THE BOY
2009
X
~ "I'm Gonna Marry You, Someday" ~
There he was, sprawled in drowsy sleep across the bed as if he'd just been deposited by the sea on a golden shore, this surfer on his back with his limbs spread amongst the comforter that he had kicked off in the night having got too hot yet again and perhaps having nearly kicked his friend beside him, Kurt, who'd slept soundly with little disturbance throughout and now up since ten minutes ago, showered and dressed and shaking his head with an amused smile as he looked down at the boy from the foot of the bed, marking the first time he had ever seen him sleeping, and in the morning too, this big boy so at peace breathing in and out evenly with each one exposed on a bare carven chest, his whole body bare down to his tight grey boxers.
Kurt would admire Noah for hours if he could. His strapping form in rest. The color of his skin that of caffè mocha lightly glistened in perspiration. Even the way he was contorted in post coital sleep. They had kissed a lot before nodding off. Kurt had woken to dry lips he'd alleviated with balm, now all better and ready to kiss again, mwah! All the way up the muscled cords of Noah's neck to his lips for a 'good morning, baby. Time to get up,' and 'baby' not because he was joking around, but because after what had been confessed last night, it could be afforded. The endearing term a novelty on his tongue that could be said with utter surety with the confession itself that much more so as both he and Noah had breathed out the word, love.
It was an intense feeling, one Kurt could easily grow sickeningly queasy over like cookie dough too sweet. It liked to circle his heart that beat harder than usual, almost to a stabbing pain, and skidded around quickly at the pit of his belly with swishing movements like swirling water in an Erlenmeyer flask, there to disturb the butterflies, a swarm of giant Swallowtails who'd tickle his insides to nerves so great he'd mistake the feeling for a panic attack. He certainly hadn't been feeling this before. Now conscious of being in love, he supposed it's effects were now more aware to him and his body, this spell, this state, with thoughts only ever of Noah, how he was, where he was and to be with him for as long as he could. His first boyfriend. Noah.
And nearing Noah now as he rounded the bed his foot brushed up against a towel left strewn on the floor, only a white hand towel but with its off white stains of what he knew the stuff to be covering most of it up in abstract circular patterns, it would be the first he'd ever pull a face of disgust at and there to quickly kick aside as if he'd never noticed it only to catch sight of something else under the bed, something familiar he crouched down on all fours to inspect and pull out and to his pleasant surprise, oh! It was his cashmere blanket from when he was younger, last seen when he'd given it to Noah as a parting gift on his last day at Coronado, folded in his arms and looking just as he remembered it, just as soft too as he felt it. The memories.
He would not register the stir from in the bed as he brought the blanket to his nose, taking a whiff knowing it would no longer smell as it used to, not that he could exactly remember how it did anyway, this beautiful Princess Diana rose tartan blanket his mother had bought in New York back in the late nineties with its shades of blue and peachy pink outlined in black, unfolded and swung around his back as he reveled in its warmth, a moment for him and his past with escaping wonderment as to what Noah had gone and done with it for eight years. Having used it for winters, always there as a throw blanket at the foot of his bed and folded on the wardrobe's top shelf whenever not in use, there to stay until it had been pulled out for an adventure.
Again a shift from the bed, slight movement. There was a groan, and then another, setting off a body going for the stretch, those legs with wriggling toes, those arms upward, a good morning stretch like a cat, stretching, stretching, how far could he stretch, ooh ooh ooo, and, ahhh. A satisfied sigh as Kurt turned to see Noah now awakened, leaning his neck towards each shoulder as he sighed yet again. A long sigh. That had felt good. A good stretch as he looked down at the fair boy kneeling beside the bed wrapped up in a tartan blanket, his hazel eyes widening from sleep with his head he propped up in his hand, often shifted so it wouldn't slip, there for a lazy smile to splay itself on his lips parting for a morning voice that croaked, "Hey."
It acknowledged the blanket of course. Oh yeah, the blanket. He'd forgotten to show it to Kurt to ask, 'do you remember this? You gave it me remember? … Do you remember me?' He'd brought it along specifically for Kurt with the boy having stumbled upon it himself and with such happiness upon this discovery, as if it had been an extraordinary find. One with emotion in blue eyes Noah could see swirled deeply. With his other hand, he reached out for Kurt. The boy looked at it, his own hand stroking still the cashmere before it was placed in a palm so wide and boy-like that pulled him closer, Kurt now hobbling forward on his knees until his knuckles were brought to Noah's lips, graced with a kiss on the back of his pale hand, his knuckles, his fingers.
He leaned his elbows on the bed, smiling with each kiss that felt to him slow and searching, just as their kisses had been last night. He remembered them clearly. The feel of Noah's lips now once again on his skin, on his hand. Sweet hand kisses. Oh, he loved them. Adored them! Found them to be so old world romantic and electrifying on his senses. Oooh! Yes! And with it he'd tug the blanket from around his shoulders and bundle it in-between them, there for both to look at as if a sleeping baby were wrapped up inside, the look of obsequious fawning on their faces. Noah would chuckle, mumbling something about it being faded slightly from having once left it out in the sunlight for too long, but Kurt shrugged it off with a smile. It didn't matter.
Noah was all he could think of. His hand clasped in Noah's was all he could think of. How they were both entwined at the fingers, their palms folding over each other, tickling and playing like a crazy made up hand shake become too intimate or the mating ritual of two small creatures dancing, two children themselves, Tarzan and Gay Jane comparing hand sizes and always held in each other's. Even fifteen minutes later when they'd meet Thomas in the neighboring suite to head all together down to breakfast, Noah would snatch up Kurt's hand in his before his father, a slight swing in the arm as he'd smile at Kurt happily, Kurt, his totally cute, brutally pretty "boyfriend" saying with such immense pride, "Dos has become Uno, dad. We're together."
It was like the feeling of biting into a sugared pink grapefruit. A surprise it was to hear first thing in the morning. They've finally done it. About time. Thomas stood with hands on his hips smiling as if stepping back to observe something he'd been working on, for such an attractive young couple Noah and Kurt made. Striking and odd too. An attraction of opposites he knew his son liked. Girls with light hair, light eyes. Girls with pale white shot skin. He'd fasten his eyes on these girls, when about, and on the boys too. Oh yes, Thomas had seen. Boys with childlike faces, "cute", and all invariably effeminate, a passivity to them as a pool of water in which Noah might see his reflection, his possessive hazel eyes staring back, but these boys were rare finds.
Kurt, now smiling shyly at Noah's enthusiasm was all his son's gay porn brought to life (He'd come across the word 'twink' a number of times when certain men's magazines crushed up against Playboys had been jutting out beneath the mattress in the boy's bedroom, and from what he understood of the term, there was no one more twinkish than Kurt.) Thomas patted his son on the back as if Noah himself had done good work, grasping onto his shoulder and bringing him into a half hug. He flashed Kurt a smile and Kurt smiled back, but with his own anticipation of his mother's reaction knawing at him as they all descended the hill to the main lodge, his hand still encased in Noah's, now growing sweaty in the heat, the boy remained quiet, excited.
Elizabeth would pause, what is this? Lips parted upon their arrival. She stood eying the pair from a double take as she'd made to greet them at the lodge entrance, taking in the way they were both standing as if they'd both just walked out of a store's changing rooms in new clothes for her to examine them in, their hands held in each other's, Thomas behind them pointing with a flashing arrow sign of a finger and cheesy smile at the pair. Is this what I think it is? It's finally happened! Such a rush of delight in her as she descended on them in smiles, forcing herself to ask with a restrained tone and slow pace how it had all come about? What happened? What had transpired between them the night before? And to discuss it right into breakfast.
"I'm surprised you didn't fall asleep when you got in, I was exhausted," said Elizabeth. "I might actually have to take a nap before the drive today I'm still tired."
Kurt sighed. "Mom, we were just up talking. We didn't plan on this happening, Noah only invited me to crash with him for the night, that's all."
"So how did it happen?"
"We really got to talkin, Mrs. H," said Noah as Elizabeth turned his way. "Like really talkin. Seriously it got pretty heated up there."
"Oh, really?"
Noah nodded. "Yeah, it was kinda awkward. He caught me playin with my-"
"I said I loved him!" Kurt exclaimed. "I said I was in love with him and… yeah. It was something I hadn't quite realized until now. I love Noah."
Thomas glanced at his son. "And you, Noah? How do you feel for Kurt?"
The boy smiled. "He makes me feel all tingly, not only in my undies but in my love pump."
