I swear this site hates me. I'm always having troubles uploading my chapters… It's not even funny anymore… But don't worry, I don't go down without a fight ;)

So, let's take a look at Edward's mind, okay? :')

Chapter 10: Regrets?

EPOV:

I woke up that morning with the most blessed feeling ever. I couldn't help but smile as I registered my new favourite smell in the world. Strawberry and cinnamon. The scent of Bella.
My Bella. At least, I thought she was. I kept my eyes closed and let my mind take in everything that had happened recently. The past month my entire life had been turned upside down and I couldn't be happier about the outcome.
From the very first moment I saw her I was intrigued by her simple beauty. She wasn't some kind of fake Barbie, she was all natural and just breathtaking. I'll even admit that her big brown eyes were the reason I actually accepted her ride that evening. I had never done that kind of stuff before as I had never really hated walking, not even in the rain. I could really enjoy the smell of a downpour; it used to be my favourite scent in the world, until now.
I surprised myself by instantly liking Bella because I was usually hesitant with strangers but she made me feel so comfortable, she didn't feel like someone I had just met. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that we actually had a lot of common interests.
The entire drive to Seattle I had been asking her all kind of questions, trying to get to know her and desperately trying to avoid the subject of my life. My past wasn't that clean and I didn't want to spoil our light mood with heavy shit.
When I had to say goodbye to her on the sidewalk I kind of thought it would be the last time I would see her. So with one last look I turned the corner of her street that day.
I wasn't actually planning on staying in Seattle for a long time because I wasn't the type of guy to linger on one place too long but as time went by I found myself not wanting to leave and I couldn't wrap my head on the reason of that sudden change. It was not like Seattle was the most amazing place in the world for a homeless man.
It was only when I passed her street by accident again one evening when I realized that she might be the reason. I had secretly been hoping to bump into her again, just once, but it never happened. I know I could have just ringed her doorbell but maybe she had already forgotten about me. Who would remember a vagabond like me? A homeless man wandering the streets wondering why he was even still alive if this was all life could offer him. I contemplated waiting in front of her house one night just to see her once more, but I didn't want to be a stalker so I just kept drifting through the streets of Seattle trying to survive. I quickly found out that this city was in fact a dangerous place. I ended up being beaten up a lot, of course I've never told Bella about the previous times I had been in a fight only because it hadn't been that bad. Only the last time I really had no other option than to look for help. Those two fuckers stole my jacket and it was freezing outside. I was pretty sure that I wouldn't survive the night if I didn't find another piece of clothing. For about an hour I looked everywhere hoping to find something decent but with my luck of course I hadn't found anything. For just one moment I thought I was going to die and then Bella came to my mind again. I wondered if it would be appropriate to ring her doorbell like this. She offered me a ride but she hadn't settled for this. I really didn't want to be of any trouble to her but as another icy wind blew through the streets I realized that I probably had no other choice. Nervous and cold as fuck, I had rung her doorbell. For a tiny second the thought of running away again went through my mind but it was if I could already feel the warmth from inside so I couldn't find the strength to order my legs to move.
Of course Bella had been amazing to me. She instantly ordered me in and tried to warm me. I felt like a little boy again, being taken care of by Kate, our nanny.
I knew I had to tell Bella what had happened so I did and I could see her getting angry when I came to the ugliest part. Right then I made a mental note never to infuriate her again. She might be small but I was pretty sure she could be a feisty bitch when needed.
When she asked me to stay the night I couldn't be more grateful but it also made me feel like I shouldn't be there. She did have a point when I would leave I would end up being super-cooled again within seconds so I accepted her offer.
The next morning she wouldn't let me leave and started about the fact that she would be spending Christmas Eve by herself. When she asked me if I wanted to stay because she really didn't want to be alone, I couldn't say no. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I didn't want her to be alone on an evening like this and to be honest; I didn't want to spend it all by myself either.
And I couldn't be happier that I had accepted her offer because it had been one of the best Christmases. I'd had in a long time. No cold, no trying to infuriate people, just happy feelings and laughter. And Bella.
Halfway through the evening I realized that I hadn't been honest with Bella. Not at all. She didn't know anything about me and it was starting to bother me. I wanted her to know everything because she deserved at least that much for everything she had already done for me. It hadn't been easy to tell her about my shitty life but every time I looked up at her I remembered why I was telling it. I won't deny that I was scared as fuck that she would throw me out as well but of course, Bella was Bella so she ended up crying with me and being more concerned than I ever wanted her to be. When I had finished I really wanted to stop talking about it and continue the movie. It didn't take long for Bella to fall asleep and I quickly covered her with one of my blankets and lie down on the floor myself. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I was too defeated by the storytelling and I felt bad for taking advantage of Bella. I knew she had said that she really didn't mind that I stayed a bit longer but I couldn't help but feel like an intruder.
When the sun beamed through the windows the next morning I had still been wide awake. I sat up and glanced at Bella who was still asleep. I thought I would have time to run to the store where I had seen that little bracelet I really wanted her to have before she woke up but I had been wrong. She was sitting up on the couch when I returned and I instantly felt bad for just leaving without writing her a little note. I was nervous about giving her the bracelet because apparently they were friendship thingeys. Luckily Bella had been really happy with them and then she started to throw propositions at me. The moment she told me about her idea, I wanted to hold her and thank her in every possible way for giving me an opportunity like that, but I found myself not being able to accept it just like that. I felt like I was asking for too much even when she was the one offering this. When she kept insisting I just couldn't say no anymore. It was probably the only way to start my life over again. So after a few arrangements I was happy to have something to look forward to.
The days that followed were amazing. The entire week was passing and I didn't even notice. It felt so normal to be around her and I had never been more comfortable.
But three days ago, things had started to change for me. I realized that I was a bit too interested in my lifesaver. I found out that whatever I proposed to do looked very much like a date and god, how much I wanted it to be dates. She intrigued me in the most amazing of all ways and I had caught myself staring at her more times that probably I should have.

