Typical Disclaimers Apply
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"….and that's when I told him, 'But you seem really limber. Why don't you just suck it yourself?' And that's how I got kicked off the dance team for the second time. Now the third time I…"
"Esme, darling, as much as I absolutely adore the tales of your adolescence, I don't think they're quite appropriate for Christmas tea." Sirius interrupted, smiling as everyone else gaped at his wife. An awkward silence followed, only broken by a rap at the door.
"Eek! That'd be Sev! I'll get it!" Esme bounced out of her seat and towards the door. "State your name!"
"I am Severus Tobias Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
"And I am Remus John Lupin. A werewolf."
"Fabulous. Here's one for each of you—Sev, where was I born? And Remus, darling, what was your toast at my wedding?"
"Alsace, France," Snape said firmly. Remus, however, seemed less willing to answer.
"They already heard it once, Esme!" he protested.
"Say it or I'll be forced to kill you both!" Esme sang. Snape glared at him.
"Fine…I sang Whitney Houston's theme from The Bodyguard."
"Wonderful. I graciously welcome you both into my home." She swung the door open into their faces. Pulling away, she could see ice clinging to the goatee-thing Snape had been growing.
"Merry Christmas," he muttered, shuffling in. "I brought wine."
"Ooh, wine!" Esme giggled. "Come on in, Remus. You know, I invited Tonks, but, for some reason, she didn't want to come!" Her words turned poisonous, "Can you imagine why?"
"When are you going to drop this?"
"Never. Not even if you marry her."
"Well, that's a great incentive for me to, you know, stop surrounding myself with your unpleasant….pleasantness." He stared at Sirius who grinned goofily.
"But the trouble is that, because I am so wonderful, you simply cannot quit me. I'm like a drug except I'm more expensive."
"It's true," Sirius said from the table.
"What can I do to get you to stop bugging me? Does it have to go down to physical tactics?"
"Even if it did, I'd still win. I can withstand any sexual advances; I am married to the most handsome wizard in the world."
"Yes, yes you are."
"And I think I proved that I can hold my own when it comes to Muggle-style fighting. I fought Bellatrix, and she's a hell of a lot scarier than you."
"Why don't we eat," Arthur proposed.
"I don't know," Sirius smirked. "I think a fight between my lycanthropic best friend and my wife."
"Yeah," Fred added, "I mean, she was crazy enough to marry you. You'd think she'd be crazy enough to fight a werewolf."
"Sit. Down. Now," Molly said firmly. They all sat down instantly. Molly disappeared back into the kitchen. When she returned she was carrying a huge turkey, surrounded by vegetables and stuffing. "Let's serve the guests first."
The entire family, plus Remus and Snape, ate in utter silence for nearly twenty minutes, until George shattered it with a loud belch.
"George!" Molly gasped.
"Zat eez disgusting," Fleur said, wrinkling her nose.
"C'mon, Mum. It's my way of showing gratitude!"
"No wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend," Bill muttered to Esme, who was staring out the window.
"Hey—hey Mum look!" She pointed towards the gate. "It's Percy!"
"And I thought this dinner couldn't get any more awkward," Sirius said miserably.
"That's the trouble with 'thinking', Siri, you're not supposed to do it. Ever. Because you're always wrong."
"You always know the perfect thing to say, wife." The door swung open and Percy and an elderly man walked in, brushing snow off of their clothes.
"Hello Mother, family. Happy Christmas," he said abruptly. Fred and George rose, looking near violence.
"You know, this is always how I dreamed I'd spend my first married Christmas: At a table laden with food, surrounded by my family; two of the people I sort of work with; my estranged, obnoxious brother who I haven't seen for over a year; my wonderful husband; and an elderly man!" The man looked at her.
"I am Rufus Scrimgeour, Minister of Magic. I don't believe I've met you."
"I'm Esme Black. I'm short, spunky, and the godchild of the Dark Lord."
"Oh, well then. Ah, I need to speak with Mr. Potter in private."
"Um, fine. Little brother, you have my permission to be taken into the privacy of this old man we just met." As the two left, Molly turned to her son with tears in her eyes.
"Of, Perce, we've been so worried! Where have you been living? Have you been eating?"
"I have a small cot in my office. I eat whatever those above me deem unworthy their taste buds."
"God bless bureaucracy!" Ginny sang as she pelted a dinner roll.
--
Hours passed, and, after Percy and Scrimgeour left, everyone lay by the fire. The snow was no longer a light dusting, but more a large duvet.
