Chapter Ten
I wake up the next morning feeling happy, relaxed and refreshed; better than I have felt in a long time. It's no surprise to me, because last night was one of the best nights I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I am naked and draped over the man I love and he is equally naked. Evidence of what we did is still visible, empty condom wrappers on the bed, a tube of lube on the bed stand and for me, a pleasantly aching ass.
Our lovemaking last night was wonderful, better than anything I had ever experienced. Each step was a revelation and made me fall in love with him a little more. Blaine was a wonderful boyfriend and considerate, but Dave has put his trust in me and has opened up like a flower.
We started off slow and unsure, exploring each other carefully and with reverence. Even with the slow burn, we gradually reached a point where our passion had to manifest in some act. I was hesitatant, because when I was with Blaine, we only mutually masturbated or gave each other fellatios. I had wanted to explore anal sex but Blaine was against it. He had spouted off some statistic that only sixty-seven percent of gay men engaged in anal and that it was just only a few percentages above heterosexuals. I joked that I was all for increasing that advantage over straights by a couple of percentage points, but Blaine failed to see the humour in that. Now here I was, wanting Dave to consume me so badly but afraid he would have the same reaction as Blaine. Dave was pushing against me rubbing our cocks together and I knew I would have to say something or we would both climax that way.
"Dave I want you inside me." I whispered.
"Really? I want to be inside you too, but I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do and I don't want to hurt you."
"That's okay, I'm new at this too."
For someone thst said he wasn't too sure, Dave was wonderful. He must have done some reading about it because he carefully prepared me and used lots of lube. "I want to see you. I don't want my eyes off you." he said when I offered to turn my back to him to make it easier for our first time. He stared lovingly into my eyes as he entered me and we rocked together in a natural, easy rythmn. My heart sang with joy at the simple beat knowing without doubt that he was 'the one' and all was right with the world. Soon we picked up the pace and ratcheted up the passion until we were completely spent. Dave broke down and cried again, and this time I joined him with tears of absolute joy as well as sadness.
Afterwards we cuddled, kissed and giggled and complimented each other on how amazing we were. It wasn't before long the cuddles and kisses became more urgent and demanding and the giggles turned into moans.
"I want to try it this time. I want you inside me." Dave gasped out as I ground my pelvis against him. I must have looked surprised at his request. "It looked like you enjoyed it. You looked absolutely blissful."
"You put me on another plane of existance, David. I felt so connected to and cherished."
"I want to be blissful like that."
It was a tiny bit harder to make love face to face owing to the fact Dave was larger than me but with a little manouvering and cooperation we were soon enthusiastically banging away. I myself couldn't say which was better. I loved the fullness of having Dave inside me but I also adored feeling of enveloped by Dave and watching his animated face as I pressed into him until he climaxed. David said more or less the same thing; he loved both positions even though he felt a little more vulnerable bottoming.
"Not that I mind feeling vulnerable with you because I trust you," Dave clarified. "I actually kinda like it."
Later that night after a light snooze we went for another bout of lovemaking. This time Dave wanted to try mutual blowjobs, explaining that the 69 position was one of his big fantasies. "You featured pretty prominently in those fantasies," Dave said blushing adorably.
Of course I couldn't say no to that. Lying on top of Dave, having him in my mouth while he suckled me was magical. I realised that was how it was, loving Dave. The adjectives that came to mind when loving him were words like magical, subliminal and transforming. They were powerful words that described how our merging together changed my life. There was before loving Dave and after loving Dave. Dave said something similar to me after we finished. We were lying on our sides, cuddling and facing each other when he opened up to me even more.
"Today was the worst day I have ever been through; other than the day my brother died. Both times I lost something huge and my life felt diminished. I didn't think I would survive it. Yet tonight was the best night of my life, period; better than when I made my first touchdown. It's the best because I shared something special with someone I love and admire and I'm a better person because of it."
What makes Dave such an amazing lover is his generousity, wit and kindness; he holds nothing back when he is with me. It is also what makes him an amazing person, so it was hard to imagine, given his kind spirit, how he was able bully me so effectively earlier on and as we lay naked in each other's arms, I wondered about it out loud.
"It wasn't all that hard actually." Dave explained. "I had so much inner rage about my brother's death and the unfairness of it, and the fact that God seemed to have it in for me by making me gay; it was easy to channel all that anger into tormenting you."
"What I mean David, is that being so mean to me must have taken a terrible toll on you since your real personality is so different from your bully persona."
"Oh yeah. I certainly hated myself for bullying you, but that bad feeling just fueled my anger so it became a vicious cycle. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't encouraged me to face my demons Kurt." He paused for a heartbeat and then continued. " Well that's not true, I do know."
I gulped knowing what he said next might be the issue we had been dancing about, and not really talked about since he admitted he was gay. He had done it in our previous life and I have since wondered how long he had contemplated it. I wanted him to get it out in the open. "You know you would have done?"
