Chapter Nine: Years of Dreams
Marianne didn't look up as she heard Jeremiah turn and begin to speak to someone. She only looked up when a shadow fell across her book. Marianne craned her head up, smiling when she was Nunnally, her smile wavering when she saw how worried Nunnally looked. It was a small thing, like the way Nunnally was slumped slightly and the way that her smile came in fits and starts.
Marianne turned around, waving Nunnally closer. She glanced back at Rolo, hoping that her daughter's guard would be able to shed some light on Nunnally's mood. Rolo just looked worried, an expression she usually associated with orders to return home for family obligations. But she couldn't think of any news that would have caused Rolo to feel that way.
She cleared her throat, turning her attention back to Nunnally. Marianne reached up to grab Nunnally's hand, changing her mind halfway through the motion to motion for Nunnally to sit in the vacant chair beside her. The look on Nunnally's face made her rethink her choice. She had never been able to figure out how to handle her children, what was too much attention and what was too little. Her own mother had been hands on, overbearingly so. All she could remember was her own promises to herself to never be like that to her own children, if she was ever forced to have kids. With Lelouch she had acted on that, trying to keep herself as distant from him and possible, and it had seemed to work. But it didn't work with Nunnally, and she never seemed to remember until the last minute.
She often realized that she didn't know as much about Nunnally as she should. They had spent so much time looking for Lelouch that Marianne hadn't really concentrated on the daughter that was still with her. It was another instance of her failing as a mother. Maybe C.C. had been right to try and encourage her to stay indifferent to her children after they had lost Lelouch. It certainly would have been easier to deal with the loss of Lelouch and the way that she and Nunnally had drifted apart afterward. It would have been easy to hide behind her indifference and remain in Pendragon, close to her parents and everyone that she had known. Then again, that was just another thing that it was too late to fix.
"Mother." Marianne focused her attention back on Nunnally again. There was nothing that she could think of that could have worried Nunnally to this degree, not unless there had been news on the group that had killed their family, but she doubted that she wouldn't have heard of any news by now. Jeremiah had been keeping her up to date about every detail of the investigation thus far, but that hadn't been much news in the end.
The perpetrators that they had known of were still dead, as was C.C. Investigators had yet to find a few of the assassins that the group had kept or C.C's remains. They were left knowing very little, and Marianne preferred to have it that way. It had been a long while since she had carried a gun or a sword, and she hadn't kept up with her practice as much. She would have to start up again, especially now that she knew the people who could so easily disrupt her life were out there again.
She looked up abruptly as Nunnally cleared her throat, surprised that she had let her mind wander again. Marianne sat up a little straighter, motioning for Nunnally to continue.
Nunnally gave her an exasperated look before leaning back in her chair. "Mother, we did the right thing in giving up the search, didn't we?"
Marianne tensed, forcing herself to smile the next moment, but she couldn't force herself to answer. Nunnally had done the right thing in ordering her to stop. Marianne would have gone on until the day that she died searching for Lelouch and letting other things, equally as important things, be pushed to the side. It was the better thing to do, but Marianne wasn't sure that it was the right thing, not when she could so easily imagine Lelouch shivering in the cold somewhere, freezing slowly to death. And she would never know.
It was the not knowing that was the worst part. Not knowing meant that she would never get to actively get over what had happened. And deciding that he was dead just because he hadn't been found yet was not the better alternative.
"It was…for the best." Marianne folded her hands in her lap, making a face when she realized what she had done. The motion was a court habit, one that she had detested when she had seen it in the other wives. She shook her head, making a point of uncrossing her legs and draping her arms over the armrests of her chair. "There was nothing else we could do under the circumstances. After everyone we had seen, perhaps it was best to stop all interviews to get rid of-"
"Mother, not like that please." Nunnally sighed and shook her head. "What do you think, really?"
Marianne clenched one hand into a fist. "I want to find him, Nunnally."
"It might be impossible."
"He's my son!" Marianne snapped her mouth shut. "Nunnally, I just can't…I can't stop wanting to find him."
Nunnally stared at her, Marianne refusing to back down. Nunnally had to understand this, and she had to understand that Marianne would do the same for her, even without the reassurance. After everything that had happened to them, Marianne wanted to believe that her daughter was smart enough to realize this.
She jumped as Nunnally reached over to touch her hand. Marianne looked at Nunnally, expecting some new argument and not the look of acceptance that Nunnally was giving her. Marianne sighed, shaking her head. "I agreed with you, because it was the best thing to do. We were getting more imposters than people actually trying to find Lelouch and none of our knights were coming back with anyone."
"You hadn't been yourself." Marianne started at that, Nunnally offering her a smile. "I still remember the things you did before you put all of your effort into the search for Lelouch. It wasn't until I told you that we wouldn't look anymore and Cornelia came that you started being yourself again. You're even arguing against my order now. That's good."