"I should probably go," Snape said quietly. He'd been sitting tensely for the entire visit.
"You've somewhere to go, right?" Molly asked, concerned. "You're not just going to a cold house to freeze the night away, are you? The snow's getting awful…"
"Mum…" Bill moaned. George clenched his jaw and Fred clenched his fists. Ron looked from his mother to Esme to Snape and Ginny closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. They could all sense what was coming.
"I'll be fine," Snape said respectfully, eyeing the group. "Thank you for your hospitality."
"Oh, dear, but the snow's so bad, it's not safe to go out. Maybe you and Remus should just stay the night."
"I think that's a fabulous idea!" Esme bubbled. She caught Snape's Is-this-revenge-for-something? look and returned it with her patented Why-yes-indeed-it-is look.
"I don't want to impose…" It was futile.
"Nonsense! We can move Harry and Ron downstairs, and you and Remus can take their room!"
"Honestly, this feels like imposing…." His protests fell on deaf ears.
"I don't know, Sev," Esme said, grinning like a cat about to catch a canary. "You seem to fit in quite well with this family."
"Esme, dear, why don't you show them to their rooms?" Esme leapt up and trotted up the stairs while Snape and Remus trudged after her.
"Why is your mother so nice to me?" Snape muttered, as he finally caught up to her.
"Because crazy runs in the family. Here's your room." She sung open the door to a room approximately the size of a broom closet.
"This is approximately the size of a broom closet," Snape noted.
"Yes, we use it to store linens. And sometimes children. Today we use it to store gentlemen."
"All right then."
"Nightey-night!" she said cheerfully, skipping away. The two men
surveyed the room. Two cots stood on opposite sides of the room,
about an arm's length away from each other. Each was folded
military-style. The whole room looked like a training camp bunk room,
except for the small bedside tables that sat past the feet of the
beds.
"It's…cozy."
"You know, Lupin, if you start talking, or doing anything, in your sleep, I will not stop at smothering you with your pillow."
"Well, if I wake up dead, at least I'll know why."
--
The night passed somewhat uneventfully. No one was murdered while they slept. No one snuck into anyone else's bed. And, with only one exception, everyone slept peacefully through the night.
"You're up early," Esme whispered as she padded downstairs, still in her pajamas. Snape stood by the door, fully dressed. He was holding a small, wrapped box and looking about anxiously, as though he was torn between staying and leaving.
"Couldn't sleep," Snape said, equally as soft. "New places, y'know?"
"Yeah," she laughed. "I've had the experience. Coffee?"
"No, but thanks," he looked at the door. "Do you think I should just leave now, before everyone wakes up?"
"Definitely not. My mum would be royally pissed if you left without breakfast." Snape smiled wryly but shook his head.
"I should go. It's Christmas. It's a time for family." He looked out at the sparkling blanket of snow.
"Where're you gonna go?" she yawned.
"I have a house, you know," he smiled gently.
"But not a home."
"No," he whispered, "not a home." She stared at him, her innocent, wide blue eyes unblinking. "I should go." He gave her the small wrapped gift.
"No!" she grabbed his wrist. "Please stay."
"Esme…"
"Please! It's not fair for you to spend Christmas alone." He looked at her. He wanted to stay, and he wanted to leave. Most of all, he just wanted to hold her. She looked…scared. There were dark circles under her eyes he hadn't noticed before.
"What are you doing up?" he challenged.
"It's not that early," she whispered.
"Is something bothering you?" She took a breath.
"No," she sighed. "Yes. I still can't remember what happened."
"It's only been a few days," Snape said awkwardly. "And Madam Pomfrey said we shouldn't try and push you."
"Yeah, but, what if…" She inhaled deeply, "What if the persons still there, you know? What if they attack someone else while we're all on holiday? It's like I have all the information Dumbledore needs, but I can't tell him." Snape looked at her, his brow furrowing. "It's not your fault you can't remember," he said firmly.
"I know, but it's still scary," she said emphatically, widening her eyes. "I mean, it could have been anyone. What if it was, say, Flitwick? Maybe he's turned to the Dark side or something. It would certainly be easy," she mused, "to have a teacher on the Dark side."
"Right," Snape said quickly. "Well, if it is Flitwick, I promise I shall be valiant and guard you from him with my life." He turned serious, "And I do promise, Esme, I will guard you with my life."
"Aw, you're so sweet," cooed Esme. She'd never seen Snape this kind. "You're always stepping up to look out for people. That's why I love you."
And that was the first time, in many, many years, Severus Snape turned pink.
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