"Real smooth talker isn't he," Thomas joked as Kurt offered him a wry smile.
"Oh he is, Mr. Puckerman."
"I love him, dad," Noah poured. "I love him more than he loves me."
Kurt frowned. "Hey, I don't think that's very fai-"
"Tough nuts Kurt, I'm your boyfriend now," Noah said. "Whenever you say you love me, I'm always gonna say I love you more 'cause life is a competition and I must win."
Elizabeth laughed, "Well at least he's got that varsity spirit within him even in his relationships. It really shows."
"He does get real competitive sometimes," Thomas nodded. "Don't you, kid."
Noah grinned. "Love is a game dudes, and I wanna score…. and at life too, I wanna win at life."
Thomas smirked. "Yeah, why don't you tell Kurt and Liz some of the life competitions you've been in recently. Competing with your buds in 'cactus dogeball', doing ultimate wedgie jumps from the roof, what else, rubbing Deep Heat on your testicles and seeing how long you could keep a girl in bed whilst crying out total mood killer lines."
"Like what?" Kurt asked.
Thomas grinned. "I think some of them were, 'What is your credit score?' 'Is your mom okay with this?-'"
"Yeah," Noah nodded. "'I once saw a bird try to eat a rock', 'Does it turn you on that I enjoy bendy straws?' 'Bendy straws turn me on'."
His father laughed. "How long was it before she ran? Five minutes in?"
"Yeah it was when I said, 'in comes the peepee'," Noah smirked. "She was totally done with me by that point."
"Did you win?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah, and the milk challenge," Noah grinned. "Downed a whole three liter bottle of it without barfing right after eating a whole tub of Devil's Delirium chilli 'cause man that stuff is hot."
"Isn't he cool, mama?" Smiled Kurt. "Don't I have the coolest boyfriend ever?"
Elizabeth smiled. "I don't know Kurt, he sounds like quite the daredevil."
"Yo," Noah waved, saluting.
"You can take him, Kurt," Thomas winked. "He has a weakness for all things cute. Puppy eye him into oblivion and he'll plotz into custard."
"Okay, totes bein serious now guys," Noah declared. "Mrs. H, I love your boy. I love him times a million hella, and I pretty sure I've got him pregnant just from staring at him this whole week so you have to let me be with him because he's carrying my child."
Kurt blinked. "What?"
"Shh sweetie," said Elizabeth, intrigued. "I think he's onto something here."
"Mom, he's saying I have a bun in the oven."
The tan boy smirked. "Yeah, cookin our holy infant so tender and mild."
"Are you quoting Silent Night?"
"Yeah. What did you think that just 'cause I'm Jewish, I can't listen to Christmas carols? 'Cause of that one line, Silent Night is my favorite. It always makes me think of baby Jesus as a chicken wing."
Kurt smiled. "Oh yeah… Oh great, now I'm going to start thinking of him all crisp and delicious too. Noah!"
"Yeah, that manger of his is just a funky barbecue grill a sizzlin."
"Stop it," Kurt warned, giggling. "You'll make him cry."
"Covered in barbecue sauce and chilli peppers and bell peppers and onions and fuck, I miss home food," Noah whined. "We have the best barbecues in Texas, Kurt. Seriously there's this one place, Aunt Kate's BBQ in Elmo that is the best BBQ in the world."
Thomas nodded. "It is crazy good."
"I can take you there to eat sometime if you like," said Noah eagerly.
"Sure," Kurt smiled, "but how about we finish the breakfast on our plates first, mmm?"
"Oh yeah s-sure,"
"I have found them to be very good," said Elizabeth. "The food here is excellent, Kurt, do you want some of my bacon?"
Kurt shook his head. "Oh no thanks, I'm still eating mine."
"It is delicious, isn't it. Too bad your father isn't here, he'd love this."
"You were sealing the deal," Thomas whispered to Noah as the boy frowned.
"Oh yeah right, um, Mrs. H."
"Yes?"
"I promise I'll treat Kurt right and be there for him always. I swear on my swag."
"On your what now?"
"Swag, Liz," Thomas chuckled. "It's slang for the way someone presents themselves. You know, having class but with swagger."
"As in the walk?"
Kurt nodded. "Yes, and not in the arrogant self-important way, but having confidence. Swag. You know when he's swearing on it he's being serious."
"Is he now?"
"Yes," Kurt smiled, now taking Noah's large hand in his. "He swore to me on it the night of the dance at Coronado that we'd have a good time, and we did."
"We ruled that dance floor like the swag swingin kings we were, didn't we," smirked Noah.
"Uh-huh," Kurt smiled, winding his arm around Noah's as the tan boy's grin grew.
"Swag."
"Noah, you don't need to swear to me on anything," Elizabeth assured. "You needn't even ask my permission to date Kurt, or Burt's if he were here. We trust our son to know who he feels safe and secure around and I can see no one else he'd rather be with than with you. I know you'll make him very happy."
"Thanks Mrs. H."
"And you, Mr. Puckerman," said Kurt, turning to the man. "Is this alright with you?"
Thomas grinned. "Kurt, you're a sweet dude. A hell of lot better than most this guy here has been involved with. I think your mom knows of whom I'm talking about."
"She does?"
"Yeah, thanks dad," Noah groaned as Elizabeth smiled sweetly.
"We're just happy for you two."
"Yeah, you don't need my permission either Kurt," grinned Thomas, "but thanks for asking. That was cool of you."
"Yeah, when you're dating a beast this sexy, you don't need permission," Noah smirked as Thomas chuckled.
"Besides Kurt, you'd be doin him a favour. It's about time he got himself into a genuine relationship. The closest he's ever gotten to one is when he was two inches away from his friends making out in front of him once."
His son blinked. "What?"
"I'm kidding, kid," Thomas laughed as Noah now protested irritably.
"I've been in loads of relationships, dad. I fuckin rule at relationships."
"In elementary starting from fourth grade he'd go from one girlfriend to another," Thomas recounted. "They never lasted long. They never do, but mostly 'cause he could never hold on to them."
"Dad."
"You remember, Tayla Forde? You thought she was hugging you real tight 'cause she liked you a lot when in fact she was measuring your body to determine how long it would take her to eat your flesh, a technique she'd learned on the Discovery Channel shared by Boa Constrictors."
"Dad, you're not being cool," Noah hissed.
"Then there was the time in fifth grade when you tried to get Fleur McCoy pregnant by French kissing her and helping her find her "G something" just so you could make breast milk popsicles."
Noah was about to dive his head into his food. "Dad. Seriously."
"But you know kids," Thomas said, shrugging with a sigh. "They never want to count their elementary school sweethearts. Unless Noah you want count Kurt in Coronado."
"Hell yeah I do," said Noah, nodding manically. "He was my first fambo."
Thomas grinned. "Well there you go."
"Hey, what about Kitty?" Noah asked as his father frowned.
"You're not still with her are you?"
"No, but she counts, right?"
"To me she was another girl you were just foolin around with. Just another you'd put the moves on with that sex shark "Puck" act which never has you as far from a relationship as much as when you're being him, kid."
"I'm not doin that anymore, dad."
"To be fair Mr. Puckerman, I've never had a boyfriend either," said Kurt. "Out of all the boys I've seen, only a number of them wished for a relationship whilst most were more interested in sex. It's just how teen boys are."
Thomas smiled softly. "Well at least from what your mom tells me Kurt they aren't as forward about it as "Puckasaurus" over here is. I hear they take you out on dates like proper gentlemen."
"I can do that," Noah insisted. "It's about bein chivalrous, courteous and swag, swag, swag!"
"Just be yourself, Noah," giggled Elizabeth. "It was you who set up this whole thing just to see Kurt again, it's so romantic."
"Yes, and if you think about it, every day here has been like a date," Kurt voiced brightly. "The best I've ever had."
Elizabeth glanced at her son. "And now he's your boyfriend, just like all those other boys wanted to be."
"What?" Kurt asked. "No they-"
"Kurt, they did. Yvette told me and when I'd chase after them when they'd drop you off at home, I'd ask."
"You asked them that?"
His mother nodded, leaning back in her chair. "They say they all considered you their boyfriend, yes."
"You said you were giving them the quickest routes out of town."
"That too. After you kept on claiming they weren't boyfriends, I wanted to know what they thought. I hope you're not going to mislead Noah here like you did them."
"Of course, not. Noah's my boyfriend, mom. He really is this time."
"This time?" Elizabeth asked. "You're counting Coronado too?"