Marianne gently slipped her hand out from under Nunnally's, staring at her daughter. She wasn't sure how she felt being manipulated by her daughter like this. To her, Nunnally was all sweetness like Euphemia, she didn't want to trick people into doing what she wanted. To have evidence that Nunnally was so like herself and Charles was startling. She had always thought that Lelouch had been the manipulative one in the family.
She looked away from Nunnally, taking a deep breath. That she had never noticed was just another instance of her not paying attention to her daughter, another failure on her part as a parent. Marianne assumed that, one day, she would be able to just shrug it off. Eventually she would be able to admit that it was a part of her life and move on, attempt to try and rectify what she had done wrong.
But she did know enough about Nunnally to know when something was bothering her. Marianne leaned forward, staring at the ground. "Something is bothering Rolo."
"Yes." Nunnally didn't even turn around to check, which meant that she knew the reason for Rolo's distress. Marianne tipped her head so she could see Nunnally, watching as her daughter rolled her shoulders forward. "Do you think we did the right thing?"
"You already asked me that."
"I know." Nunnally curled inward. "But I want to be sure. I really want to be sure."
Marianne sat up. "Why?"
Nunnally turned to look at her, playing with the hem of her sleeve. "I didn't doubt my decision before, because it was the right thing to do. Because no one would be hurt from it. But now…now I'm not so sure after all."
Marianne raised an eyebrow, opening her mouth to speak. She snapped it shut again when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at Jeremiah, surprised to see her knight shaking his head. He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze before tipping his head toward Nunnally. Marianne followed his gaze, watching as Nunnally took a shaky breath.
"If this hadn't had happened, I would have been able to just go on. But it did and I can't stop thinking about it now." Nunnally let go of her sleeve, her hands dropping back into her lap. "Maybe if it had been longer since we…I decided not to see anyone else I wouldn't be thinking so much about it."
Marianne sucked in a quick breath, trying not to make any other move that could warn Nunnally of her sudden alertness. Just the way that Nunnally was talking about the thing that was bothering her made Marianne nervous. It was the same kind of nervous that she had developed during her career as a soldier and a knight, the kind that had kept her out of trouble thus far. It was the instinct that she trusted far above the others.
She cleared her throat, abandoning all intentions of coming at the subject subtly. "What are you talking about?"
Nunnally stared at her before blushing. "I called Gino, Kallen and Suzaku back from their search, but they were already on their way home. I didn't find out until now that they had actually found something."
"Found something?"
Nunnally didn't seem to notice the shock on Marianne's face. She just nodded, going back to fiddling with the edge of her sleeve. "I didn't even know that they had done anything, I was just told by Euphy today that they had disobeyed orders and had tried to prepare him to see us."
Marianne leaned forward. "They found him?"
"I don't know. Euphy thinks so and, apparently, so does everyone else. She says that they have proof behind what they say." Nunnally sighed.
"So why haven't you called him over?" Marianne hadn't intended the question to come out so bluntly. She hadn't been able to think of any other way to phrase it, but she had been sure that she could moderate her tone of voice to make it sound like less of a demand. She cleared her throat, abandoning all efforts to appear not to care. "If they think that they've found him, then it would only be in our benefit to see this man."
"That's not the point!" Nunnally blushed, but kept going. "We've have good actors before, ones that could fool many of us. There were a few that even almost got Suzaku. I don't want to risk it, especially now that you seem to be happy again!"
Marianne considered Nunnally's words, trying to ignore the need to shout at her daughter and storm off. She was certainly busier now, but that was mostly because she was trying to avoid thinking about her lost son. She was trying to throw herself into the life that she remembered having and hope that something stuck, that something was enough to get her back to what she remembered as normal. Perhaps she was happier now that she wasn't consumed with the need to search through the databases for any news of Lelouch or wait for hours for the next interview in a state of nervousness. Perhaps the life she was trying to get back to was the better one for her, but she would never be able to know now that there was another spot of hope that her son had been found. It would be a test of her willpower to allow this and then walk away, but the odds were too well stacked in their favor just to let it go so easily. And then there was always the part of her that would be the mother, no matter how much she tried to push it away.
She stood up, trying to keep her voice level as she spoke. It wouldn't do to make it sound like she was punishing Nunnally to coming to this decision on her own, especially when Nunnally was so visibly torn by it. "I want to see him."
"Mother…"
"I respect your request that we don't see any more people posing to be Lelouch, but I want you to respect my request that we see this one as the last one."
"But it will just hurt more if he's not Lelouch."
"Nunnally, it hurts just as much now." Marianne glanced at her daughter before picking up her book and walking back into the house. Nunnally didn't know, and she wouldn't know, how much Marianne had suffered to get to her place as one of Charles' wives. Nunnally wouldn't know how much Marianne had suffered as one of Charles' wives, the only one who had a commoner background. And, despite the ten years that had passed since the incident, there were still moments when she forgot that Charles was dead and turned to address him. It was getting better, but it still hurt. And Marianne was sure that there would be more moments in her life that would cause her pain, but that was no reason to run away from them.
If she had run away, she wouldn't have been here and, despite losing both her husband and her son, she wouldn't change that decision for the world.
