A/N: I don't always write parody fanfics of books, but when I do, they're always hilarious.
Percy and Jason had called a temporary truce.
You see, they had finally gotten their revenge on Chiron. They locked him up in a room and filled it with a thousand fake keys and a single one and wrote: "There's a real key in here somewhere." To make things even more fun, they decided to also put up a fake timer so it seemed there was a bomb planted in the room.
"Have any of you seen Chiron?" Dionysus asked as he walked by.
"Nope. I heard he had gone to get some incendiary training," Percy said.
"Yeah, training in avoidance of modern explosives. And training his reflexes," Jason said.
Dionysus, of course, thought that this was pretty weird. For one, since when did Percy begin to use big words like incendiary? Now he had two options, he could a) find out what they had done and it was bound to be something bad and would get him paperwork or b) go play on his newly ordered Pac-Man machine.
Any guesses on what he chose?
So, anyway, Percy and Jason decided to head towards the Poseidon Cabin. Percy's mother had seen those, um, magazines and decided Percy needed to learn some culture and sent him a golfing kit. Unfortunately, the company had mixed up the packages (or rather fortunately for Percy's case) and he had ended up getting this violent golf video game where all people did was hit each other with golf clubs.
It was pretty much the same thing they tried to do in real life.
If you're wondering where they got the electricity from, well, they had gotten Leo to rewire the Camp's power supply so they could have a portion of power.
Unfortunately, when the score was 27-27 the power went out.
"I was just winning too..." both of them said at the same time.
Jason glanced around the room since he was bored now, and saw something strange on Percy's bed: a book.
No, like seriously, what was Percy doing with that?
"Where'd you get this?" Jason asked. He opened the book and saw that it was filled up with lots of type that was hard to read even if you weren't dyslexic.
"It's pretty weird," Percy said. "While I was stopping on by the Athena cabin I saw the book on Annabeth's desk and I had those sort of feeling like I was in danger so I took it, but I haven't been able to read it."
Jason flipped through the pages. There were some weird symbols and all outlined in it along with more hard to read text.
"Anyway, I would've won the golf battle."
"No, I would've."
And so they kept arguing like this until Jason threw the book at Percy who narrowly dodged it.
Oddly enough, the impact didn't seem to hurt too much but suddenly Percy felt woozy and the world seemed to black out.
"Why am I looking at a mirror?" Percy asked. He could see himself standing in front of him. At first he thought he had died and maybe become some sort of a spirit, but he found that he could move.
And something more, there was a tattoo of SPQR on his arm with an eagle and way too many bands then there should have.
And then of course everything fell into place.
A/N: From now on, the person in parenthesis is the person whose body that person is in, while the first name is who they really are. Percy's switched with Jason, so Percy in Jason's body is known as Percy (Jason).
Percy (as Jason) "What was that? What did you do?"
"I don't know!" Jason (Percy) shouted.
"You're the one who threw the book!"
"Yeah, but, wait, let me take some time to figure it out," Jason (Percy) said.
He started flipping through the pages, but the type was really small and hard to read.
"I swear, it's like when I'm in your body I have trouble thinking or something," Jason (Percy) said.
Percy (Jason) really wanted to hit him, but that would just mean that he was really hitting himself. Darn it, this switching bodies things was really weird.
"I've got it," Jason (Percy) said. "It shows here that there's this complex spell we can do to reverse anything. All we need is a used tire, a painting, and a herd of wild armadillos."
"That sounds weird," Percy (Jason) said. "Are you sure that we should do this? That sounds out of our league and stuff."
"Don't be such a sissy," Jason (Percy) said. "There's no way that we could mess this up."
Thirty-five seconds later
"I can't believe we messed this up!" Jason (Percy) said. "I blame you for this, by the way."
Percy (Jason) wanted to punch him, but the thing was that that would only end up hurting himself. Was there any way this situation could get any worse?
He regretted thinking that instantly. You never should think that when you're a demigod.
"Hello Percy!" someone shouted whose voice was way too familiar. It was Vanessa, that Aphrodite girl who would have been rather cute if not for the fact that she had rather weird taste in romance.
"Uh," Jason (Percy) was unsure of how to respond.
"You don't know how sad I've been," Vanessa said. "There haven't been new pictures of you in a dress for weeks! All of your fans have been disappointed, especially Nico and the others."
"Wait Vanessa don't tug on my arm like that, wait don't ARE YOU REALLY AN APHRODITE GIRL WITH THAT ARM STRENGTH?" Jason (Percy) shouted.
Percy (Jason) knew that he was going to have to do something or the other and ti was clear that Vanessa might actually start hurting his body.
"Vanessa, leave my body alone!" Percy (Jason) screamed. Vanessa suddenly stopped tugging and her eyes widened.
"Uh.." she said. "Okay, I suppose I'll leave 'your body' alone Jason for now. This is really incredible, I've got to tell everyone."
It was just then that Percy (Jason) realized what he had said and just how it was going to be misinterpreted.
Vanessa was leaving but Jason (Percy) had to stop her, so he reached forward and accidentally hit her with the book.
Suddenly, Jason felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him and felt fine immediately after, though he suddenly felt shorter. He saw two people in front of him, Percy and himself. But if he wasn't back in his own body, whose body was he in?
And then it hit him. So that was how they could switch bodies back easily.
Vanessa (Percy) seemed surprised but adapted to the situation pretty quickly and ran off. She dropped the black magic book though, luckily.
