It was time for our next group session, and I hadn't heard much from Kurt. He had messaged to say he was needed at his father's garage over the weekend, and that we wouldn't be able to spend time together this week. When I messaged him about the coffee before group sessions I never heard anything back from him. Making my way to the session I knew that there was something off with Kurt, and I was going to get answers out of him.
When I arrived at the group session, Kurt wasn't there and even when the discussion time came he was still not there. He was always punctual. Not paying much attention to Cassie as she explained the exercise for today, all I could think about Kurt, and the reason for his absence. As Cassie broke us off, she called me over to her.
"Kurt wouldn't be back for group sessions, so I thought we could partner up, and we can see about getting you a new buddy." Cassie simply said.
"What do you mean Kurt isn't coming back for group sessions? He never told me anything about this."
"We just thought it would be good for everyone if he took a bit of a breather for a while. Don't worry we can get you another person to partner up with."
"When is he coming back?" Blaine asked, raising his eyebrow as he asked the question.
"It depends, he may come back, but at the moment there is no date for his return. We just need to assume that he wouldn't be attending anymore."
"Did I do something wrong? Is there a reason why he just dropped off the face of the world? If I did something wrong, that doesn't mean he needs to stop attending the group?" Blaine said, his voicing becoming louder as he spoke.
"Blaine, I can't discuss things like that with you. Each person recovers differently, and the people in Kurt's life believe that it would be good for him to take a break from our meetings. That he needs to be surrounded by different people at the moment." Cassie said, noticing how upset Blaine was becoming at the news of everything.
"But, he was my buddy. He was my friend. I need him just as much as he needs me." Blaine said, rather pitifully.
"Why don't we start with the activity, you never know he might be back in a couple of weeks." Cassie said, breaking into the activity that she had assigned for the pairs. Blaine never truly came back to the meeting, he didn't speak as other talked around him, he spent the whole time processing what had happened. It was exactly as Wes had said Kurt had left.
Blaine left the group as soon as they were dismissed. As he walked out of the group, he noticed that no one had parked near his car, the space always had been filled by Kurt. The drive home was miserable, he wanted to call Kurt to get the whole story, but he was so disappointed and hurt that he was unsure of how to go about anything. It seemed like everything had come completely out of the blue. There had been no warning at all. Kurt had just walked completely out of his life. Blaine thought back on the times they had shared together, there was no sign anywhere that Kurt didn't want to spend time with him. Their friendship although slightly strange worked. They had spent nights talking late into the night, as Blaine hid in the darkness of the bathroom, making sure not to wake up his roommate. Any time news was shared whether it was good or bad, they always shared a packet of Oreos. Neither boy loved them a whole lot, but it had been a tradition. They had shared dreams, saying that they would go to New York, and be together. Every ounce of Blaine had believed that it was true. Just as this friendship appeared when he least expected it, it, too, left without warning.
As he pulled up the drive to Dalton, Blaine could feel his heart break at the thought that Kurt had not felt the same way, even just about their friendship. He wanted to know what he had done wrong, what had happened that caused Kurt to leave completely. Where they not going to talk about, try and work things out. As soon as he pulled into the car park, he jumped out of the car and went straight to his room. He stormed past the rest of the students, and slammed his door with force on the world outside. There sitting on his dresser was the Kurt highlighted journal. The one that held all the memories of the time they had spent together, the signs of a blossoming friendship between the two of them, but it had all been lies.
Blaine stormed over to the dresser, snatching the book, throwing it into the waste basket under his desk. He was frustrated, all he wanted to do was scream and cry at the same time. David walking through the door, as he screamed, his hands buried in his messy hair in frustration.
"Wow, what's going on? What's wrong Blaine?" David asks, surprised at the normally calm and collected boy in front of him seemed to have lost everything.
"He left. He left without saying goodbye, or anything. He left me David. He..." Unable to finish the words, throwing himself on the bed.
"Who left? Is this about your family?" David asked confused.
"Kurt, he left the group. He's not coming back. He never told me, he wouldn't message me back. He just vanished."
"I'm sure there is a reason for all of this Blaine. Maybe something has happened, and he's not able to make it." David tried to reason, also unsure why Kurt would just turn his back on Blaine.
"He didn't even try and warn me, he just didn't show up. Cassie had to tell me. I thought we were friends, I thought there was something there. We had this dream that we would be in New York, he promised we would go together, we would get an apartment, we would take the world on together. But it was all lies. I believed him David." Blaine cried out.
"I know Blaine." David said taking a spot beside Blaine, placing an arm around him as he tried to comfort his friend.
"I need to go for a walk. I need to get out of here. I need to be alone." Blaine said as he stood, and headed for the door, not waiting for David to respond to him.
David again watched as Blaine slammed the door just as hard as the last time. Walking over to the Blaine's desk, he bent down and lifted the journal that had been thrown out. Bending careful he picked it up, moving over towards his own desk, placing it in the top drawer. Knowing deep down that when everything had been worked out Blaine would want to have the journal back. He had spent nights working on it. David wasn't a fool when he heard Blaine going into the bathroom after lights out and finding him still there into the early hours of the morning. Angry Blaine might want rid of the journal, but deep down he treasured the book and the memories held inside.
...
Kurt was not himself, and everyone knew it. He wasn't his usual sassy self. He wasn't telling everyone the fashion crime that they were wearing. Most of all there was no mention of Blaine throughout the day. No one raised their concerns in front of Kurt, but it was at the forefront of everyone's minds. Normally they had to endure endless conversations about Blaine and how wonderful of a friend he was. Hear about his voice, he bowties, the news at Dalton, anything Kurt was able to connect it back to Blaine. They thought they hated it, but they hated seeing Kurt like this.
He didn't speak once during lunch, and never batted an eyelid as Rachel asked to have another solo for sectionals. Everything seemed to go in one eye and out the other. Each of his friends tiptoed around him, unsure what had caused this sudden change in him, but they knew it had something to do with Blaine.
It had been over a week since Kurt had seen Blaine. His father agreed with Ms Pillsbury and wanted Kurt to spend more time with the friends he had before the incident. He had been allowed to message Blaine about the weekend, but after that he was made to delete his number from his phone. Kurt was unsure what to do with his days, now that he didn't have Blaine. He even had to start listening in his some of his classes, as he had spent most of it messaging back and forth with Blaine. Everywhere he looked reminded him of his friend. The classrooms they had been in as part of the visit. Around his house, the coffee shop, anywhere seemed to remind him.
He hadn't shared with anyone else that he was having to distance himself from Blaine. He never mentioned anything to anyone. He had forgotten what it was like to be alone, he had forgotten what it was like to have no close friends. It felt worse than before, since he now knew what it was like to have someone that he could turn to with everything? Someone who he spent all of his time with, and it still wasn't enough. Dreaming of the life they could have had together. Being able to go to New York together, taking on the world together. Everything had been taken away from him.
He was angry at everyone. He was angry at his father for allowing Ms Pillsbury pull him out of his support group. For Ms Pillsbury for thinking that this was a good idea, for encouraging it. For Blaine, for having made such a big impact in his life. He was angry at himself for allowing himself to get this attached to Blaine, to be this dependent on him for everything, for his happiness. His evenings were lonely, and he spent most of his time thinking about Blaine and what he was doing. Was Blaine as broken up about everything as much as he was?
Kurt continued to draw in his journal, at times he would look back at the pictures that Blaine was in, and only then did he get some peace as he looked at the young boy. However, the memories came flooding back of the good times that they shared together, then the tears would flood back into his eyes.
He throw himself into singing. He practiced all the time for Sectionals. Any moment that he was alone and he started to think about Blaine, he would start to sing. Life felt empty without having a friend like Blaine. No, it felt empty without Blaine. He thought many times of what he would say to Blaine. He knew that this was a friendship, but at the same time he felt like he had lost the biggest part of his heart ever. It felt stronger than the pain he had felt inside him on that horrible night. The pain he felt when he had seen his dad's face the first time he woke in the hospital.
He wanted Blaine back, and he never wanted to let go every again. He missed Blaine and it pained him to think that anything had caused pain as well. He loved Blaine. As that thought crossed his mind a tear fell down his face, because he knew how true it was. He was in love with Blaine Anderson. He loved him more than any of friends, losing him hurt every part of him. He had suffered the pain of losing a part of his heart, because Blaine held a piece of his heart.
The next day Kurt headed into the choir room, placing sheet music in front of him, before standing beside Mr Schue.
"I want to sing a song today. I want the hurt out of my heart." Kurt said plain and simple. Mr Schue agreed and took a sit waiting to hear what Kurt was going to sing. The rest of the Glee club waiting to see what was going to happen. As the music played, Kurt took one final breath before he started to sing.
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
Tears started to well up in Kurt's eyes at the thought of Blaine. The memories of Blaine racing around in his head. The times of being together, the encouragement and support they had been for one another. There would never be anyone who would ever replace Blaine.
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
Kurt looked over at the other members of glee club as they watched him singing, most of them knowing exactly who he was talking about as he sang the words. Everyone knew that Blaine meant so much to Kurt, but right there and then they could see that Kurt was coming to understand how much Blaine meant to him.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
The tears were now free flowing down Kurt's face as he thought about everything that had happened between them. The moments they had shared together, being open with one another, the dreams they shared together, no one could take them away from them. However, Kurt had started to realise how even though he was sharing his dream with Blaine, his had slightly changed. No longer did he see New York as the big dream, the best part was Blaine in New York. Dreaming was amazing, but the idea of having someone beside you to share the dream with was what made Kurt's heart soar.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
Even as the music continued to play, Kurt couldn't continue to sing as he broke down and let the tears flow down his face. Tina and Mercedes rush forward to hold Kurt in his spot on the floor. No words are expressed or said by anyone, all of them knowing that this was Kurt's moment to cry out for Blaine. The one who had taken all of the broken pieces of his heart and was gluing them back together.
...
Hope you all enjoyed this. I want to say thank you to each and every single person who is reading my story. For the reviews, and for those who have private message me. I can not believe how far this wee story is going. We will be finishing at Chapter fifteen, but don't worry there are more stories being written and I hope you will stick around to read some of them as they come out this summer. Love to everyone.
The song that was part of this chapter is by Snow Patrol: Chasing Cars, I would have loved if Glee had done this one as it would have been extremely powerful at different parts during the story lines. I would just love them to get back and even just sing some more songs, because they were amazing. Some of the mashups were amazing. Have always been a fan of a good mashup.