Marianne motioned for Jeremiah to walk beside her when they entered the castle again, the guard managing to bow while walking. "My lady?"
"I will give Nunnally an hour before I send a request over to the Ashford estate for this person they are claiming to be Lelouch. I want you to let him in and escort him to my study, no matter what Nunnally orders." Marianne took a deep breath, her hand tightening around her book. "And then I want you to remind me of this incident when I try to interview any others. This is absolutely the last time that I will do this."
"Yes, my lady."
She nodded, forcing herself to relax. "Then, you are to start looking through our old contacts. After the wedding, I intend to get back into fighting shape."
Jeremiah nodded. "I believe Earl Asplund has begun to work on a new generation of Knightmares. He would be delighted to have your input, especially since you were the one to pilot the Ganymede."
She smiled at that. "I'm sure he would."
Marianne glanced to the side, staring at the wall as she walked back to her study. To do what she really wanted to do, go back to piloting Knightmare Frames, she would have to move back to Pendragon. Earl Asplund was the only one she trusted to come up with workable designs, even on the mass produced models. His facility was already set up in Pendragon and working with funds from Schneizel, Marianne didn't have the space or enough money to convince Earl Asplund to move, just her own services.
It would do her good to move away from this castle. It had been nice for Schneizel to offer it to her, but Marianne couldn't hide here forever. She wouldn't become like most of the other royal wives, too scared to come out of their refuges because they were afraid that they would be killed next. She was still remembered and had some clout in court, and she knew that Schneizel would appreciate another ally. And, maybe, it would be enough to keep her busy and keep her from falling to the temptation of looking for Lelouch again. She would have to talk it over with Nunnally before she started to plan anything for sure, but it would probably do them both good. It was no use hiding from things that would never come after them again.
Perhaps the best way to get over Lelouch wasn't to just stop themselves and hope for the best, maybe it was the act of moving on that would help the most.
When Milly had announced that Lady Marianne wanted to see him, Lelouch had thought that he would be led into another interview, not that he would be let into a room by a guard that had glared at him from the moment that he had entered the castle. He had also expected to have Lady Marianne and Princess Nunnally in the room with him, not that the room would be completely deserted. It took all of Lelouch's self control not to begin pacing or playing with his necklace, it would be better to focus on what was coming up and not on how he was regretting not bringing Suzaku with him.
Suzaku had stayed back with Milly and the others. Lelouch wished that he could forget the look of loss that had been on Suzaku's face as he had left. It was all too easy to figure out what Suzaku was thinking, that he was about to lose Lelouch just when he had found him. After all, having the papers that said he was Prince Lelouch was half of the struggle. It was convincing his mother and sister that would be the hard part.
That thought brought Lelouch up short. It was strange to think of Lady Marianne and Princess Nunnally as his mother and sister. He had no memories of them from before the massacre, just vague feelings that he assumed were associated with them. Lelouch sighed, standing up from his chair and walking around it so he could hold onto the back. He was essentially a blank slate, which meant he had nothing in his favor. What he did remember were little inconsequential things, nothing that would startle anyone into believing that he was who he said he was. The papers that proved he was Prince Lelouch were the only thing that would help him.
But would Marianne and Nunnally want to take him back knowing that he couldn't remember anything about them? It would just make it more difficult for them in the end, having to remind him about things that he should know. Even if they chose to recognize him as a prince, they would probably choose to keep him away from the rest of the family so he didn't embarrass them, something that he would be fine with.
He didn't want the pomp and circumstance of the royal family, he had heard about all the trouble and scandals that came along with it. He just wanted a place where he knew he was safe, where he didn't have to worry about being turned out the next day. He wanted to know that he was secure and he would be for the rest of his life. And, as a more recent addition, he wanted to be sure that Suzaku was there as well.
Lelouch looked up as the door opened, surprised to see the guard that had escorted him to the room was back, but he was holding the door open for a young lady. Lelouch stared at her, trying to place her from the pictures he had seen of the princesses. It was only after the guard slammed the door shut behind the young woman with more force than necessary that Lelouch bowed. As of now, he had no right to stare, not when he was just another person who had come to beg for their attention. The fact that he had to beg for it made his stomach curl, but he made sure to check his pride. There were far worse things that he could have been doing than bowing to royalty.
"I would have expected you to announce yourself." He looked up slightly as the young woman spoke.
"I…I don't think I have that right yet."
The young woman raised an eyebrow at him before gesturing for him to sit down. Lelouch complied with the order, making sure to stay far away from the scowling guard. "You're better than the others that have come before you. They've all claimed that right for themselves immediately."
"You're the only one who can tell me that." Lelouch smiled. He looked away a moment later when the young woman frowned, trying to find something else to look at. His gaze lingered on a few books in the bookshelves before he looked at the floor. "Thank you for seeing me, Princess Nunnally."