Kurt nodded. "So I can say I'm back with my childhood sweetheart, yes. I know we were young but "We almost dated" is a weird relationship to have with anyone. Then you have the sequel, "We never got closure", succeeded by the side adaptation, "As I result, I have a weird crush that never died." Perhaps Noah was right. Trying to relive those days through dating wasn't ever going to be the same 'cause none of them were him."
"I said that?" Noah frowned.
"Among other things," Kurt said. "I'll tell you later. Point is, I realise now how… how selfish I've been, using boys like that. I wasn't aware I was. Just as I wasn't aware of my true feelings for Noah. It's all been in my subconscious I guess." He paused, smiling shyly. "And if those boys wish to think I was their boyfriend they can by all means, but I can't, because I never felt as strongly for them as I do for Noah, and that I know for me is what makes a boyfriend."
"Marry him," muttered Thomas as he leaned near to his son. "Marry him or you're an idiot." Noah blinked, watching as his father leaned back in his chair with a frank uplift of his brows, perhaps the small glint of tease in his eyes, it was not clear. He turned to see Elizabeth now speaking to Kurt that had the boy smiling, something Noah hadn't caught. Something about her being proud of her son. And he watched Kurt and his heart throbbed with love and fear. Fear of loss. Loss he couldn't bear.
It was Saturday, and it was the last day of their stay here at Ulusaba. Tomorrow and they'd return home to their respective states, Noah to Texas, Kurt to Ohio, there to live out their remaining eight weeks of summer vacation on opposite sides of the country, a prospect that infuriated him. This inevitable separation. This conclusion to a most awesome cool week. It was the ending he had not wished to gloss his thoughts over from the start and that now had him panicking as if from Sunday night anxiety. He was restlessly shifting in his chair with his appetite lost to the thought of losing Kurt once again. The low success rates of long distance relationships. He'd heard. Fuck! Maybe lassoing Kurt home with him was the only thing left he could do.
Of course, such a thought. It was ridiculous. He was low, though gladness rose within knowing how supportive Elizabeth and his father were of him and Kurt together, news they'd probably suspected, perhaps even wagered on to see whether or not they would before the holiday was out, a wager probably even got in by others on the reserve, those who had been watching them, the slip of ten to even fifty rands between palms. With most having bet they would. They'd never doubted them for a second. The boys were so into each other, a boy-boy thing that was hardly a problem for Noah's father despite Kurt's initial worries as to what the man's stance would be, yet something Noah had been there to reassure him of as he'd held him tight.
Kurt was everything to me by this point. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I possibly could, every hour, a shame in me that I kept on checking the time, the minutes speeding by more quickly as if something were throwing the clockwork into overdrive, forcing the hands on every fucking clock I saw. Eight O'clock. Eight thirty. Nine. I tried to ignore it as we finished breakfast to wonder around the reserve before our last afternoon drive, last, everything here our last. It was all coming to an end and… God, I had to calm down and chill. I had to take it easy. I didn't want Kurt catching on. It would totally bum him out and he was so happy right now and looking down, our hands were laced together. Yeah, that was something to smile about.
They would enter the Safari Lodge's gift shop, a quaint store with a heavy scent of wood and sensual aroma emanating from the various Africology products on sale, its shelves stacked with African themed busts and figurines carved by those in the nearby towns. There was jewelry, bracelets and beaded necklaces hung on hooks. Clothes of beanies and gloves alongside beige braided shoulder bags, wide brimmed Safari hats and pith helmets. Paintings, amongst arts and crafts. Calendars with each month's image pictures of The Big Five the children from Justicia had drawn and furniture of patterned cushions, rugs and placemats Kurt stroked his fingers along as both of them wandered in with searching eyes, the place strewn with jewels.
And whoap! Noah had found a tribal mask, slipping it on with aim of frightening Kurt yet with the eye holes so small and he stumbled, almost knocking over a wooden figure of a God by the window. Kurt had found himself intrigued by a set of well-crafted items on the center table, those of lions, tigers and giraffes, all of them beautiful, the elephant white as if it were carved right out from ivory. Along with a safari hat for his father and a tub of moisturizer, he'd purchase it, turning round to find Noah engaged in a staring contest with the bust of a tribal leader, mimicking the expressions on all of them before picking out a safari hat as well, his a dark shade of seal brown he rammed on his head to pose in comical imitation of their ranger Phil.
A laugh. Kurt would giggle, but would find something odd in the boy's behavior. Noah's character heightened somewhat that could have been due to excitement, happiness in that they were now indeed together, yes, but it felt off. He sensed fear. His boyfriend appeared almost alert when he'd smile, his posture ready as if to jog on the spot. When Kurt had kissed the nape of his neck affectionately, cuddling his back when at the till, Noah had turned around, eyed his smile and kissed him with urgent passion, quick and wild, right up against the counter. Crazy! With Kurt waving rather awkwardly at the stunned cashier as he'd picked up Noah's hat, the boy still planting kisses to the corners of his puckered mouth as they'd stumbled out of the shop.
He'd pull away laughing again. He thought it was so funny! Whatever it was that had gotten into Noah, this panting puppy of a spirit within him he went along with it as they journeyed down to the swimming pool arms around each other. They settled their purchases on the deckchairs and wandered the deck, Noah toeing off his flip flop and kicking the water lightly as Kurt jumped back, laughing, a few droplets soaking his shorts and legs. Though with the sun streaming, they'd disappear quickly. Lifting his head to this sun and he would moan. Mmm. The heat on his flesh. The rays diving in. When he opened his eyes, everything had a blue tint to it. Specs of light littered the insides of his eyelids. It made him dizzy and he liked this dizziness.
He heard footsteps around him, someone circling him. He closed his eyes again, face to the sun. Noah was there, observing him as viewers on the safari would gaze at a rare, gorgeous, primitive species of simian ancestor, possessed of speech yet too relaxed in decadent stillness to glance their way. He tugged on Kurt's hair possessively, pulling his head further back, and now pulling that face to its predominant features, the heavy lidded eyes now open and that sultry gash of a mouth parted almost in a parody of erotic supplication. In this silence, the tan boy stared and swooned. Kurt was so beautiful it felt like his heart couldn't take it. Kurt. Oh how in love he was with him, kissing him now on his lips, feeling a tear trickle down his own cheek…
"Noah," Kurt frowned, catching sight of that stray tear now hastily wiped away with the back of Noah's hand. "What's wrong?"
Noah swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "Nothing."
"You're crying."
"No I'm not, this is just future overpriced college education in my eye."
Kurt observed him most carefully. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine…" Noah assured, wrapping his arms around the boy's waist. "I'm fine."
"Tell me," pleaded Kurt, reaching on tip toes for a kiss. "Please, Noah. What is it?"
"How… how are we gonna make this work?" The boy muttered. "… you and I? When we go home, we're gonna be light years apart. I'm not gonna be able to see you and frankly… frankly Kurt that fuckin kills me. I just got you back in my life and I don't wanna lose you again. I don't wanna say goodbye as I did in Coronado and watch you leave it… I'm not prepared to go through all that shit again, it fuckin sucked the first time."
"Oh Noah," Kurt sighed, pulling him in.
"I just feel like when I get home whilst you're gonna be miles away in the heart of it all, all I'm gonna be doin is wishin the sheets of my bed were the states just so I could fold 'em end over end to have you closer to me."
Kurt's heart swelled. "You are so romantic, do you know that?"
"I'll have to practice my folding," said Noah, a small smile now appearing. "Fold some old people. Just make an origami swan outta my meemaw."
"You can do that? How old is she?"
"In her eighties. I love her. She's one of the most important women in my life, along with my ma and sis."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she's real cool. She thinks all teenagers today look like mahogany cabinets with eyelashes and she's not scared to talk about sex either like most. I mean, what's the deal with grandmas who get so easily offended by the word penis when they have like eleven kids?"
"You say penis around the elderly?"
"Come on," Noah laughed. "It's funny. Penis."
"Yeah it's really going to trigger cardiac arrest in their delicate hearts."
"My meemaw had one once a few years back. I kept telling everyone to stop praying for her otherwise they were gonna make her stronger and she broke out of the hospital and the cops couldn't get her. She was too powerful."
Kurt giggled. "Was she okay in the end?"
"Yeah, she pulled through," said Noah. "She's good now. Always askin if I have a girlfriend. Always askin if I'm still tugging on my penis like when I was five."
Kurt blinked. "You did that?"
"Well it worked," replied Noah." You saw how I'm hung, right?"
"I saw how you were tugging on it again over thoughts of me last night."
