One stark raving mad shinigami went swinging about his trusty chainsaw, covered in dried crimson blood. He hadn't a single clue where he was or how he got there but he knew where he was heading and that was all that mattered to him. His eyes that had been such a lovely dual color of green and yellow were more or less dark green-heading on red and full of misery. Under his eyes were black bags, in his eyes were dry tears, and around them a swollen puffiness from irritated rubbing. Nobody dared cross his path with the insane look he had and those that did got executed post haste, no matter sex or age.

Grell Sutcliff, once so lovely in his crimson attire, was darkened by despair and driven into psychosis, obsessed about one thing and one thing only- The butler in black Sebastian Michealis. Grell was on a man hunt to find the only man who had enough style and potential to love him even though he had always rejected the red head. Grell was sure that he could make Sebastian love him by ridding himself of his stupid contract that bound him to that loud mouthed, bossy, spoiled earl he served. He was sure that would do it. It had to. Grell's brain was lost as well as his sanity the moment he read that note. It had been intact before, at least he had William and at least Sebastian was around to flirt with but now the reaper's eyes were wide opened.

It was building and building and now it all mounted up to this. Rejection after rejection had led him to go bizerk as he came to finally let each rejection settle on him. He finally realized it all. William pounding his face to a pulp, Sebastian boldly stated he had no interest in the lusty whore and was simply using him, and then there was…him. Yes he had started all this mess, hadn't he? Only one other knew about him and that person who knew was Ronald. Of course now Ronald was a name Grell barely remembered, as if he forgot everything that mattered. Ronald was the only man Grell didn't truly care for in THAT way but in a way where he could be completely open to him. Grell had told Ronald everything that came to his mind, his past, his future, his hopes, his dreams-Everything.

Grell dared not even think about…him but he couldn't help it. It was his very reason for coming to this state of mind, the reason he chased Sebastian as he did now, the reason he was breaking so many rules. It was the middle of winter, harsh and bitter, and Grell was just a novice reaper then. He hadn't even met William yet, he didn't even know who William was. At that point in time Grell had his hair combed back very short and was wearing a proper suit with the standard glasses at the time. He stood on the London Bridge which was just finished being built, nearly freezing his ass off but the way the stars looked tonight accompanied by the dark seas underneath the bridge was just stunning.

"So you come here to see the sights too?" A male voice asked.

Grell looked back to see the most godly creation he had ever lain his bi-colored eyes on. He was very tall at least he was taller than him, very lean but with some muscle, his eyes were a lovely shade of blue almost like the ocean and his hair was long and black with his bangs gently snipped so they framed his face. He was gorgeous by all sense of the word even his outfit was a compliment to his body. He was obviously wealthy by his tan colored coat that had golden buttons, black pants, white stockings, buckled shoes, and black gloves. Upon his neck was a small ribbon and in his hand some art supplies as well as a canvas in his other hand. He was a rich, handsome artist. This was Grell's lucky day.

"Oh my, aren't you a handsome one! Yes I am enjoying the sights but now I have a new sight to enjoy and that is you."

"Why thank you sir," He graciously appreciated whilst blushing profusely, "I've never seen you around this part of town, are you new here?"

"I suppose you could say that. My name is Grell Sutcliff! To whom do I owe the honor of sharing this lovely night with?"

"A humble painter, sir, by the name of Nathanial Jackson. Really, though, I must say the honor is all mine for I've been looking far and wide for something to fill this canvas with, something new and different yet striking. It seems to be that I have found him, Mr. Sutcliff."

Grell's face turned as red as his hair as his sight became nothing but stars and flowers around the man. At the time Grell had no other man he wanted just some he had crushes on but none that would ever look his way, not with those sharp teeth of his, but here was a human who had called him a lovely portrait, something he desired to paint a picture of. Grell naturally swooned and sighed, gushing all over the place like an erupted volcano.

"Ohhh~ You romantic artiste, you paint my heart with the colors of true passionate love. I want your hands to stroke your brush all over my body, you virtuoso of the arts!"

Nathanial turned redder than Grell could ever possibly describe, feeling flustered by the man's sweet, passionate poetry. "A poet too?" He asked, setting up the canvas and dabbing his brush in the paint.

"Yes my love, poetry is one of my specialties. Other than being a fabulous diva!"

"A diva huh? Let's see how much of a diva you really are. Can you pose for me, Grell?"

"Sweet cheeks you have no idea who you're speaking to! Pose? Oh, that's no trouble, but how to pose? I don't know which one to chose."

Grell then went through several different poses in front of the man until he shouted 'perfect!' and made Grell stand perfectly still. The pose was simple enough, just a simple sitting down pose with his back bended so he was sticking his chest out and with a glimmering shimmer to his eye to match the seductive smile he wore. Nathanial concentrated hard, lifting his hand up and down slowly and then back into his color palette again. The wind blew Grell's hair out of its usual tight setting making it dance with the wind.

"My god…"

"What is it, my handsome painter? Do I have a blemish?"

