Disclaimer: I do not own Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts, nor am I making any money off this fanfiction.

Frog Prince

Chapter Ten

The Breaking Point

Slow, gentle kisses that were more of a brush of lips than anything else made their way up my thigh.

Oh, one of those dreams again.

A hand slid around my knee as another kiss was placed beneath it. I shivered and arched, tired of the teasing. My skin was bathed in a light sheen of sweat, and I couldn't see past the blindfold over my eyes. This was a game, one I'd consented to, but one that was driving me crazy now nonetheless.

I hadn't had one in a while. Not since—

"Don't you know how much I love you, Sora?"

Not since I'd tried to forget Riku. Not since I'd thrown myself into a relationship to try and escape him. Funny how things like that never worked out in the end. Was that what Squall was, then? Rebound, nothing more? I'd have liked to think differently. Except… It was the truth, wasn't it?

"Sora…" Riku sighed, and his next kiss was placed on my abdomen. It shuddered and sunk in, and Riku chuckled, a wash of breath over my skin.

In my dreams, Riku knew all the right ways to touch my body. He wasn't repulsed by the idea of it, and he was always sweet, at least when doing this, never harsh, never cruel. Reality, when I woke up from them, was jarring. I'd suffered through them ever since puberty, when I'd first begun to notice I wasn't thinking the way about girls like maybe I should have.

There was always only Riku, no matter what he did to me, no matter how much he made me hurt. Even after I'd realized that Riku didn't seem to have the "problems" I'd been having. I was too afraid to say anything, to act on what I was feeling. It would have been a disaster, nothing else. I'd always been so sure of that. It was what I clung to in order to keep me going.

His mouth finally, finally came around me, wet and hot, with a wicked tongue to follow—

The next several minutes in the dream were a rush of blood in my ears, and I didn't wake up until Riku had made me finish. Maybe the bliss of it had been enough. Whatever it was, I found myself staring at my alarm clock, its digits glowing at me from my nightstand. I stared blearily at it. It was nine am on Thanksgiving morning. Time seemed to pass so quickly lately.

I thought about the mess in my boxers and closed my eyes. Sometimes, when you did this, when you closed those eyes and you opened them again, you realized you fell asleep, and it would be later in the day. This time, it wasn't quite like that. My eyes fluttered shut, for two seconds that I was completely aware of, I hadn't even started to have those fragments of dreams, and then I opened them again.

It was now two minutes past noon, and my bedroom door opened, admitting my mother, followed closely by Riku. I was sprawled on top of my covers and not beneath them, and I had my clothes on instead of just a pair of red plaid boxers. There was no mess to clean up. Sometimes this whole going crazy thing could be mighty convenient.

"Sora, come on, nap time is over. Riku's here! And I need you to go down to the basement for me and put the clothes in the dryer, okay?" Mom vanished out the door just as quickly as she'd come, fretting, as always, about having Thanksgiving dinner be perfect. It never went wrong, although I supposed I couldn't fault her for being cautious.

Riku stepped into the room and offered me a flash of a smile that warmed me down to my toes. A moment later, and I looked away, refusing to get lightheaded like usual. Just because Riku was back more firmly in my life again, it didn't mean I could get sappy over him like before. That would be stupid. No matter what he thought he was experiencing.

Still, he'd been the best friend a guy could have lately.

"Thanks for letting me come over, Sora."

"No problem—it's really Mom you should thank, though." Stifling a yawn, I sat up in bed. A quick glance up revealed that my skylight was covered in snow. I couldn't see a thing out it. Figured. Freaking snow. If this kept up, we were going to have a white Christmas, a fact that thrilled my mother to no ends. Unlike me, she loved snow. I got my love of warm weather from my dad. Why couldn't we just pack up and move to the coast? That'd be so much easier.

"I did." Riku sat down on the edge of my bed and set about to unraveling his scarf. He pulled it free from his neck and then ruffled a hand through his hair. He needed it cut again. It was getting really long. His parents must have been freaking out about it. Not that Riku cared. He didn't have a great love for his parents, and he believed that it went both ways.

They were gone out of state for the holiday, doing stuff for their retail company in preparation for black Friday. This wasn't the first Thanksgiving Riku had spent with us, and it probably wouldn't be the last. Riku's parents took no shame in foisting Riku off on me. Well, in all actuality, they usually left him alone at his house with the house maid. When my mom had found out about this, she'd nearly went off on Riku's mom until Dad got her calmed down, and he called Riku's parents to inform them that he'd be with us. It had been like that ever since.

"We should go help with the laundry like she asked," Riku murmured, and I realized I had been staring at him for an indeterminate amount of time. He hadn't looked away, though, just steadily held my gaze. Flushing, I pushed up from the bed and headed for the door.

Why couldn't he have looked awkward?

Asked me to stop staring at him?

I stopped at the doorway, pressing a hand into the frame, and glanced behind me. Riku was right at my heels, and he smiled when he saw me looking. Peering at me through his bangs, he leaned in to my ear, not quite pressing his lips to it but close enough that I could feel his breath.

"You're so cute, Sora."

My heart in my throat, I hurried forward and down the stairs, taking them two at a time, eager to put as much space between us as possible. I was pretty sure he was laughing at me, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to do this right now. I had too many things on my mind. Riku had come into the game too late.

Besides, he didn't even know what he wanted…

Or does he? a tiny, hopeful voice whispered at the back of my mind.

I crushed it down. Thinking like that would only lead to hurting.

And I'd hurt enough where Riku was concerned to last me a lifetime.

An hour and a half or so before dinner found me and Riku on my bedroom floor, putting things into a box. It was all of the things I'd borrowed from Squall and hadn't given back to him yet. I'd been so busy with school and studying I hadn't had a chance to, and he hadn't exactly pestered me for them. In fact, he hadn't even said a word to me since I'd broken things off with him. The hurt from that had faded a little, but I still thought of it every now and then.

"What's this?" Riku held up a comic book as I piled video games and books into the box.

I glanced at it. Squall had loaned me several comics. When I saw which one it was, I shrugged. "Frog Prince. It's about some kid who dreams a lot. I don't know, I couldn't really get into it." Maybe I hadn't liked the art much, I wasn't sure why. It didn't matter now. It was going back to Squall.

"Fair enough." Riku grabbed the last of the things from the stuff I'd put on the floor, and into the box they went. As one, we stood and let out sighs.

"I didn't think you were interested in comics," I said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sora. I go to the store, like, once a week. I have a subscription and everything."

I stared at him. He stared back. Slowly, an eyebrow arched.

"What?" he said.

"Nothing, I just…" I couldn't seem to stop staring at him. Since when had Riku liked comic books? And why had I always gone by myself, for that matter? We could have gone together! Why didn't he take me?

"You like them, too, huh?"

Wordlessly, I walked over to my closet and pulled out a box on the top. My mom kept everything in my room organized, and she said that my comics took up too much space. So there they were, boxed up in the closet, as they were so thin and so many could be put in there. To be fair, Riku didn't come over to my house often, unlike how much I went over to his, and I didn't read them as much lately.

"Oh, cool," Riku said, directly over my shoulder. I stifled the urge to jump. Why did he keep doing that? Sneaking up on me! A moment later, he chuckled. "Isn't this funny? We had something like this in common, and we hadn't even known about it."

"Yeah…"

His chin came to rest on my shoulder, and we stared down into the box together at a third of my collection. My heart wouldn't stop pounding. I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. Riku was so close, I could feel the heat from his skin. I wanted him to move, yet I didn't. God, this wasn't fair. So why did he keep doing it? And why didn't I have the strength to push him away?

"Next time we can go to the store together, if you want," Riku said. "And we can look through each other's books. I want to know which ones you read."

"Okay," I said faintly.

His fingertips touched my hip, then slid more securely around it. My heart faltered. While I was still recovering from that, his hand traveled over to my abdomen and pressed lightly into it. It only took a small tug, and he was pressed up against my back. I could feel the hard line of him, from chest to thighs, and all of me wanted to sink into him, to revel in what I'd wanted for so long, but I—I couldn't…

I pushed back and stumbled away from him, and he let me. Red-faced, I went back to Squall's box and hefted it up. It was time to meet up with Rinoa. Squall was gone for the day with his dad, according to her, and wouldn't be back until later. Rinoa was at the house and perfectly willing to accept his things before she herself had to go see her father. It was the perfect arrangement. Squall and I wouldn't have to lay eyes on one another and subject ourselves to intense awkwardness.

"Let's go," I said, and I didn't wait for him to follow.

I sighed and shifted from foot to foot as Riku and Rinoa giggled together over a picture message apparently one had sent the other the night before. I wasn't sure how I felt about Rinoa and Riku becoming such fast friends. I loved them both dearly, one more so than the other for obvious reasons, but… the two of them? Maybe I was too used to Kairi and Riku not getting along. I should have been grateful that these two did… right?

I wondered idly how Squall felt about it. He didn't seem to like Riku too much… not that it mattered anymore, as we weren't dating… Well, even still, Rinoa liked to hang out with her friends, and she liked Squall to tag along, too. Yeah, he probably wasn't too happy about it.

Should I have cared?

Frowning, I tilted my head up to examine the sky. It was a bright blue for the first time in days, not that there wasn't snow still blanketing the ground everywhere.

I supposed I shouldn't have cared. Squall and I hadn't even agreed to stay friends. We hadn't said much of anything. Nope, just me. Me and my, "You're really in love with Rinoa, so why are you with me?" although not in so many words, or quite so upfront. Yup, it had been a nice, clean cut. Nice and clean…

My eyes closed in a blink—

Riku's face was scrunched with disgust as he stared down at me. From up close like this, I could see every shade of green in his eyes. They were so beautiful… he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen… so fair, so… well, not sweet, but a boy could dream, couldn't he?

I hopped beside my plate to get more comfortable and gave him my best innocent expression.

"There is no way I am going to let an amphibian sleep on my pillow, Father," Riku stated, straightening his back and folding his arms. He tossed his head to flick his bangs out of his eyes. They were rather long, but I liked them.

"But you promised him, Riku," his father intoned from my left.

Yes, that was certainly correct. He had promised, whether or not he liked the fact that he had, and I was damned well going to bind him to his word.

I shook my head. Ahead, the sky was rolling with dark clouds, and snow was pouring down. Rinoa and Riku were no longer chatting amicably by the front door. Now, they were hopping from foot to foot, Riku bundled up in his coat, Rinoa sans one, and both of them shivering. Riku's face was pinched with red from the chill outside.

"Hey, Riku, Sora!" Rinoa chirruped through her chattering teeth. "It's n-nice to see you guys!"

"Fuck, it's really coming down!" Riku swore. He gripped the hoodie part of his jacket and thrust it over his head before tugging on its strings. The material came down over his forehead, and he turned his head to look at me, his bangs plastered now over his eyes. He didn't seem to care, as long as he was warm.

"Silly you for walking!" Rinoa scolded. She dodged inside for a moment, returned with a coat and a scarf. She quickly piled them on and shut the door behind her to speak with us on the doorstep. It would have been awkward being invited in, seeing as how it was Squall's house and not entirely her own. At least, it would have been awkward for me. I was beginning to doubt that anything could make Rinoa awkward for very long.

Riku bobbed his head in a nod. "Why did we walk…?"

"Yeah, you could have just taken your car…" Rinoa laughed.

My lashes fluttered closed in another blink—

Riku set me down on the soft fabric of his pillow, his lip curled and his brows pinched beneath his circlet. I beamed a sunny smile up at him, or at least as much of one as I could produce. This body made it difficult to convey expressions, and that was one of the things I hated about it most. Still, I was glad Riku's father had made him uphold his end of the bargain. One ball for one night on his pillow.

—opened in a slow sweep.

The sky was bright blue again. Rinoa had on her long-sleeved shirt, and Riku's coat was unbuttoned, his hoodie down. Rinoa squealed and punched his arm as he pointed to the phone they were holding and laughed. Rinoa had Squall's box under her other arm, and she had to balance it as it jostled from hitting my friend.

What time was it?

I pulled my phone out and glanced at it. "Rinoa, I guess we should be going. It's almost five…"

"Awh, yeah, I have to go see that man." She stuck her tongue out. I would never understand how she could refer to her father as "that man" so often, but it wasn't my place to question her. "I'll see you guys around later, okay? Happy Thanksgiving!"

She pecked Riku on the cheek, then put her arms around me in her usual parting hug.

"Happy Thanksgiving," Riku and I chorused, and we all waved in good-bye as we went our separate ways.

Still chuckling, Riku pocketed his phone. "I'm glad you stayed friends with her, Sora. She's pretty cool."

"Don't you mean cute?" The question had come from nowhere, and I regretted it instantly. Shit. I sounded jealous, and I—I… well, I was a little. I wasn't sure where I stood with Riku, no; however, that didn't mean I wanted him flirting with Rinoa, either. Not to mention she had a boyfriend!

I did my best not to pout. It wasn't quite good enough, and my lower lip jutted out, anyway.

Riku put his arm around my shoulders. "Don't worry, Sora," was all he said.

I didn't have the heart to question him further. It would be risking myself too much, and Riku, in the past, had always been a constant disappointment when it came to answering things I needed to know. Don't worry. About what? It wasn't worth it.

But Riku bumped his nose into my temple. "You're way cuter."

That was the second time he had called me cute that day, and I drew away from him to frown. It might have been a little suspicious. He pretended not to notice and gave me a quick grin. Huffing, I buried my hands in my pockets and hurried on ahead of him. As I did so, I got the impression that he liked having me run away from him, flustered. Maybe it was the widening grin on his face whenever I did so that clued me in.

Whatever! No room for weakness! Stay strong, Sora!

Yeah… stay strong… I'd managed it for a handful of years now… I could keep doing it… just a little longer…

Just a little longer.

Dinner wasn't really much different than usual. Really tasty food that came once a year and Riku's presence, and that was about it. We all said Grace, bowed our heads appropriately, and then dug in. The next hour was spent with plenty of laughter, and ended with helping Mom clear off the table and start on the dishes.

Afterward, Riku and I hauled ourselves upstairs and got ready for our favorite pastime: video games. He was staying at my house for the rest of the vacation, and we had a lot of time to catch up on everything. School had really been breathing down our necks this semester.

We set up the console and my TV, and then plopped down on my bed on our stomachs. I didn't have a set-up like Riku. The only comfortable vantage place was my bed. My TV was also much smaller. I supposed we could have gone over to Riku's place to do this, except it was warm in my house, and not just from the heater being on. It had been a good day. It felt familial here. Just what Riku's place was usually lacking.

It was a fighting game, and soon we were immersed in it, button-smashing having commenced. I'd been practicing on my own for a bit with this one, so I wasn't as bad at it as I'd been the last time Riku and I had gone against one another. It was more of a tie now, which suited me just fine. As long as he wasn't completely whooping my ass, he wouldn't get too smug. Riku was so insufferable when he knew he had the upperhand. I hated feeding his ego.

Halfway through a match, my phone buzzed. I tried to ignore it, but thinking about it who it might be split my concentration, and I lost the round. While Riku was busy gloating, I reached into my pocket and flipped the phone open. My eyes widened slightly. A message from Kairi? Really?

What could it say?

Happy Thanksgiving

That was it, nothing more, nothing less. I fought a swell of disappointment—but what would I say to her, anyway, besides a returned sentiment? I still didn't have any idea of how to go about patching up our friendship… Olette had said stay away, and so I'd stayed away… Sure, I'd had plans to talk to her after a few days of learning of Kairi's feelings, but I hadn't exactly gotten around to it…

Lips pursing into a frown, I wrote her back the exact same message, then flipped my phone shut.

Riku set his controller down, his eyebrows raised. On the TV screen, the game waited for us to choose which stage we wanted to duke it out on. "Kairi, huh?"

"Er… yeah…" I mumbled. Still frowning, I eyed the screen. It was blank. Normally, before the… chasm that had spread between us, she'd respond to me within seconds. She was really good about texting. But—she had nothing to say, it seemed…

I felt Riku's breath on my ear just before he nuzzled behind it. It was enough to snap me from my thoughts, and I pulled away from him, scooting a bit more to the side to put a few inches between us. I pocketed my phone and picked up my controller.

"What are you doing?" I asked without looking at him. My voice was cool, yet inwardly, my heart wouldn't stop pounding. He'd startled me, sure. Yet it had been in a good way. For the fourth time that day, I wanted to do something about it, reciprocate it somehow. I just couldn't let myself. It'd be stupid.

He didn't even know what he wanted. He'd said so himself. Sort of. Well, he was confused! I knew at least that much. And I didn't want him to experiment with me, and then he decided he couldn't do it, after all. That was fair, wasn't it? Not wanting to be hurt? I kept thinking it—it was what it all came down to. My happiness over his.

After everything that had happened in my life lately, for once I wanted to put myself first.

"You smell good," he murmured.

We picked a stage and got back to the fighting, our eyes trained on the screen. We must have stayed like that for hours, oddly quiet—normally we were making such a ruckus—focused on the game. I knew it was because we were both musing over what had happened, what Riku made me feel, what Riku could possibly be feeling.

He didn't try anything again.

I would like to say that the rest of Thanksgiving vacation passed uneventfully, but that would be a lie, and also a blessing, which had been lacking greatly lately.

Saturday evening found Riku and me out in town to get garland for the Christmas tree. Our tree was fake this year, so we didn't have to wait a while to put one up. My mom was so into decorating for Christmas, it was a bit frightening, and we'd been smart enough not to question her enthusiasm. We'd taken the money, and Riku had driven us to town, and that was the end of that. Better than listening to Christmas carols and putting up the ornaments, neither of which would have been a big deal except for the fact that my mom liked to relive memories, and could go on about them for hours…

"Look at this, Riku. It's Sora's first Christmas ornament! I remember when we got this…"

Yeah. You tell me.

We wandered the aisles, headed sensibly toward the Christmas section. The only problem was… they'd moved everything around from where they usually had it. Great. What a pain. The two of us exchanged a look, then split ways. It'd be faster to hunt for the garland this way.

The store's stock was still being replenished from the chaos the day before. Shelves weren't entirely empty, but some came mighty close to it. The employees looked beat. I was just thankful Mom hadn't tried doing this yesterday. She abhorred Black Friday. I hadn't actually been out on that day before—but I'd heard enough stories to keep me from wanting to.

I weaved in and out of the aisles, eager to complete this errand and get back home, when I spotted it. Grinning in victory, I ambled over to it and took a minute to decide which one she would want. I liked to think I knew my mom's tastes pretty well. I picked up a suitable amount of a desirable look, still humming over it, and turned to find Riku.

And smacked directly into someone.

Letting out a yelp, I recovered quickly, and so did the other person. I had made an awful habit of this lately, just running into everyone. I really needed to watch where the heck I was going. Someone was bound to get hurt eventually. Or me—my head was throbbing a little already.

"Sora…"

The voice made me look up, and my heart froze in my chest. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. I so wasn't ready for this. It hadn't even been a month yet. Didn't people need longer than that to recover from a break-up? Or something?

God, he looks good.

Whether or not I had ended things with Squall Loire, he was still an amazing sight to behold. I wondered what he thought of me, because he was eyeing me as intently as I was ogling him. We did this for several moments, just gazing at one another, both silent, both solemn. Somewhere in the distance, Christmas music sounded on one of those displays where they played samples of the CDs you could purchase. A little kid shouted and his mother shushed him.

Man, I needed to say something. At the very least, excuse myself from his presence. But I—I didn't—I didn't want—

"Did—you… get your stuff…?" It was the first thing that popped into my mind, probably because it was the last thing for me to think about. It had only happened the other day, after all. Since then, Riku had been constantly in my presence. He made it difficult to think about anything else when he was around.

Squall seemed to debate answering for several moments, and then he gave a nod. "Yeah…"

"That's—t-t-that's good…" Oh, wonderful, I sounded like a freaking moron.

Well, it was time to call it a day. I'd gotten what I'd come for, and there really weren't any pleasantries left to exchange between Squall and myself. Why linger? I was booting it to the door. Needed to find Riku, and we could leave.

I took a step back and felt someone behind me.

Unless he finds me first.

"Hey, Sora," Riku said. It had been a while since I had last heard him address anyone with frost to his voice. I hadn't missed it.

Squall had nothing friendly to do, either. His eyes narrowed at a point over my shoulder, and I knew that gaze was for Riku. So I hadn't been wrong in my assumption! Then again, Riku had almost gotten into a fight with Squall at Seifer's Halloween party. And on our second date, Riku had taken Squall's role and hadn't left it alone… Yeah, there wasn't much to like, was there, and I doubted they were ever going to want to know one another…

"Look who I found," Riku said in that same tone just as Rinoa bounced up beside us, all smiles.

"Sooooraaa!" she cheered. "Riku wasn't lying! You really are here!"

At that, the iciness dropped from his voice. "Why would I lie?" he laughed. The thing about Riku was that he was a great guy when you weren't on his shit list. Unfortunately, a lot of people were. And I'd been on it many times myself. So long as Rinoa didn't do anything to piss him off, she was in a good place to be. When Riku was happy, things were great. When he wasn't…

It was part of the reason why anyone who was his friend put up with him for so long. He made the good times outweigh the bad.

"Er—hey, Rin…" I greeted.

She beamed a smile at and gave a cheery wave, the bangles on her wrist jingling. She looked like she was just about to lean in to hug me, except… Riku got there first. Suddenly, his arm was around my shoulders, and when he pulled me against him, it was a much firmer grip than usual. I noticed by a very subtle tug away that it was going to take a struggle to get him to release me.

This venture out into town just kept getting better and better.

"Awh!" Rinoa squealed, clapping her hands together. "Don't tell me! Are you two—?"

Awh, geeze!

Before I could quickly inform her that no, we were most certainly not a couple, Riku dropped a kiss into my hair. It surprised me enough that my mouth clamped shut. "Yeah." Riku's arm squeezed around me, and the grin he gave Rinoa was wide and pleased, as if we were a glowing pair of newlyweds or something. I had to give him props. It was awfully convincing, and not even smug. "We're a couple now."

Convincing or not, though, I had this strange feeling that he honestly thought we were a couple. And it was really strong, this strange feeling.

"Really?" Rinoa gushed. Her eyes were positively sparkling with joy.

"We're not—um… um…" Any denial I had been about to interject with was cut short as Riku began to draw idle designs over the skin of my neck. The pad of his fingertip traced over the nape, then up behind my ear. My lashes fluttered shut, and I stuttered a little more, trying to focus. "…um… telling… very many people…" Christ, my voice wasn't working the way I wanted it to, and my face was bright red. I was going to kill Riku later!

"I knew it!" Rinoa exclaimed, like she'd had an ah-ha, I told you so! moment.

"Oh, really?" Riku's hand settled back on my shoulder. "What gave us away?"

He was kidding, right? Was he really about to make us out to be the shy, albeit knowing cute couple? No way! I was putting an end to these shenanigans right this instant!

"Hahaha—haha—well!" I choked out, holding up my prized garland. "We should go, Riku. Mom's waiting for us! Ready?"

"Mmm, yeah." Riku slid his hand around my free one and twined our fingers. He squeezed our palms together. I tried to ignore the way that made my stomach clench into knots. This was indecent. It really was. And unfair. "We should hang out sometime."

From my left, where Squall was standing, the temperature seemed to plummet. I very carefully didn't look at him as a shiver rose on my skin. I had a good idea of what Squall thought of these not-yet-made future plans.

These two really hate each other, don't they?

"Sure!" Rinoa chirped, all sunshine and smiles. I half-expected rainbows to start painting the air behind her, she was so pleased. "Text me later!"

"Will do." Riku made us do an about face, using his arm on my shoulders as a guiding force. "See you guys later."

"Byeee!" she called after us.

We made it down two aisles before Riku realized what I was holding. "What is that? Why do you have garland?"

I frowned. "That's what Mom wanted…"

"No." He shook his head. "She wanted lights…"

A month ago, I would have argued with him. Instead, I sighed, realizing now how futile that was, and off we went to find a box of lights instead. Riku never once let go of my hand, not even when we got to the check-out lane and I had to pay. I didn't want to cause a scene there, either, so I let him keep it and fumbled awkwardly with my wallet with the other. A few people were staring. I did my best to ignore them, the tips of my ears red.

He didn't release me until we got to the car and had to climb in. My fingers still tingled from where his had been laced with mine. I told myself not to lament the fact that we'd had to separate, as when he'd first grabbed me, I'd been irritated. Why couldn't I make up my mind? My heart wanted one thing, my brain another.

"Why did you tell them we were a couple, Riku?" I hissed. Shivering from the cold, I bundled up in my coat and waited for Riku to turn the heat on. He couldn't do it fast enough. I wanted it blasting on my cheeks right that instant.

"Aren't we?" Riku replied, sliding his key into the ignition.

I glared at him with all the wrath I could muster. I had an inkling he still wouldn't take me seriously. No one ever did when I was angry. "Since when?" Who the heck cared if I was being aggressive? Now, if ever, I needed to put my foot down, and the only way to get through to Riku was by snapping at him.

"Since you didn't tell them we weren't when I said we were?" He smiled again, and there it was—snark, snark, snark written all over it. It set my teeth on edge.

"But we aren't!" I half-shouted.

"We are now."

What kind of answer was that? It wasn't true! "We're not, though!" I insisted.

"Whatever, Sora," he said, and he turned on the heater full-blast.

If he said whatever one more time… "It's not just 'whatever,' Riku!" I could honestly have strangled him in that moment! Didn't he ever think about anyone but himself for once? In order for someone to be in a relationship, they had to have agreement from the person they wanted to be in a relationship with! That was the whole definition of the word!

A Christmas carol came on through the radio as the last song ended. Riku let it play, which surprised me. Normally he hated anything Christmas carol-related. I had a pretty good idea that that came from his mother, who abhorred them worse than he did.

Riku sighed and drew his fingers through his hair. "You're complaining about this why again?" He swiveled in his seat to face me, his eyes leveling on mine.

I swallowed and gathered up my strength. It was hard to yell at him when he was staring at me like that. I got easily distracted by the pretty green of his eyes. Stupid Riku. Didn't he know how to be ugly, even when I was mad at him? Even when he made a face of disgust, he was still handsome. It was—ugh!

"This is completely ridiculous!" I folded my arms. I didn't know what else to do with them, and the more riled up I got, the more I wanted to fidget. "Why would we be in a relationship together?"

"Why wouldn't we?" Riku countered.

"Because—" I began hotly.

"You're in love with me. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment." He shrugged. "It's perfect."

It was anything but! Why didn't he see that?

"We're both… guys!" I gestured between us, for lack of anything better to say or do. I wanted to pound my head against the window. Or better yet, Riku's. Maybe it would knock some freaking sense into him.

His eyebrows rose slowly. "Well, clearly that didn't stop you."

I gaped at him wordlessly for a moment, then settled on a snarl. "This is doomed to fail! Knock it off!"

"How is it doomed to fail, Sora? We've been in a relationship for a fairly long time—since we were kids. Three and four, if I'm remembering correctly, and I do believe I am." He shifted in his seat to get more comfortable. "You're my best friend. I couldn't be happier. Blah blah blah. How could it go wrong?"

Was he serious?

"Um, I don't know! Maybe because you don't like boys!"

"Well, I think I like you, and that's good enough for me."

"Why?" I demanded.

"Why not?"

"Because…" I was so flustered by how easily he was dismissing my concerns, I didn't even know where to start. "Because…" C'mon, Sora, think! "I'm not… like… anyone you've ever dated…" There! A semblance of sanity!

"So?"

"So—I'm not your type!" What part of that hadn't he understood?

"So that's got to mean something, right?"

I resisted the urge to flail my arms. "That's not the poi—"

"What is, then?" All at once, Riku's eyes hardened, and for the first time since I'd berated him, an edge came to his words. "Stop acting like you don't want this, Sora. I'm not going to break your heart. I promise."

I looked away at that, a terrible pang hitting my heart. He knew all the best and worst things to say, and that was truer now more than ever.

He gripped my chin and forced my gaze back to him. "I'm not," he pressed.

I let him have my head, yet let my eyes look elsewhere. I couldn't bear to see him right now. It was too much, too painful. I didn't want to believe in him… not with this… what if he disappointed me…? What if this wasn't what he thought he wanted…?

"What's it going to take to get you to believe me?"

Not trusting myself to speak, I kept quiet.

Another sigh left him, and he put his car into gear, his hand falling away from me. "Then it looks like I'm just going to have to prove it to you, aren't I?"

"It won't work," I muttered.

"Why not?" he snapped, clearly frustrated with me.

"Why do you want it to?" I exploded, finally looking at him.

"Because you're my best friend, and you're in love with me!" he yelled back. I flinched at the sound of it and scooted closer to the window. It wasn't that I was afraid of him. It was just that I didn't like to be yelled at. Hypocritical of me, I knew.

"Stop being so fucking difficult, Sora. You want this. I know you do. I've known for a long time."

I stared at him as the implications of that sunk in.

"Yeah," he said. "I have. But I'm not scared of that anymore, all right?" He flung up a hand. "I mean… I'm kind of scared… but that's what you're here for." All the frustration left him in a rush of uncertainty, and he looked at me. "You're supposed to convince me that it'll be okay."

"But I don't know ifit'll be okay!" Hadn't he gotten that by now? Hadn't he understood?

"Why not?"

Honestly? "Why would I? This whole thing is—is…" Unexpected, to say the least. Troubling. Full of potential heartbreak, despite what he promised. "God, Riku, I don't know!" I put a hand to my forehead and sunk down in my seat. I had a migraine forming between my temples.

"Why can't you just trust me?"

I shook my head slowly back and forth against the seat and let my elbow come to rest on the windowsill. "Because… it wouldn't be the first time you've hurt me, Riku, and I can't handle anything else happening right now."

"We're a couple, and that's final."

That made all of me stiffen all over, and lightning fast I was up in my seat, glaring at him again. "You don't get to dictate—"

He'd put the car back in neutral, as we hadn't gone anywhere yet, still fighting as we were. I watched now as he ripped his hand off the stick shift to thrust a finger at me.

"I'll smash the face in of anyone else you date! Okay?" He was yelling again, looking extremely shaken. I didn't flinch this time. I could only focus on the feeling of my heart leaping up to my throat and refusing to budge. "I wanted to punch his lights out when I saw him looking at you in the store!" We were back to Squall? "I can't handle it! You're mine, okay? And if that's not a good enough reason to be with you, well, then…" He laughed, a bitter sound that didn't sound right coming from him. "I don't know what is."

Wetting my lips, I slumped down in my seat. Idly, I made sure my seatbelt was fastened. I didn't know what to say again. My thoughts were awhirl, processing what he'd told me. I knew it should have bothered me that Riku was that possessive. It didn't. He always had been, it was just… now taken to a new level… a romantic…? one…

Riku shifted gears, accelerated, and took us from the parking lot. "Okay?" He exhaled, a rush of breath. "Let's just go home."

"Okay," I agreed quietly.

The rest of the drive went much the same way. Quiet. Contemplative.

Shaken. His words had threatened to upend both of us.

God, Riku. Why now?

At school on Monday, Riku dropped me off at all of my classes throughout the day. It was unnerving, not to mention the fact that more and more people were beginning to watch this process. I didn't even have any peace from this at lunch, where normally everyone left me alone. Halfway through it, I heard a girl and her friend settle at the table across from me.

I didn't bother to lower my book.

"So is it true?" The girl asked. She was blonde with a short hair cut and a cream sweater on. It didn't suit her. Not that I'd ever say such a thing. "Are you and Riku a couple now?"

Her friend, equally blonde, crossed her arms.

I contemplated turning the page and continuing to ignore them, but they'd never go away that way, so I lowered my book. The two stared at me expectantly. I looked over their heads—a few eavesdroppers quickly averted their gazes. Yeah, I had thought so.

Taking a bite out of my mashed potatoes, I lifted my book back into place with my other hand.

I blinked—

"Would you kindly get me a cold glass of water to bathe in?" I asked as politely as I could manage. I was doing my impression of being a good pet. Not that Riku wanted me as a pet or anything—no, he only wanted me out of his life.

Riku shuddered. "No. I refuse to touch you."

That was a problem easily solved, and I hastened to say so. "But I can hop in myself, fair beauty!"

"I told you to stop calling me that! It's… disturbing."

I cricked my neck and blinked slowly several times. My book was laying pages down on the table. A different girl was sitting in front of me, but she had the same expression as the other one. Impatience. Pursed lips. And her foot was tapping on the floor. I could hear the heel clicking.

"…If you don't say anything," she said, popping her gum, "we're just gonna assume it's the truth."

No matter what I said, it wasn't going to be favorable. If I confirmed it, Riku won, and I wasn't really sure how I felt about that. If I denied it, on the other hand, Riku was going to be freaking pissed, a situation I didn't relish dealing with at that point in time. So… I opted to say nothing. It was simpler, and I mollified myself by thinking of how if I never confirmed anything, I couldn't be held accountable for it.

The girl and her friend, the two of them now with a pretty shade of brunette hair to match their cream clothes, got up in a huff and stalked off when it became apparent I wasn't saying anything further.

I spooned some soup into my mouth and lifted my book up, returning to its contents. The world in it was better than the real one.

The day didn't get any better. No, if anything, it only got worse. How, might you have asked? Well, I would have answered, it was very simple. Kairi.

Riku dropped me off for my last period class, and unlike the rest of the day, now she saw. Now she paid attention. Riku didn't notice, he was too busy kissing my temple and murmuring something senseless there. Me, on the other hand? I saw her. I saw her well and good. She was sitting at her desk, and she was looking at Riku, and it wasn't… good.

I pushed at Riku, awkward. He ruffled my hair. "I'll see you after class," he said, and he jogged off before the tardy bell could catch him.

Kairi looked away after that, and she didn't once glance back in my direction for the entirety of the class, or even after it. I let her hurry out ahead of me, my stomach clenched with dread. Something told me this wasn't the end of it. Man, I hadn't wanted her to see that. I wasn't ready for a relationship with Riku, so why would she be?

No, I didn't feel that way for Kairi. No, it probably wasn't any of my business, considering the cold shoulder she kept giving me.

That didn't mean I wanted her to hurt

She showed up at my house well into the evening, at around eight. I'd finished dinner, and my homework had been completed at Riku's house earlier in the afternoon. I couldn't honestly say I hadn't expected her. That same part of me that had known it wasn't over was well aware of the possibility that, finally, she might show up. Talk to me. Something.

My mom yelled up at me that I had company. I knew without having to ask who it was, and I pushed away from my desk, clicking out of my internet browser. I made it to the door, opened it—hesitated. She was already there. She must have been climbing the stairs when Mom shouted.

The guilt that had been churning in my stomach all afternoon dug its fingers in deeper at the sight of her. She looked like she'd been crying…

"Hey, Kai…" I said.