"…I was jackin off to your personality, babe."
"So you weren't thinking of Kitty?"
"What? No! I told you, I was thinkin of you."
"You were?"
"Yeah, I was thinkin of you Kurt, I swear," Noah insisted. "Starting those heat waves by letting your seat wave. Not even chilli hot sauce on the tip of my dick comes close to that. I'm in total awe of your hotness, baby. Lay on a hotdog and let me eat you."
Kurt blew a sigh. "You know, it hurt when you said were thinking of her."
"I'm sorry," said Noah, embracing him. "Look, how about if you come to my bed tonight and I'll fap to you again."
"Romantic."
"Not romantic," Noah whispered. "Erotic."
Pulling away, Kurt frowned. "And how would you have me? Lying next to you again? You know there's a similar sex position called "11". Two people lie in a bed together, fully clothed and chilling because bonding is more important than sex-"
"No, I want you to watch me, Kurt. I wanna show you how crazy hot you make me."
"This isn't an excuse for me to see your penis is it?"
Noah smirked. "Hey if I wanted to do that, I'd whip it out, swing it about and walk us both off into the sunset every night. The sunset's here are gorgeous."
"They are," Kurt agreed, "and there you'd be, masturbating."
"Well I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really wanna do sexual stuff with you before we leave. I know you're maybe not ready for… "the do"."
Kurt blinked. "The what?"
"You know," dingle dangle"," Noah began. ""Frick frack". "Fondue". "Woohoo". "Happy Happy Fun Time"-"
"Noah," Kurt laughed. "It's alright to say sex. I'm not one of those elderly prudes, I don't see it as a bad word."
"Really?" Noah smirked. "You don't get a little nervous when you hear fornication? Copulation? Doin it?"
"Okay, maybe a little," Kurt condeded, averting his eyes with a self-conscious shrug. "It doesn't help having heard growing up stories of people's imaginary gay uncles who allegedly had to wear diapers because they had so much anal sex their b-holes wouldn't shrink back, or they'd got flipped inside out and couldn't be fixed. It was so inappropriate. I didn't even know how anal sex worked back then."
Noah burst out laughing, near to keeling over as he cried out in huffs. "Oh my God, that is gold!"
"It's not funny, this is serious."
"Yeah totally," Noah laughed.
"We're talking major psychological damage here," Kurt said. "Not that I ever found the idea of anal arousing in the first place but after having heard that, well, let's just say if I want to spice things up in the bedroom, I won't be shoving a jalapeño up my ass."
"Wait," said Noah, brows raised. "You serious? You're not into dude-diving?"
Kurt bit his lip. "Will this be a problem?"
"No, no, baby you just threw me off is all."
"I know, I'm the gay urban legend," Kurt sighed. "The myth drawn on cave paintings thousands of years ago by Homo sapiens. Stress on the 'homo'."
"Really?"
"Yes. They predicted this fight for equality, 'Legalize Gay' blazoned across the chests of gays with 'No Blacks, no Asians, No Fems' blazoned across their profiles of this mysterious app called Grindr. As well as telling the most tragic of gay love stories; when two boys fell in love but couldn't be together because they both wanted to bottom."
"Tough break."
"I know. You're not disappointed are you?"
Noah shook his head. "Nah, we're just gonna have to see what you are into. Do a little experimentin. I can't wait to see what turns you on."
"I'm looking at him right now," Kurt smiled, leaning up for a kiss that spread gusts of heat in Noah's groin, a kiss he returned passionately yet with that one fear once again resettled, he pulled away, Kurt observing him now in concern asking, "What? Noah, what is it?"
"But I won't be with you for you to look at will I. It's just like comin across some choice waves but I've got no board to surf them on. I'm not gonna be able to do any of that stuff with you. All that sweet experimenin. I won't be with you."
"Noah-"
"I'm serious Kurt," the boy said, looking at him, "what are we gonna do?"
"Don't think about it, okay Noah," said Kurt, cradling his face. "Just don't. Can you do that for me?"
"But-"
"Please."
It was hard. It was difficult for them both. Kurt didn't have answers, his face in Noah's shoulder as he stared on beyond with worry. Please understand. I just don't know. Noah had buried his own face in his neck, pressing his lips to the skin with small kisses for comfort. Yet with it an erogenous zone for Kurt, his body tingling with fizzing blood that rushed south, the fair boy pulled away, keeping his breaths in check. Now was not the time. He hoped Noah hadn't caught on, but oh, now looking at the sad face of his boyfriend, such sadness was flooding those hazel eyes, eight year old Noah, he could see him! Oh Noah the poor boy. Please understand. We'll sort something out. Kurt had to promise him something. For never had he felt so useless.
In distraction, they'd embark on their safari drive with Phil and Kaizer, and Noah would try his best for Kurt. Smiles. Light off-color humor and snuggles. They were lucky today. The Big Five were out in strides. The African lions in mid hunt, baiting as they constructed a blind from a carcass, concealed and deadly. Saved was the African leopard as it was near gored by the horns of a rampaging Cape buffalo. Too close for comfort! Elizabeth had winced. On the plains and the black rhinoceroses were grazing, eying them as they drove by and there! By the woods! The African bush elephant, Kurt's favorite, a 'bachelor' herd Phil would now tell them of male adolescents recently separated from the matriarch in search of others the same age.
They would catch sight of the spotted Hyenas, their long manic giggles unmistakable, and again the yawning hippos, and the zebras, a dazzle of strong stallions with birds of red-breasted sparrow hawks, owls and falcons like concords flying above their heads. And oh, how pretty! The butterflies now descending on them. All of them so beautiful with Kurt's eyes twinkling amidst those rainbow wings that fluttered around him, so attracted they were to his ivory white skin, made him giggle. He loved their attention and he would glance at Noah as the tan boy observed him with a grin, a fair hand held out for to him to take. Taken. Raveling around each other with thick rough fingers stroking the soft underside. A rubbing thumb. Their fingertips kissing.
And for the rest of the day, Ulusaba would haven them. In the late afternoon they'd spend time in the Safari lodge's wine cellar, the storage room overlooking the waterhole with views sweeping down the dry riverbed and surrounding bush. It's walls lined with built in terracotta wine racks storing bottles of Pinotage from Stellenbosch, Hoopenburg Integer Cabernet Sauvignon, many "estate wines" from Paarl and Worcester, and all South African that Thomas and Elizabeth tasted eagerly, nosing and swirling their glasses like French connoisseurs that Noah crudely mimicked behind them. The sniff. The savoring. Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh. Monsieur Escargot. Pompous and pretentious as Pow! Thomas hit him round the head as Kurt's sides split.
They then proceeded to dinner in the main lodge to a course of bredie, grilled game and rock lobster served with wine they'd selected from the cellar. Noah's head was still pounding from his father's hand and Kurt tried not to laugh, "Poor baby," he'd say, though it was not convincing as he'd turn away to muffle his giggles, the amusement in his eyes glinting from the candles, sexy bedroom eyes he'd shoot Noah sitting opposite from him at the table, as if the aroma of those full-bodied wines had him in a flirtatious and very friendly stupor, cutting into his lamb and ooh! A bare foot was caressing his ankles, his shin. Looking up and he'd see Noah winking at him, wanting to play footsie, two bare feet, so warm on his skin, now playing and touching.
Kurt would not stop smiling through it all as off after dinner he and Noah would climb to the bush observatory. With the sun now set, the time nearing eight, they were free to stargaze through the large black telescope, swiveling it this way and that and naming as many constellations as they could, Andromeda, Bootes, Caelum. Some were very strange and unique in shape, perhaps not seen by anyone. These were the ones they'd name themselves, Vodka, Musfasa and a goldfish Noah had once starved as they'd soon ditch the telescope in favor of the ground amongst the lit candle lanterns that lay about on the sand, there for them to look up at the sky and point, there! And over there! See what this one looks like? Dude, that it freaky weird.
