Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, and I just apparently lost my lunch.

7/6- Day 5- I'm currently in an internet cafe near my mothers home from when she was younger at the moment, it's a nice place. However, I seem to have come down with some sort of sickness and I've been feeling ill for the past three days. My parent's have decided that it was best I do something to take my mind off of it and well, I'm not complaining, and neither should you, cause I'm updating as much as I can at the moment.

7/6/06

"Well?" Misato asked, awaiting an explanation.

"Misato, it's not what it looks like!" Asuka said, trying to explain herself.

"Trust me, it's always what it looks like."

"No, you don't understand!" Shinji said, having regained his composure.

"I don't want to hear it, I'm ashamed of you two!" Misato said.

"Misato, you…" Asuka tried to say, but was interrupted.

"As for you Asuka, you should be ashamed of yourself, I got you those contraceptives as a precaution, NOT AN INVITATION!" Misato was so loud that it woke up Commander Ikari on the side of the city.

"but…"

"Quiet, I can't believe you two, you're only fourteen!"

"Well, technically…" Shinji said, referring to the fact that he was actually nineteen.

"I don't want to hear it, now off, to bed," Misato paused, "SERPERATE BEDS!"

"Truce?" Shinji asked Asuka.

"Truce…for now…" She replied.

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"Hello class, I'd like to introduce you to our new student." The teacher said at the beginning of class.

"Hello, my name is Emiko Yamato." She said.

"Well, miss Yamato, please take a seat next to Mr. Ikari." She obliges and sits down next to him.

"Hi." She said like most girls, seductively.

"DAMN IT SHINJI! SACE SOME OF THE ACTION FOR US!" Toji yelled, jumping out of his seat.

"Really, I mean, you've got your own little harem here!" Kensuke said, agreeing.

"I don't know, I've only seen Asuka nak…" Shinji couldn't finish because Asuka's laptop collided with his head, knocking him out.

"What exactly, did he mean by that, Asuka?" Mana asked, eying her carefully.

"Nothing, don't mind the idiot!" She replied.

"Nothing attracts more attention then nothing, Asuka."

"Hello, isn't anyone going to help him." Emiko said, pointing at Shinji. The two of them took her words into consideration.

"Na, the pervert probably deserved it anyways." They both agreed.

"I resent that!" Shinji said, regaining consciousness.

"How are you…I mean…" Emiko wondered just how Shinji was able to have scoffed off the fact that he was just hit by a laptop.

"When you pilot a forty story monster, travel through time, and try to prevent a secret organization from plunging humanity into extinction, this is nothing." He answered for her.

"Is he on some sort of medication?" Emiko asked the others.

"Yes, and he just won't put it away." Asuka answered her.

"Hey, Pen-Pen said what I do is my prerogative!" Shinji exclaimed.

"Shinji, Pen-Pen's a penguin." Toji said.

"HE TALKED I SWEAR!"

"That's it, INTERVENTION!" Kensuke said as he and Toji jumped and tied him to his chair.

"Trust me Shinji, what we're doing is for your own good." Toji said.

"If you had to live my life for one minute, you'd understand!" Shinji said, trying to struggle free.

"Shinji, we care for you, and we believe this is unhealthy." Toji said as the others laughed their asses off.

"I hate you guys."

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"Hey Misato, what'cha doing?" Shinji asked as he approached her. Having cooled down from last night, and filled with a couple of beers, she was at the very least, approachable.

"Just checking on the Angel Asuka caught the other day," She answered, then realized something, "Hey, shouldn't you be in school?"

"Oh, I escaped."

"Escaped?"

"Yes, don't worry about it, hey can I see it?"

"Sure."

"Shinji, get back here!" Asuka yelled as she followed them.

"Cool, is that it?" Shinji asked, pointing at the small thing in its containment cell.

"Yes, it's…" Misato couldn't finish as the alarms went off, "STATUS REPORT!" She yelled over them.

"The Angel's undergoing some sort of metamorphosis!" replied one of the technicians.

"Increase pressure in the LCL, try to subdue it!" yelled another.

"No good!"

"Prepare to terminate!" As he said those words, the Angel broke through the class and wrapped and tentacle around Shinji's neck.

"It's broken through the containment cell!"

"This isn't good." Shinji said, trying to stay alive.

"Shinji!" Asuka screamed.