"This was my mother's doing." He glanced up at that, surprised at the look of anger on Nunnally's face. "I didn't want anything to do with this, especially if it would get her hopes up. But she was the one to call you over and it was all I could do to convince her to wait until I spoke with you. And I was right, it would have been worse to have her come in here first. You look so much like my brother."
"So I've been told."
That answer didn't seem to satisfy her, Nunnally narrowing her eyes for a moment. Lelouch carefully kept himself from meeting her gaze. To her, he wasn't a prince so he didn't have that privilege. Unfortunately, he kept meeting the gaze of Nunnally's guard, which just made him want Suzaku to be in the room. It made him want anyone to be in the room, just to have someone to defend him. The guard looked ready to kill him just for existing.
Lelouch swallowed, gripping the armrests of his chair to keep from reaching for the chain. He wouldn't bow to this pressure. There were five people who already thought that he was the lost prince and there were official papers to prove it. This was an important formality, but a formality nonetheless. Lelouch took a breath, looking away from the guard and back at Nunnally. "There is no need for any of this. I don't intend to harm anyone."
"Whether you intend to or not, it will happen."
Lelouch sighed. He was aware that Nunnally was very protective of Lady Marianne and, if he had been in her place, he would have been as protective as she was.
"Why are you always like this?"
"Because she's important."
"You're overdoing it. Can't you just back off a little?"
"I…I…Then who would look after her?"
"Maybe she can look after herself."
"But what if she gets hurt and I'm not there?"
"Lelouch."
He jumped as Nunnally cleared her throat, blushing. "I guess so, but what I want isn't what the others have wanted."
"So, no money or glory? You just want the title?"
Lelouch sighed, trying to hold back his temper. Nunnally was on the defensive, which was bad for him. He wouldn't be able to convince her of anything, not with her trying to make him mess up. And he didn't even know what he was looking for or how he could manage to convince her otherwise. Lelouch shook his head. "What I want is very simple. I want to know what you and others already know, who I am and if I have somewhere to go. If that's not here, then I'll leave and you'll never hear from me again."
The expression on her face told Lelouch that she would have preferred that he had just left them alone. He leaned back in his seat, glad that he had gotten that out of the way. Nunnally was probably used to people who came just for the money and would still treat him as such, despite the fact that he had told her his motives. He hoped that telling her would at least get her to relax a little.
His plan didn't seem to be working, because Nunnally just tensed. He thought that she was going to begin to question him, but she just raised her hand. Her guard moved from his place by her side, Nunnally turning around to address the guard. "Rolo, fetch my mother. Let's finish this business."
Rolo bowed before leaving the room. Lelouch kept an eye on Nunnally, not surprised when she waited to speak until Rolo had shut the door behind him.
"I have never heard of anyone simply coming to us for that." She tipped her head to the side. "They have all wanted the same thing, money and power. And you really want none of that?"
"Money and power are useful, but not gained like this." Lelouch smirked. "I have enough pride to want to gain them on my own and not through these means. No, what I said is true. I just want to know about myself."
"And why wouldn't you know already?"
Lelouch sighed, glancing at the door before standing up. Without Rolo there to glare at him, he felt justified in starting to pace. It was that or to start playing with the chain of the locket, and Lelouch was sure that pacing would be the more welcome reaction. It looked more natural, less like he was going to try and kill the princess.
He paced against the wall, trying to sort out his thoughts in an acceptable manner. "I…I don't remember anything before I was eight, before I came to the orphanage. But I sometimes get flashes, an emotion, snippets of conversation, but it's not anything huge. I'm missing large portions of my life before I was eight and I simply want them back. I don't care if it means I'm a prince or just the son of some woman who died ten years ago. It bothers me and I want it fixed. That is all."
"And this is you trying to fix it."
"Yes." Lelouch chuckled to himself, pausing to look at the bookshelf. "And it's the best bet that I've gotten. I have no intention of giving up until I have made sure that this is not right."
Nunnally chuckled, Lelouch looking back over his shoulder. He was glad that he had gotten a laugh out of her; it meant that she was starting to relax. He turned his attention to the books, tracing his finger over the spines. There was nothing there that really interested him, but it was a distraction. Lelouch paused, tapping his finger on one of the books. He was tempted to pull it out, but he resisted the urge, just dragging his finger down the spine instead. "You have my word on this, Princess Nunnally. I'll leave if I am proven wrong in this."
He could be sure of that promise, although the odds were significantly in his favor, especially with the results of the DNA test. But the point was to make Nunnally feel at ease, to make her relax so she would just listen to him instead of making immediate judgments.
Then there was the fact that this promise would prepare her for any eventuality, like the slim chance that both Nunnally and Marianne would reject him outright. If he promised that he would go away, then it wouldn't make her hate him, then she would be protected from any bad news afterward, because he would just become another imposter that he had interviewed. And there was nothing more important than protecting Nunnally and Marianne.
Lelouch shook his head, taking a step back from the bookcase. He was surprised to see that Nunnally was smiling. He kept close to the bookshelf as Nunnally went to the door, calling for one of the servants. Lelouch tensed as the servant ducked into the room, pretending not to listen to Nunnally calling for refreshment. He turned his attention back to the books, pulling one down on chess and flipping through it.