Yeah, the night had come and we were baskin in it. Me and Kurt, all these stars like a blanket, all these candles around us. Now this was romantic. Sweet. It helped me get my mind off tomorrow. Whenever it would just casually wonder there, I'd wander right out 'cause that's what Kurt wanted. I was doin it all for him. He'd agreed to come back to my room even though he had packing to do. Our parents had told us to get an early night sleep. That we shouldn't get to bed too late, but there was still so much I wanted to do before lights out. I had plans for tonight, and kissin Kurt under the stars was one of 'em, kissing him now as we rolled around in the sand, knockin over lanterns, it was amazing. So doped out we were kissin, we didn't take in my bed…
Wait! Noah would now pull his lips from Kurt's, propped up on his arms over the boy as Kurt would claw for his face to come back down, for that mouth of his to return where it belonged, just another kiss, just another. They were indeed in the Cliff Lodge suite, slumped from barging through the doors and onto the bed for a cushioned landing, taking all of Noah's will to pull away the second time as Kurt whimpered kitten pleas for his love, as if he were withdrawing, baby, I have to pull out or I'm gonna come. I'm gonna... I'm gonna come. The risk of getting Kurt pregnant. If only he had a dude uterus. If he did Noah would have knocked him up right there. Then he'd have to come back with him to Texas. Him, Kurt and little baby Noahzilla.
"Wait Kurt, I wanna play something for you."
Kurt frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I wanna jam my guitar for you. You know, play you some tunes."
"Oh yes, your guitar!" Kurt exclaimed. "I almost forgot, but before you do, just one more…" He leaned up and kissed Noah, moaning a deep throated, "mmm," into the boy's mouth that blew the fire within his loins, Noah's lust flickering in flames.
"Fuck it," he said, as he launched himself once more on Kurt's lips.
"Umpth- No- Noah!"
"Oh baby-"
"Noah, your… uh…your guitar!"
Noah shook his head, his hungry mouth puffing on that fair neck. "Screw the guitar, babe. I gotta get you good and pregnant."
"But I've always wanted to hear you play. Please?"
Looking down at that pleading face, Noah finally relented. "Okay," but they'd come back to this as he kissed Kurt once more before heaving himself off, now saying, "I can't believe it's taken me this long to play to you."
"And you were the one in Coronado who was always up for educating me in music," Kurt smiled, watching as Noah brought over his guitar. "Iron Butterfly, Mötley Crüe. Metric. You knew them all."
Noah grinned, perching himself on the bed opposite him. "And all you knew was Disney. Sorry, but I had to be your mando surfer prince and save you from all that crap."
"Save me? You did no such thing, I still listen to Disney. I still sing them too."
"What songs?" Noah asked.
"I've been singing "I Wonder" rather a lot recently," said Kurt. "It's one of my mom's favorites. She likes to listen to it as I brush her hair."
"Cool," Noah grinned, depositing his guitar and throwing himself on the bed. "Can you sing it to me?"
"Hey," Kurt protested, "you were about to play something for me!"
"I know, but I really wanna listen to you sing."
"But you hate Disney."
"Not if you're singin it, baby. You know, after Coronado, I had a Disney marathon."
"You did?"
"Totally. Watched 'em all with my mom and sis."
"And? Which one was your favorite?"
"Tarzan, but it ties with Finding Nemo."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Listen to this," Noah said, now clearing his throat. "Sup. Nemo. Thirteen. Bi. I never wanna see my fucking dad again. He doesn't understand me. So I ran away. I have CFD (Chronic Fin Disorder), depression, anxiety and I cut my fin off once. I love boats. If you have a problem with that you can fucking leave."
Kurt laughed. "You sound like Nemo if he were emo."
"Nemo the emo? Cool," Said Noah, shifting his body into a sexy lounge, asking, "Also, is my voice sexy when I speak like this? Do you like it when it goes all husky?"
"Yes Noah," Kurt replied, deadpan. "It's so husky it could pull a dogsled."
"Ooh yeah, it must be hard keeping your hands off me."
The boy nodded. "It is. You see my hand? I'm reaching down seductively…"
"Yeah."
"… You're guiding it to your zipper…"
"Yeah."
"I unzip your fanny pack by mistake."
Noah frowned. "Wait, what?"
"Ravioli spills out everywhere."
"No, no, no, what are you doin?" The boy whined as Kurt, laughed. "Firstly, it wouldn't be ravioli, it would be garlic bread."
The fair boy nodded. "Of course."
"And secondly, my dick is waiting over here, baby. It's real big, I can let you pet it. Be its friend. My balls too. Come on, they love you, Kurt. They'll never leave you hangin."
"Oh ha, ha," Kurt drolled, sarcastically as Noah laughed.
"Come on babe, you know you love me."
"I know, that's the problem."
"Love's no problem. Its luurve," Noah crooned. "You love me, and you'll always love me, even with my hands around your throat, or especially then."
Kurt raised a brow. "Well I suppose I've always wanted to be choked on Valentine's Day."
"Really?"
"No," Kurt scoffed, "It sounds horrible."
"Okay, alright," Noah nodded, a tapping finger to his chin. "You're not into breath control play. What are you into, let's see…"
Kurt laughed, slapping the boy lightly on the shoulder, "Noah stop."
"How about if I'm real dominant? Order a fucking pizza with me, Kurt! And watch a fucking shitty film with me and play with my fucking hair and wear my fucking tees to bed and fall asleep in my fucking arms, you fucking fuck!" Kurt blinked. "And if you don't," Noah seethed. "I'll… I'll fuckin pay in tears!"
"Noah," Kurt giggled as Noah buried his false sobs into the pillow. "Noah, come on."
"I gotta know, baby," said Noah, now lifting his head and pouting. "I know how to get a girl's panties wet; kiss her roughly, shove her down on the bed, slip off her underwear and slam dunk 'em in the toilet, but you, your body's like a maze of delicate clockwork. I gotta turn all the right gears, touch you just right so you become that hella hot animal in bed."
"Oh yeah baby, I'm a real animal," Kurt smirked. "More specifically a Koala. I can sleep for twenty two hours a day."
"Me too," Noah grinned. "I love me some naps, but you know what brings better sleep, amazin sex."
Kurt paused. "Have you ever had sex… with a boy, Noah?"
"No. The closest I've ever gotten is when the guy's toilets were super busy this one time at school so I cracked my knuckles, unzipped my pants, scooched over to this bro's urinal and asked him, "you ready for this shit, man?"
"Oh… okay," Kurt muttered. "It's just that you said before you had."
Noah frowned, scratching the back of his head. "I did?"
"When you were drunk. You said you'd done things with boys."
"Like what?"
Kurt paused, clearing his throat. "Intercrural sex."
"You mean thigh fucking?"
"That's what you said you'd done."
Noah nodded knowingly. "Ah yeah."
"Is it true?"
"Nah, but I think it's kinky," said Noah shyly. "Leavin behind what look like hickies, but they're actually dick chafe marks."
"You have a fetish for thighs?"
"Oh yeah, baby. Touch my thigh and my dick will rise like Apollo thirteen."
"But Apollo thirteen exploded."
"That's the goal," said Noah, smirking. "And I don't usually have goals 'cause goals are for soccer, and dude, I'm not soccer, but when it comes to you-"
"You'd like to "score"," said Kurt, his cheeks coloring hot. "You just want to learn how. I know. I get it. I actually wouldn't mind trying intercrural out. It sounds… hot."
"Yeah?" Noah smiled, excited as the boy nodded.
"Yes. I mean, I have tiny little turn ons that are more romantic like when boys lean against walls with one shoulder while they talk, when you catch them turn away smiling at a joke you made, when they linger on a hug for just a second after you let go and when they glance at your lips while you're talking, but sexually, Intercrural intrigues me and knowing you like it makes me want to like it too."
Noah grinned. "You're the best, babe."
"I also want to know how to please you Noah," Kurt continued, running a hand down the boy's hard chest, "not only because I think there's no greater turn on than knowing you've turned someone else on, but because you're just so damn sexy."
Noah moaned, "Oh baby," climbing on top of Kurt and raining down wet hot kisses on his mouth that now laughed.
"Uh- Noah!"
"Oh don't you know, Kurt? Call me sexy and there is an 89647212% chance I'm gonna bang you. Intercrural style."
"No Noah, come on. You were going to play me something."
Noah chuckled. "You were gonna sing to me about you wondering about stuff and shit." Pulling himself off as Kurt sat back up, the tan boy lay his head in his lap, hazel eyes looking up and grinning, "I'm listenin, angel."
"Oh Noah," Kurt giggled. He found the boy so cute sometimes, running his palm slowly down his Mohawk, leaning down to kiss his lips, mmm. Those lips. Smirking affectionately.
He wondered, he wondered, he wondered why each little bird had a someone to sing to, sweet things to, a gay little love melody. He wondered, he wondered if his heart kept singing, would his song go winging to someone who'd find him, "And bring back a love song to me," Kurt sang, his voice so naturally placed his singing was an extension of speech, and so warm. Enough to express love from his heart. Enough to drop all the colors and feelings for Noah to his vocal palette and paint with his voice that had the boy in his lap swooning. He could hear the sumptuous orchestration. A cinematic tracking shot of the Hotel Del, now of Ulusaba and into their suite. Romance in Kurt's voice, humming, like falling rose petals. It was so beautiful.