"Well yeah, but I think you already have an idea as to what it is, or I should say was. A while ago when I realised the gay wouldn't go away, I came up with this plan. I would work hard at school, figure out what I was good at and become sucessful at it. It didn't really matter to me what. Though I figured it would have something to do with sports like a sports agent or something. I wanted to be successful to make my brother's death mean something by not being a loser. I was determined to become the top of my field before I was twenty-five, and maybe enjoy my success until I was thirty."
"What would happen at thirty?"
"I would kill myself. Make it look like an accident, so my parents or anybody else wouldn't realize that I did myself in. I didn't want my mom worrying about my soul. I wanted her to think I was in heaven with my brother.
"Why thirty?" I asked, surprised at how long this plan had been in place and how detailed it was.
"I figured I could make it to thirty possibly, without anybody finding out I was gay. People would expect me to get married and have kids but I could always say I was too busy being good at my work that I had no time. Sooner or later they would start to question that and wonder why I'm not involved with girls. I also figured that eventually I'd give in to my depravity and have sex with a man. No matter how discreet I would be, it would be something that could be discovered so I wanted to be dead before it came out."
"Oh my God David that was a terrible plan!"
"What do you mean? It was the perfect plan until you came along and screwed it up Hummel!
"Me?" I asked looking into Dave's smiling face.
"Yeah you with your tight jeans, your sexy body, and cute smile. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I had all these fantasies and wet dreams featuring you. My grades started slipping because I couldn't concentrate, so my idea of getting a scholarship to a good university was in jeopardy. You had woken me up to my sexually and I started noticing other good looking boys. The idea of making it to thirty and not acting on my gay desires now seemed a bad joke. I had to keep revising my plan, maybe not being so successful and staging my 'accident' even earlier."
I must have looked horrified when he was telling me this, but he just squeezed me reassuringly and kept on talking
"The worse part, was that you were flaunting your gayness and looking perfectly happy while I was suffering. Your Glee friends were still your friends after you came out, whereas I knew without a doubt mine would leave me high and dry. It was so damned annoying, and so unfair." He continued in a self-mocking tone.
"One day, I saw you walking in the halls, in a cute little outfit, looking so adorable that I just had to stop it. I had just bought a slushie, (I actually drink those things) and I threw the contents at you. I realized then that I finally found some relief from my inner demons, by raining on your gay parade. Of course the guilt and self loathing returned, even worse because I was the source of that look of anguish in your eyes, but I did have a moment of freedom when I bullied you. A feeling that I could push back that time clock that was counting down inside me. That's why I kept doing it." David stopped talking we lay there quietly letting his words sink in.
I lay there with the realisation that we could be through the darkest part of night and we were about to see the dawn.
"So now that we're together this plan of yours is well and truly destroyed?" I asked eagerly my heart swelling.
"Yeah! Because of you, I'm now going to have to live my whole life happy, healthy and gay! I hope you're satisfied Hummel." Dave said in a joking growly voice.
I beamed, happy that all my efforts had paid off. I put on my best imitation snarky Diva voice. "Well excuse me for ruining all your plans Karofsky!"
Dave immediatly rolled over and laid on top of me with wicked grin, his fingers positioned by my sides ready to dig in. "Say you're sorry that you ruined my plans Hummel, or else!"
"Or else what?" I challenged, giggling and squirming, knowing what will come next.
"Or else this!" and Dave started moving his fingers and tickling me.
It turned out to be a one-sided tickle fight, Dave might be bigger and stronger than me but he is far more ticklish than I am. Pretty soon I was on top of him and he was the one writhing and squirming. As I lightly danced my fingers along his sides, I demanded, "Tell me I'm the best thing ever and that you're glad I ruined your dumb old plan. Say it Karofsky!"
"Okay! Okay! It was a stupid plan and you are the best thing ever!" He admitted, laughing. At the same time he wrapped his arms around me to stop the tickling and pulled me close for a long enjoyable kiss. That's how we ended the night; we just cuddled, kissed and murmured our love to each other until we fell asleep in each other's arms.
Now it is morning and we still have one big hurdle. Even though Dave had told me his previous plans of suicide are dust, I don't believe we are out of the woods yet. I don't want him beginning any new ones because of the situation at school today. I lean over and kiss my lover awake. "Good morning Dave." I say smiling, watching as he stretches and wipes the sleep out of his eyes. "Hey." he answers smiling back.
"Ready to start the rest of your life?"
"No. Couldn't we just stay here under the covers and make love for the rest of the day?"
"No, then they would have won!"
"So let them win. We can stay here and snuggle." He emphasises his point by pulling me closer and nuzzling my neck.
I decide is time for a motivational speech. Except I don't have one. I can think of only one thing to get him out of bed. "I'm starving, let's see what Carol has made for breakfast."