He only looked up again when he heard the servant return, wishing that he had something else to distract his attention with. He wanted to be cleared immediately, to be able to know and then leave. Lelouch had been on edge for a week now, between the training from Milly and the interviews that he had been put through thus far. What he really wanted to do was to curl up in bed and have the time to wrap his mind around the fact that he was a prince and what that would entail. He had hoped to do that earlier, but he had ended up curled around Suzaku, too shocked from the news to really start processing it.
There was a soft clatter as the servant set the tea set and a plate of sandwiches down. Lelouch looked over his shoulder at the servant, sighing and sliding the book back into place. It looked like there would be no way to prevent extending the interview. He sighed and walked back over to the chair, sitting down. He made no move to reach for the tea or the sandwiches, still too keyed up to eat.
Nunnally reached for the food, carefully putting a few sandwiches on a plate before motioning for him to make his choice. Lelouch was tempted to decline her offer, not wanting to risk food on top of his churning stomach, when he noticed the type of sandwiches that she had pulled from the plate. He raised an eyebrow. "Cucumber?"
"Yes." Nunnally paused with a sandwich in her hand. "What of it?"
"You never like cucumber before. Mother had to force you to eat them." Lelouch chuckled to himself, reaching up for the golden chain without thinking and twisting it around his fingers. "Whenever you wanted to have tea parties with Euphy, Mother always said that you had to have one cucumber sandwich, because you wouldn't eat any vegetables otherwise. Mother always wanted to avoid making a scene at the table, especially with the chance that some of the other wives could be there."
"She did?"
Lelouch nodded, smiling to himself. "Anything to keep us from being the laughingstock of the other wives."
He jumped at the sound of the plate being set down on the table. Lelouch stared at Nunnally, tensing as he noticed that she was staring at his neck. He pressed his hand against the side of his neck, stilling the movement of his fingers.
Nunnally leaned forward, pointing at the chain that he had twined around his fingers. "What is that?"
"This?" Lelouch fought the urge to hide the chain. He hadn't meant to show the chain to Nunnally, he had meant to keep it hidden, keep it his. But that didn't quite make sense because his whole reason for having the locket was to return it to one person. His first urge to hide the locket must have just been because he had owned the locket for so long.
He swallowed and reached back to undo the clasp. Lelouch fumbled with it for a moment, unused to having to take it off. Before now, he had only taken it off for showers, and even then he had kept it close to him. Lelouch tightened his grip on the undone chain, pressing the locket to his skin before lifting it over his head. After all, it was not his to keep.
Lelouch pulled the locket from his neck, letting it settle into his hand, careful not to tangle the chain. He glanced at the heart shaped charm at the end before holding it out to Nunnally. The princess was slow to take the locket, Lelouch sure that she would change her mind at any moment.
She cradled the locket in her hands, glancing between Lelouch and the necklace. "I had one like this when I was a child. But I lost it." She shook her head, opening the locket and listening to the song that played softly.
Lelouch watched the smile slowly disappear from her face as the melody played. Nunnally's hands began to tremble, Lelouch resisting the urge to lunge for the locket as it came close to falling out of Nunnally's hands. Instead, he sat back in his seat, watching Nunnally's face as she stared in the locket.
"This is…this is my locket." Nunnally looked up at him. "This is the lullaby that mother used to sing to me before I went to sleep. She sang it every night, even after the massacre." She laughed. "The last time I saw this, my brother had it. Where did you get this?"
Lelouch cleared his throat. "I've always had it. They found it with me."
"You mean they gave it to you."
"No. I was found with it. That locket has never left my sight the entirety of the life that I remember."
"But then…" Nunnally trailed off, turning to look at the door as it opened.
Lelouch turned to stare at the two who were entering the room, scrambling to his feet so he could bow to Lady Marianne. He flinched at the gasp that Marianne gave, taking a step back. Lelouch glanced over at Nunnally before straightening up. "My lady."
"Mother," Nunnally spoke up, holding out the necklace, "He has my locket."
Marianne didn't even look at the locket, instead raising her hand. Only then did Lelouch see the papers rolled up in Marianne's hand. He craned his head to see them, giving up when Marianne started to speak. "Have you seen these, Nunnally?"
"No." Nunnally closed her hands over the locket. "Are those the papers that Euphy had?"
"Yes. Rolo brought them to me when he came to get me." Marianne took a shaky step forward. "Look at them."
Nunnally snatched the papers from her mother's hand, Lelouch staying still as she scanned over what was written there. He looked at the floor, not wanting to meet Rolo's murderous stare or Marianne's hopeful look. It wasn't his place to try and change their minds, not at this stage.
He glanced back up as he heard the papers flutter to the floor, Lelouch staring at them and almost missing Nunnally when she stood up. He could just see a picture and the edge of the formal letter, but nothing more. Lelouch didn't get the chance to go and see, he was distracted by Nunnally reaching out for him. "You're him. You're really him."