Kurt himself was so beautiful. Amongst such sweetness of a French milk maid and there was genuine love, this song a love song, slipping his lap from under Noah's head and heading out into the room, there to dance to the strings, the choir, in the grace of a ballet dancer, like Helene Stanley, like Briar Rose herself, but of course to Noah far more brilliant, watching as Kurt leapt with the arms of the Attitude, the Arabesque, the Brisé vole, all improvised of course and oh! Noah was behind him, his hands on his waist, grinning, "I know you I walked with you once upon a dream." Lifting Kurt up high! This dream of them walking along a Californian beach, the waves. They'd walked together. They were dancing together, loving each other at once.
Then, the strumming of the acoustic guitar. Oh my! Kurt descended, air whipping through his hair as his eyes fasted on his boyfriend, nearing him with a guitar that crooned heart-warming notes, those rich vocals singing everything was going to be alright, to take a hand and hold it tight. It had Kurt's face blossoming to a wave of familiarization. It was their song. Noah was singing their song, circling him as if protecting him from all around him. He would be there, "Don't you cry," he sang as Kurt's body was uplifted by the melody, a body so small yet seemed so strong, "My arms will keep you safe and warm." The bond between them couldn't be broken as Kurt danced for Noah, Noah who sang passionately, this ballad he sang for them both.
"You'll Be In My Heart." It was the tune that said it all for them. Kurt was in Noah's heart. From that day he'd left the boy in Coronado, Kurt would forever more be in Noah's heart, watching as the boy's face creased with raw emotion, looking so handsome, so handsome, and looking so in love with him, asking why couldn't they understand the way they felt. "They just don't trust what they can't explain." And even in their difference, deep inside, they weren't that different at all. Noah singing to not listen to them! What did they know? "We need each other to have, to hold." And Kurt so wished to rush into his arms. Had wished to kiss him, hard and fast, a tempest like whir of emotions that was his dancing. "They'll see in time, I know."
And Kurt saw in those hazel eyes, God they were intense! He saw flashes of assurity that they would show them all together. Even if Noah may not be with him, he had to hold on. "'Cause You'll Be In My Heart!" Sang Noah, now edging closer as those beautiful eyes that now welled, tears. Oh God. Christ, there were tears. "Believe me You'll Be In My Heart!" No! Kurt could dance no more, too overcome with emotion to move. Crying. Choking on these tears. A flood. This serenade, it was killing him. Stop! Stop! Please! "Just look over your shoulder," Noah sang, his emotions, the thought of Kurt leaving. B-baby. No! It was breaking him. Kurt! His fingers trembling on vibrating strings, rough, calloused, but now so weak. "I'll be there, always."
To that final chord and he'd throw the guitar briskly aside to clatter on the wooden floor, not caring if it broke, and Kurt was in his arms, weeping uncontrollably, legs wrapped around his waist, kissing him madly, a wild flutterance of kisses. "Noah!" He was crying, "Noah, baby!" And Noah's heart blew. He held on tight to the manic boy in his arms. Digging in with pain. He was himself hysterical. Throwing him on the bed and rushing to climb on top, kissing him forcibly and bruising their slip sliding lips as Kurt's tongue cowered under his own. The taste. God. The taste of tears. He could not stop crying. Fuck, but he made no move to wipe them away. He would let them fall, trickling fast, kissing Kurt, touching him. Loving him as much as he could.
He didn't want me to leave. "Don't leave me," he was saying between kisses, "Please! Please! Please! Please! I'll do anything, Noah." They were gut wrenching pleas. Enough to scar the soul. Forever sleepless nights. His eyes were nothing but water, glistening so bad he must have been blind, but he clutched at me so fuckin desperately, coiled tense and quivering. Oh Kurt, baby! I'm here! I'm here! I'm not goin anywhere as we writhed rammed up against each other, bodies locked and rocking in pain, my strong arms crushing him enough to squeeze the little life outta him, but kissin hard and kissin and kissin, kissin so hard it would leave welts around our mouths, kisses that muffled my cries, my wails. All I could do was kiss him. Or I'd die.
.
Glee
.
At 8:30am the next day, the hour was nearing. In the Rock Lodge Master Suite, mother and son were to finish the remnants of their packing, their suitcases on the bed like living shelled molluscs forced open as in went in clothes had that been laundered and left to dry in the hot air, toiletries, Kurt's gift store purchases and the peanut butter they'd bought in Justicia, that sweet smell that watered the mouth and reminded the fair boy of the children with their scrubby smiling faces and waving hands that had waved to many past visitors, who were used to saying, "goodbye", never to see them again. They were good at it, and Kurt, now stood beside the bed, his hands clenching into his white sweater folded in his arms, knew he never could be.
He'd never had to say goodbye often. To his grandmother, yes, at her funeral as he'd forlornly approached her open casket saying, "Goodbye, nana. I'm so sorry." Oh his poor grandmother, having looked so at peace dressed in a white linen dress, her skin white as snow with her yeasty odour now one of embalming fluid all covered up in perfume the scent of overripe plums. Saying again, "… Goodbye," and his father behind him laying a hand on his shoulder, and Elizabeth who'd fallen to her knees as the coffin had been lowered into the ground, crying out, "I'll never forget you, mommy!" And Kurt had cried at the sight of his mother's distress, rivulets of mascara tears running down her cheeks. "Rest in peace. God will look after you. Goodbye."
Five months later, Tina, Kurt's only friend at elementary school had returned to China upon the end of third grade, news she hadn't wished to tell him. It would break him so, the guilt stabbing at her when it been their teacher who'd announced it to the whole class instead, the look on Kurt's fair face. And she'd feared he'd hate her, yet the following day he'd brought in a strawberry shortcake he'd baked with his mother for her the day she'd left school. Oh Kurt. Yes. Kurt now could remember it, how they'd both eaten into the biscuit together in the playground, how Tina had dropped a spoonful of syrupy strawberries on her flared skirt, whipped cream everywhere as she'd grinned, "T-thank you, Kurt." The boy hugging her. "I-I'll miss you."
Yet it had been saying goodbye to Noah in that summer of 2001 outside the Hotel Del, the memories of them both grabbing on at all costs, that shook him, and the thought of doing it again, oh it was painful, as if the needle had lost the vein and had to be injected in one in the other arm, it made him queasy, enough to lie down with thoughts now of having awoken in the Cliff Lodge to Noah observing him silently in the bed beside him, drinking in his body, his face. Oh, he'd looked so sad! As if to cry again, and he never cried. Even when his ankle had broken on the football field last year. When he was "Puck". But Noah was a sensitive soul. You had to let the feels out from time to time and he'd engulfed Kurt in his arms, sobbing into his chest.
But all was not lost! Oh, it had been like new life. Over breakfast, and Thomas had grinned at Elizabeth, the woman smiling warmly back as she'd addressed Noah, "Noah, sweetie," her hand on his wrist, "We have some good news," there to let him know that his father had invited Kurt to spend the summer with them in Texas, with plans already set to return to California in July, to surf again! To walk those beaches again! And with Kurt! The table had come close to capsizing as Noah had rocketed out of his chair shouting in fist pumping elation, "HELL YEAH!" Hugging both parents, "thank you, Mrs. H!" "Thanks, dad!" And with Kurt up and smiling, threw the boy into the air and into his arms, spinning them both around in exuberance, hella happy.
They were so glad. So much triumph in them it made them sick as if having eaten too much of that overly sweetened peanut butter, or when Kurt had slumped on the picnic bench with Tina from strawberry shortcake over cram, or when he'd inhaled his grandmother's sour casket scent that was formaldehyde, glycerine, borax, and phenol alcohol, but they were exulted! And with a click, Kurt closed his suitcase shut with a smile, the tips of which wavered with a wince from where Noah had gripped tightly at his sides, the skin red with hand marks. Yet watching as Elizabeth made sure to leave the room exactly as they had found it, not one object out of place as they'd leave, he'd smile at her, bringing her into a hug as he'd said, "thanks, mom."
"Oh sweetie, I love you," said Elizabeth, her hands around him. "You know I'd do anything for you."
Kurt nodded into her shoulder. "I know mom, I know."