"MAJOR, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM!" yelled a technician.

"NO SHIT!" Misato retorted.

"No, it's Unit…" Before he could finish however, Unit 01 crashed into the containment cell and quickly ripped the tentacle latching onto Shinji clean off it's body. The Angel roared in pain as Unit 01 began pounding it into the ground. Everyone watched in shock as Angel blood spewed everywhere, drenching it on everyone in the room. When the Angel stopped moving, and presumed dead, Unit 01 picked it up and ripped it in half for good measure before going silent. After this rather gruesome scene, everyone stared at the Angel for a good twenty minutes before Asuka, still drenched in Angel blood, spoke.

"Shinji…can I…"

"Way ahead of you…" Shinji interrupted as he pulled out some of his meds.

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"By the way, you owe me money." Shinji said as they entered the apartment.

"What!" Asuka screamed.

"It didn't kill anyone, fortunately for me, so cough it up." Shinji said, holding out his hand.

"How could you think of some stupid bet at a time like this?"

"Very easily."

"But, you almost died, an hour ago, how could you be so calm about this?"

"Well, that was like what, life-threatening situation number 37?" Shinji replied, scratching the back of his head.

"…"

"Yea, I've been in way too many life-threatening situation for it to faze me, now, about the money…"

"I hope number 38 will be your last…" Asuka grumbled as he pocketed the money.

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"The kid sure is something." Ace said.

"Yes, he sure is." Gendo replied.

"What do we do now, sir?" Ace asked.

"Just continue to watch him, remember, no confrontation, you remember what happened last time."

"Yes, but we'd get a lot more information if we talked to him, and besides, I don't he he'd harm a fly."

"True, but I'm not taking any chances."

"Yes, sir." He said, before leaving.

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"There's something about the boy." Said a SEELE member.

"Yes, for Unit 01 to mysteriously go berserk and save him like that." Replied another member.

"We must get rid of him, he's posing too much of a threat."

"Now, now, he hasn't done anything yet." Spoke Gendo.

"You seem awfully protective of the boy, what are you planning?"

"I'm not planning anything, doesn't a father have a right to protect his only son?" Gendo replied.

"Remember who you're dealing with."

"Don't worry, I won't forget." Gendo said before leaving.

"What are we going to do?" Asked a member.

"We have no choice." Replied another.

"Yes, get rid of him."

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"Yes, sir…understood…" The assassin got off the phone.

"What's the job now 38?" Asked another.

"They want me to hit some kid." He replied.

"What a waste, who is it?"

"Shinji Ikari."

"Are you mad? If we get rid of him, who's to stop the Angels?"

"I don't know, we just do what we're told."

"Whoever just called will be the doom of us all."

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"Hey Shinji." Called a rather familiar voice.

"No Mana, I will not take you in front of everyone." Shinji replied.

"Oh, how disappointing…anyways, my cousin is coming over this weekend and…"

"Let me guess, you told her I was your boyfriend." Shinji interrupted.

"Yes."

"Sorry, can't you, just tell her the truth."

"I'll let you have me…"

"No Mana."

"Please, I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" Shinji asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." Mana replied, catching the attention of everyone in the room.

"Okay, do my chores for a month." Everyone face-faulted.

"Sure, what are they."

"Cook, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, take out the trash, do the laundry, clean the apartment, make the beds, do the shopping, pay the bills, file the health insurance claims, file the care insurance claims, give Asuka that backrub I owe her…"

"You don't owe me a backrub." Asuka interrupted.

"I do now, and last but not least, try to get Misato's driver's license revoked."

"How about I just let you take me?" Mana said, sweat dropping.

"God, is that all you girls think about, sex, sheesh, all us guys want is a nice stable relationship and all you girls try to do is have as much sex as you can!"

"I'm sorry."

"Good, now, get back to your seat." Shinji said. Mana, not wanting to cause any trouble, walked back to her seat.

"Shinji, do you really believe that shit?" Toji whispered.

"Oh, hell no, I just love messing with her mind."

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"There he is." 33 said.

"Your just going to shoot him in broad daylight?" 27 replied.

"Yes, they said take him out in the open, cause a scare."

"I hope they know what they're doing."

"I do too…"

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Mean while, with Shinji and friends.

