Sorry for the delays - I seem to have been mega busy, plus I made a Firefly music video. Go to youtube and search for vampbarbie13 and you'll find it! (Shameless self promotion over)

Please read and review...Its all a bit depressing though!

Chapter 10: Patience

Last night she had clung to him as though she were drowning, but since the dawn it has seemed as if she would prefer to be drowned. She sits beneath that tree on the bank and stares blankly out on the landscape. He hair blows into her face with the light breeze but she makes no move to push it away. Tears run silently down her face. Simon walks over to her and sits beside her. He slides an arm silently around her shoulders and she leans into him gratefully.

He knows how she feels. He has already been back to Serenity. To clear up. Luckily he avoided seeing either Wash or Mal. He tidied away all the instruments and wires and monitors, all the blood. He'd told her he was sorry, as he covered her face with the white sheet. Then lowered the temperature of the room to preserve her body. He wonders where Wash went.

Simon questions why he was planning to leave Serenity. He is not sure if he is strong enough to do it. But he will, if it's the best thing to do. And then he'll break later, out of sight and far away. But sitting here staring out at the grass with Kaylee, his insides are feeling like he might vomit. He has caused the girl under his arm nothing but heartache and he doesn't deserve to stay. He has done some terrible things this last day and before. Broken oaths that he'd tried to tell himself he wouldn't break again. Killed innocent people with all the goodness of his heart. And hidden it from her so she won't think badly of him. Sometimes it's the best thing to do, then lie to the higher ups about deaths from natural causes or from their injuries. Simon feels sick.

Kaylee likes the feel of his arm around her. She feels safe here. But oh god Zoë. Her stomach is all tied in knots. And she couldn't find Wash. She hopes he doesn't do anything stupid. And Simon is going to leave. Maybe not on St Owens. But soon. So last night couldn't mean anything more than one mistake. Just something they both needed in that moment. She couldn't let it become more than that. Despite what he'd said. She just couldn't.

River finds Wash sat in the top meadow, his back against a fence post staring blankly at the grazing cattle. His eyes are puffy, not from crying only lack of sleep. River notes that he has the same shirt on as last night still stained with sweat and possibly those dark patches are blood. She sits beside him awkwardly and stays silent for a long time.

"Is everyone alright?" he suddenly asks.

"Yes."

"The baby?"

She nods. "Fine. False alarm. Inara stayed awake all night drinking when she heard. Jayne was with me. I never saw Mal. Simon and Kaylee spent all night with the wounded…"

"Did he kill them too?" Wash winces at what he is saying.

"You can't blame Simon," River says quietly, but there is a sharpness to her voice. "He is a good doctor. He will have done everything he could possibly have done. So don't you dare sully him and his actions. He tried everything for her. Then stayed up and did it again." Her eyes flash darkly. "None of us did that. Except Kaylee who stayed because she had to help. My brother is a good man and he doesn't kill people."

Wash stares at her.

River continues but softens. "I'm so sorry Wash." She lays a hand on his knee.

"What am I going to do?" he says brokenly.

"Come back with me." Tears are trailing down her face now despite her earlier flash of anger. "We're all grieving. We need to stay together now. We're family."

She slides her hand into Wash's and he starts to cry.

"Hey."

Maddie turns her head. "Hey Jayne."

He slides into the chair beside her gingerly. "I'm proud of you," he says gruffly.

She looks at the tabletop. "I was so scared Jayne. I thought…I thought I was gonna die."

Jayne loops his good arm around her shoulders. "Not my little sister. You're a Cobb remember?"

She nods. "Yeah," but doesn't sound convinced.

He squeezes her tightly against his side. "You kept that kiddie alive."

"Couldn't keep Zoë alive could I? Couldn't stop you or Benji getting hurt. Or Daniel." Tears start running down her cheeks.

"Zoë wanted her son to live. You made sure of that. She'd be proud of you too." Jayne pulls his little sister against him and kisses the top of her head. He's just glad she's alive.

His mother steps up behind him silently and puts a hand on his shoulder. He jumps, a little startled. "I'm proud of my boys."

Jayne looks up. "Thanks ma."

She cuffs him round the head but gently, like a mother bear with her cub, then hugs him round his neck tightly, and loops Maddie into the hug too.

"Ma!" Jayne whines but secretly likes the feeling of being hugged by his mama. Especially today.

She releases them laughing lightly.

"Mal?" Inara taps on his door softly.

There is the deafening sound of silence.

"Mal? Are you in there?" but she knows he is. No one has seen him in thirty-six hours. No other place that Mal would rather hide in than his beloved ship.

"Mal please," she implores gently. "We just want to know that you're alright."

"Go away."

The voice is dark and quiet but carries up the hatchway easily.

"Mal?"

He doesn't say anything else. Inara tries the hatch carefully. It is locked. If Mal realises that she has done it he does not react. She steps back, her heart thudding in her chest. She feels hurt, but knows she shouldn't given everything. But she wants to be able to be there for him and he won't let her. She doesn't understand why he won't let her.

In his bunk Mal listens to her footsteps retreat down the corridor above him.

She tosses the piece of metal onto the pile of similarly ruined pieces of metal and wants to cry. She turns over another panel with her boot and stoops to pick it up. This bit may be salvageable. She doesn't hear him come up behind her until he speaks.

"Hey," he says softly.

She turns. "Hey you," but can't keep the quiver out of her voice.

Simon picks up a palm-sized bit of plating and twiddles it between his hands. "How is she looking?"

Kaylee shrugs. "Repairable. I think." Kaylee knows Serenity is just a ship. But it's their home. And to see her broken feels like a violation of something.

Simon gives her arm a squeeze. "I'll see you later okay?"

She nods and turns miserably back to her pile of metal as Simon walks away. She doesn't notice him take the piece he was holding with him.

Simon expects to get a thumping when Wash corners him in the kitchen of the Cobb family home.

"Simon?"

He turns slowly, waiting for the fist in the face.

Wash stares at him, a twisted tortured look on his face. "Did they…" he swallows roughly. "Did they…to Zoë…"

"What?" Simon frowns trying to work out what he is asking.

Wash bites his lip, looking on the verge of tears. "Zoë…I have to know." He swallows again. "Did those tyen-sah duh uh-muo rape my wife?"

Simon stares at him in horror for one horrible shocked moment. "No, Wash they didn't."

Wash breathes out shakily. "Thank God."

Simon pats him awkwardly on the shoulder. "They tried, there were bruises on her legs but she must have given them hell to stop them. Jayne got there in time."

Wash nods, swallowing hard. "I just had to know," he whispers.

"I know."

"I talked to the preacher man. Day after tomorrow. The funeral…"

Simon nods. "I'll tell the others for you." He squeezes Wash's shoulder then lets him go. Wash nods at him, just once then leaves the kitchen.

Translation Notes

Tyen-sah duh uh-muo. - Goddamn monsters.