"Percy!" Jason (Vanessa) said. "Switch with me! I'll get my body back and then help you with getting yours back."
"No way am I believing that," Percy (Jason) said. "You'll just go ahead and pretend you don't know what's happening if I agree to that." How did he know this? Simple, because he would've done the same thing too.
Jason (Vanessa) found that he couldn't take the book away from Percy. And Vanessa (Percy) was flying away. Percy (Jason) tripped and accidentally the book hit another surprised person who had just shadow travelled there.
Percy felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Suddenly, he was now looking at Jason and Vanessa.
"Aww man," Percy (Nico) said.
"Huh? Why?" Nico (Jason) said.
"Nico, just calm down," Jason (Vanessa) said. "Do nothing and we'll figure this out properly."
Nico (Jason) didn't want to calm down however. He seemed to try shadow traveling, but instead a huge wind grabbed him and he quickly flew out of sight.
"Why?" Percy (Nico) said. "Why does all of this bad stuff happen at camp? I bet Mount Olympus is all fine and peaceful."
Meanwhile on Mt. Olympus
"You keep going out with other woman!" Hera screamed.
"Keep quiet!" Zeus shouted back.
"Keep your son away from my daughter!" Athena shouted.
"Pfft. He's too good for her!" Poseidon shouted back.
"Stop going out with my wife!" Hephaestus shouted!
"Crawl back into your garage!" Ares retorted.
"Love is strongest!" Aphrodite said.
"No it isn't!" Artemis said.
"Cereal isn't good! Pancakes all the way!" Hades said.
"Take that back! For cereal!" Demeter cried out.
"Mother," Persephone whined.
"My Iphone isn't working!" Hermes said. "How will I finish my deliveries?"
"Apollo! Why are you so hot!" Apollo screamed into a mirror he was holding.
And now back to the plot
Percy (Nico) and Jason (Vanessa) just couldn't figure out what to do. Time was running out, and before they knew it, there was probably going to be a lot of trouble.
And so, we once again return to bring you the much in demand Ask Dionysus section. Here are the questions that Mr. D. has answered today:
Q. Where is Chiron?
A. Chiron was recently found and is recovering in the hospital right now. He keeps twisting his hands as if he's trying to pick up a key or something, but you'll know when he gets better.
Q. Why was there a sudden blackout at camp today?
A. I really don't know. I was just playing Pac-Man and then the power goes out. I have a feeling I know who is responsible, but really...
Q. Why is there a pack of wild armadillos running around camp?
A. I have a feeling the same two idiots are behind this thing as well- you know what, just scratch that. It's mating season. Yes, it is mating season for armadillos. There, now I don't need to do any work.
Q. I was painting outside the Apollo cabin and turned around when I noticed that my painting had vanished out of thin air. What could've happened?
A. No really? Chiron is gone, there is a pack of armadillos running around camp, and a blackout. And yet you're here worried about a painting. Really. Unless of course you think all these events are linked somehow, but assuming that would just be ridiculous.
Percy (Nico) was having a very hard time moving around. He accidentally shadow travelled to Russia once and took an hour to come back. There, Jason (Vanessa) was going around asking people "Have you seen me? No, I meant Jason?" and not getting a single clear answer.
Really, things were getting pretty bad and they had no clue whatsoever as to what they were going to do.
Of course, they then did the natural thing: they started blaming each other and fighting, and while doing so Jason (Vanessa) knocked out the book from Percy's hand. Percy (Nico) tried to retrieve it but somehow managed to send that away by shadow travel somewhere.
"Now what you idiot?" Jason (Vanessa) asked. "What are we going to do now?"
In other news, I suppose we might as well see what happened to the book from there.
The book ended up not too far from there. Actually, Travis Stoll picked it up as he and his brother were throwing stuff at each other.
Of course, it is pretty easy to see what's going to happen next. They switched bodies.
"Cool!" Travis (Conner) said.
"Awesome! Let's go pull pranks on everyone! They won't know that we've switched bodies!" Conner (Travis) said.
They thought that it would be pretty awesome, but the truth is that no one ever even noticed. Go figure.
The book was then picked up by Hazel. She began flipping through the book because she thought it might have some magic tricks that she wouldn't know. It was a bit hard with her dyslexia and the book's pretty small type, but she tried regardless.
Jason (Vanessa) and Percy (Nico) were still arguing. Several dryads passed by them and were unsure as to why they were fighting and were shocked that an Aphrodite girl, a little one at that, was using so many obscene words.
After a while, they stopped because they were tired and knew that they weren't going to go to blows. So, they decided to walk around randomly trying to figure things out.
That's when they noticed the crowd. And a crowd usually meant something important was happening.
They bumped into Dionysus, however, who looked pretty aghast at what he had just seen.
When they saw it too, they thought that that was a pretty good reaction.
They didn't know how, but apparently Nico and Vanessa had been having some fun in their bodies.
Vanessa (Percy) was wearing a maid outfit that would have made the earlier one seem modest. Nico (Jason) was in a suit, and they were doing things.
What was surprising was that some of the people seemed to be liking it. Seriously, what was wrong with these other campers?
And suddenly, before they knew it, everyone was back in their original bodies. Hazel had been trying some spells, and luckily she managed to get the one that Percy and Jason had failed at correctly.
Percy and Jason were almost relieved until they realized just what situation they were in.
A/N: So I read the House of Hades and decided to add a bit about Hazel learning magic, and some Perrico as well to the original document I had planned out.