"You know I love Noah and you know I want you and him to spend as much time as you can together. I mean… you've been so lucky to see him after all these years, Kurt. You've been so lucky, it's been incredible. I still can't believe it. Just what he's done for you. He really does love you."
"I love him too, mommy," Kurt said. "I really, really do."
"How does it feel?" His mother asked, pulling away. Kurt looked down, pausing with an assessed frown.
"I… It's one of the heaviest things I've ever felt. Like it's a burden, but not in a way that it's a nuisance, at all, but as if my heart's pregnant and softly swelled up with something thick like sap or syrup. I've never felt so warm inside."
Elizabeth smiled, proudly. "Oh Kurt, you're in love."
"It couldn't be anything else could it? I mean, I am saying I have goo in my heart."
"No sweetie, you're in love. It's love goo. Fresh and new and oooh, First love. There's nothing like it."
Kurt sighed. "Yvette told me it was always such sweet despair."
"Despair which I'm sure you were feeling at the thought of having to say goodbye, yet sweet because you were still with him," said Elizabeth, now moving Kurt's suitcase aside as she guided them to sit on the bed. "You are going to see each other again, Kurt. It's not going to be like last time."
"I know," Kurt nodded as Elizabeth smiled, rubbing a comforting hand on his thigh.
"We'll go home, you'll spend time with your father because he hasn't seen a lot of you between you returning from Dalton and coming here, and then the next week you'll be off to see Noah for two months, and although it saddens me that you'll be away from us for that long, seeing as you board and we only get to see you at weekends, I think Noah needs you more. He needs his "Gay Jane" with him this summer."
"Was it Thomas's idea to invite me?"
Elizabeth nodded. "Yes, it was. You know, he's been rooting that you and Noah would become an item."
"He has?"
"Oh yes. He believes you're right for him, even if you two are only sixteen. I have the impression that if he sees his son bringing home any more of these supposed bimbos to use them as his right hand, he'll flip. He wants him to be a cool surfer gentlemen, not this "Puck" which I've assumed is a persona he puts on at school."
"Yes, but it's a past life now, mom," Kurt assured, averting his eyes as he lowered them into his lap. "You heard him, he doesn't want to be that guy anymore."
"But it's so sad, isn't it," Elizabeth said. "The things those struggling with identity must go through in high school. I never thought it would happen to Noah, he always seemed so secure in the way he was."
"Below the surface mom, we'll all raw and exposed." His mother pulled him into a hug.
"Oh sweetie, it's going to be alright."
"I know," Kurt replied, his head resting on his mother's shoulder. "I'm just happy I'm with him, and don't worry, he isn't like that school persona of his at all. He's not going to treat me as if I'm some mindless hook-up."
"As if you were the hook-up type, Kurt," Elizabeth laughed, "I know Noah isn't going to be that way with you. You, the one who's only out for fun on dates. Well, you're dating the right boy. I can see Noah will be a whole lot of fun to date. Very exciting."
"You think so?"
"I do. He looks like he knows how to show the boys and girls a good time."
"I just hope it's not been accented too strongly the fact that most of the boys I've seen have all been perfect gentlemen, that I have to be wined and dined and all that. I mean, I know I may appear preppy, but I'm not snooty, am I?"
"You're aloof when you're on the defense, but snooty, no sweetie. You're too meek and humble to be so."
"Oh okay, good," Kurt smiled, relieved as Elizabeth continued.
"And when the time comes for when you two become intimate, you know what you're comfortable with. Make sure to talk to him and let him know when you're ready."
"Mom, it's okay, I have done. He knows I'm not as of yet, and perhaps in all honesty he's not either. He's sort of embarrassed how little he's explored his attraction to boys but he has me, and it'll be something we can do together, until yes, until the time comes."
"I'm sure Yvette's told you a lot of explicit things about what to do when it does," said Elizabeth, smiling. "You know, she is quite the worldly woman, isn't she."
Kurt nodded. "Yes, we've had interesting age inappropriate conversations. Sometimes she'll hesitate before saying something explicit because she thinks I'm too innocent and pure but she ends up telling me anyway because she doesn't want me to enter the world naïve. Otherwise she thinks it'll take advantage of me and eat me right up."
"I do appreciate what she does for you. She's like your cool aunt, isn't she."
"She is. Not to say you're not cool, mom. At least you've met Noah, I really wonder what Yvette would make of him. I joked that she wouldn't trust him, but I can see her warming to him."
"Everybody warms to Noah sweetie, he's just got a warmth to him. Plus," she said, leaning in. "He's very handsome."
Kurt squealed. "He's so handsome, mommy. He's the handsomest boy I've ever ever ever seen."
"He is certainly a hunk in the making."
"But you don't think he's too good looking for me, do you? I'm not punching above my weight?"
Elizabeth stuttered in disbelief. "Kurt, honey, of course not. You're adorable."
"You'd tell me, wouldn't you?"
"Absolutely, you're adorable. How do you account for all those dashing boys who've asked you out? Men are very visual you know. It's the looks that initially attract them, even young surfer boys to pretty faces by water fountains."
I remember that day at the Orange Avenue Fountain, Burt with me by that big Eldorado, casting a glance over to Kurt and oh! There was a boy with him, as if he'd caught sight of Kurt walking back to the hotel from the beach. It's that cutie again! Having sneaked up with a mischievous grin, his heart beating against his ribs like something small and feathered was trapped inside, and hidden behind a bush to watch him until the jump out, until he'd cleared his throat, a "Sup" to keep it cool, to restrain his thrill at seeing again just about the most adorable boy he'd ever seen, my son, Kurt, at the highest level of cuteness that had Noah snuggling his thick fluffy white pillow tightly that night in bed, a leg thrown over it with his dreaming face buried in deep.
It could be seen Kurt too was recalling that day, a soft nostalgic smile on his face as off they'd go, picking up their suitcases as he'd follow his mother out of the suite, taking one last look before they were out into the South African air, one hot and filled with song, the liquidy calls of the Gurney's Sugarbird and those harsh and wakeful from the Red-backed Mannikin, walking the ten minutes to the open-air arrival and departure lounge where amongst several fellow guests sipping casually on champagne also on set to leave were the Puckerman's awaiting to wish them farewell with handsome smiles, their own flight not until the following morning as they rose from their seats to embrace them, and to embrace them tightly, for oh, would they be missed!
Kurt had barely deposited his own suitcase to the ground before Noah had engulfed him. Oooph! Big arms around his rib cage with his own perched on those broad shoulders. With a frame as small as his, he was easy to engulf, like a toy pressed into the chest of a distressed child, Noah, his nerves jangling with sorrow for he didn't want Kurt to go. Even though older, he was still that boy at heart that couldn't comprehend the rage of his leaving with only the knowledge that soon, they would be seeing each other again, saving all anguish from cracking at the foundations of his mind. Kurt himself appeared more composed, his heart fluttering, so in love he was with Noah, and leading him aside in privacy, he faced his boyfriend, smiling in reassurance.
"Well, this is it," Kurt breathed as Noah shook his head.
"Doesn't have to be. How about I sneak you up into my room and you stay there until tomorrow, then you can come home with my dad and me."
Kurt sighed, smiling as like an adult might whilst hearing their child. "Noah, I-"
"Seriously, we can watch the animals kill each other from the balcony and get so blood thirsty the only option is to have sex."
"Sex?"
"Yeah," Noah nodded, "you'd be so thirsty for it, even your blood type would be D."
"You're insatiable," Kurt giggled.
"Yeah, baby. I'll grab your ass until I give myself carpel tunnel, or you know, break your ass bones."
"I don't have any bones Noah, I'm full of squishy cuddle cream, like a Twinkie."
"A Twinkie?"
"Yeah, just think of me as an extra cute twink. Limited edition."
"I love it when you talk dirty to me." Kurt laughed, as Noah now pouted, "What? Come on, that turned me on a little bit."
"I know," Kurt said. "I should have known. To be honest, I thought you'd be put off by cream ever since you told me your dad bought you some for Christmas for when your testicles stick to your thighs."
Noah shushed him, looking back round at those in the lounge. "Dude, not so loud. It just made it easier to tea bag that's all."
"You mean-"
"Yep. I can now put my balls on your head like a hat without having to do a little Jumba dance to unstick them."
"Oh isn't that just… well, lovely," said Kurt, shifting uncomfortably. "The Justicia dancers will be so happy."
"Totally."
"Besides. I don't think testicles are in this season. Well, not according to Vogue."
"Why not? If sperm comes from testicles, doesn't that mean ball really is life?"
"Again, not Vogue, no matter how much of a spin you want to put on it."