"No…you have none. With this lighting and the moon behind you…you look like an angel."

Grell's whole body turned into a crimson puddle. He of course responded by being his usual flamboyant self but inside his heart was mush. An angel, he? Surely this man was on some sort of drug. Grell knew he was no angel, he was something far worse. Nathanial checked his pocket watch with a disheartened frown then looked up at his unfinished image, wishing he could stay here forever and do his favorite thing.

"It's getting late, Grell. As much as it would pleasure me to stay and paint you I'm afraid I must off."

"So soon? But I haven't shown you all my poses yet!"

"Trust me I wish I could see all of them, you are indeed a diva. Perhaps we can meet again, same time tomorrow?"

"You've got yourself a date sweetie."

Thus it began an ever budding friendship of sorts between a reaper and a human. Every day they joked with each other and got to know each other better as the painting came to a finish. When it did Grell was thoroughly impressed and stated that Nathanial should hang it up in the Louvre with the Mona Lisa to which he stated profusely that he was not worth it. After that they just started to simply hang out like go to coffee shops and chat, take strolls through the park, and go and appreciate the art of London. Day by day they became closer and closer and Grell stopped crushing on the young man and legitimately started loving him, adoring every freckle and flaw that the man had to offer. The way he tripped over his words or stuttered shyly, the way he sipped his coffee, the way he knew how to say a few things in French roughly, the way he admired art, the way he described things, everything was magic.

One day Grell decided he had to tell him, he just had to. He couldn't hold back his feelings any more. He waited up for Nathanial at their favorite spot to grab a bite to eat, nervously fingering a curl of his brilliant red hair and biting his lip. He tried to remain calm as they threw pennies into a fountain, he tried not to sweat as Nathanial talked on and on about birds, he tried not to sound like an idiot when he himself stumbled over words but it was hard. This was his first love, somebody who made his heart thump with joy, somebody he wished so much to have children with though he knew he could physically not, somebody who called him a woman and treated him as such.

"Nathanial…"

"Yes Grell?"

"There's something I must tell you."

"Please do, I await every word out of your pretty lips."

"Uh..heheh…I uh…well…I…I LOVE YOU!" He screamed out, eyes closed in a way to shield him for whatever Nathanial might do or say.

Nathanial looked surprised at first but his face softened. He touched the sharp-toothed man's soft face all the softer, stroking it lovingly until Grell opened his eyes. He tilted his head up and delivered a tender kiss upon the lips he just called pretty. He care don't how many people were surrounding them, on the verge of throwing rocks at the very rare happening of male on male action. Grell melted into the kiss knowing then that Nathanial loved him back. Their relationship grew as their love grew every day, they kissed and cuddled, and plenty of times they made love, their passionate moans reaching the ears of everyone in London.

There was once a night where they had finished their flurry of sweet love making, as affectionate as any couple could possibly be, and then they held each other in their arms, sweating and breathing softly. Nathanial kissed Grell's forehead gently but Grell noticed that past all the kindness he was nervous, in fact he was shaking. Something was wrong.

"Dearest, is something the matter?"

"No…not really…it's just…Grell, do you love me?"

"More than words can possibly say."

"Would you ever consider being with me forever?"

"Yes! I wouldn't even think about it, I just know you are the one."

"Then…nothing is wrong."

"What do you mean?"

Nathanial wiped himself off and gathered up his pants so he could do this properly. He leaned down on one knee and opened a small box that he retrieved from his pants pocket. Inside of it was a beautiful golden band with a shiny scarlet ruby settled in the middle perfectly.

"Oh…oh Nathan…"Grell gasped, cupping his face and letting his tears flow in happiness.

"Grell, will you marry me? I don't care what society says, I want to be yours."

"Yes, my love, yes! I will marry you!"

Grell proclaimed this as he jumped on top of Nathanial, kissing him everywhere his lips could reach and this proceeded into more love making but even more love if that was physically possible. The plans for the wedding started taking place but Nathanial's family had been opposed to it so he and Grell simply just planned to elope. Grell was excitedly picking out his perfect wedding dress, something with a bit of red lace and a silk black bow as well as dreaming about his life together with his beloved. He was already setting up plans to quit being a reaper in favor of living a simple life, he knew it could be done, he could get fired. The time finally had come; a warm summer's day came where they would have a lovely wedding at the park they always went to. Grell waited and waited and waited but nothing.

He was stood up. Or so he thought. Nathanial's mother located Grell in his princess like wedding dress sitting down on a park bench mopping and whining. She informed Grell of some terrible news. Nathanial had died. It was more than Grell could possibly take, his heart tore into a million pieces and he simple ran away, his eyes burning with tears. The one true love of his life, his first love, had gone from this world on the day they were supposed to be married, on the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of Grell's life. He had taken refuge inside a church, weeping his eyes out, his mascara running down his cheeks like two black rivers. He became dead then, dead to all feeling. How stupid had he been to not see that this could not work out in the first place? Nathanial was only human and Grell a reaper. A terrible tale of woe, one that rattled the insides of the man and turned him into a soul less creature of agony.