Lelouch opened his mouth to speak, but just ended up nodding. There really was nothing to say.
Marianne walked toward him, stopping just in front of him with her arms still out. She waited for a moment before lowering her arms back to her sides. Lelouch almost took it as rejection until he saw that she was smiling. "You've grown…"
"Yes." Lelouch glanced down at himself before shrugging. "I have."
She reached out for him, stopping just short of touching him. Lelouch glanced at her outstretched arm, not sure if he should breech the distance. For all of the evidence for him, Lelouch could remember nothing about her. He looked away, taken completely by surprise when Nunnally hugged him. He took a step back, staring down at the princess as she tightened her hold on him.
"You're back. You're alive."
Lelouch cautiously wrapped his arms around her, looking around the room to see if he was doing the right thing. Rolo was the only one that looked like he didn't like the situation, but Lelouch expected that from Rolo. He shifted nervously before wrapping his arms around Nunnally and hugging her back.
To his relief, Nunnally released him quickly. The princess hurried back to her seat, gesturing for Lelouch to sit down. He hesitated before following the order, glancing over at Marianne as she took a seat in the third chair in the room. He swallowed and looked at the two of them, a bit intimidated by how eager Nunnally seemed. The princess was leaning forward and smiling at him. "Tell us what happened Lelouch."
He was stunned at her demand, staring at her before managing a nervous smile. He would have preferred just to listen to the two of them, it seemed to be the thing that helped him the most. Others would tell him the major events while his memories filled in all the little inconsequential ones, the ones that seemed to have mattered the most of him.
Lelouch cleared his throat and sat back in his chair. He supposed that he would get his chance to listen soon enough, for now he would just have to continue to play the role until he was sure of himself.
Mao paced the confines of his hotel room, alternately checking his phone and the television for any news. So far, there was nothing of interest going on in England or Britannia save for the confirmed news of Emperor Schneizel's divorce. There was nothing on the boy that the knights had brought back, not even in the gossip on the streets. He growled in frustration before throwing the phone on the bed.
It didn't make any sense. That boy was important. The Geass Order had kept a file on him and Mao knew C.C. was only drawn to competent and important people. It was one of the reasons that she had been drawn to him; she had been able to see his potential. A boy that important wouldn't disappear without a trace. Certainly there would be something about him, even if it was something as little as a conspiracy theory on the internet. But there was nothing.
Mao glared at his phone before going back to his pacing. It had been days since his last visit to the royal residence and he was still no closer to finding a way to draw the boy out. If there was a weakness, anything that he could exploit then it would have made his job easier. Instead, there was just silence from the royal residence. There had been silence for too long.
He threw himself onto the bed with a huff, staring at the ceiling before drumming his fingers on the blankets. He wouldn't be able to survive another day of this; it was taking too long to avenge C.C. By now, the boy should have been dead and he should have been starting his new life elsewhere. Mao flipped over to his side, plucking at a loose thread.
This was the only time he would admit to missing the Geass Order. They had been able to feed him all the information that he had needed for a mission before. Doing it on his own now made the mission less fun than before. Before it had always been so fun, just sneaking in and killing the person and then sneaking out. And, at the end of all of those missions, there had been something from C.C. to show that she was proud of his work, even if they had to pretend that Mao hadn't done anything. That had been what had made the missions worth his while.
Now it was just a lot of sitting around and planning for himself on no information. It was not the fun he thought it was.
Mao huffed and flopped onto his stomach, poking at one of the pillows. There was only one thing to do at this point. There wouldn't be any more information, not at this rate. So now it was time to make his move on his own, which involved more planning.
He pressed his face against the bed with a long groan. He was bored with planning and plotting, it was much more fun just to come up with an idea and go along with it. So, it made sense to come up with a quick plan that he was sure would work and then skip straight to the fun part. Mao grinned to himself. That made more sense than just waiting around here for more information, especially since more information wouldn't come, at least not within a time frame he was comfortable with.
He wouldn't be able to avenge C.C. if he was captured.
Mao sat up, staring at the television before turning it off. It would be just a distraction now. He had a new plan of attack to work out, one that would be completely satisfactory.
He had always planned to use the garden as a means to escape because it would be easy to sneak in and out of while people searched for him. Gardens were sure to have nooks that he could hide himself away in and plenty of places he could sneak out through. So the set up had to involve the garden, which was easy enough. It was the matter of drawing out the boy that was the main problem.
Even that wouldn't take much effort though; it just involved the right bait.
Mao picked up his phone, tapping it against his neck. The three people who had been with the boy were too much for him to handle. Mao was skilled with a knife, but that would only guarantee the death of one of them. He shoved that idea aside, thinking over his other options. Going after Cornelia and Euphemia would be equally as stupid, Cornelia was able to defend herself well enough, which would leave her fiancée and knights to defend Euphemia. It was another battle that he would not be able to win. Lady Marianne was equally as impossible to use for that reason too.