"Did you get to work on your blog at all this week?"
Kurt shook his head. "No, but it's alright. I have plenty of photos to help me write something up or two. It should make a rather interesting entry. Which reminds me, I have an essay to write."
"Yeah, me too," said Noah. "I have hella homework to do, but of what I've done of it, negative hella."
Kurt cocked his head curiously."What is it?"
"History. I gotta "discuss" how most cowboys in the U.S. were native, black and Mexican whilst comparing it to Hollywood's totally omnipresent white cowboy dude that were just a studio concoction meant to back up the mythology of white masculinity and shit."
"Ooh, that's a good one."
"Yeah, it's actually not too bad," Noah smiled. "I live in Texas, this'll be pips. Plus my history teacher's pretty chill. He says he likes my two thirty in the morning "sarcastic" writing style and the way I look "vaguely pissed off" in class."
Kurt giggled. "You do?"
"It kinda came with the "Puck" package. All badass and bullshitting through assignments."
"Are you one of those lucky enough to get good grades when you do? Because if you are, I just… can't look at you. Just leave."
"Nah, I'm not," Noah chuckled, "Bullshit actually means bullshit here. I'm lucky if I get a C-."
Kurt sighed. "Noah."
"I know, I know, but I'm not doin that anymore. I'm not. I've just gotta learn to not say "ah, fuck this" on the second day of school after promising myself I'd get gay A's, 'cause I know I can get 'em."
"Gay A's?"
"Yeah, screw straight A's, we gotta stop homophobia now."
Kurt laughed. "You're thinking like a true inhabitant of the Gay Zone."
"Totally," Noah chuckled, smiling, "'Cause seriously, homophobia's just bogus. Who the hell is afraid of homes?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Well so much for that, but "Gay A's". I'm seriously impressed that's your potential. I've never been academic. I've never been able to grasp how to write an essay, no matter how hard I try until I give up and write "do the hokey pokey" a thousand times because life is pointless and entropy is unavoidable and the universe is butt filled with callous and casual destruction."
"Sounds awesome," Noah grinned. "What is it you have to write about?"
Kurt shrugged. "The main themes in The Catcher of the Rye as well as a side assignment on the poetic constructs of Shakespeare's sonnets."
"Poems, huh?" Noah perked. "I got one, "I'm hella hot, hella rad, hella dumb, hella sad"."
"Amazing."
"No seriously, in seventh grade we had to write "how to" poems so I wrote "how to get rid of a dead body" and it won the poem contest, but I was also sent to guidance."
"I don't think I'll be able to maintain my B+ average if I go down that route for Mr. Savva, Noah."
"Ah balls, not him. He's totally got the hots for you."
Kurt huffed. "We are not having this discussion again."
"Kurt look, I know bein tight with teachers is fun 'cause hearin 'em talk shit about other teachers has 'em acting like high schoolers, except they all get paid, but sometimes, you can have too much fun."
Kurt laughed dryly. "That's rich coming from you, Mr. 69."
"That's how I know," said Noah. "And for the record, I didn't come on to them all the time. Once I was hard in class and the teacher thought it was my phone and grabbed it. She later asked me to stay behind to suck me off."
Kurt gaped. "God, have your teachers no morals?"
"What? I'm hot," Noah shrugged, smirking, only for it to wither taking in Kurt's unimpressed face. "But I'm not doin that any more either, babe. I'm not hot for teacher, I'm hot for you with my dick game D- and my cuddle game A+."
"Do you mind if we don't talk any more of it," said Kurt, taking a step back. "It's making me uncomfortable."
Noah nodded vehemently. "Y-yeah, of course." He grew anxious upon Kurt's silence. "You're not mad at me, are you? Baby, please don't be mad." And Kurt sighed, as if not knowing what he felt as Noah hugged him. "I'm sorry."
"I really don't like "Puck"."
"I know baby, I know. I've met some pricks in my time but that guy took the fucking cactus."
"Promise me you'll never be him, Noah. Please."
Taking the boy's hands in his, Noah nodded. "I promise you, Kurt. I love you, and if I ever drove you away 'cause of something I'd done, I… you know it would break me." Kurt's breath fluttered as Noah kissed him, "I love you so much, baby." And kissing him again. "So in love with you." Taking up his lips and moaning tearfully, "So in love Kurt my heart could make the swellest waves in the world it's thumping that hard for you."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'm shifting tectonic plates here. Rupturing the surface of the Earth, Kurt! I'm tearing the world apart for you! What more do you want?!"
Kurt laughed. "… You."
Noah's body tingled as a few meters away, Elizabeth called for her son, "Kurt, sweetie, it's time to go!"
"Don't go," Noah pleaded. "Seriously I think the plane's gonna crash. The captain looks dodgy. "Hello, this is your pilot speaking… fuck you"."
"Noah don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Just finish that cowboy essay before I arrive. I want you all to myself."
His boyfriend nodded. "You got it, but you know I'll just end up writing, "so how about my huge ass dick" a thousand times with a riddle at the end goin, "who is super-cute? Kurt. Likes food? Kurt, and the one I wanna marry someday? Kurt.""
The fair boy smiled, now pulling out from his pocket Noah's promise ring. "You already did put on a ring on it, hubby."
That ring, exotic in its design you wished to spin around rapidly like a turning zoetrope with its large ocean swells that would ceaselessly break into barrels and tubes, its white water as bubbly and frothy as champagne carbonation upon the uncorking. Pop! The air gap flash! And it was slid on Kurt's baby finger, raised before Noah's eyes as like a succulent jewel he brought his lips to kiss, a hand kiss that had the hair's on Kurt's arm's erect, a palm kiss to numb those knees, and now cradling it against his tan cheek, the rough graze of unshaved stubble against such soft skin and it was gone, as like an outstretched hand of a drowning boy, Kurt was gone, journeying down the deck with his mother, their suitcases trailing behind like racketing trains.
To watch Kurt leave again, there was nothing that ripped more at Noah's heart. He stood beside his father in reverent silence contemplating the boy, Thomas himself looking on with a warm smile, having wished goodbye to Elizabeth with an extended kiss on the cheek, "It's been awesome seeing you again, Liz. You take care of yourself", a "see you real soon, kiddo," to Kurt as he'd left. For oh yes, he too would miss that pretty face, this boy his son itched to run after with a roaring in his ears, a sick, excited sensation flaming across his chest as Noah walked forwards as like a warrior, shouting, "I'm gonna marry you, Kurt!" And in the long distance, Kurt turned, his face near eclipsed by the sun. "You hear that, baby! I'm gonna marry you someday!"
I was deeply moved. My mom had heard, just as others ahead of us had heard, though I was scarcely aware of any of them as in my answer I smiled wide, mouthing, "I love you" that sweetened a blowing kiss I hoped would reach on the gust of the South African current before it was too late, for our suitcases were taken from us and loaded into the jet with the many guests filing into their seats as they boarded one by one. I wanted to hang back for Noah as they did in the movies, to kiss my boyfriend by the jet's open ladder in a sappy forties film scene before I was whisked away from him in this large white winged creature that shrieked as like an eagle it's feathered wings spread wide, it's yellow eyes to the sky as it lifted into the air, gliding into the sun.
And Noah watched as it took off, shaking sighing "later, baby!" at Kurt's porthole as he chased after him, now on the runway and sprinting like the Justicia kids had done to their car that had departed in puffy whirls of off road dust the shade of burnt sienna, this bird high in the sky with its feathers reflecting the sunlight that was it's true alloy metal covering with not a single cloud in the sky for it to disappear behind. Noah would eye it until he could no more, and already he could not wait! How his heart would beat wild at even the prospect of catching sight of another plane. Kurt on that plane. Flight 56 from Columbus touching down at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport at 4:25pm on June 14th. Oh, he would look forward to that date.
I'd count the days. Fuck it, I'd count the minutes as my dad lay a hand on my shoulder to walk us back to the reserve, the look on his face of reassurance as he told me the arrangements that we'd fix Kurt up in the guest bedroom, that we hoped he'd like mom's Kosher food, and that I'd have to keep Sarah on a leash so excited she'd be around him for this wasn't eight years ago when I didn't know when I'd see Kurt again. I knew I would this time. I knew, and I'd repeat it constantly to rid my fears in my mind I wouldn't, too vivid were the memories of how bummed out I was the last time he left. Kurt, my baby, my angel, who I'd let slip from me as a wee kid, but would not this time. He was in my heart. I'd always love him and I would not lose him again.
To Be Continued...
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