When that freak was ogling her at the supermarket, I actually wanted to rip his head off. He wasn't even close to someone who would be good enough for her. But instead of making a scene which would have probably led me to being closed behind bars again, I decided to provoke him. The moment I had wrapped my arms around her waist he was already shooting daggers at me with his eyes and I couldn't stop smirking. Not only because the man was already backing off but also because I was finally able to hold her with a decent excuse.
For the rest of the evening I had been eager to touch her again. Just feel her and have an opportunity to find out what effects it had on me. I should have known that wine would loosen up everything and I couldn't be happier when I had been able to make her dance with me. The perfect feeling of having her in my arms again.
The moment I looked into her eyes again I knew I was lost. I wasn't able to stop myself from kissing her as it was all I had been able to think about for the past ten hours, so I just went for it.
And here I was right now, lying in her bed - not that anything had happened last night except for some kissing but she just didn't want me sleeping on the couch anymore so I happily accepted her offer to spend the night next to her - and I felt like everything was falling into place for the first time in a really long time.
I slowly opened my eyes and reached out to touch her. I slightly freaked out when Bella's side of the bed was empty. I was instantly awake and started to feel really nervous. Where had she gone to? Fuck, don't do this to me. Don't tell me that Bella had been so drunk last night that she woke up this morning regretting everything. Why else would she be gone? Dammit, she didn't even seem that drunk, just a little tipsy.
With a groan I stepped out of the bed and my back seemed really thankful that I had spent a night in a decent bed again. Yes, it had been since I had left home that I had slept in a comfortable bed.
With another sight I made my way to the living room hoping that she'd be there. Eventually I found her in the kitchen baking eggs with bacon. It smelled amazing but breakfast was the last thing I could focus on right now.
"Good morning," I greeted nervously. She looked up and returned my greetings with a little smile. Was that a nervous one as well? Dammit, why couldn't she just come over and kiss me again or at least say something to ease my mind. I was going crazy inside because she didn't make an attempt to any of that and I started to really hate myself for kissing her last night. What if I had ruined everything? What if I had just ruined our perfect friendship? Maybe that was all I could have asked for. I was on the verge of pulling out my hair so I decided to just ask her. I had nothing to lose.

"Bella..." I said and my voice broke just by saying her name. She looked up at me, still churning the eggs. "Were you drunk last night?" It was barely a whisper but I was sure she heard it.
"Ehm, no, I had a few glasses of wine but drunk, no," she said, shaking her head but I could tell she was nervous, just like me. I had a strange feeling that I might be a different kind of nervous. Then it hit me that it wasn't that weird that she would feel uptight as well. She must have felt that I wanted more than one evening and was now anxious to tell me that she wasn't looking for something like this. Fuck me. One of my stupid actions had changed everything between us and I really started to hate myself. Maybe I should just pretend to regret this as well when she ended up regretting it. That way we could at least stay friends.
"Do you... regret it?" I finally said and I could feel a lump forming in my throat. Oh god, I wasn't ready for a positive answer to this but I had to know,
"Regret what?" she asked, really not-knowing what I meant. Please Bella, don't make this harder on me than it already is.
"Whatever happened between us," I softly said, diverting my eyes to the ground. I couldn't look at her. I didn't want to see her rejecting me. I knew this was too good to be true. She was too good to be true and definitely too good for me.

