Chapter Ten
Kaoru
Darkness. A pale sheet of gray. The air of nothingness that surrounds my existence. A soul with no place to roam. A heart broken soul. Oh, that is me.
This music is so....sad. Whose singing? It's the radio, but that voice is so familiar, or is it? I'm in a daze. I'm floating through air. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. Nothing but the pain aching in my cheast. On the left side. In my heart. Do I....still have a heart? When you have no one to love, do you still have that organ that produces nothing but love? Because I feel nothing. I'm numb.
I put my hopes up too high. All I did was make myself sink into this depressing state. And maybe I knew I'd end up like this all along. Alone. With no sound but that soft singing from the radio. But my heart still wont beat. It never will.
Life means nothing now. It is but a vague dream. Each day a replica of the day before. Because I know all those efforts were for no nothing. Those feelings were for nothing. And this pain is for nothing.
I should die.
Hikaru and I were born twins. We share the exact same DNA, but we aren't exactly alike. I wonder if it'd be easier if I just dissapeared? If this house would be less stressful if there was one less person making a commotion. Everyone wouldn't hate Hikaru because they could tell him apart from his dead brother; and then he can rightfully fall in love.
But how should I do it? I hold my breath in. Ten seconds. Thirty seconds. Fifty seconds. Breathe. That was stupid. Maybe....a gun? We didn't have one in the house and I wasn't exactly looking forward to pointing it to my head. Besides, I sort of want to.....suffer.
Oh, a perfect idea. I go into mom's design room. I find a long tight heavy rope, who knows what she was using for? I go back into the main hall and knot it in just the right places. Then I hang the noose upon the ceiling fan. And as I stood there on that chair, I pondered if I should right a suicide note. Leave behind the feelings I had for Hikaru. The regrets I had. The mistakes I wish I could take back. But then I realized that that would just bring more sorrow.
I hung onto the rope tightly, preparing to jump.
This is the end.