"So, as I was…hey a penny!" Shinji ducked under his desk just as the vase behind him exploded. The Section-2 agents protecting him, immediate grabbed the pilots and toke them to safety as some others stormed the building the snipers where in. Shinji, being escorted home, had one thing to say, "Damn, it's just a bottle cap…"

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"In recent new, to assassins were captured today as they attempted to assassinate local hero, Shinji Ikari, when asked what he thought about the situation, he had this to say "Number 38."-" The screen was turned off.

"What is the meaning of this?" Gendo asked the SEELE members.

"We had nothing to do with this incident, you have no proof."

"I don't need proof to know you were responsible."

"We have nothing to discuss."

"Agreed." Gendo replied, leaving.

"What are we going to do now?"

"We can only wait and see, we're on thin ice." One of them responded.

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"Man, they really are stepping up security around here aren't they?" Shinji said as they were escorted home.

"I can't believe someone out there would try to kill you." Asuka replied, agreeing, "And even worse, they might have been aiming for me!"

"Yea, whatever, it's going to be a bitch to do anything around here now."

"Yea, really."

"Hey, wanna ditch them?"

"Hey yea, let's get out of here."

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"YOU LOST THEM!" Misato was yelling at a Section-2 agent.

"Well, not really, Pilot Ikari incapacitated his escort and left."

"How pathetic can you guys be if a fifteen year old could take out four armed men?"

"Hey Misato, we're back." Shinji said, entering the apartment.

"Where the hell were you, and why did you take out your escort?" Misato asked, furious.

"WE wanted to have sex in a back-alley, but couldn't with those guys watching." Shinji replied, putting an arm around Asuka.

"SHINJI!" Asuka yelled, kicking him square in the groin.

"Should we help him, ma'am?" The Agent asked Misato.

"No, just leave him, he deserved it anyways."

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After two weeks on high alert, the commander gave to order to let up security. Much to the discomfort of the NERV employees to see that the commander would so easily step down security.

"I wonder where Ace is, I haven't seen him in a while." Shinji wondered out load as he was jogging through the park. He stops suddenly when he notices something in a nearby tree. "Yo Ace, you can come out now!" Getting no response, he picked up a nearby rock and threw it into the tree. Nothing. He picked up a larger rock and threw it into the tree. Still nothing. Frustrated, he runs home and comes back a few minutes later with a chainsaw, and proceeded to cut the tree down.

"Okay, you win, I'm coming out!" Ace yelled, jumping out of the falling tree.

"Sorry man, I don't roll that way."

"Very funny, what is it?" Ace asked annoyed.

"That's normally my line." Shinji retorted.

"IF you have nothing to say, then I best get going." Ace growled, before heading off.

"Sheesh, someone's got sand in their vagina." Shinji muttered as he exited the park.

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"WHAT THE HELL MAN!" Shinji yelled. After he left the park, the Angel alarm went off. Hoping to get some action, he hurries to NERV, only to be utterly disappointed upon arrival to the surface.

"Really…" Asuka couldn't agree more.

"I swear to god, this thing was bigger the last time around!" Shinji yelled, referring to the spider like Angel, which apparently only reached up to his waist.

"Well, last time we were stuck in our launch chutes."

"Last time we were able to kill it but shooting our wimpy ass guns, during a black out!"

"Really…"

"Hold on a second…" Shinji said, prying a large poster off a nearby building and rolling it up. He then smashes the Angel with the poster as if it were giant newspaper.

"These Angels are lame…"

"I couldn't agree more…"

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"Great, Rei's moving in!" Asuka said sarcastically.

"Well, her apartment caught on fire and she had nowhere else to go, so I took her in." Misato said.

"HOW THE HELL COULD THAT HAPPEN? HERE APARTMENT'S MADE OF 100 STEEL!"

"Plot device." Shinji said without look up from his book.

"What?" The two of them were utterly confused.

"Some higher being wants Rei to move in with us or something, probably because Rei has been fading into the background and is trying not to piss of his readers."

"Shinji, where the fuck are you getting this stuff?" Misato asked.

"This book, it's some sort of new religion, says that we're all part of some fanfiction or something and that we're being controlled by some retarded kid who definitely needs to get laid on his computer."

"Give me that." Shinji hands Misato the book, which she immediately threw out the window.

"HEY, WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"Reading stuff like this will pollute your mind."