So on a cold winter's day Grell returned to the London bride, half heartedly singing "London Bridge is falling down" through pain filled cries that would never be heard. He had worn his wedding dress just for the occasion and brought along his wilted boquette. He was going to jump and end the misery he felt, end the pain in his heart, end the torment, and go to join his lover in the afterlife. It was the only way to achieve happiness. Until someone showed up at the bridge too and for a faint moment Grell was sure it was Nathanial's ghost, but it wasn't. It was a slender man wearing glasses with silver hair tied in an upwards pony tail, accompanying him was a younger man with dark brown hair and glasses.

"Young man," The silver haired one spoke, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going away from this miserable world and its cold hearted nature! I'm sick of living in it! There is no happiness left!"

"Let's leave him, he obviously wants to die," The brunette persuaded, a serious look in his eyes.

"Now now William can't you tell he's a reaper too? Though his eyes are reddened by tears he is just as we are. My dear boy come down from there, taking your life will only cause more suffering."

"I would be joined with my lover forever, how can something like that make me unhappy?"

"You've lost a loved one, hmm? I've lost many people I cared about, some to this very river. It claims 100's a year, I swear that it must be the river Styx. But you know, I pulled through it all. Ending my life is a waste of what I can offer to the world. You're a lovely little miss, I'm sure you too have much to offer to the world."

For a moment Grell considered the man's words, wondering if killing himself was the answer. Perhaps there was more he had to give to the world….perhaps death wasn't an option. The man leaned up against the railing, looking out across the fog covered distance. His face wasn't easy to see because of such a thick fog but Grell could make out from the way he spoke that he was wise and thus older than he.

"When you get right down to it death isn't a big deal. It's a part of life, just not our lives. We live to watch others die while we ourselves do not. Whoever he was that died, he or she would not like to see you this way, they'd want you to live on and do so with a smile. That's how I've gotten through such hard times. Laughing helps to forget the sadness. Tell me your name, young one."

"Grell…my name is Grell."

"Well Grell, do you believe in fate? That perhaps he was meant to die? Perhaps there is another man or woman out there who would take his place? You are meant to live on Grell or else something would have happened already. The way I see it, you were chosen to be a reaper for a reason, so that you may live past others. Grell, what an enchanting name, don't you find William?"

"Hardly, sir, and we have more pressing matters at the moment"

"Such a strict one, you are. Grell, consider what I've said and remember to smile. Can you smile for me?"

Grell managed the weakest of smiles, showing off his deadly sharp teeth. Then the man disappeared into the fog with what Grell would soon call his superior, William. Ever since then Grell lived life like it was a party; something he taught to Ronald, and never let pain hit him. He believed in love and believed he had a purpose to fulfill. He thought the same when he was teamed up with William and they gotten a case where the person was an author. His story made Grell's heart thud sadly, it was too familiar. A reaper and his lover, torn apart by the one thing that separated them-life and death. It was the reason he wanted him to live, he was so in tune with Grell's past and Grell felt he too had a purpose.

Grell thought the older man was wrong now. He should have just jumped and then none of this hardship would have happened. He deserved to die. Nathanial, William, Sebastian, the poor man could only take so much heart break. Now he had only one chance to get the love he so desired to have back once again, the love that never left his being. Sebastian was his only chance for no one else cared about the weeping reaper. No one dared bring him roses or write poetry or paint him on a moonlight night. So he went about his business, thrashing his chainsaw around, unfeeling toward all who pleaded for mercy. Mercy? Where was mercy when Nathanial died? Where was mercy when Grell stood up praying to a god he didn't believe in for William's love? Where was mercy when Grell cried every night over Sebastian? Mercy and love had never been kind to the reaper.

Now finally he snapped and lost his marbles. One would be surprised it had taken him so long actually. He was a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode.

All of his anguish came crashing around him like a bunch of plates dropped by a clumsy nearsighted maid. He couldn't handle this, his fragile heart yearned for love amongst all else. Wasn't it enough that he wanted to bear children but couldn't or wanted to be female but was born a male instead? Mercy…where was that when Grell had tried desperately to find some one of his own kind? Where was it when Madam Red was someone he thought was going to be his one? Where was mercy for her when Grell killed her? If mercy would not pity him then he would not pity anyone else. Not ever again. If all else failed with Sebastian it was either kill or be killed, Grell could live either way or at least until he burned out.

Once that happened he would become a demon or end up drowning himself in the river and this time no mysterious man would save him with gentle words. Love barely touched him, mercy did the same, but pain hit him full throttle. Agony, death, woe. Was being a reaper as wonderful as it was made out to be? To one red haired reaper it was a double edge sword. The sad truth of a reaper was as the man said; they live just to watch others die. Others that they love dearly. Grell did not want to live to watch others die, he'd rather die to see others live because without love his life was a somber melody playing on the heartstrings of all who cared to hear it and in the lonesome night you could of sworn you heard a sob from the world's saddest reaper, painting the town red because he was so blue.