"Can we talk?" She sniffled and shook her bangs out of her eyes. They roamed over my room to see if I was alone. I wasn't sure who she would have expected. Probably Riku. I thanked God he wasn't there. That definitely wasn't a confrontation I wanted to have to handle, because I would have been the one splitting them up.

With how venomously Kairi had been eyeing him earlier—I hadn't even thought she was capable of such an expression… Sure, I'd known she hated Riku, she'd told me she did… Maybe it was just because I hadn't been around her in a couple of months. Maybe I'd forgotten how deep that hatred went.

Maybe.

"Sure…" I stepped back to let her in.

We sat down on the edge of my bed, since it was the only comfortable place to roost besides my desk chair, and there was only one of those. I put my hands on my knees and didn't look at her. I knew it was cowardly of me. I just—I'd never felt so awkward in my life, or so guilt-consumed… There was nothing I could do about her situation, it was true, but… still…

Why hadn't I noticed?

Had she just hidden it extremely well?

It wasn't the first time I'd pondered such questions.

"Sora…" She took in a deep breath, let it out a moment later. "Olette told me she told you."

"Yeah, I figured…" It had been really obvious, hadn't it? Even I could piece things together with remarkable ease sometimes.

Silence settled between us for a good handful of moments. I knew not to press her. Whatever she wanted to say, she had to do it on her own. It wasn't like she'd come here without a reason. Kairi wasn't like that. She was too sensible. She just needed time to gather her thoughts.

"Can I just—can we—try something?" she asked at last.

"…Um." I wasn't really sure where this was going, but—I didn't exactly want to deny her anything right then, either, not when I knew I couldn't give her the one thing she wanted most. "Okay."

She put her hand on mine. "Would you… be willing to kiss me…?"

Whoa!

I choked on my spit. "W-What?" I leapt to my feet and staggered away from her, eager to earn space so I could think. I completely hadn't expected that! Why would she want to kiss me? It didn't make any sense! Why, for that matter, would she have thought I'd actually go along with it?

Her face fell—then hardened. She got to her feet and drew in close to me, closing each inch I put between us. "J-Just to see!" she hastened to reassure me. "I mean—you haven't ever even kissed a girl before, right?" Her smile was a trembling one. I felt awful. "How do you know you won't like it?"

"Bwguh," I replied, because my throat was too locked up to manage anything else.

Overload, mayday, mayday!

She was so close, I could smell her perfume, some flowery scent. I could see the smeared eyeliner beneath her eyes. Her red hair was pulled back into a high ponytail like she'd worn it at school earlier, and she still had her earrings in. The thing was, Kairi was very pretty, I just—I couldn't… feel anything beyond that…

I would have tried, for her, except… except it wouldn't have been right… because I already knew… whatever she wanted to do, it wouldn't work…

Her hands touched to my chest as I faltered in my decision. "Sora, please? Please? I just—I want you to be one hundred percent sure that you're—"

I took her hands and gently wrestled her away from me. It killed me to do so. I was watching her face fall all over again. I couldn't stand to see her so crestfallen. But I'd rather have her hurt now than hurt worse later when this all blew up in her face. It wouldn't work out the way she wanted it to.

"Kairi, we can't," I said as firmly as I could.

Just as fast as her sadness had come, anger replaced it. Her shoulders straightened, and her hands clenched into fists. "Why not, because you're with Riku now?"

"I'm not—" I bit my tongue. No matter what I said, she wouldn't believe me. She'd seen enough. "No—it's just—this isn't good, Kairi. You know I'm not… I mean—you know I'm… I'm gay…" She did know. She'd heard it from me hundreds of times before. Well, not hundreds. Once. But it hadn't needed to be said more than that! "Kissing you would only be leading you on—"

"Sora, no," she begged, tears in her eyes.

I batted away her reaching hands. "And I'm not going to do that to you when we both know this isn't going to work!"

"But what if it does?" she sobbed.

Oh, no, no, please stop crying, please. I felt like I'd kicked an abandoned puppy. The grief in her eyes was almost my undoing. But I had to be strong, for the both of us. Later, when she wasn't mad at me anymore, when she'd turned that anger in toward herself, she'd realize that I was right. It was a small comfort, nothing more.

"It won't."

"But what if it does!"

God, we could have gone in endless circles if this kept up. "Kairi, no —" I started, bracing myself for an argument. It never came. She could only take so many rejections before it became too much for her.

"You know what, Sora, never mind!" she burst, tears streaming down her cheeks as she pushed me away and flung herself out of the room.

"Kairi, wait!" I said, scrambling to catch up with her once I'd regained my wits. One moment, ready to fight me on it, the next, giving up on me. I didn't blame her for giving up on me, heck, it was what I'd wanted her to do, but still. How did women float from one extreme to the next like that?

She stomped all the way down the stairs and was out the front door while I was still reaching out for it. The door slammed behind her hard enough to make the walls shake. I let out a yell of sheer frustration and took the stairs two at a time back to my room. From there, I locked my door behind me so my mom wouldn't pester me, and I kicked aside the clothes I'd worn earlier to school. There was so much anger pent up in me, ready to be let free, and I didn't have anything to do with it.

Why couldn't anything just go right for once!