"You're no fun…" He replied as the doorbell rang.

"That must be Rei, go get the door."

"Fine…" Shinji said, slowly getting up from the couch.

"Hello, Shinji." Rei said when he opened the door.

"Hello Rei, I've been meaning to ask you, how exactly did your apartment burn down?"

"I believe it is some sort of plot device." She replied, blankly.

"YES, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!"

"Shinji, you should not scream so load, you'll wake the neighbors."

"We have neighbors?" Asuka asked from her seat.

"Really, not once have I scene any of them." Shinji replied.

"Let me guess, some divine being believed them to be unimportant and decided not to include them?"

"That could be it." Shinji said, scratching the back of his head.

"Oh my God…"

"You called?" Asuka didn't think it was very funny and promptly knocked him out…for the millionth time…this timeline…

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"Uh, what hit me?" Shinji moaned, getting up from the coach.

"Asuka, can be very temperamental, can she?" Rei said, sitting next to him.

"Really."

"Good, you're awake…NOW MAKE DINNER!" Asuka yelled coming out of her room.

"Sheesh, what are you pregnant?"

"Maybe…" She said, seductively.

"We agreed to a truce, let's not play around." Shinji said, walking into the kitchen.

"Who said I was playing around…" Asuka said, pinning him to the fridge.

"…"

"Oh…and Shinji…LET GO OF ME AND WAKE UP!" Shinji snapped his eyes open. He looks around and notices that he was crushing Asuka beneath him as they were on his bed.

"Hey kids…dinner's…I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TWO NOT TO BEING DOING THAT KIND OF STUFF!" Misato yelled when she opened the door.

"Let's forget this ever happened." Shinji said, slowly getting up.

"Agreed…" Asuka replied.

"Oh, no, not this time, we're going to have a long talk about this."

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"And that's how you pleasure a girl…" Misato said. Shinji and Asuka stared at her in shock, not believing the fact that Misato wasn't scolding them, but more or less teaching them. 'There, they aught to be in too much shock to do anything now.' She thought evilly.

"You know, there's and easier way." Shinji said having regained his composure.

"WHAT?" The two of them stared at Shinji in shock not believing what they had heard.

"Yea, this was a while back, some girl thought me how to give the Big-O without even trying…"

"…"

"Yea, it's not that hard, it's how I keep Mana from jumping me, but she's been a little sex crazed for it ever since, I guess I should've heed her warning about using it."

"…" They stared at him for a good twenty minutes before Shinji decided to go and eat dinner.

"HEY REI! SAVE SOME FOR ME!" They heard before Shinji closed the door.

"An easier…way?" Misato managed to say.

"I never thought…I mean…this is Shinji…" Asuka said, still in shock.

"Who is this Mana girl?"

"I'll ask her tomorrow."

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"Hey Mana." Asuka asked.

"Yes, what is it?" Mana replied without looking at here.

"I was wondering, what exactly does Shinji do to keep you in line?"

"Oh, he told you? Well, too bad, cause I ain't telling."

"Come on…please…" She reluctantly said.

"Oh, reduced to begging eh?" Mana smirked.

"You know what, I don't wanna know." Asuka said, before returning to her seat.

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'I need to know.' Asuka said, while she was walking around campus during lunch until something interrupted her.

"Again?" She heard a voice, hearing it from the equipment shed, she decided to investigate.

"Please?" She heard another voice, despite not being able to see due to the lack of light, she definitely recognized it to me Mana's voice.

"No, I'm cutting you off, you're going to go crazy fro about a month before it wears off, but trust me, it'll be worth it." She recognized that to be Shinji's voice.

"Please, just one for the road." Mana begged.

"Fine, but this is the last time, promise?"

"Promise."

"Fine, hold still." Asuka heard moans of pleasure that she never thought were possible for the next fifteen minutes.

A/N: I'd love to continue, but my time is up, sorry, another funny, little to no drama chapter, but hey, I bet you enjoyed it. Well, I'm feeling better now, mainly because I've had time to clear my thoughts and enjoy myself. I'll try to update again at a later time.

By the way, thanks to "Dobe-Teme" for giving me the idea of the Big-O. Some of you know what it is, and that's great, but Asuka sure doesn't. HEHEHEHE.

PLEASE REVIEW

AND GET ME OUT OF THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY!