. Life's pretty simple for us." Then he recalled his plans for the next few days. "Al, I'm heading back in a couple days. Want me to take Grace, too?"
Al's face fell. "I thought you two were staying through New Year's Day."
"Well…you see, I was invited to a couple parties. I told Grace she could go with me to see more of college life."
"Are these frat parties?" he asked warily.
"No, I stay away from those. Too wild."
Al smiled gratefully, knowing exactly what Jesse meant. "I guess it's up to her. You taking the bus back or the train?"
"After riding that bus from Roanoke? I'll definitely take Amtrak, unless Grace really has her heart set on a smelly bus."
Nodding, Al led them back to the others, his heart and mind less than completely satisfied with the conversation.
The next three days were filled mostly with Jesse and Tom spending hours together in his room talking about life in general and school in particular. They also spoke about their romances and Jesse could tell his friend was completely smitten with Maddie Keane. He would joke about their lack of a deep physical intimacy, but admitted it was definitely best for her and their relationship.
"I could still kill that fucker for what he did to her," he spat vehemently one afternoon, referring to her father. "Maddie's been in heavy counseling for years, but I'm glad she's finally leaving it behind."
"You've been a good friend to her, Tom. She probably needed that more than anything."
Tom shrugged, his face a little pink. "Grace tells me you had a new girlfriend but ended it before Christmas. She give good head?"
"Jesus Christ, Tom, your sister asked me the exact same thing," Jesse snapped. Then he gave Tom a sly smile. "But yeah, she was amazing in bed."
Jesse talked a bit about his experiences, like adolescents and young men do sometimes, trying to appear macho and knowledgeable. When Jesse told Tom how Karin liked to perform for him, he choked badly on his soda and cursed, his face full of wonder.
"She'd do herself? While you watched? You're joking, aren't you? You're not! God, I'd give my left nut for a girl to give me that kind of show." Flopping back into bed, Tom had a dreamy look on his face. "I suppose Maddie and I will get there some day, but until then," he held up his left arm, waving, "I'll have to rely on the oft-visited brothel of Madam Hand and her five daughters."
Roaring with laughter, Jesse and Tom started a pillow fight, which ended only after an errant cushion knocked over a few of Tom's plants. When the mess was cleaned up, both young men sat on the floor, still chuckling and talking about the unfathomable female psyche. Finally, what Jesse had been expecting Tom to say, he said.
"Look, Jess, are you going to make a move on my sister?"
Taking a long time thinking of an answer, Jesse, when he spoke, was quiet and thoughtful. "Tom, I invited Grace to stay with me when I was really mad at Les, back when the scandal broke. I wanted nothing better than to…well, you can imagine. And to be honest, I thought she wanted it, too. But nothing's ever happened. We've become closer, as friends, in some ways, but that's all."
"Yeah, that's about what Gracie says. But if it changes, Jess…just be, you know, nice to her. I'd hate to have to kill you." Tom gave him a disingenuous smile.
"Oh? Well, you won't have to. Your father has first dibs on my ass if that happens."
Conversation drifted back and forth until noon when Grace and Maddie showed up asking if they wanted to do something. When the girls weren't looking, Tom made lascivious gestures at Jesse, who proceeded to burst into laughter. They decided on lunch together followed by a visit to nearby Gunston Hall, the eighteenth century home of patriot George Mason.
Jesse enjoyed the meal with his friends, but found Mason's house surprisingly small and unimpressive. He'd had the impression that all early Virginia planters were rich and owned huge houses like George Washington's Mt. Vernon, the next plantation up the Potomac River. Outside, the gardens were beautiful, he mentioned unnecessarily to Grace, even in the dead of winter, as was the view of the river. When she started shivering from the icy wind, Jesse did not hesitate to put an arm around her to provide some warmth. Grace stood still for a few seconds, and then, much to his surprise, moved away and returned to the visitor's center without a word. For the rest of the day her behavior towards him was as cold as the weather.
A/N: Ellie Aarons' comment about a thumb up his butt, and Jesse's reply, are a direct quote from The Shawshank Redemption.