He sat up, tapping out a quick rhythm on the bed before sliding off of it. That just left one other person, the one that was probably his best bet. It was well known that everyone adored Princess Nunnally, even though she had not been politically active in a long while. Anyone would be willing to risk their life to save her, including a boy recently introduced to the royal family. And especially one that was probably being groomed to become a part of Cornelia's guard.
It was perfect. Nunnally had no knight to guard her, so it would be no trouble for him to take her into the garden, perhaps to the little chapel there just to have some place to meet. Sneaking into the castle wouldn't be too hard either, not with the tours that were going on around the castle. All he needed to do was join one of them and then sneak in.
Mao stretched, grunting when something in his back popped. It was good to have a plan, good to know that he would be finally making his move after over a week of waiting. He could finally do something. Mao grinned, gathering together what he would need in a bag while humming to himself. He probably wouldn't move immediately, it would take another day to be sure that everything was ready, but he was willing to wait for a day more.
"Do you hear that C.C?" He did a tight twirl, throwing his phone in the air and catching it. "I'll be avenging you soon. No more waiting around." Mao laughed, staring at the phone that he held in his hands. "I'm sorry I got distracted C.C. It won't happen again. I'll finish this last job and then I'll come back and get you before anyone else does. Then we can live together forever. And no one will bother us."
He grinned and turned back to his packing, carefully pulling out the knives he had stowed away in his baggage and the gun that he had carried with him. The gun was only a formality, just in case things got out of hand quickly. Mao preferred the personal touch that the knife gave him; he had done his best work with knives. Although there had been that one time with the chainsaw…
Mao shoved his phone into his pocket, picking up his bag. Everything that was in the room now wouldn't be connected back to him, so it was safe to leave it there. Mao doubted that he would be back to claim any of it, he would be too busy running. He smiled to himself, swinging the bag over his shoulder. Running was part of the fun too, running meant that he was still alive and would be getting away with it. Mao stifled another laugh and ducked out of the room.
Suzaku carefully opened the door, peering into the large room. He missed Lelouch at the first glance through, finding the prince slouched in a chair by the fire place. Suzaku cleared his throat, entering the room as quietly as he could. He hadn't seen Lelouch since earlier that afternoon, not since he had gotten the news that Lelouch really was the lost prince. He had barely gotten the time to adjust to that fact before Lelouch had been summoned before Marianne and Nunnally, and he hadn't seen Lelouch since. And that had been hours ago.
He let the door shut behind him, watching as Lelouch roused himself at the sound of the door sliding into place. "Who's…Suzaku?"
"Here." Suzaku hesitated for a moment, unsure if he should add a title to the end of that statement.
He didn't get too much time to think on it, because Lelouch was already crossing the room. Suzaku leaned back as Lelouch leaned against him, not making the contact a hug but still pressing close to him. Suzaku stared down at him for a moment before wrapping his arms around Lelouch. "My lord?"
Suzaku grunted as Lelouch elbowed his stomach. "None of that."
"But Lelouch…"
He heard a growl, Lelouch pulling away. Suzaku watched as Lelouch stormed across the room, the prince flopping down on the bed. Suzaku was slow to follow, not sure of Lelouch anymore. He hadn't heard anything from Marianne and Nunnally, but he assumed that Lelouch had been accepted because Lelouch was staying with them. That had been the reason he had been called over to the castle, to deliver the last of Lelouch's things from the Ashford estate.
Suzaku set the backpack that Lelouch had brought from Japan down by his feet before walking over to the bed. He sat down beside Lelouch, hesitantly reaching out for him, pausing halfway through the motion.
Lelouch was the one to finish it, grabbing onto Suzaku's hand and holding it. Suzaku was jerked to the side the next minute when Lelouch pulled him closer, resting his head on Suzaku's shoulder. "It's official now, I'm the prince."
"Isn't that what you wanted?" The question got a shrug, Lelouch curling closer to him. Suzaku glanced down at him, draping one arm around Lelouch. "You wanted to know who you were and where you belonged. You've got that now."
"I've got the answer without the steps to it." Lelouch gave a frustrated growl, briefly digging his nails into Suzaku's shoulder before slumping. "I know who I am, but I don't remember anything that goes along with it. Until I do, I'm just playing a part."
"Don't."
"I have to." Lelouch looked up. "There's a certain behavior expected of me as a prince and I have to behave according to it."
"They have no right to force you to do this."
"It isn't a matter of forcing me." Lelouch sighed and sat up, reaching for his neck only to drop his hand. Suzaku narrowed his eyes and peered at Lelouch's neck, unable to see anything in the dark room. He couldn't see the expression that Lelouch was giving him, but he was sure that it was one of Lelouch's amused expressions.
Lelouch sighed. "They just expect a certain Lelouch, one that I am not."
"If it makes you feel any better, you already act a lot like Prince Lelouch." That made Lelouch chuckle, Suzaku relaxing at the sound. "I'm serious. You're just as arrogant as he was…Well, as you were when you were little."