I heard a pan being replaced and a second later I felt her arms encircle my waist and there wasn't a better feeling in the world.
"You think I regret it?" she asked, forcing my eyes to meet hers.
"I thought... I mean, you weren't... you were gone and...," I stammered. God, since when did I have so many issues trying to express myself?
"You silly," she laughed and tightened her grip around me, "and no, I don't regret it." With a happy sigh I put my arms around her and rested my forehead against hers. Everything was good again.
"Then why did you leave?" I asked with a pout, "I would have loved waking up next to you."
"Because...," she said with a smile, "I wanted to make us breakfast and I actually have to start preparing dinner for tonight. It's already 10 AM and Alice and Jasper are going to be here in seven hours." Oh right, New Year's Eve.
"Are you sure you want me around?" I asked, still not very comfortable that I would be spending this evening with her friends.

"Of course I'm sure," she said, softly kissing my lips, "I'll need you when the New Year arrives." Her grin was the cutest and I couldn't keep myself from kissing her over and over again. God, I loved the feeling of her tiny body wrapped around mine. Right then the only thing going through my mind were the words 'I love her.' And I did. I always laughed at people saying that they had butterflies in their stomach because I believed it was total bullshit, until now. The feeling that had nested in my stomach could exactly be described as thousands of butterflies desperately trying to find their way out or something like that.
I wanted to tell her so badly how I felt, but realized it might be too soon to reveal this much and I really didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, or worse, scare her away.
"This way we'll never finish dinner," she laughed against my lips. "We can always order take away." "No way!" she exclaimed and padded my chest, "We're making dinner tonight."
"Okay okay. Can I help?" "Sure, but first you can eat your eggs. Then you can start cutting up the vegetables." She pointed at the bags on the counter. For the next two hour we were cooking in silence and every now and then I looked at her. She was so focussed on the cooking, it was extremely cute. After a while I couldn't take it anymore so I put down my knife and wrapped my arms around her from behind. I started nibbling on her neck and her giggles were making me feel so alive.
"Edwaaaaard," she whined but I knew she didn't mind my little attack because she was actually letting her head rest against my chest.
"I think we should take a break," I told her, hardly taking my lips off of her neck, "I'm suspecting you of making food for the entire city."
"I'm not," she defended herself and gave me a stern look, "I just want everything to be perfect."
For the rest of the morning and afternoon I was trying to distract her but I never succeeded. Half an hour before Alice and Jasper would arrive she threw a glance at the counter full of food. "I think I have everything," she said, approving, and started to untie her apron.
"You do have enough to feed the entire city," I said as I took in everything. There were three kinds of pasta, potatoes, rice, meat, fish, tons of vegetables and then I hadn't even mentioned the four types of desserts. I was pretty sure we had food for an entire month.
"It's only New Year's Eve once a year," she said as she walked to her bedroom, "I'm gonna get changed and I've counted the cookies so don't try to steal one." Damn her, she already knew me so well.
I made my way back to the living room and let myself drop on the couch. I wasn't going to deny that I was nervous about tonight. I would be meeting two of Bella's closest friends and I was scared as fuck that they wouldn't like me. In fact, I knew they probably wouldn't like me. To outsiders it might look like I was taking full advantage of her and maybe that was right now, but I would pay back every penny eventually so I wasn't being such a bad guy, was I?

I groaned at my own thoughts and hoped everything would turn out just fine tonight.
"You don't like it?" Bella said amused of my moans and I instantly whipped my head towards her.

If I would say she looked stunning I would be offending her. She was wearing a dark blue strapless dress that accented all of her curves and her hair was hanging in loose curls over her shoulders. I was speechless, literally. Damn her.
"You look like a fish," she giggled as she took place next to me. Charming, Edward, very charming.
"God, Bella, you... you look... god, you're perfect," I finally muttered and pulled her closer. Her smile was making my heart beat ten times faster than it already was and the minute she kissed me my mind went in overdrive. She was capable of over overpowering all of my senses just with one touch. I wasn't going to survive this.

Thank you everyone for reading and supporting me and this story :D You're the reason I keep writing

It might take a while to update now, but after Thursday my exams are over and then you might receive more updates! Something to look forward too! (Well, at least I hope you do!)

Again a special thanks to MidnightSunSC17 for beta-reading and just being wonderful

Sneak peeks for everyone who's lovely to leave me a review :D

Lots of love, Ellen