Chapter 10-Hana POV-I do not own Fruits Basket SPOILER ALERT Some material mentioned is from Furuba books not yet released in the USA. DO NOT read further if you don't want to read spoilers. Thanks to my awesome readers and reviewers! You keep me writing and motivate me to hone my skills. And special thanks to Cheshirejin for reminding me that Kazuma might be peeved by being manipulated since he has been witness to so many of Akito's manipulations on the juuneshi. Hope you are feeling better, Cheshirejin!

I sat alone in my bedroom, staring at the heavy black velvet curtains that hung over my window. It had been two months since I had last seen Kazuma. I occasionally felt his energy reaching out to me, but I kept myself closed off to him. I didn't feel ready to see him again. With all the excitement of the impending high school graduation, Tohru's fall off the cliff near Shigure's home and Uo's boyfriend Kureno being stabbed by Sohma Akito, no one noticed that I was quieter and more withdrawn.

I had been doing a lot of introspecting since the day I had taught him about the denpa waves. Just as he had had some reservations about the nature of his feelings for me, I knew that I need to get my mind straight about my feelings for Kazuma before I saw him again. I felt as though the energy between us had gained a momentum of its own, and I was no longer in control of my own reactions anymore. When I first began to pursue him, I had managed to maintain the emotional detachment that I use to be able to manipulate and read the denpa waves. But somehow in the process of using the denpa waves to manipulate and increase his feelings for me, I found that I had increased the intensity and strength of my feelings for him as well.

I laughed softly at my own stupidity as the absurdity of my situation fully dawned upon me. I didn't know how I could have overlooked such a simple, cosmic truth. Of course my own feelings would have been affected by my manipulation of Kazuma. There was no way I could have increased the frequency and intensity of his emotional experience without it resonating through my own emotional body as well; our feelings were connected in a symbiotic circuit through which the denpa waves flowed back and forth between us. This circuit must have been forged over multiple lifetimes as friends, lovers, and confidants to be resonating so strongly in this life. We were twin flames, two halves of one whole; what was done to one would be done to the other. In seeking to ensnare Kazuma in my web of enchantment, I had entangled myself as well.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. I felt ill prepared to deal with the uncertainty and the fear of rejection that came from being in love with someone, and I wasn't accustomed to feeling uncertain about anything. I was out of control. I had never before felt more at the mercy of my emotions as I did now. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster, not knowing from one day to the next if he loved me, or if he wanted to close himself off from me forever, preserving the simple way of life to which he had grown accustomed. I didn't dare try to see what he was thinking for fear of letting him see me in this scared and uncertain state. I was afraid that I would find my disgust with my own vulnerability reflected in him, and I couldn't bear the thought of his contempt for me. So I chose to keep my mind closed to him and I hid in my room. He couldn't break my heart if I wouldn't see him.

Kazuma POV

I could tell she was avoiding me. I tried to reach out to her through the denpa waves, but I kept feeling like I was running up against a wall. I wanted to see her again. Somehow, knowing that we both shared this strange denpa power made it easier for me to accept my feelings for her. I no longer wondered at my attraction to her. I suspected our instant emotional rapport was facilitated by the denpa waves that we could read in each other. Maybe that's what the energy between us was trying to tell us; that we would never know this type of emotional intimacy with anyone else.

Somewhere along the line my attitude had made a one hundred and eighty degree turn, and I was no longer satisfied to live celibately. I suspected it had something to do with all the changes that were happening all around me, especially those concerning Kyo and the breaking of the Sohma family's juuneshi curse. With Kyo and Tohru becoming engaged and planning to move to my friend Suzuki-san's dojo in Osaka, I felt a loneliness and a longing for someone to share my life with. I had sacrificed so much for so long; I was ready to be selfish and put my needs first for once.

Everyone around me was pairing up and finding their bliss with someone that they loved; I found myself imagining what it would be like to spend each evening in quiet, domestic companionability with her. I wasn't content to resign myself to a life of growing old alone. I imagined the possibility of always having someone around who understood my thoughts and feelings intimately, and I realized that I had been lonely for a long time and I just hadn't been willing to admit it to myself.

When Saki had first told me of the denpa waves and her use of them to manipulate me, I had felt overwhelmed; it was as though I had spent my entire life living in a black and white reality where everything was easily defined, right or wrong. But after she entered my reality, black and white gave way to shades of gray which in turn bloomed into rich colors of varying intensities. Right and wrong were no longer easily recognizable; thoughts that I never would have entertained previously suddenly made more sense than the long cherished ideas and values I had nurtured my entire life.

I had struggled with myself that first week. I tried every justification and form of self deception that I could to try to discredit the feelings I had for her. I had reminded myself constantly that she was a girl, just a few short months away from high school graduation, and that I was a middle aged man old enough to be her father. I verbally castigated myself for letting my desire for her lead me to behave in such an undisciplined and morally reprehensible manner. Except that I didn't believe a word of what I was telling myself.

I knew deep inside that the love between her and I was no ordinary infatuation. In my meditations, I went deep into the denpa waves and I analyzed the connection between us. I could see then how interconnected and entwined our fates were with one another. Vision after vision of past life connections with Saki passed through my mind's eye; Saki as my mother, Saki as my grandfather, Saki as my lover. For hundreds, maybe thousands of years, Saki and I had bonded in relationships of mutual love and positive regard. This incredible unbroken chain of unconditional love created a powerful magnetism and resonance that drew us together again and again, which in turn reinforced our connection to one another. When our denpa waves had reconnected in this lifetime, our higher selves, our souls, had known one another instantly, creating a love and a bond inexplicable in the context of our roles as barely acquainted high school student and middle-aged karate master.

It didn't happen right away, but slowly over these last two months, I had become more and more in acceptance of my love for Saki, my shared denpa waves powers with her, and the exceptional nature of our relationship to one another. I felt no anger regarding her misuse of our denpa wave connection. While her manipulations had initially rubbed me the wrong way in their similarity to Akito's mistreatment of the juuneshi, I soon came to see my own unconscious complicity in the situation. My increased awareness and study of my own ability to work with denpa waves had illustrated for me the truthfulness of what she had told me; had I not already held the feelings of love and passion for her within me, no amount of manipulation would have been able to compel me to love and kiss her.

While I certainly did not condone her choice to use her undue influence to compel me to act on my hidden feelings, I did understand why she did it. Suddenly having the ability to manipulate others held a strong appeal for me when I realized I too could use my abilities that way. Out of frustration, I had tried to compel her to come to me, but my intentions weren't enough to break through the mental wall she had erected between us, thus saving me from the shame I would have felt later when I came to my senses. But I did want to see her again.

I desperately wanted to let her know that I had come to an accord within myself, that I knew I loved her now, and I didn't care about age differences, denpa powers or any other excuse. Obviously I was just going to have to wait until she was ready to see me again. Except that after spending my entire adult life alone, I wasn't willing to wait any longer.

I slipped on my zori sandals and left the dojo, locking the door quietly behind me.