"I doubt amnesia would actually change the personality of a person." Suzaku was sure that Lelouch was smirking now, glad that he had managed to get Lelouch out of the funk that he had sunk into.
Suzaku knocked Lelouch's shoulder with his own. Lelouch made a soft noise of shock before recovering. Suzaku grinned, not sure if Lelouch could see it in the dark. He was surprised when Lelouch shifted, pushing him down against the bed. Suzaku went without a struggle, laughing as Lelouch pinned him down. He grunted as Lelouch draped himself over him.
"Does that go for you too?" Suzaku tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling. When he didn't answer for a while, Lelouch leaned forward so their foreheads were touching, Lelouch's grip on his shoulders. "Suzaku, I will never be the Lelouch that you want. I will never be the Lelouch you remember."
"That's fine."
"It shouldn't be! You've spent your whole life searching for this one person and...and…" Lelouch sighed and pushed away from him, the mattress dipping as Lelouch sat beside him. "He's gone, Suzaku, and he's not coming back. It shouldn't be fine."
"Lelouch," Suzaku turned onto his side. "I was looking for the prince."
"You were looking for your prince."
"Then we agree that I was looking for the prince, and I found him. That's how it's fine." Suzaku reached out to tap Lelouch's knee. "And you're more like that prince than you think."
His hand was swatted away. "You're sounding far too insightful and intelligent. Has something happened?"
"Nothing." Suzaku reached up, groping for Lelouch's shoulder. He found it and used it to pull Lelouch over him again, holding Lelouch there when the prince tried to get up. "Hey, stay."
"Why?"
Suzaku shrugged, pressing his face against Lelouch's shoulder. He wanted a moment with Lelouch before he went back to the barracks. He was going to have to live with these stolen moments for a while. Lelouch would be presented to the royal family present in the castle and he would be spending most of his waking hours with them. Then he would be presented to the rest of the royal family at Pendragon and have to navigate the perils of court. Suzaku would have to cope with Lelouch being out of his reach for a month for more, even if he was Lelouch's personal knight.
He relaxed as Lelouch slumped against him, smoothing a hand up Lelouch's back. He felt Lelouch shiver at that, surprised when Lelouch shifted to tuck his head under Suzaku's chin. "Comfortable?"
"Very." Lelouch sighed, Suzaku shivering at the puff of air over his skin. "But I would rather be talking about what we are going to do next than just lying here. We didn't get the chance earlier."
"What's there to discuss? I thought we had settled this before. I plan to become your personal knight, if you will allow it."
"I won't argue with that. I trust you more than anyone. I remember you more than anyone." Lelouch hesitated for a moment. "I can feel you smirking and it's not because you are destined to be my knight or any of that nonsense. I think it's because you talked to me the most. Give me some time with the others and I may remember other things."
"Ah, ruin my dreams."
Suzaku got an elbow to the ribs for that comment, feeling Lelouch laugh on top of him. "It's about the other thing. This thing."
Suzaku raised his head, staring at the dark shadow that was Lelouch's body. "I thought we had settled that too."
"That was before I was the prince."
"And it will be settled now that you were the prince." Suzaku raised one shoulder in a shrug. "Unless you've changed your mind."
"No." Lelouch shook his head. "No, I haven't. I like having someone I can be myself around."
"So, then it's settled again?" He heard Lelouch sigh, taking that as his answer.
Suzaku wrapped his arms around Lelouch, turning their position into an embrace, waiting for a protest from Lelouch. When none came, Suzaku looped a leg around Lelouch, brushing his foot along the back of Lelouch's calf. He smiled when Lelouch shuddered, gasping against him. "Is it settled, my prince?"
"No. Not when we're alone." Lelouch pushed his torso up. "Never when we're alone. And I'll make that an order if I have to."
Suzaku nodded, carefully maneuvering the two of them onto their sides. Lelouch immediately snuggled up to him, clutching him close. Suzaku looked down at Lelouch, considering his choices. Officially he was still on leave, and would be for a few more days. He had only planned to return to the barracks since Lelouch was no longer staying at the Ashford estate, Suzaku didn't feel like he could stay with the Ashfords with his one reason for being there gone. As much as he had been present in the households of the nobles, he had never really felt like he had belonged there. Strangely enough he had always felt the most comfortable in the royal household, but maybe that was just because of Lelouch.
He pressed a kiss to the top of Lelouch's head, feeling Lelouch squirm in his arms. "Lelouch…"
"Sh." The rebuke was softened by a kiss to his neck, right on his tattoo. "Sleep."
Suzaku wanted to argue, wanted to say that it was probably best that they didn't do this. He was sure that, if he stayed the night, Lelouch would be late to whatever Lady Marianne had planned for him and he didn't want to be the reason that Prince Lelouch was late to meet his mother, at least not for a while. But it was hard to argue with the warm press of Lelouch against him.
Suzaku wrapped his arms more tightly around Lelouch, hiding his smile in Lelouch's hair as he settled down to sleep.